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RE: New master needs to learn - 12/4/2005 11:17:07 AM

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

quote:

Don't forget to research what it is a sub/slave wants and needs in return. They're really not looking to be treated as some drunken, abusive arsehole might treat his battered wife!

Thank You Focus....i get so many emails asking how i will serve a Dom/Master yet they fail to mention what they may offer to the sub. And truthfully, i can't answer in which way i would serve a Dom until i meet the right one. oh i can give generalized ideas but sometimes i feel like i am being interviewed for a job instead of trying to get to know someone so that some type of rapport can be established. maybe i am different (well i know i am) but to serve someone, i must also love them. i don't want to serve "just to serve".

In some ways the first meetings kind of are like an interview. What is that person looking for and how does your skill set mesh with those needs and vice versa. This kind of dynamic can be found quite a bit in getting to know others...what is it you desire, here's what I desire and how well do the 2 lists match. This for me goes for friends, subs and even jobs. The most forfilling relationships & jobs for that matter have been a good meshing of their needs and my wants.
Don't be afraid to do some interviewing of your own. How else will you find out if the person that you are considering (top or bottom) is really interested in what you feel, need and desire more than their own desire to see you naked. Just my .02

(in reply to LilWhiteWolf)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/4/2005 1:17:35 PM

Posts: 14
Joined: 12/2/2005
From: florida
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I thank everyone for their comments both good and bad. Like I have said before, I am new to this and have not look at every aspect of this life style. I am though looking at several of the info sites that have recomended to me.

I am not looking to have a slave/sub just be a Fuck nor do i want to abuse them like a drunken basterd.
I know that i have a lot to learn before i can just jump right in this, that i why i am asking question. I DO NOT expect to be criticized for my lack of knowledge for eveyone has to start somewhere and this is my place of starting.

fldrkhorse,
If you don't mind letting me look at some of it i could use some info from a participaiting person.

_____________________________

Thanks,
aFreak

(in reply to theRose4U)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/4/2005 1:39:22 PM

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Joined: 8/4/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: aFreak

I thank everyone for their comments both good and bad. Like I have said before, I am new to this and have not look at every aspect of this life style. I am though looking at several of the info sites that have recomended to me.

I am not looking to have a slave/sub just be a Fuck nor do i want to abuse them like a drunken basterd.
I know that i have a lot to learn before i can just jump right in this, that i why i am asking question. I DO NOT expect to be criticized for my lack of knowledge for eveyone has to start somewhere and this is my place of starting.

fldrkhorse,
If you don't mind letting me look at some of it i could use some info from a participaiting person.

i think you have gotten sound advice here and would be wise to heed it. perhaps you might do some reading, then come back and ask about questions that you have from the reading might be an idea. from the submissive/slave point of view, this would also give you some insight so you could do the same there as well.

until you have more of an idea of who you are, asking a submissive/slave what they want (i.e. "to be tied, cuffed and whipped") is only going to confuse the issue. it's about finding out who you are and what you want, i think. who knows?

i wish you well.

_____________________________

maireann croí éadrom i bhfad. is maith an scáthán súil charad. is leor nod don eolach.
got shoes?

(in reply to aFreak)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/4/2005 2:42:28 PM

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Joined: 7/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44
I say he is already showing his dominance by not listening to either of you and standing by his name. He should not pick a name because it'll attract a "true" submissive but because it reflects his innerself. If you judge a person by their screen name and not the content of what they write to you then you yourself are showing a shallow, condensending side of your person.

I've never seen the definition for a "true" submissive myself. Truly, I haven't.

Well, since you quoted me in your response, I will tell you that I did not "judge" him by his SN, but rather agreed with the other poster, that the connotation of the name, may not be good. There IS a difference. He was not "judged" by me, as I surely don't know him. The post was a suggestion, and an attempt at humor, in reference to another name that implied a few other things.

It would kinda be like judging someone that didn't have a profile and implying they might lack the confidence to have the listing here

I find a person, has no need to "show" dominance, by ignoring others. The strength of someone is in hearing what others have to offer, with accepting that others may have another point of view. The OP seems like he's intelligent and polite with regard to all the posts so far. I found most advice given to be done so constructively. That was my intent.

I do appreciate you posting your thoughts on the topic though.
K

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/4/2005 3:01:04 PM

Posts: 42
Joined: 9/18/2004
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First i would like to commend you for being honest and asking questions, thats the first step, and after 8 years im still learning.

Imo, men are born with the potential to be Dominant, but it is something to be learned and perfected. You can learn alot from your local community in regards to bdsm, but from this submissives perspective the most important thing you can learn is how to manage people. Providing an enviroment of trust and respect allows a submissive to open herself to you and in return she will WANT to please you in any way she can.

You will hear how communication is very important (and it is) but you will find very little on how to communicate "effectivley".
I think it would be very beneficial for many Dominant men to study that along with good management and leadership skills as that is what control is all about.
And of course, would beneficial to submissive women too :)
Hope this helps,
camigirl

(in reply to girl4you2)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/4/2005 7:22:55 PM

Posts: 158
Joined: 11/5/2005
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

email me at [email protected] and I will reply.

Master Ken

_____________________________

I'm not where I need to be, but I'm better than I was yesterday.

Namaste, I honor the divine in you

(in reply to aFreak)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/4/2005 9:26:29 PM

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Joined: 8/9/2005
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There are some good books out there about this. 'The Loving Dominant' comes to mind and I know there are a lot of others. Read, ask questions and, if possible, find a group in your area that you can join and learn first-hand.

A warning however: If you are a real Dom then it will come easy to you. It will be natural and make sense. If you are not really a dominant personality then you will fight and frustrate yourself trying to do this. It's really very hard to train yourself to be a Dom. What you should be doing is training yourself to become a BETTER Dom.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to aFreak)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/5/2005 2:24:25 AM

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Joined: 1/25/2005
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please, for the love of your future slave, read up on and study human anatomy and physiology. you have to know exactly where you should and shouldn't pressure the body. yes, there are some logical places, but there is also a good deal to learn about the way the body works beyond "don't hit here." i'm not saying you have to go pre-med, but a basic working knowledge is really a must. and first aid training. also a must.

(in reply to OscarHargraves)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/5/2005 3:20:17 AM

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aFreak

I thank everyone for their comments both good and bad. Like I have said before, I am new to this and have not look at every aspect of this life style. I am though looking at several of the info sites that have recomended to me.

I am not looking to have a slave/sub just be a Fuck nor do i want to abuse them like a drunken basterd.
I know that i have a lot to learn before i can just jump right in this, that i why i am asking question. I DO NOT expect to be criticized for my lack of knowledge for eveyone has to start somewhere and this is my place of starting.

Offering an opinion that may not be welcome doesn't constitute a criticism!

I'm just not one for that "you can be anything you want" b/s that's popular with many.... When that nonsense is suggested or implied, I always get a mental vision of the late John Candy in "Who's Harry Crumb?", where the big man is "disguised" as a jockey!

My opinion and advice is valid for any newbie and, whether you like it or not, there's a lot more at stake than just your needs and desires. And at 22, I'm also not convinced any dom/me is ready to take responsibility and make decisions for *TWO* - most 20yo's I know are focused on just having a good time....! But feel free to just call me predjudiced; it matters not.

But I am a believer that Dom/mes are born (subs, too) rather than just choosing a role and I can't say that you're not a Dom in the evolving stages, either! Thing is, if you are, it will all come naturally once you've done your research but the real litmus test comes from your complimenting opposite - a fem/sub.... Even allowing for youth and inexperience, most subs can spot a phony a mile away and no amount of research will cover that. Think along the lines of "learning" to be gay - if you're really not gay, another gay will pick up on it.

This is a great place to start exploring your own sexuality, even if you ultimately discover it's not for you.... But it's a sign of maturity that you can accept you're not always gonna hear what you wanna hear - even something *you* perceive as negative can still be valid advice! Subs in general are not mentally disturbed, weak or have low self-esteem etc just because they want to be dominated. Consider where you're left as a Dom if there were no subs.... Once you've done that, then consider that subs want and expect something in return for their service and devotion.... Then you're ready to read my first post again, but with an open mind....

And do what others have suggested about your nic! Taking responsibility for another implies you're mature; that nic doesn't! What it does do is validate my own stereotypical predjudices re 20yo's....

Focus.

(in reply to aFreak)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/5/2005 1:15:08 PM

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Joined: 1/11/2005
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When i first heard about D/s, 'i thought well that explains a lot of things' No-one had to 'tell' me to go to castlerealm or anywhere else. i found them myself. i read everything i could lay my hands on and then some. i stumbled into a Gorean chat room (not knowing the difference) and they were surprisingly tolerant. Not a bad place to learn the basic principles. My reaction was one of...'well, i dont know what that is, but if that's what i am, then so be it' (i was told about D/s by a Dom online) Yet, i did 'know'

Most of all, no-one had to tell me 'how'... i already knew. i was new, not bored. i did not have to 'decide' what to be. i did not think this was about 'fun'... though i realise fun is had within.

Why shouldn't we protect the lifestyle from every 2-bit wannabe that couldn't understand the dynamics of the lifestyle if their life depended on it but sure likes the idea of having a girl 'do anything they want'. And that folks, is as far as they get.

This is not aimed at the OP personnally. Though, the name is..i don't like it and would not take a Dom seriously that called himself a freak. That does not mean they can't like it, it means i dont. We're all freaks here, in one way or another,...big deal.

By the way, Master is a title of honour, it is earnt.

The questions reek of vanilla. i realise we are not all the same, but if you belong in this lifestyle, some things you just...'know'. i recognise the right for different 'levels' but this lifestyle is so polluted it is becoming almost non-exisitent. If it burns within you, if it is in your blood.... then you will build and grow on what is already there.

To all the 'real' Dom/mes, subs, switches and everyone else who belongs here, thanks for existing, it's been nice to know Y/you're there. :-)

i'm not as nice as some of you have been, or others may think i should have been, (bit of bad luck that) but for crying out loud, this isn't a kindergarten.

(in reply to theRose4U)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/5/2005 1:30:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: frillsnthrills
Why shouldn't we protect the lifestyle from every 2-bit wannabe that couldn't understand the dynamics of the lifestyle if their life depended on it but sure likes the idea of having a girl 'do anything they want'. And that folks, is as far as they get.

A) Because the idea of protecting a lifestyle is kinda irrational

B) Because those "2 bit wannabes" are just as much a part of this lifestyle as anyone else.

quote:

The questions reek of vanilla. i realise we are not all the same, but if you belong in this lifestyle, some things you just...'know'. i recognise the right for different 'levels' but this lifestyle is so polluted it is becoming almost non-exisitent. If it burns within you, if it is in your blood.... then you will build and grow on what is already there.

Only if you believe in the "one true way" or believe that how others live somehow changes the quality of your own life.

Just as many people say that the lifestyle is teaming with life and energy and awesome growth.

quote:

To all the 'real' Dom/mes, subs, switches and everyone else who belongs here, thanks for existing, it's been nice to know Y/you're there. :-)

And what do you say to the people who say that switches are wannabe fakers who downgrade the seriousness of wiitwd?

What do you say to the ones who say that people who use the "caps rules" are just cyber players who don't know better?

We've all got tons of people just WAITING to tell us we're not "real." What gives any one particular person the oversight of judgement on that?

(in reply to frillsnthrills)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/5/2005 1:52:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OscarHargraves
A warning however: If you are a real Dom then it will come easy to you. It will be natural and make sense.

That's a huge false myth.

Yes it will resonate with them easily. But just because it resonates with yourself doesn't mean doing it and being in a relationship with it and actualizing it into your life is easy at all.

It's usually very hard to do.

(in reply to OscarHargraves)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/5/2005 3:35:58 PM

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Joined: 10/8/2005
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quote:

The questions reek of vanilla. i realise we are not all the same, but if you belong in this lifestyle, some things you just...'know'. i recognise the right for different 'levels' but this lifestyle is so polluted it is becoming almost non-exisitent.

Yeah. The dirty filthy mudblood!

(in reply to frillsnthrills)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/5/2005 4:19:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips
Yeah. The dirty filthy mudblood!

Ooo bad word!!!

(in reply to Sensualips)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/5/2005 6:21:56 PM

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Joined: 6/5/2005
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What's the use of being a disgrace to the name of wizard if they don't even pay you well for it?

Come on...Lucius Malfoy is my total fantasy evil Dom.

Ok, sorry.

Back to your regularly scheduled flame war.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/5/2005 7:06:42 PM

Posts: 14
Joined: 12/2/2005
From: florida
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Everyone has their own opinion and can say it to me if they feel like it, and inturn i have my opinion to give back. For all the good ones out their i give thanks for the knowledge that you give to me inorder to help me out. For the not so good opinions, i still think you for it helps me grow to be a better person.

Focus50
i was not trying to direct anything negative toward you in what i had wrote i was just stating that that was not the way i had thought about, " i am not looking to have a slave/sub just be a Fuck nor do i want to abuse them like a drunken basterd."

LuckyAlbatross
Great points of view.

_____________________________

Thanks,
aFreak

(in reply to AbstractSavant)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/5/2005 7:15:21 PM

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first of all, correct the spelling errors in your profile--second ask a key question--remove the kink and ask:

Why am I driven to this?

I personally have a hard time that a 20 something has their life together enough to manage another life--IMHO

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to aFreak)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/5/2005 7:15:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AbstractSavant
Come on...Lucius Malfoy is my total fantasy evil Dom.

Don't get me started on my Draco/Lucius incest fantasies...

(in reply to AbstractSavant)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/5/2005 9:47:36 PM

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Joined: 9/10/2005
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quote:

And what do you say to the people who say that switches are wannabe fakers who downgrade the seriousness of wiitwd?

What do you say to the ones who say that people who use the "caps rules" are just cyber players who don't know better?

We've all got tons of people just WAITING to tell us we're not "real." What gives any one particular person the oversight of judgement on that?

well we already know my position on switches so we won't go there.. But as to the rest? Sure... they can be just as totally fucking dellusional as they want and ya knwo what? Its oooookkkaaaaayy
Come on LA.. you've been the self appointed "wake up from your dellusional stupor" posterperson.. Now you're advocating for the "wanna-be's" and son't split hairs you KNOW what we're talking about..

I'm sorry.. your wife sleeping while you cyber does not make you divorced.. You eating 5 quarts of chunky monkey does not make you petite.. Hiding behind your internet cut-n-paste barbie photo's doesn't make you lose the 400 pounds... There ARE fakes, liars, Preds and freaking snerts.. they are NOT real in anyone's book..

_____________________________

Master Michael
~~~~~~~~~~
"To sin in silence when he should
speak makes cowards of men"

(in reply to theRose4U)

RE: New master needs to learn - 12/5/2005 10:04:01 PM

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Joined: 10/8/2005
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Ooo no, Lucius is TOOOO evil.

Although his name does remind me of "luscious" and that hair would be great for grabbing on to.

But no! I will not be swayed by the dark side.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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