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RE: Your Thoughts - 10/12/2008 4:44:14 PM

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/7/2008
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When there are two people involved, yes there are two sides to the tale.

Are there good things yes, but what I have posted are things that had me questioning and doubting, nothing more. All I wanted were opinions and yes, I got them and you all said what I thought you would, the same things my insticts are telling me, but I find it hard to listen too.

The good thing is I am talking to others and keeping an open mind and eyes.

(in reply to NihilusZero)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/12/2008 4:53:24 PM

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
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Talk to him about these things, but it sounds like its not going to matter.. move on.. I'd guess he's feeling guilty -- about his wife or whoever else is in the picture.

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(in reply to wichchilde)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/12/2008 5:14:58 PM

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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This kind of thread is actually posted quite frequently on CM. Perhaps you can help me understand the why's of internet connections. Many times I come across people who have never met in regular life, yet they are committed to them online. In real life if I was dating someone who was there hot and heavy for a few dates then disappeared for a couple of weeks without much contact, I would assume he wasn't that interested. Most men if interested, will keep some sort of contact going, if for nothing else, then to stake a claim.

But online, if you have not met, why commit before there is some consistancy? I will say that I met my ex because he contacted me online, about my munch group. We chatted every week, very friendly, very non sexual, and it was nice to develop a warmth when I saw his Icon light up. But I was not committed, I did not stop seeing other men, and I did not become his, until we had been together in person for months.

I do not understand online submission even when it is supposedly leading to a real time meeting. What is the draw? Now that I am no longer looking I think now and again, there might be some value to just doing this online.. and then I remember my reality clause.
If anyone can enlighten me how these things develop please let me know.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: wichchilde

When there are two people involved, yes there are two sides to the tale.

Are there good things yes, but what I have posted are things that had me questioning and doubting, nothing more. All I wanted were opinions and yes, I got them and you all said what I thought you would, the same things my insticts are telling me, but I find it hard to listen too.

The good thing is I am talking to others and keeping an open mind and eyes.

(in reply to wichchilde)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/12/2008 5:22:18 PM

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

If anyone can enlighten me how these things develop please let me know.

Best guess: people get carried away with the fantasy of the person and the unicorns

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(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/12/2008 5:39:15 PM

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He's gotten back together with his wife and that's why no phone. Because he's been caught before and until he earns back lost trust, she will check his phone and text messages.

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RE: Your Thoughts - 10/12/2008 6:28:21 PM

Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
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OP, I can't speak as to the presence of another person in his life because there's nothing in your information that directly says "and he has a wife". We can speculate till the cows come home, then leave, and come home again.

I will say that in posting up this stuff, you've made it clear that your mind is choosing to select the bad and hold it up for examination. For whatever reason, this is what you are focusing on and thus it seems obvious to me that you know what you need to do and are looking for validation.

Here's a hint: you don't need it. Seriously, he just isn't all that interested. You could tell him to fish or cut bait, but I think you're better off clipping the line yourself and dropping back into the sea to find all those other cool fish that want to hang out with you.

Edited for a typo.

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To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/12/2008 6:35:27 PM

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Joined: 10/7/2008
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You are right, this is a validation deal for me. And yes I asked him if there was another straight up and he said no, but there is no way to tell if he was telling the truth or not, he also added that at work there are times his cell is not with him, like meetings.

(in reply to VivaciousSub)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/12/2008 6:41:27 PM

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
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A month worth of times? and in a month he didn't return any of those calls?
actually, if he was calling me every single night, answering every call, returning every call, chatting with me for hours online, sending me a text message every hour, cute e-cards every day with virtual flowers and romantic songs,
basicly bloggin his life into my email box -
After a month, i STILL would have walked by now, if he was reasonably local and we hadn't gotten together for dinner. I need to get closer than pixels with someone. I can be pretty patient if they live farther away, but my patience has limits.

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(in reply to wichchilde)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/12/2008 7:52:28 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Leave him NOW. Today.

Text or email or leave him a phone message that this "relationship" doesn't meet your needs, tell him not to waste his time by contacting you again because your time is valuable and he's already wasted too much of it, and wish him well in his future endeavors.

That is ALL I would say to him, ever again. Just exactly that, short and sweet. If he responds, I would not acknowledge it, since you've already wished him well and told him its over, so nothing more needs to be said.
Then don't waste another minute thinking of him. He's not worth it.

If he's on CM, I'd block him. You say he's got a temper so do whatever you need to do to make sure that he can't be an asshole to you for dumping him.

Go volunteer in your local community, get a job, go to college or anything else like that, that will help you get some SELF-ESTEEM so that you won't settle for such poor treatment ever again. And so that in the future you won't give yourself away to someone you've never met. Online and on the phone, people can say anything. You won't know what they're really like until you've spent a significant amount of time ACTUALLY IN THEIR PRESENCE.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 10/12/2008 8:03:26 PM >

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(in reply to wichchilde)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/13/2008 2:21:30 AM

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Joined: 11/7/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wichchilde

You are right, this is a validation deal for me. And yes I asked him if there was another straight up and he said no, but there is no way to tell if he was telling the truth or not, he also added that at work there are times his cell is not with him, like meetings.

There's no way to tell if anyone is telling the truth over the Internet, absent background checks or private investigators or such, especially if they live a far distance from you. This all sounds very suspicious to me and not something I'd want to be involved in.

What needs of yours are being met by this relationship, and which aren't?

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(in reply to wichchilde)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/13/2008 2:43:19 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wichchilde

If this was your Dom/Master what would you do?

~Comes home, talks to you online and then barely talks to you the rest of the night.
~Hasn''t called in a month.
~Claims that calls to your cell aren't going through when he tries to call.
~Claims he is not getting your texts and when you panic he goes off on you.
~Gets upset when he asks you to do something and you can't at that point in time.
~Tells you first that he plans on collaring you, but when and where is up to him, and then tells you that if someone else shows interest, not to say no because of him.
~Tells you that you can only call him Master when you used to call him things like Sir and other pet names and he said it was okay because they all ment the same thing no matter what was said.
~Tells you you can text him at work and then down the line asks you not too because you make him feel guilty that he is working and you are not.

Obey him, or beg for release.

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to wichchilde)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/13/2008 3:50:48 AM

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

That's the second time you've said that, dark.
I assume you are being faceitous.
If you are not, I have to ask - why would one need to beg for release from someone who one has never met,
and to whom one's comment is
'He said he PLANNED to collar me, but then said, if another showed interest, don't say no on his account.'
I see no need to ask for release - there is nothing to be released from.

If he considers her to be his, all I can say is,
That reminds me of the game my kids used to play in the car when they were little,
'claiming' everything we passed.
'The McDonalds is mine'. 'Okay, but the toysRUs is mine' ....
To own a slave takes a bit more....

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/13/2008 4:12:44 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

That's the second time you've said that, dark.
I assume you are being faceitous.
If you are not, I have to ask - why would one need to beg for release from someone who one has never met,
and to whom one's comment is
'He said he PLANNED to collar me, but then said, if another showed interest, don't say no on his account.'
I see no need to ask for release - there is nothing to be released from.

If he considers her to be his, all I can say is,
That reminds me of the game my kids used to play in the car when they were little,
'claiming' everything we passed.
'The McDonalds is mine'. 'Okay, but the toysRUs is mine' ....
To own a slave takes a bit more....

Facitious? Moi?
Not really tsatke. Although I can see how it could be taken that way. I was really echoing beth because she had it spot on.

The OP asked about if this was ones own dominant/Master. The answer is you obey or you beg release. It really is that simple. No complicated explainations needed.

Now personally, I do not see how the OP can consider this about ones own dominant/Master, because the whole postings indicate she is not owned, nor even in a relationship with him. BUT the original question is based on the dominant/master being ones own.
So I answered. She either needs to get her question or her 'facts' on the issue straight. Otherwise the answers given throughout the thread are pointless.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to tsatske)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/13/2008 4:13:06 AM

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

My thoughts
aside from whether a relationship is online or offline, bdsm related or not, family or friend, lover or otherwise>

When the times I have with that person are filled more with feelings that weaken me rather than strengthen me>
When I have more "wishes 'n hopes for" rather than "dreams 'n goals" that that relationship inspires in me>
When I begin making excuses for actions that cause me to mistrust much more than I feel and see their actual actions of trustworthyness>

.......then its time for me to step back and wait with patience.. See what COMES to me rather that what I "make" happen by my actions. I have to see what is there and not what I would like to be there.

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to wichchilde)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/13/2008 4:43:24 AM

Posts: 31
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

If this was your Dom/Master what would you do?

beg for release.

I agree, although I'm not sure what there is to beg release *from*.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/13/2008 5:27:41 AM

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Joined: 6/27/2005
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VS cows come home to get milked around 5 pm. A little farm knowlege for you. IMHO the op is looking for advice which she is not going to take. I will dump this guy for a new guy and then when the old one wants me back I will run back to him and dump the new guy. Happens on here all of the time.

(in reply to justagirl246)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/13/2008 7:21:46 AM

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Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Move on and find someone else.

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(in reply to wichchilde)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/13/2008 12:23:05 PM

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Joined: 3/23/2008
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Sounds like you have met some one who is not a true Master and was just seeing what you would do for him. Move on
!

(in reply to wichchilde)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/13/2008 1:13:55 PM

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

Move on. don't sweat it. It's not worth any heartache. Honest.

tsatske is SO right. He isn't worth your heartache. And you are worth much more.

(in reply to tsatske)

RE: Your Thoughts - 10/13/2008 5:25:25 PM

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Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I would respond in like to his actions and see what happens. If he doesn't text you; you don't text him, etc
But I don't have a ton of patience, so I would probably move on.

"Responding in kind" sounds vengeful. - an eye for an eye. His actions are hurting you, so you would be trying to hurt him back. Nothing good would come of it - only pain all around, and not the good kind of pain.

What the OP described is really just a relationship gone bad. In a good relationship, people <i>enjoy</i> hearing from one another, even if it's silly little texts. Those are the things that should brighten someone's day (for the most part).

The advice given many times above is correct. It's time to move on. There are plenty of people out there. You will find someone else. I'm sure you have before; you will again.

(in reply to KatyLied)

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