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RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 12:48:10 PM

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I think this sort of thing makes her trainer hard.

I would like to ask her what, exactly, her trainer is "training" her and if these are transferable skills that work universally for all dominants.

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RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 12:59:02 PM

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Why waste time with a trainer? Why not put all that time and energy into someone that you'd like to have a relationship with? Spend that time doing things within the relationship that both of you will enjoy. I will never understand the whole concept of a trainer or a mentor. Just seems like a waste of time.

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RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 1:20:31 PM

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I would rather meet your dad at least he has your interests at heart and not his own.

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RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 2:04:44 PM

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Fr

personally i wouldnt allow this as a rule in the first place, a trainer isnt your Dom the point is they help you learn certain things that they are skilled in to boost your confidence, it isnt up to them to decide when you are confident enough to talk to another and who is he to 'vet' people. I actually would understand something like this if the other way round, for example if I was being trained how to do needle play and the person teaching me said dont do this with anyone until we are done then yeah sure good idea. Its not quite the same being a sub, you arent responsible for anothers safty.

In my opinion it is less about training you and more about keeping you to hiself, but that is based on limited infomation he may have a wonderful reason for it, i just may not have the imagination to think of one,

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RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 2:11:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: girlivy
Exactly my point, the ones who do not give a "rat's patootie" are quickly weeded out. Caring is another fine trait in a person...

No, you missed my point. But I don't think you're going to see it anyway. You're 44 years old... I would think the biggest "care" is that you feel you need a gatekeeper.
Thanks again....My biggest "care" is simply that I am not so perfect and seek help where I feel I may need some.....
We all travel our own paths in this life, none being right or wrong, just different. One may have the confidence to run 3 million dollar companies successfully, yet lack some confidence in some areas.
It is a blessing to have people with more experience to be able to learn by and from their mistakes, no matter what path in life they are on. I wouldn't go to a butcher if I felt I needed more baking skills..

Cali

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RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 2:15:45 PM

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Good lord woman, if you don't have the "skills" to meet men at your age, then stop meeting men, with or without a gatekeeper.

Cali

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(in reply to girlivy)

RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 2:18:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I think this sort of thing makes her trainer hard.

I would like to ask her what, exactly, her trainer is "training" her and if these are transferable skills that work universally for all dominants.

Protocols that pertain to the House of the Noble Heart, along with allowing me a safe space to learn more about my likes and dislikes in the LS, and the can not do withouts.
Cheers!

_____________________________

AUTHENTIC SPIRITUAL GROWTH NEVER COMES FROM EXPERIENCES THAT THE EGO CAN PREDICT OR CONTROL.
OUR SPIRIT HAS ITS OWN AGENDA: OUR DESTINY.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken!

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 2:27:31 PM

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It hadn't even really dawned on me until it started getting mentioned in threads.

If the actual intent is for both parties is pure 'training', it only really seems to make sense if you are getting assisted/tutored by the same 'type' as you, not the opposite (and not, as an s-type, by an s-type acting as proxy for hir D-type either).

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(in reply to girlivy)

RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 2:29:51 PM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: girlivy

There has been only one rule that has been placed upon me in training, the rule is that anyone who would like to have a meet and greet with me, must contact my trainer first.
Would you please share your POV about how you would feel about said situation, if you were to meet a potential and were requested for such contact to be made, before the meeting.

I would choose not to pursue someone engaged in "training" at all, regardless of whether I was expected to contact said trainer or not. Unless that trainer is teaching her how I like my shirts done, what side I expect her to walk on (I'm blind in one eye... you have a 50/50 chance I suppose), how I expect her to address me publicly, privately and under what circumstances, how I expect her to demonstrate an interest in a romantic interlude, how I want her to present herself to me... then he's simply training her to be his submissive/slave. So he can take responsibility for her... I won't.

Cripes, I'd have to spend countless hours untraining her from all the stuff she's been trained for. What a waste of time. In my view, "training" is personal... training someone to our personal tastes, desires, expectations, etc. To think that anyone can be "trained" for all (or even most) Dominants is fantasy, in my view.

Bottom line is that the "right" way to serve me is the way I tell you to serve me. Not the way your "trainer" told you.

John

Edited to note that you've asked for our personal point of view. That does not mean that you shouldn't be "trained" for the enjoyment of the experience. But to think that it has any value to me as a Dominant is just not accurate.

< Message edited by Rover -- 10/15/2008 2:31:27 PM >

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RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 2:31:04 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

It hadn't even really dawned on me until it started getting mentioned in threads.

If the actual intent is for both parties is pure 'training', it only really seems to make sense if you are getting assisted/tutored by the same 'type' as you, not the opposite (and not, as an s-type, by an s-type acting as proxy for hir D-type either).

That's a great point... There is also a strong support group locally for s types that I do also attend when time allows

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AUTHENTIC SPIRITUAL GROWTH NEVER COMES FROM EXPERIENCES THAT THE EGO CAN PREDICT OR CONTROL.
OUR SPIRIT HAS ITS OWN AGENDA: OUR DESTINY.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken!

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RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 2:31:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: girlivy

Protocols that pertain to the House of the Noble Heart...

You've just finished telling us a story of how you've been unknowingly constricted from finding an expanse of people you're compatible with until you came upon WIITWD and it allowed for broadened horizons.

So, you're answer to this widened view is to, once again, limit it by castrating the breadth of your potential suitors to only those who give a (*smiles at Cali*) "rat's patootie" about protocol? And not just a basic sense of protocol, but specifically the "Protocols that pertain to the House of the Noble Heart"??

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I know they're all insane
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I know that I'm to blame."
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(in reply to girlivy)

RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 2:35:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: girlivy

There has been only one rule that has been placed upon me in training, the rule is that anyone who would like to have a meet and greet with me, must contact my trainer first.
Would you please share your POV about how you would feel about said situation, if you were to meet a potential and were requested for such contact to be made, before the meeting.

I would choose not to pursue someone engaged in "training" at all, regardless of whether I was expected to contact said trainer or not. Unless that trainer is teaching her how I like my shirts done, what side I expect her to walk on (I'm blind in one eye... you have a 50/50 chance I suppose), how I expect her to address me publicly, privately and under what circumstances, how I expect her to demonstrate an interest in a romantic interlude, how I want her to present herself to me... then he's simply training her to be his submissive/slave. So he can take responsibility for her... I won't.

Cripes, I'd have to spend countless hours untraining her from all the stuff she's been trained for. What a waste of time. In my view, "training" is personal... training someone to our personal tastes, desires, expectations, etc. To think that anyone can be "trained" for all (or even most) Dominants is fantasy, in my view.

Bottom line is that the "right" way to serve me is the way I tell you to serve me. Not the way your "trainer" told you.

John

Edited to note that you've asked for our personal point of view. That does not mean that you shouldn't be "trained" for the enjoyment of the experience. But to think that it has any value to me as a Dominant is just not accurate.

Thank you for the input, I do agree, as we are all different from one to another. This is allowing me to at least get my feet wet before entering a committed dynamic.

_____________________________

AUTHENTIC SPIRITUAL GROWTH NEVER COMES FROM EXPERIENCES THAT THE EGO CAN PREDICT OR CONTROL.
OUR SPIRIT HAS ITS OWN AGENDA: OUR DESTINY.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken!

(in reply to Rover)

RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 2:35:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

It hadn't even really dawned on me until it started getting mentioned in threads.

If the actual intent is for both parties is pure 'training', it only really seems to make sense if you are getting assisted/tutored by the same 'type' as you, not the opposite (and not, as an s-type, by an s-type acting as proxy for hir D-type either).

I partly get this, however there are things that people the other side of the coin can teach, for example withstanding pain, there is currently another post about the best way to to position oneself during pain play this is something that would in my view be best demonstrated by either a couple or a Dominant who know how to use various props. Also I think that a sub can teach dominants various things too.

Myself and Sir are actually considering doing private training on differant things for couples, such as shibari because its the kind of thing that is better shown up close and personal and though demos are good may not be as usefull if you cant have a go at the same time

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RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 2:45:11 PM

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I have been in this situation before where I had to meet with the "protector" dominant before I could meet and hangout with the submissive I was interested in. There were also play limitations put on our interactions by said protector D which I was happy to follow. Apparently the s was not and broke her own "rules" she was to live by.

If you would like to know more, feel free to hit me up on the other side. :-)

C-D

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(in reply to girlivy)

RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 2:47:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

It hadn't even really dawned on me until it started getting mentioned in threads.

If the actual intent is for both parties is pure 'training', it only really seems to make sense if you are getting assisted/tutored by the same 'type' as you, not the opposite (and not, as an s-type, by an s-type acting as proxy for hir D-type either).

I partly get this, however there are things that people the other side of the coin can teach, for example withstanding pain, there is currently another post about the best way to to position oneself during pain play this is something that would in my view be best demonstrated by either a couple or a Dominant who know how to use various props. Also I think that a sub can teach dominants various things too.

Myself and Sir are actually considering doing private training on differant things for couples, such as shibari because its the kind of thing that is better shown up close and personal and though demos are good may not be as usefull if you cant have a go at the same time

If you were local I would be signing up for some of those classes too... This has notihng to do with making anyones cock hard or cunt wet... thank you for all who have given their POV's on the OP... This post is not about me, it is a question asked about others POV... Who gives a crap as to why, who, what, if , anything about me . The only one that needs to feel comfy with it is me. I asked for others POV, not their perceptions of the person they feel I am. Thanks again!
Cheers

< Message edited by girlivy -- 10/15/2008 3:06:21 PM >

_____________________________

AUTHENTIC SPIRITUAL GROWTH NEVER COMES FROM EXPERIENCES THAT THE EGO CAN PREDICT OR CONTROL.
OUR SPIRIT HAS ITS OWN AGENDA: OUR DESTINY.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken!

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RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 3:09:57 PM

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girlivy,

I will be saying much of what has already been said but I would like to paint a picture for you.

I would not be interested because there would be someone else who has Authority over you saying weather you can give that authority over to me. I would only want you if you were YOURS to give.

As for Training let me tell you how I feel about training. It is Worthless. How can your Trainer Train you to Please ME when he doesn't know me? So what does this Training teach you? How can he Train you to take MY Flogger swing?How can he Train you to take my Bondage Technique? How can he train you to do ANYTHING the way that I would want you to do it?

Basically what you have is a Master with all of the Privledges and NONE of the responsibilities because you are not his slave but he is in control of you. So much so that if someone else wants to meet you they have to go through him first. Soulds like an Authoritry Exchange but feels like Mind Game.

So guys get off on control I am one of them, however if something does not BELONG to me I have ZERO say over what it can and cannot do.

That being said ask yourself how you are supposed to meet someone worth meeting when you have to run everything by someone who you have given the Yea or Nay say to? Just out of curiosity how does this Master know what is best for you if he isn't even willing to take responsibility for you.

In my Not So Humble Opinion (YNSHO means Your Not So Humble Opinion for those who don't know AcroTalk) Trainers are people who get off on having all the Power and none of the responsibilities because they want to control who you can and cannot be with but they are not willing to be responsible for you needs.

Steel

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(in reply to girlivy)

RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 4:20:47 PM

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Thanks Steel! Duly noted

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AUTHENTIC SPIRITUAL GROWTH NEVER COMES FROM EXPERIENCES THAT THE EGO CAN PREDICT OR CONTROL.
OUR SPIRIT HAS ITS OWN AGENDA: OUR DESTINY.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken!

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RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 4:44:20 PM

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I am currently mentoring someone. She decided on her own, not at my directive, to screen people with my help. Sometimes I notice something in their profile that she missed; sometimes I guide her with questions to ask of them. They realize that they have to pass the "big sister" test.

Even after doing a lot of research you will find that there are can be an unexpected emotional intensity. It can be very helpful to have someone to fall back on. If someone is truly interested in having a relationship with you sending an email to your trainer should not be enough to stop them. If I were you I would be very pleased that someone cares enough for you to try to keep you out of potentially dangerous situations. The most dangerous wolves tend to be those in sheep's clothing, and it is much easier for an experienced eye to catch that.

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RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 6:29:18 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: girlivy
It is a blessing to have people with more experience to be able to learn by and from their mistakes, no matter what path in life they are on. I wouldn't go to a butcher if I felt I needed more baking skills..

See ... I'd rather learn from my own mistakes and make my own judgments. One thing I've learned in the past two years or so exploring D/s is that someone else's experience doesn't necessarily mean jackshit to me - what's valid for one person certainly doesn't make it universally valid.

(in reply to girlivy)

RE: YNSHO please on a training clause... - 10/15/2008 7:41:30 PM

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So basically this training simply means play time so you can get some physical experience? Hmm... Heck.. that is why I kissed so many frogs.
<g> only I got to choose the ones that appealed to me.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: girlivy
This is allowing me to at least get my feet wet before entering a committed dynamic.

(in reply to girlivy)

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