RE: First meeting with a Dom

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RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/13/2005 10:30:13 AM

Prunesquallor

Posts: 181
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Considering how often I've done it (and likely will)...I'd have to disagree.

Considering how often I KNOW it's done, even by the people who say not to do it, I'd have to disagree.

Oh, all right - be disagreeable then!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 41

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/14/2005 3:42:04 PM

Rassitter

Posts: 35
Joined: 11/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor
You are normally the exemplar of common sense, so I was surprised by this posting. You are saying it's ok to speak to a potential Dom once and then put yourself completely in their hands? That is more than risky, it's foolhardy, IMO.

Considering how often I've done it (and likely will)...I'd have to disagree.

Considering how often I KNOW it's done, even by the people who say not to do it, I'd have to disagree.

I have to agree with LuckyAlbatross here. People need to take precautions, but I am not going to shut myself out either.

Is it dangerous? Yes. Are there a million things in the world that are dangerous that people do every day? Yes, and sometimes that is part of the fun. I have met people for the first time, usually in their home not mine, and although I am the Dom, trust me, I still took precations. Just like any yahoo can say he is a dom, some freak could say they were a sub too. You never know until you meet. As for meeting in a public place, most people could act nice for an hour over coffee, I don't think you have really accomplished a lot.

I beleive it all comes down to the individual you are dealing with, and how much you think you can trust them in the short time you have gotten to know them. As a Dom, I would never demand a first time meeting as a play time session at my house. (However I would not refuse it either). In this case, I would not do it based on the little info I have. The first thing I don't like, is he states "If you agree, we can talk further" Does this mean that all contact is over, if you do not agree? Does not sound like sombody with the patience that I think is needed to train a new sub. The 2nd, he is expecting you to buy things and then bring them to him to use on you, not supplying them himself. (Not against subs having their own toys, just not demanding they buy them) 3rd The remote location. Three strikes........you're out!

But only you know the extent of all the other emails that you have passed back and forth and how much you feel he is trustworthy.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 42

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/14/2005 4:04:19 PM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

My first response back to him would be , Maybe we can meet for coffee and see if we have the same needs and desires to pursue anything further.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

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Post #: 43

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/14/2005 11:29:40 PM

GrizzlyBear

Posts: 278
Joined: 3/26/2004
From: Missoula Montana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

I talked yesterday to a guy from another site. The conversation went
pretty well, he seemed to be a good guy, with interests that were
very compatible with mine.
It was our first conversation, after E-mailing back and forth a
couple times the day before.

I got the following message from him this morning.

"Ok...thought about this allot and willing to give this a try...As I
See it..wee meet one day next week at my home for a one day
trail..you...need to a garter belt and nylons and 5 inch heels..also
a ball gag would be nice...there is a Christie's shore a mile from
my home that sells all that stuff...easy to stop and buy...you need
to understand I'm into bondage and humiliation and have to except
same....If you agree to this we can talk more..."

(snip)

By now you have probably agreed, or blown him off, and this is probably moot, but here goes...

Ted Bundy was a very nice guy, everyone who met him said so.

First of all, if he will only see you if you come to his house, that is a red flag to me. I have met some partners for the first time at my house, and others for the first time at theirs, but not after talking for one day. It is not something I would ever insist on.

I would be leery of the motives of someone who insisted on a first meeting like that. I would expect a sub to be leery of my motives if I insisted on such a meeting.

He is into bondage and humiliation, and wants to gag you, but doesn't already have a suitable gag? Does he even know how to safely use a gag - what the hazards are, how to reduce them? Did he ask you if you have any issues with gags, like breathing problems, or a strong gag reflex? Did you discuss safewords with him, and how to handle using a safeword with a gag?

To me he sounds like a newbie who is pretending to be something he is not, who is not really interested in you, but is willing to experiment if he can get you under his ideal conditions. I would pass on him, unless there was a lot more to the discussions you had with him than you implied here.

I second the suggestion to seek out and attend some nearby munches. There are lots of them in the Dallas area. Meet people in a group setting, make some friends, go to some play parties. You might get lucky and meet someone perfect for you, you might not, but you will make some friends and get some experience.

Griz

_____________________________

GrizzlyBear

"Come to the edge," he said.
They said, "We are afraid."
"Come to the edge," he said.
They came. He pushed them. And they flew.
~Guillaume Apollinaire

(in reply to cravinspankin)

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Post #: 44

RE: First meeting with a Dom - 12/15/2005 2:53:17 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

chirtie

oh lord no i am a dominant woman andi would not go to meet a submissive male anywhere i do not feel safe .i wouldnot go to his home for not reason, this couldbe dangerous and if anyone say oh go they are crazy if you called and meant for coffee and then later sometime dinner i still would not go to his home. he is abusing his role has a dom when he does this and tells you to buys things. i am telling you this for a good reason i went on a date and went to a male hom before i became a domme and was almost attack do notdo this find another safe person to speak to and if he bully you byt saying" your to listen to me and follow my orders or something like that tell him ot go take a hike find someone not so pushy ok good luck

mons