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Ending a D/s Relationship - 9/20/2008 10:31:20 PM

MsGsEnergy

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Joined: 9/20/2008
Status: offline

Has anyone ever ended a D/s relationship (from either side) but kept their non-D/s relationship in tact? Successfully? My husband and I have been together for about two years. A little more than a year ago, i was collared to Him. Through a series of events and conversations, I'm now wondering if I'm actually submissive. Some time ago we began to explore my Dominant side (not with Him, but with Him as my mentor) and that really calls to me. I'm just not certain that I'm actually submissive now. My concern is in causing damage to the non-D/s portion of our relationship with this change. We live 24/7 and all aspects of our lives are intertwined.

Any experience shared would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!

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RE: Ending a D/s Relationship - 9/22/2008 11:07:14 PM

DominantDamsel

Posts: 42
Joined: 5/14/2008
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I found somewhat the same situation to be a concern, though I was not married to the man I was involved with. There were numerous issues that were not being dealt with, least of which was my total lack of desire to submit to him. Eventually I called it quits, though it took some time for me to accept that I couldn't change anyone but myself when all was said and done. I've retreated from that unfortunate place in my life and am now open to a new relationship built on what I really desire.

I have little desire to submit these days. I have more desire to find a partner that is indeed interested in having a successful mature relationship that involves give and take from a place of equivalency first. Who we are from a D/s perspective will come to the surface and be dealt with in a fashion that contents us both, if the relationship is built on what counts. Security and trust create desire for adventure and sexual exploration. Until these are present, it's all just ..static.

To my mind, there can be nothing real or truly satisfying until there is a collective meeting and mingling of two minds. When I really trust someone, respect them, and desire to know them better for who they are, the rest naturally follows in terms of a passionate sense. I now know that for me there can be no passion or play until there is a firm union based on far more than D/s roles enacted when the mood strikes.

(in reply to MsGsEnergy)

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RE: Ending a D/s Relationship - 10/31/2008 3:40:45 PM

MasterKeeps

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Joined: 9/20/2008
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[Sigh} Regrettably I have found myself something of an expert on the subject. Key I think is the reason that a relationship is ending. I had a year long relationship with a married woman until her husband found out. That resulted in one, last tearful good-bye. One women shared a brief and tumultuous relationship with me, but we have remained close friends for years following this. In times her life has needed direction, and I have reasserted myself in a dominant capacity (for instance, to take prescribe medication for depression). My mainstay as a dom is in protecting and nurturing my submissive. I suppose in that manner, nothing really ever changed. My last submissive I released for betrayal, long story. She was then planning to leave the state anyway, but we have remained friends, just not close. Another submissive moved to England several years ago in search of horses. She remains in my heart, and we have visited abroad on a couple of occasions. Love sometimes fails to acknowledge distance.

(in reply to MsGsEnergy)

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RE: Ending a D/s Relationship - 10/31/2008 9:44:56 PM

ookamispet

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Joined: 8/2/2008
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Yep. My Master released me fairly early on. We were both new and had mismatched expectations. The relationship was new as well. 3 years on, we are back to officially recognizing our D/s dynamic. Our journey hasn't been easy but we worked to keep our relationship intact. We would still have a relationship even without the D/s.

_____________________________

Owned by Ookami

“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only with what you are expecting to give - which is everything.”

(in reply to MsGsEnergy)

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RE: Ending a D/s Relationship - 11/7/2008 9:58:58 AM

Hathalud

Posts: 33
Joined: 11/4/2008
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I think the important thing that needs to be said the most is what you feel and why, just as with any other relationship. That gives the two of you a chance to potentially save the relationship or mutually agree to end it. Be gentle and be empathetic to their sudden emotional turmoil, but be strong in your resolve about the situation needing to change. Remember, you're a submissive, not an old world slave with no choices and no rights, so you have the right to change things or expect change to a certain degree. This said, I want to emphasize being loving and understanding in the moment. Don't go in with guns blazing unless it's your intention to hurt them.

One last thing: Communication! Communication! Communication! As with all other relationship types, communication is the key.

(in reply to ookamispet)

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Post #: 5