RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive

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RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive - 11/2/2008 12:21:36 AM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
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MasterFireMaam has nailed it. If you're having problems in a relationship, if the girls don't seem to have confidence in mastering you, then the only factor you really have control over is you. Change your behavior. Make yourself act more submissive, do your level best to help the girl get into a dominant frame of mind. Once you've got her there and comfortable, then you can start pushing your limits.

Basically, it's like this. It is NOT the dominant partner's responsibility to figure out what will make you happy; no one, no matter how experienced, is a mind reader and can instantly divine what you need. So if you feel like you're 'topping from the bottom' by training a girl--a switch, no less--to feel comfortable in dominating you, or if you feel robbed by the experience, you're wrong. If you feel that it's their job to put you in your place, you're wrong. At least, at first. Once you've clearly demonstrated what your place is, by actions and words, then you can start asking for that from your partner. You know what I mean?

The corollary to that is that it's not the sub's job to figure out what makes the Dom happy, btw. I try to live by that, and ask up front for what I like, and act in a way that's in keeping with what I like. I do change that to adjust for what the sub likes; more demanding, more emotional, less emotional, whatever. But I keep a basic script and stick to it for the most part. I imagine that kind of consistency is more difficult for a switch, but it's possible. Don't be afraid that you're locking yourself into a role that you won't want later, either; as long as you're aware and in conscious control of the process, by assuming a role you're giving yourself the experience needed to understand more of what your preferences really are, and if you communicate that clearly to your partner, you'll find that you will likely get what you ask for, even as what you're asking for changes and matures.

Cheers

< Message edited by DMFParadox -- 11/2/2008 12:28:54 AM >

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RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive - 12/1/2008 8:23:08 AM

granit33

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Joined: 9/2/2008
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Talk about wank; I looked at you profile. "Classic"

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RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive - 12/8/2008 10:47:43 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Interesting discussion, as I am having more fun with a couple of switches in My life. My interest lies solely in their sub side, but quite informative writings here, nonetheless.

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RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive - 12/30/2008 5:11:45 PM

kdmfl

Posts: 118
Joined: 12/3/2008
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I must admit, I feel very much the same. I have always had submissive desires but always in a position to be dominant in any relationship in which bdsm was involved. I have tried to submit but if I was with someone willing to try, her heart wasn't in it and it didn't last long and I was really the one in charge anyhow.
And yes, here I am listed as a Dom because that is where I end up anyway. I do enjoy it as well and have been tempted to list myself as a switch.

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RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive - 1/1/2009 1:25:54 PM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

If you keep having unhappy relationships, remember, the common element is you. If you want something different, change something. Perhaps instead of defying her to prove her dominance, you should work on your submission and obedience.

Master Fire

I think this is unrealistic. What you're really suggesting is that he change his inner desires. There's a big difference between being dominated and submitting to someone who isn't dominant, and the latter obviously doesn't excite him. What he needs to change is his choice of partners, and find a woman who really likes to dominate.

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RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive - 1/5/2009 9:17:30 PM

MlleVolanges

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/3/2008
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I know I'm basically declaring myself a sparkly white unicorn in the context of this thread, but I'm a switch who, increasingly, prefers to top. I think that I started out in the lifestyle as a sub because it was easiest for me to reconcile that with the perception I had of myself, among other reasons. As I've grown in confidence and assertiveness I've decided that it's way more fun to be the one calling the shots. I have found, however, two separate phenomena: the switches who will sub as soon as someone looks at them funny, and the subs who call themselves switches for reasons I don't fully understand. :p

When I was just starting to switch and was still more on the sub side, it drove me nuts how many people, switches included, heard "I've started switching a little bit" as "I am the Domme you have been looking for, now I will flog you whether I actually want to or not." :D

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RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive - 1/6/2009 10:21:53 AM

hardbodysub

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I like your style. Yes, you do seem to be the sparkly white unicorn. Or at least the needle in the haystack.

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RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive - 4/28/2009 9:25:41 PM

kINKSandMetal

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Joined: 2/11/2009
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reading the posts in this thread, I realized how badly i want to dominate my switch male. I am very very submissive in nature...But when I was younger (first exploring my sexuality, but before I ever had a date or had even been kissed), even tho I would tie my feet together an find ways to cause pain that somehow gave me pleasure, that was a physical turn on. But when I would lie down at night and my fantasys would start up, they ALL were about the expressions of pain on a handsome man's face, causing them discomfort. A good example of how I was mentally was that I was turned on by the final torture scene in the movie Braveheart. (not that i would ever take anything that far). And because of this realization, I feel like I've made an epiphinay. Can I call myself a switch if I get more physical pleasure out of being hurt and humilated, when the thought of my boy moaning, and being helpless and just enough pain to make him squirm and beg for release, makes me want to hurt him. right now?

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RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive - 6/30/2009 6:04:48 PM

BiSalemOR

Posts: 15
Joined: 4/28/2007
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I think that true switch women exist. I think there are women out there that want to see a man completely submit and be vulnerable to them. I'm sure there are women that want to see a guy a guy breathing hard and moaning and even begging for more while submitting to them. I truly believe a woman can want that but then want to submit to the same guy and have their time where they are moaning and having their own orgasms. Maybe I'm wrong but the women I've been with have wanted the guy to be in pleasure and could even see the more submissive ones want the guy to get pleasure even if they had to switch roles. My dominant side loves to be the one giving pleasure but even though I've never been with submissive with anyone I already want to make sure they still get their pleasure but want my own in a submissive way.

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RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive - 6/30/2009 6:17:54 PM

BiSalemOR

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Oops I forgot one thing. I read above that there are subs that will go sub at just a look. I really like that idea. I want to do that equally, to dom at the drop of a hat or sub. I enjoy being the dominant top masculine male and will never want to give that up but I do look forward to the day that she or he can look at me in that way that they want my sub side and I can instantly be in a sub mode. I have always loved it when women look at me with lust in their eyes when they want me to take them. I not only love the idea of seeing that same lust in their eyes saying they want to dom me but also love the idea that they get me to the point that I return it or they see it in my eyes that I want to sub right then and it turns them on and their dom side takes over.

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