RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person

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RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person - 9/16/2008 10:12:16 AM

justgemmie

Posts: 246
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Subs, if you met a dominant kinky person via normal social channels - dating, parties, friends, and found them to be outrageous, exciting, incredibly sexy, but they had no idea/did not care/did not want to know about the 'kinky community' - would that bother you? If this person hadn't read about S&M, had no idea about "safewords" but just seemed to rely on common sense, seemed very creative and adventurous but really not all into the idea of ever going to bdsm events, participating in discussions, etc....would that bother you?

How many people do you think are out there, regularly practicing S&M, who really do not know about the bdsm community, have never read a bdsm book? Can a person be a well rounded partner without it?

Akasha

greetings All
greetings Aakasha

*smiles* if you would have asked me this question a year ago, i might have answered that i wouldn't consider Him. that's not so any more.

i love Gor and the Men that are part of it. i also like and wished for/dreamed of being a slave to an extremely Dominant Man, more in a Gorean world than a bdsm world, but i was open to either.

then i met Dauntless this past May at a work party -- and i almost passed Him by after trying to get what i wanted (which was a one night stand). He's a biker, He's naturally Dominant, and although He knows of the "bdsm realm" He really only recently looked around it and was still considering whether or not it was for Him. but He wasn't really part of the "lifestyle" that i knew.

i knew i wanted to be a slave so Dauntless couldn't be for me.

turns out, i was wrong. to me He is "outrageous, exciting, incredibly sexy." but He is also loving, considerate and compassionate. and to my surprise and excitement - He has an extremely deviant mind and likes to try all kinds of new things.

my biggest concern has been the D/s part of the relationship. but that too is a growing, learning, being process. i can push but only so far. He has strong opinions and holds me to what He believes. and He is open to my submission and how to include it/absorb it/want it/use it in His life. YAY!

so, a year ago, i think i would have said no. today, oh HELL YEAH.

well wishes,
gemmie

< Message edited by justgemmie -- 9/16/2008 10:20:04 AM >

_____________________________

"Being a Master to somebody or a slave to somebody is a relationship bound status. Without the relationship the status does not exist and all that is there is the potential or the natural inclination to fulfill such a status in the future." ~ ishyB

(in reply to AAkasha)

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RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person - 9/16/2008 11:27:28 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Why not? A lot of us started doing this before the Net. Before the lifestyle was a trendy new thing. Before we knew it was even different.
I didn't start a group until I was in my 40's. I had been in bdsm relationships on and off most of my life. It seemed like normal life to me. It didn't become a big deal until I found out that this was perversion.
<g> YAY.
You dont need a group, a play space, a party environment to live free and fun.
Kyst

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RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person - 9/16/2008 11:57:15 AM

FlamingRedhead

Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Subs, if you met a dominant kinky person via normal social channels - dating, parties, friends, and found them to be outrageous, exciting, incredibly sexy, but they had no idea/did not care/did not want to know about the 'kinky community' - would that bother you? If this person hadn't read about S&M, had no idea about "safewords" but just seemed to rely on common sense, seemed very creative and adventurous but really not all into the idea of ever going to bdsm events, participating in discussions, etc....would that bother you?

How many people do you think are out there, regularly practicing S&M, who really do not know about the bdsm community, have never read a bdsm book? Can a person be a well rounded partner without it?

Akasha

Been there, done that, and yes it bothered me. There are certain activities that I need to know they understand what can happen if they do it incorrectly. Also, how much of a kinky repetoire can one have if one is not interested in learning new things, such as shibari? Most importantly, I have found that kinky people are only kinky in the bedroom and thus not what I'm really looking for.

I have no idea how many are out there. I'd guess not that many since I've only run across a couple of kinksters purely by accident, and the rest of the reactions I've gotten from partners in the 'nilla world consisted of "you're sick." I haven't found an ignorant partner who was well-rounded, yet.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

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RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person - 9/16/2008 12:01:23 PM

VivaciousSub

Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sophia37

I practiced BDSM before I ever knew I was practicing BDSM. And I still dont call myself a lifestyler or any such thing. So of course it wouldnt bother me if I found someone to my liking that hadnt put a label on what they were practicing. How refreshing in fact.

Same here, Sophia. I was talking to Master about this yesterday and I came to the conclusion that I've been into BDSM since I was about 15. Did I have a name for it? Of course not. It's just who I was/am.

Not putting a label on it doesn't make it untrue or 'worse' in any way. In fact, labels stuff us into small tidy boxes that do no justice to the enormous range of human practices. I despise labels.

_____________________________

9.8m/s^2 + VivaciousSub + ground = ouchx10^9th

To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

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RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person - 9/16/2008 1:42:31 PM

Brownbohemian

Posts: 55
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

Of course. I had no clue what is was until someone invited me to a fetish ball. Mind you that was a lot of glitz and glamour, but it helped me finally put a name to something I was already darn good at.

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RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person - 9/16/2008 9:53:24 PM

jim64

Posts: 86
Joined: 10/21/2007
Status: offline

I just read this and stopped myself from reading any replies. My answer would be NO! That would not bother me at all. Forging our own unique relationship would be great. I would hope that over time she would become more interested in the lifestyle, but that would not be a deal breaker. I think that many people fall into this life just being freaky, kinky, fun loving folks. Reading a few books can help, but from your post I assume that one person already has basic BDSM knowledge.

Can a person be a well rounded partner without this knowledge? Some maybe, but life is all about learning. I would find a partners unwillingness to grow a problem.

jim not suffering at the moment
DAMN!

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RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person - 9/20/2008 9:56:05 PM

MadAxeman

Posts: 4171
Joined: 8/28/2008
From: UK
Status: offline

Well, here goes. Probably not doing myself any favours here, but...
I think this thread describes me. My experiences are based on 3 ltr vanilla relationships that grew to ever increasing degrees, kinky. Have never been part of the scene, but am aware of much more than I've tried. When on a dawn raid to the local kids playground and using all the rides for sex, we had no name for this. Various hair pulling, handcuffs, silks, uniforms, love taps, play rapes, restraints, role playing games etc were all part of 'liking it spicy' as one g/f described me to her friends. I would never consider fire, needle, knife play or any harm beyond mild without learning more about how to do it properly or what level my partner were truly seeking. Some things I'm neutral about, but might grow into if introduced by an enthusiast. I'm creative and spontaneous, instinctive, possess dexterity and am always eager for stimuli. Have many interests, as Talulah Bankhead once said 'I don't want to ANYTHING that lasts 3 days'
I've not noticed much in the way of positive remarks about doms such as I. For many, I should not even be so described. Psychologically, have had a tendency to take charge, solve problems and make things happen.
Some of the jargon is mind boggling, like learning a new language, or in my terms, a new instrument. For me, there are a few people on CM who don't seem truly dominant, it's as if they collect experiences and tick them off, like a traveler would with stickers on their luggage, without ever absorbing the culture. For a lifestyle considered on the edge there is a lot of conformity and conservatism on view. I'm interested in expanding my horizons, but am unsure about doing the 'grand tour' of BDSM. I would still have to care about someone, find them engaging, funny and truly companionable, if they were to be considered as a life partner.
I'll now sit back and wait to be called a fake.

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Post #: 47