RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Health and Safety >> RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 2:59:12 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

If someone demanded that sort of information before a simple face to face meeting it would creep me out, and I would use that handy dandy block feature.

There is no way that I would hold up a utility bill on cam prior to the 'coffee date'. I do agree with having some safety protocols but this seems far too heavy for me unless perhaps I was the sort to be tied up on a first meet (which I'm not).

I've met dozens of people blindly, with a minimum of information because I only meet people as friends. I don't meet strangers then place myself in a position of physical vulnerability.

I especially wouldn't meet someone demanding that information who holds back their own information. That to me is red flag stuff and alarming.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to HotMistress22)

Post #: 21

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 6:30:14 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
I wish someone would steal my ID ... and fix my credit rating....

That's a tall order. How about a reasonable alternative? Would you like instead for your identity to be stolen and credit used to the point it requires declaration of bankruptcy? That way, you could begin from scratch.

;-)

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 22

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 6:49:10 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HotMistress22
Of course I provide them with 'some' of same information. But not until I have confirmed preliminary checks and have a public meeting etc. Honestly most never ask until I offer it. But even then I am very reserved with the information I allow them to have.

What specifically do you provide them? It seems even this limited information is provided after the first meeting, whereas you expect them to provide you sensitive information prior to the first meeting. It seems you can't trust them until much after the first meeting, which is fair enough, but you expect them to trust you prior to the first meeting.

quote:

I am not desperately seeking a sub and I'm definitely not an idiot.

Then does it follow that one who does provide the information you demand is desperate and not wise?

quote:

I will not take any unnecessary risks. I do not 'expect anyone to comply' to my terms, its strictly volunteered. If they do not provide me with the information needed then its simple! We don't meet, they can move on to find a less restrictive Dom. Its a free country.

The information would be volunteered if one whom you are getting to know offered all this information. In this case, it is being demanded. And you do indeed expect them to either comply or not meet you.

It is fair of you to not take unnecessary risks. What I find unfair is that you expect the other party to take unnecessary risks much greater than what you are willing to take.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to HotMistress22)

Post #: 23

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 6:50:19 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkbound
Here in the Midwest, there is a well-known and respected verification service commonly used by providers and hobbyists called RS2K (abbreviation for RoomService2000).

I personally would rather pay RS2K the one-time fee and use their service, than give out all of the personal information you ask for. Are there not any respected verification services in your area?

That is an excellent point.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to kinkbound)

Post #: 24

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 7:04:02 AM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HotMistress22
Of course I provide them with 'some' of same information. But not until I have confirmed preliminary checks and have a public meeting etc. Honestly most never ask until I offer it. But even then I am very reserved with the information I allow them to have.

I am not desperately seeking a sub and I'm definitely not an idiot. I will not take any unnecessary risks. I do not 'expect anyone to comply' to my terms, its strictly volunteered. If they do not provide me with the information needed then its simple! We don't meet, they can move on to find a less restrictive Dom. Its a free country.

Please note that you did NOT comprehend what I wrote. I did not call you desperate, nor did I call you an idiot. I said that anyone who would give out this information to someone he didn't know well was a desperate idiot. Also, you exchange *some* of this information, you said. If it's reasonable to request this information, why do you not give out all of it? You've yet to justify this lop-sided exchange.

Finally, I can only hope that you pay more attention to the care of your subs than you do in reading and responding to posts. As you mentioned in another thread, they *are* putting their lives in your hands.

(in reply to HotMistress22)

Post #: 25

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 9:40:32 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
I wish someone would steal my ID ... and fix my credit rating....

That's a tall order. How about a reasonable alternative? Would you like instead for your identity to be stolen and credit used to the point it requires declaration of bankruptcy? That way, you could begin from scratch.

;-)

Cheers,

Sea

Too late, sea..I'm already bankruptcy eligible...LOL

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 26

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 9:58:11 AM

HotMistress22

Posts: 58
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline

hello again friends,

Some of you are getting a bit to sensitive on this topic. I simply threw out there a few days ago, the way I handle safety issues when I meet a potential sub. I look at all of them in the very beginning stages, somewhat like a job applicant. They understand this and most have no problem with it. When you apply for a job with a potential employer and fill out an application, you give your social, on top of other personal information. I ask for much less, never a social. I see it simply as a good faith gesture on the sub's part. And they understand that. I don't ask for it in the first email either. Only when there has been a special connection and I feel I want to possibly start a relationship with this person. No one seems to mind except the few of you on this thread, lol

In all fairness, I have not asked you for any personal info, so lighten up.

There are many fakes on this site as well as others, unfortunately. Here is one recent example: a sub male, claiming to be a lawyer, newish profile, pic and all, begging to meet for drinks. He lives very close to me. In fact, I hear his firm's ad on the radio station and asked him if that was his ad. He paused and said, yes. I then said, if I call the office, I will be able to speak with YOU, correct? He paused and said nothing. Then I said, better yet, if I made an appt. with your secretary and I come to your office, I will see YOU, they guy in the pic, right? Never heard from him again. Now, we can say that he was afraid, married, maybe I'd come to the office and embarrass him or something. But there are fakes who go to no end. This guy wouldn't leave me alone. He was very pushy and impatient in trying to get me to meet him. He was creepy. Even sent a cock shot. I hope my lawyer wouldn't send a cock shot on the net, lol

Right after this episode, I started to get emails daily from guys who had new profiles, no pics, all begging me to either meet them or call them on the phone. It was quite apparent that it was the same person as he said exactly the same things using other profiles.

I have a friend on CM who is a PI. She uses the same and more stringent screening processes and has them lining up around the corner. I think she is wise and follow her suggestions.

I also have many vanilla friends who meet men on other vanilla dating sites and always ask up front for contact info. One girl found out the guy was a child molester just by asking for his DL info. She has small children. Is she a identity stealing bitch? Nope. Just smart. And she and her children are safe because of it.

Lastly, a simply over looked fact. How many guys on this site, or any other, are afraid of me physically hurting them? Raping them? Or cutting them up into little pieces and storing them in baggies in the freezer? Not many, I'm sure. Most females are not physically capable of over powering a strong male. Now, I don't give out my personal info for this reason. Yes, I could, if I were a bad person, steal their identity and hurt them that way. But, as a physically stronger male, he could get my personal info and find out where I live and work, and it could cost me my life. What's worse? Stolen identity or a lost life?

Most people know right away, after a few conversations, that I am a decent person. As a matter of fact, my present sub, did some background checking on me, by reading everything I have ever posted on the various D/s and BDSM sites and realized that I was a good person with a normal thought process. Anyways, this is the cause for the screening process. Most people accept it. (btw, I do recommend self defense classes)

and about the STD screenings, I know how diseases are spread and I personally require all of my playmates to produce the results. I have never been refused, ever. They know I will not lay a hand on them until they do, so some show up with results in hand the first coffee date. Isn't that sweet? And yes, that is personal info I gladly share as well, when asked.

I do enjoy your conversation but some of you are too much. Lighten up a little and maybe, just maybe, take something away from all that's been said here by everyone and have a better, safer experience.

_____________________________

Come see Me at:
http://www.MistressPlanet.com
Where Dreams Come True.

(in reply to Venatrix)

Post #: 27

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 10:20:34 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Didn't we have this same convo some time back, complete with same friend who narrowly avoided a child molester?

The person that I'm with now gave me his first and last name in his first email to me. I was able to find out (for free, not thru a pay site), his phone number, his address, the size and value of the place where he lives, his ex wife's name and her phone number, the address where they lived while they were married and the value and size of that home (and that she still lives there), that neither he nor his ex are sex offenders, the date they filed for divorce and that it is final, what his main hobby is and if I wanted to go to a meeting about that hobby which meeting I would be likely to find him attending.

I got a big "good girl" when I presented him what what I found, to confirm the details.

When he opened the hotel room door at our first meet, he still knew nothing more about me than what can be read here and my real first name.

And he didn't even know my last name until I sent it to him because the hotel in Vegas for next month wanted the names of all the adults staying in the room.

Cali

< Message edited by CalifChick -- 9/23/2008 10:25:08 AM >

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to HotMistress22)

Post #: 28

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 10:25:44 AM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

Hmmm. Interesting. You post advice on a public thread. When people on that public thread take exception to your advice, you tell them to lighten up rather than acknowledging that there may be another side to the issue. Of course, telling people to lighten up is typically the province of those who are incapable of defending their position. Have a nice day!

(in reply to HotMistress22)

Post #: 29

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 10:49:44 AM

HotMistress22

Posts: 58
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

Hmmm. Interesting. You post advice on a public thread. When people on that public thread take exception to your advice, you tell them to lighten up rather than acknowledging that there may be another side to the issue. Of course, telling people to lighten up is typically the province of those who are incapable of defending their position. Have a nice day!

If you keep this up, lol, I'm going to have to put you on my stalker list, lol

Enjoy your day as well:)

_____________________________

Come see Me at:
http://www.MistressPlanet.com
Where Dreams Come True.

(in reply to Venatrix)

Post #: 30

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 11:08:38 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HotMistress22

What draws my objection is not that you are taking steps for safety but that you have a double standard that marginalizes the other person.

You say you are a good person and they are able to see that. Are they that much more perceptive than you that they should be able to read all that through your emails but you need the sensitive information?

Sure, on average men are physically stronger than woman. However, I am not convinced that if you meet a man for the first time in a vanilla place (with another person who accompanies you and stays nearby) that your life will be in danger. If your life is in danger if you provide that information, why are they safe?

I also find the information you require premature. What if this person meets you and decides there is not a good fit? Why should this person give you all this information before being able to evaluate you?

In my opinion, showing up on a first date with an STD report is a bit odd.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 9/23/2008 11:36:18 AM >

(in reply to HotMistress22)

Post #: 31

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 11:28:27 AM

UmbraDomina

Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline

I can tell you through the years I have met literally hundreds of people off the net, most as friends just getting together a few as potental submissives/play partners. I will not spend months talking on line to a potental play partner..... if you live close enough for me to be interested... lets met for coffee, say next week. If they are not willing to offer me a hour of their time, having a cup of coffee, then they really are not interested in me. I have never nor would I ever offer anything like my address, or DL number, or work info to someone I have never met. I would never ask that info of anyone else either.
I am not a huge woman, I am 5'6 or so and 150 lbs. yes I am muscular, yes I do always met in a public spot, where I know the lay out, but that is about it. I have never had a issue with any of the people I have met from on line, many many are still friends.
My question would be for all the people who want to make people jump through hoops, and such would they do that on a nilla first date? If officemate bob said he had a friend he wanted to fix you up with and you were going to met him for drinks after work on friday would you really expect him to give you all that info before hand?

just seems like over kill........ riding the lawn tractor with a helmet and pads

_____________________________

Alexandra ~

~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 32

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 11:29:31 AM

HotMistress22

Posts: 58
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Didn't we have this same convo some time back, complete with same friend who narrowly avoided a child molester?

The person that I'm with now gave me his first and last name in his first email to me. I was able to find out (for free, not thru a pay site), his phone number, his address, the size and value of the place where he lives, his ex wife's name and her phone number, the address where they lived while they were married and the value and size of that home (and that she still lives there), that neither he nor his ex are sex offenders, the date they filed for divorce and that it is final, what his main hobby is and if I wanted to go to a meeting about that hobby which meeting I would be likely to find him attending.

I got a big "good girl" when I presented him what what I found, to confirm the details.

When he opened the hotel room door at our first meet, he still knew nothing more about me than what can be read here and my real first name.

And he didn't even know my last name until I sent it to him because the hotel in Vegas for next month wanted the names of all the adults staying in the room.

Cali

Wasn't me, I don't normally voice my opinion on these boards, lol This just happened over the summer to my friend, but as women get smarter, I'm sure it's a frequent event. Here's a link someone sent to me. You can see where all of the criminals in your neighborhood live.

www.felonspy.com/search.html

_____________________________

Come see Me at:
http://www.MistressPlanet.com
Where Dreams Come True.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 33

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 11:38:59 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
Too late, sea..I'm already bankruptcy eligible...LOL

So you don't need any help then. Gotta admire independence ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 34

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 11:58:08 AM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HotMistress22

If you keep this up, lol, I'm going to have to put you on my stalker list, lol

Don't flatter yourself. I only stalk the best.

(in reply to HotMistress22)

Post #: 35

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 12:09:30 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HotMistress22
You can see where all of the criminals in your neighborhood live.

I suppose a point that is relevant to how I respond to your rationale is how this discussion began. You first raised these points in a discussion about how you screen against those who might flake. You said that when a man has given you all this information, he is less likely to flake.

I am curious, what happens if one flakes. How do you use this information then?

Why do you need all this information if the safety considerations can be addressed through other means?

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to HotMistress22)

Post #: 36

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 1:43:18 PM

E2Sweet

Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UmbraDomina

...My question would be for all the people who want to make people jump through hoops, and such would they do that on a nilla first date? If officemate bob said he had a friend he wanted to fix you up with and you were going to met him for drinks after work on friday would you really expect him to give you all that info before hand?...

Another very good point... and that's how I view any first meeting with other kinky folks. Just two people meeting and talking... If someone gets tied up later that evening, that's all the better, but its never been a focus for me and it never will.... "Patience grasshoppa"...

On a side note, in my view its also a very good idea to get out of the Dom/sub headspace during that first meeting and just focus on getting to know one another as people... Getting all wrapped up in the power exchange right off the bat makes the initial getting to know phase feel lop-sided, and I can see how the demanding of all this stuff can feed into that sort of off-balance interaction. Also, going overboard with a largly one-sided disclosure dance seems like it would make anyone feel as if they're alone, naked and under the microscope, and that's counter-productive in the grand scheme of things... These are just two more reasons I personally feel thorough disclosure as discussed inthe OP is not a good idea in the log run.

One has to realize that a number of the things that are being asked for in the OP can easily be viewed as coming from mistrust and/or doubt of the other person's motives, and that to me is very negative. Exchange what info you need (as in both ways - lets be fair) to feel safe is fine, but do only what you feel you have to and move on. Overdoing it and getting all wrapped up in documents and evidence will likely weed out the liars (I can't argue that), but you're also going to weed out the fine people who take offense (or who are just not going to tolerate) a lengthy and technical disclosure process.

With regard to taking an STD report to a first meeting: I feel that's a bit too presumptuous for my taste. I can see how that could easily be considered quite offensive to the other person...

quote:

just seems like over kill........ riding the lawn tractor with a helmet and pads

People that wear protective gear when mowing the lawn should be slapped....

Edited for spelling and grammar...

< Message edited by E2Sweet -- 9/23/2008 1:52:38 PM >

_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to UmbraDomina)

Post #: 37

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 10:54:00 PM

kinkbound

Posts: 387
Joined: 9/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkbound
Here in the Midwest, there is a well-known and respected verification service commonly used by providers and hobbyists called RS2K (abbreviation for RoomService2000).

I personally would rather pay RS2K the one-time fee and use their service, than give out all of the personal information you ask for. Are there not any respected verification services in your area?

That is an excellent point.

Cheers,

Sea

Thanks Sea.

Too bad it's a point still ignored by the OP.

KB

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 38

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/23/2008 11:01:31 PM

bluefireroses

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/22/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VivaciousSub

While I agree that safety is paramount, these tactics say "I'm an ID thief!" not, "I'm trying to be safe.".

The rules I stick to are:

1) Meet in a very public place.
2) Let someone know where I'm going, or preferably take someone with me. My best friend doesn't participate in the lifestyle but knows full well I do and has come with me as a secondary pair of eyes and a secondary opinion.
3) Take my own car, thanks.
4) Never go home with them from said public place. If they like you, they can damn well wait for a second or third meeting. Also in public. That also gives me (and my bodyguard!) time to suss out whether or not I think they're full of it.

I actually do all of these things as well...if someone can't go with me, I make sure to call someone or have them call me.

(in reply to VivaciousSub)

Post #: 39

RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females - 9/24/2008 2:27:17 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HotMistress22
There are many fakes on this site as well as others, unfortunately. Here is one recent example: a sub male, claiming to be a lawyer, newish profile, pic and all, begging to meet for drinks. He lives very close to me. In fact, I hear his firm's ad on the radio station and asked him if that was his ad. He paused and said, yes. I then said, if I call the office, I will be able to speak with YOU, correct? He paused and said nothing. Then I said, better yet, if I made an appt. with your secretary and I come to your office, I will see YOU, they guy in the pic, right? Never heard from him again. Now, we can say that he was afraid, married, maybe I'd come to the office and embarrass him or something.

To me this would throw up red flags that you are a stalker material. No wonder you never heard from him again.
You are suggesting people lighten up, when the fact is you are the most uptight.

Hopnestly, your post reeks of insecurity and the inability to trust you own instincts. It also highlights you make bad choices. If you have that many 'fake people' contacting you, you should be questioning your communication and vetting process. I would not want to risk even communicating, let alone submitting to a person who cannot trust thier own judgements and who comes across as having poor choices of contacts.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to HotMistress22)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Health and Safety >> RE: First Meeting Safety Protocols for Females

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094