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RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 12:22:58 PM

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Well, my first instinct is to say RUN LIKE THE WIND!!

This guy just seems fishy to me....... and the "trial" thing.......isn't it a trial of him, as much as you? What if you don't like him, or if he has the wrong smell?

Definitely meeting in a PUBLIC and neutral place is the most sensible thing. Then you can go and play, if that's what you like! As far as the shopping trip----honestly, don't get anything that you wouldn't want in your wardrobe anyway for a first encounter. If what you are wearing is more important than YOU, then you are likely not dealing with someone who is going to be a good match for more than a few minutes.

I freely admit that I am DangerDomme. Seriously, when I look back at all the things I have done, it's astounding that nothing bad has happened. When I think of the men I have had tied up and helpless, that I only talked to on the phone before showing up at their houses.........well, they should just be grateful that I am a virtuous woman and robbing or otherwise harming them never crossed my mind.

Obviously, what we do involves risk on many levels----for me, that danger is a large component of the fun and excitement! Still, just as you wouldn't go rafting without safety gear, you shouldn't go off with strangers without some kind of backup. I have female sub friends who ask to see the person's driver's license before going off with them. Safe calls, before and after. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel confident. THIS IS ONLY A DATE. No one decides after one date that they have found the person of their dreams. You are under no obligation to do something you don't like.

Thus endeth the lesson. :) HAVE FUN.

:)F

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Cloudz)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 12:24:59 PM

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

No not in his home first time, any decent Dom knows that---meet in public first always, even there, safe calls---if he won't meet in public, he isn't worth it--

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 12/8/2005 12:25:37 PM >

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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 12:28:34 PM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
No not in his home first time, any decent Dom knows that---meet in public first always, even there, safe calls---if he won't meet in public, he isn't worth it--

I've met plenty of decent doms in their home for the first time. And I've met plenty in my home. Let's not go universalizing our own preferences.

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 12:31:58 PM

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

you are right, I stand corrected-- an overzealous Maternal safety response to one too many brutalized subs---let Me rephrase, this sounds fishy----major

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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 12:50:34 PM

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

ok ok ok

i asume.....guess-------"I" am weird.
just another damn oddball.
but

"I" have met most people in this lifestyle in their house.
i met my 1st domme in calif at Her house.
i have not figured on doing much else.
sure. i have met a-few..at a cafe..but most.....MOST i have met at the house.

now THIS Mistress i have now.....we met at a bar....
and that is of course, after i drove out of state no less.

each their own i guess.

is it different for girls than it is for boys?

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
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(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 1:10:35 PM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

I've met many from the internet, but I have never talked to someone for two days and been asked or wanted to meet them for that matter. The internet is a valuable tool, but it takes lots of mail and chatting to get to know someone and to trust. His e-mail flat out sucked. He is shallow, writes poorly and is not considerate of your possible concerns. You seem to be much too smart for this. Keep looking.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 1:15:27 PM

Posts: 85
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline

First meeting at his house?

two words

HELLS NO!

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 2:48:21 PM

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Ok...thought about this allot and willing to give this a try...As I
See it..wee meet one day next week at my home for a one day
trail..you...need to a garter belt and nylons and 5 inch heels..also
a ball gag would be nice...there is a Christie's shore a mile from
my home that sells all that stuff...easy to stop and buy...you need
to understand I'm into bondage and humiliation and have to except
same....If you agree to this we can talk more..."

That is just to dam funny.
No way No how- i'd tell him i have thought alot also and im not interested anymore. B/c for sure i wouldnt be

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Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/8/2005 5:12:54 PM

Posts: 117
Joined: 8/9/2004
From: GATINEAU, PQ
Status: offline

always meet in public place, to see if u like, and dont leave with him. Its just a basic rule to keep u from all the quacks out there!!!

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Wetrope

(in reply to perverseangelic)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/9/2005 5:22:02 AM

Posts: 158
Joined: 11/5/2005
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

quote:

"Ok...thought about this allot and willing to give this a try...As I
See it..wee meet one day next week at my home for a one day
trail..you...need to a garter belt and nylons and 5 inch heels..also
a ball gag would be nice...there is a Christie's shore a mile from
my home that sells all that stuff...easy to stop and buy...you need
to understand I'm into bondage and humiliation and have to except
same....If you agree to this we can talk more..."

I wasn't going to reply to this because it seemed there was some good advice givin. However I just wanted the females to understand "guy talk." This is an interpretation from the official guy handbook. Yes, there's a guy handbook. We get it about 7th grade in shop class.

1. "Ok, I've thought about this..."
interpretation = You're not my first choice. You're not even my tenth choice, but I have nothing else to do.

2. "willing to give this a try"
interpretation = I could care less whether this works or not

3. "As I see it..."
interpretation = it's all about me

4. "you need to bring..."
interpretation = I have a hooker fetish but too cheap to buy one

5. "also a ball gag"
interpretation = It's still all about me

6. "you need to understand"
interpretation = just in case you don't understand it's all about me

7. "you have to accept"
interpretation = I just want to see how big a damn fool you really are

8. "if you agree..."
interpretaion = how big a damn fool are you?

_____________________________

I'm not where I need to be, but I'm better than I was yesterday.

Namaste, I honor the divine in you

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/9/2005 5:31:49 AM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

Fldrkhorse, LOL. That was funny as all get out.

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For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to fldrkhorse)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/9/2005 5:35:46 AM

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

LOL, and here I thought he was just referring to trying out a car.....

(in reply to fldrkhorse)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/9/2005 5:46:39 AM

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

I am ROTFL----I am so glad you responded----what a hoot----

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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to fldrkhorse)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/9/2005 5:57:40 AM

themischievous1

Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

Submissives.... how would you respond? Do you think this would be OK?
Does his aggressiveness, demanding, controlling manner turn you on?
What would your response be, under the circumstances i've described.

I wouldn't have anything to do with this person. In fact, I would have deleted his email after reading it and not responded at all, but then that's me. I don't think it would be okay, no. He doesn't respect you, doesn't think you're special and I don't find his manner demanding, or controlling; I find it rude, assuming, and obnoxious. Like I said, delete and move on. Next.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/10/2005 1:31:57 AM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fldrkhorse

quote:

"Ok...thought about this allot and willing to give this a try...As I
See it..wee meet one day next week at my home for a one day
trail..you...need to a garter belt and nylons and 5 inch heels..also
a ball gag would be nice...there is a Christie's shore a mile from
my home that sells all that stuff...easy to stop and buy...you need
to understand I'm into bondage and humiliation and have to except
same....If you agree to this we can talk more..."

I wasn't going to reply to this because it seemed there was some good advice givin. However I just wanted the females to understand "guy talk." This is an interpretation from the official guy handbook. Yes, there's a guy handbook. We get it about 7th grade in shop class.

1. "Ok, I've thought about this..."
interpretation = You're not my first choice. You're not even my tenth choice, but I have nothing else to do.

2. "willing to give this a try"
interpretation = I could care less whether this works or not

3. "As I see it..."
interpretation = it's all about me

4. "you need to bring..."
interpretation = I have a hooker fetish but too cheap to buy one

5. "also a ball gag"
interpretation = It's still all about me

6. "you need to understand"
interpretation = just in case you don't understand it's all about me

7. "you have to accept"
interpretation = I just want to see how big a damn fool you really are

8. "if you agree..."
interpretaion = how big a damn fool are you?

***** uncontrollable fits of laughing******

That's just not right!!!! Well, it is, but too funny!!!!! You said that so well I can actually almost hear him say it!!

** walks off holding tummy from laughing so much***

(in reply to fldrkhorse)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/11/2005 11:00:05 PM

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

As a Dom I have NEVER suggested to a prospective Sub that we meet anywhere except in a public place for our first meeting. I also would never expect her to 'play' at our first meeting. I consider the first meeting to be like a first date; lunch in a nice restaurant with plenty of time to talk and get to know each other. Honest discussion about the things that we both like and expect from this.

I want to see her and be able to decide if she is really someone I'm willing to play with. I also assume that she is doing the same thing. I would be VERY uncomfortable if she suggested that we meet at her house for the first time. That would raise LOTS of questions for me, including safety. Why would it be any different for a lady?

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(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/13/2005 3:14:57 AM

Posts: 181
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor
I know a submissive who once did this, and ended up in hospital.

I know a sub who took a bath, and ended up in the hospital.

Cmon...yes it's risky. Yes people do it all the time. Sometimes yes there are bad people to be careful of.

But it's a judgement call. I've done it many times...I'm shiny.

You are normally the exemplar of common sense, so I was surprised by this posting. You are saying it's ok to speak to a potential Dom once and then put yourself completely in their hands? That is more than risky, it's foolhardy, IMO.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/13/2005 5:00:33 AM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor
You are normally the exemplar of common sense, so I was surprised by this posting. You are saying it's ok to speak to a potential Dom once and then put yourself completely in their hands? That is more than risky, it's foolhardy, IMO.

Considering how often I've done it (and likely will)...I'd have to disagree.

Considering how often I KNOW it's done, even by the people who say not to do it, I'd have to disagree.

(in reply to Prunesquallor)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/13/2005 5:51:32 AM

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

That raises major red flags to me. No way would I do it. He sounds like he's only interested in an easy lay or worse. It is your decision. No one can tell you what to do, only offer opinions and advice. To me it just screams danger and total lack of wanting or caring to know you as more than a body to use. Just my 2 cents for what it's worth.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/13/2005 8:35:44 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I talked yesterday to a guy from another site. The conversation went
pretty well, he seemed to be a good guy, with interests that were
very compatible with mine.
It was our first conversation, after E-mailing back and forth a
couple times the day before.

I got the following message from him this morning.

"Ok...thought about this allot and willing to give this a try...As I
See it..wee meet one day next week at my home for a one day
trail..you...need to a garter belt and nylons and 5 inch heels..also
a ball gag would be nice...there is a Christie's shore a mile from
my home that sells all that stuff...easy to stop and buy...you need
to understand I'm into bondage and humiliation and have to except
same....If you agree to this we can talk more..."

He lives about 45 minutes from me, near the city, but in a fairly remote, lakeside area.

Now..what do you think???
Dominants -- Do you expect a sub to be willing to meet you at your
place and scene on the first meeting?
If she said NO, she didn't feel comfortable doing that... would that
end your desire to meet her and pursue a potential relationship?
Should I consider doing this? Sounds to me like he wants to tie me
up, gag me and have his way with me on the first meeting. Could be
fun, right? After all.. i've not tried bondage and been wanting to.
If I don't agree... does that make me less of a submissive?

Submissives.... how would you respond? Do you think this would be OK?
Does his aggressiveness, demanding, controlling manner turn you on?
What would your response be, under the circumstances i've described.

I really really want to hear from ya'll on this one.
I'm not going to tell you how I responded to this just yet. Maybe I
said yes.. after all, i AM looking for a dominant to serve, and who
will control me.
Maybe I said no.
I'll tell you once I see what some of your responses are.

thanks for the input, in advance
regards,
cravin

This gentleman does not sound like someone I would be inclined to meet offline this way, for a number of reasons. I'm a submissive with 9 years of experience in my local scene, so that's where my opinions are driven from.

First, I would never go to someone's home like this. Generally, we meet in well lit, well populated places and we arrange a safe call so that someone else knows where we are and that this person is safe.

Second, why are you the one who's being tried out? As a bottom/sub/slave or how ever you identify, you are as much making the decision as this guy is. Never forget that without someone to play with, a Top/Dom/Master is just another single guy (no offense meant by this gentlemen)

If you are really searching for something real time, I would encourage you to participate in your local scene, via munches at the very least. At munches, you will meet people who are experienced and have a better chance of encountering someone who's familiar with the general safety protocols that most of us practice under. You would also maximize your ability to meet and become friends with other people who are into what you are, and increase your ability to network. I have found that networking in BDSM has been very beneficial to me.

I saw my Dom's profile here on Collar Me and he went into my 'reject' pile. It wasn't until I met him at the local munch that I saw what an absolutely fantastic person he was. If I didn't still attend munches I would have missed him altogether.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to cravinspankin)

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