checking a domms references

checking a domms references (Full Version)

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saint2sinners -> checking a domms references (10/4/2008 3:08:44 PM)
Hi Wanted to ask, everyone suggested checking around about a Domm if you don't know him. Is there somewhere to do that with an online domm? Maybe on this forum or someone suggested to ask?

VampiresLair -> RE: checking a domms references (10/4/2008 3:11:03 PM)
Depending on how well liked and how well connected the dom is, you may or may not find anything useful out. You ask any of my former slaves about me, and those who left ME will have horrible things to say. Those who I left will sing my praises hoping to get back in my good graces. Just keep in mind any references you check are personal opinion and even if someone gets tons of bad "press" they may be the best thing to ever happen to you. DV

RedMagic1 -> RE: checking a domms references (10/4/2008 3:43:14 PM)
There's references, and then there's references. A sub and I were IMing and phoning, and she offered to come stay at my place for four days if we split the airfare. I said yes, and emailed her a copy of my driver's license so she could run a criminal background check. We first met in person when I picked her up at the airport. She's now one of my best friends in the world. I've never been asked for in-person references. I once offered to provide them, and realized that was a big mistake when she got offended, saying there must be something wrong with me if I was bragging about other women I had been with. I learned a lesson from that one. People who trust their own judgment don't need to hear the opinions of total strangers. Get his last name, and a phone number where you can reach him at 9pm and 6am -- times a married man would be with his wife. Meet him in person in a safe place -- bring a friend if you want -- and go from there. Or, you could be a maniac like me and break those rules on a regular basis, because most people really are honest and not psycho.

MrHarsh -> RE: checking a domms references (10/4/2008 3:53:53 PM)
It depends on what you're interested in. Any relationship built on deception is going to have problems, so I would advise just being open and asking him for whatever "references" you're interested in.

LadyPact -> RE: checking a domms references (10/4/2008 4:00:31 PM)
Actually, I'd rather do the in person reference type. This could have a great deal to do with Me being a woman. Personally, I'd be much more offended by the background check. Since I usually meet people at events or the club, it much easier for Me to allow whoever I'm meeting to have ample opportunity to ask any random person in the crowd that they would pick out to ask about Me. I don't leave a bad impression with most folks that I've met.

RedMagic1 -> RE: checking a domms references (10/4/2008 4:09:28 PM)
You're a scene celebrity, Lady Pact. Of course that makes sense. I thought the OP was talking about an "online dom," i.e., someone without a scene presence. There are scene players who know me, for example, but only because I've dated them. So far, I've never been at any dungeon more than once.

CalifChick -> RE: checking a domms references (10/4/2008 4:15:50 PM)
If you check a D-type's references, are they restricted to only verifying the dates of play and whether or not they're eligible for replay? Cali

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: checking a domms references (10/4/2008 4:16:00 PM)
i wouldnt bother with references...but rather i would have safe calls...places to run to if needed. those are more reliable than any reference. references can say anything....references can even be a relative and not an actual sub. in other words they can be anyone. safe calls is far more important.

antipode -> RE: checking a domms references (10/4/2008 6:43:08 PM)
No.

DesFIP -> RE: checking a domms references (10/4/2008 7:07:35 PM)
Anyone who said they wanted to call me at 6:00 AM to prove I'm real would not get another chance. I am so not a morning person. One thing is that whatever references you ask for, you need to provide yourself. Are you ready to give your home address and real name to some guy you've never met? Then why wouldn't he be just as worried about you being a nut case? Meet for coffee first. If there's a connection and you both want to pursue this, that's the time to exchange info. If there isn't a connection and you're never going to see them again, why would you want him to have all your info?

GreedyTop -> RE: checking a domms references (10/4/2008 7:12:24 PM)
I think the OP was asking about an online dom. personally, unless you have plans to physically meet this dom, then I cant imagine why you'd NEED references.

VivaciousSub -> RE: checking a domms references (10/4/2008 7:13:13 PM)
quote: Meet for coffee first. If there's a connection and you both want to pursue this, that's the time to exchange info. If there isn't a connection and you're never going to see them again, why would you want him to have all your info? I'm with Des here. Sir and I met through CM and had only exchanged just enough info about ourselves - names and phone numbers - to facilitate meeting for dinner. We've revealed info to each other ever since as it became appropriate to do so. For instance, when I met Him, the first question we asked of each other was not "Soooo.....you're not a giant bucket of AIDS, are you?". That didn't come up until we had spent enough time together to decide we wanted to become sexually involved.

BuddnRoze -> RE: checking a domms references (10/4/2008 7:18:39 PM)
What if the Dom won't give you their phone number? Only way to contact is through internet? What would the thoughts be there?

VivaciousSub -> RE: checking a domms references (10/4/2008 7:30:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BuddnRoze What if the Dom won't give you their phone number? Only way to contact is through internet? What would the thoughts be there? I can't say for sure without knowing why - or at least, hearing his reasons why - he won't cough up a phone number. It would be fallacious to assume it is for evil nefarious reasons, though. I won't give out my phone number lightly, and prefer to keep contact to internet only until such time that I feel I need to give it out - like when meeting up with someone I've agreed to see.

LadyPact -> RE: checking a domms references (10/5/2008 5:29:12 AM)
A scene celebrity? Come on, Red. I hardly think so. You give Me far too much credit. I am neither famous or infamous. More people know My face than know My name. Should I obtain that status, I'll be sure to let you know. quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 You're a scene celebrity, Lady Pact. Of course that makes sense. I thought the OP was talking about an "online dom," i.e., someone without a scene presence. There are scene players who know me, for example, but only because I've dated them. So far, I've never been at any dungeon more than once. I really do think this is one of the areas where males differ from females. Let's face it. If a fem sub knows your address, it's a lot different than a male sub knowing Mine.

colouredin -> RE: checking a domms references (10/5/2008 6:04:04 AM)
FR I am with greedy here, why would you want referances for online Dom's? I mean personally I dont do referances anyways like faery I just tell someone where im going etc but if its online what harm can they really do?

kiwisub12 -> RE: checking a domms references (10/5/2008 6:34:39 AM)
If the dom is online, and will remain online, why do you want references? If they arent who they say , and you are getting what you want why do you care if they are a 400 pound, bald, toothless man with a 1/2 inch penis? As long as you are both getting what you want from the whole online thing, then all the better!

OttersSwim -> RE: checking a domms references (10/5/2008 7:55:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kiwisub12 ...a 400 pound, bald, toothless man with a 1/2 inch penis... Hawt...[;)]

OsideGirl -> RE: checking a domms references (10/5/2008 8:11:33 AM)
Online references are useless anyway. They're too easily faked. I've always found the best way to know if someone is a problem is to be active in your local community and pay attention to it. If you're doing long distance, you're going to have to do your own due diligence.

DesFIP -> RE: checking a domms references (10/5/2008 10:21:40 AM)
If it's internet only, then either he isn't ready to move on to phone, or he doesn't want to meet for real. If you're fine with online only, then you don't need references as he isn't going to reach out through the ethernet and snatch you away. However if you want something more, then tell him that. If he isn't willing to exchange cell phone numbers and set up a meet, then you aren't compatible. So what do you want in this relationship right now?

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