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NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 8:12:08 AM

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Joined: 8/5/2004
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Hi, I am new to this site, so please be patient. Ok for starters, my hubby and I have been married for 2 yrs, been together almost 8 yrs. He's 27 and I am 28. We have 2 children and we're having probs in the bedroom. First let me start by saying that when we first got together he could go all night long. That's all we did, when we were not working. That's not all we were though. we knew each other thoroughly and loved each other, we knew we wanted to be together forever. lately, well like the past year or so, we get each other all horny through the day, then we have to wait until kids are asleep or he gets home from work., which is like midnight, and I have been with the kids all day, and doing housework and errands and so forth. So, we're both usually tired. That's just alittle back ground info. So, THE PROBLEM: ok when we first start we do some oral, and some teasing not all the time though well then when he enters me, he either wants to release right away, or his penis gets small, limp, whatever and we can't get it going again! I am so frustrated!!!!! Please help us! or at least me to deal with this, i feel like it's my fault or that he's fooling around, but i really dont think that's it, cause, when he's not at work, he's here, so PLEASE HELP!!!!!

RE: NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 8:16:01 AM

jillwfsub4blkdom

Posts: 375
Joined: 7/2/2004
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just a quick question. Why did you come to this site for sex advice? Your question isn't related in any form to BDSM.

jill

(in reply to hornywifey)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 9:09:44 AM

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Well, I am not sure this is a real letter, but in case it is: Your answer is in your own words. You state that you both are tired by the time you get to being intimate. I would bet that he is also feeling anxiety about not being able to perform. That is making it worse. You might try getting a good nights sleep and not focusing on intercourse for awhile. Hell, I sound like Dear Abby. Lol.

(in reply to hornywifey)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 9:14:58 AM

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Joined: 4/17/2004
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Hey, it's tough being a sexual parent.

Once in awhile, my husband and I would hire a babysitter for our three on a weekend. Then we rented a hotel room. (Not overnight, but just an afternoon-evening. We'd have room service and make mad love.)

On a related note, for the first time in I don't know how many years, ALL of our children were gone last night! Unfortunately, I had a writer's group coming over at seven.

My husband and I had our lovemaking session (without the radio on!), but unfortunately, one of the writers showed up fifteen minutes early. Suffice it to say, it was wierd, trying to get dressed and run downstairs and make small talk when I um... was in no condition.

My husband is eager to try the hotel thing again... except now we have two babysitters in the family.

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

(in reply to hornywifey)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 10:32:22 AM

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Joined: 8/5/2004
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Jill, as i stated, i am new here, i didnt know where to post my need for help message, i don't know if you were being rude or what, but hey, i have enough probs, cut me some slack please.

(in reply to jillwfsub4blkdom)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 10:34:56 AM

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Joined: 8/5/2004
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lol, this is REAL, i wish it weren't. we are both very sexual people and i just don't think being tired is the problem. i mean we look forward to it all day, then WHAM, nothing happens. as i said, he either wants to errupt after a minute of being inserted, or his member gets limp, i don't get it.

(in reply to Estring)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 10:38:15 AM

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Joined: 8/5/2004
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hi thanks alot for replying, that sounds like a great idea, but unfortunatley, we don't have the luxary of a baby sitter. we had a real bad experience when i was going to college and then working, where cps was called. so since then i stay home and NO BABY SITTERS!. which stinks cause we never get to do anything together except sex, and that's even gone now.

(in reply to January)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 10:46:58 AM

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
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Hello hornywifey,

Welcome to the site. The odds are better than average that he's fucking someone else, but you know that. You just don't want to seriously contemplate it yet. On the chance that he doesn't happen to be fucking someone else, what you are describing is performance anxiety. As you said, you tease each other all day, so he's got this event that he has to be ready for. If he's disappointed you a few times already, he's really going to be anxious. Lay off for a bit. Forget the build-up. Forget to wear panties under a short robe one day and inadvertantly bend over to wipe off the table where you know he'll see. When he does notice, pull the robe up a little and say "do you think I need a spanking for teasing you?" Give him the opportunity to "take you", instead of making him put his game face on for some pre-arranged event.

Hope this helps

Leonidas

(in reply to hornywifey)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 11:30:06 AM

Posts: 158
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
Status: offline

Hi,

Just to weigh in a bit on this issue. If, as the others have stated, he is not getting it elsewhere, the cause could very well be stress or performance anxiety, or a combination of both. Or the cause could be medical – a trip to the doctor’s office and a physical exam for him sounds like it might be in order.

I understand you had a bad experience with a baby sitter, but to me it seems obvious that the two of you need some "down" time. So take the time to find and thoroughly vet a baby sitter. Don’t make your first outing sex based or with any expectations, just try enjoying each other’s company. Make your first outing short (2 hours max) return home earlier than the baby sitter expects – this gives you a chance to check them out even more – but pay him/her for the full time.

Finally, seek professional help. A marriage counselor or other type of therapist. Opinions on the net are prolific and, well; you get what you pay for.

Peace and Light
Terry

(in reply to hornywifey)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 11:34:47 AM

Posts: 865
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From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline

Leo suggested something very similar to what I would have, however I'm not so sure that is the solution to your problem. I find it very interesting however, that Leo started his post out with:

quote:

The odds are better than average that he's fucking someone else, but you know that.

I just wouldn't have thought that from the initial post, but now that he said that, of course, it makes sense! "Forever" is an awfully long time from 27 and 28.

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to Leonidas)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 1:18:09 PM

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Before you hire a Private Investigator,

What time do you get up? If bed is after midnight, do you allow 8 hours for sleep? He could be real tired.

What is your diet? Some foods affect stamina, marathon running stamina and sexual stamina.

Now for the kinky reply everyone knew was coming.

Is he involved in this? Is there sexual boredom on his part? Would he like you to tie him up, or perhaps to tie you up? Would he wear a chastity device?

(Find me a man who can think of anything else after a week or so, and no, you don't have to go without. If he is not involved, don't even try this. Every chastity belt is escapable, some are expensive, and this is weird. [Yes, Estring, that is my answer. I tend to answer from my experience, thank you.])

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to hornywifey)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 1:26:57 PM

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

Is he involved in this? Is there sexual boredom on his part? Would he like you to tie him up, or perhaps to tie you up?

That was gonna be my suggestion, it worked for us, add some variety and spice to your lovemaking, videos, a little role playing, bondage, fetish wear, spanking, toys, whip cream, whatever works for you. Communication is very important too. It might not be a bad idea for him to get a physical too, maybe some viagra would help. Good luck with it.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 1:49:01 PM

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Joined: 2/16/2004
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quote:

Would he wear a chastity device?

[wiping tears of laughter from his eyes]

Geezus god, Iwill, thank you for that. I haven't laughed so hard for a while. "Honey, I think I've found the answer to our problem. Ok, hold still now *click*... *click*.... *click*" There we go. Now, when your bitch-ass is ready to give me some lovin', the key will be right here in my purse."

Yep. I think that would do it, for sure.

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 8/5/2004 1:50:13 PM >

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 2:01:13 PM

Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline

That would certainly resolve the "Is he or isn't he?" somewhere else question. lol Lock him up!!

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to Leonidas)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 3:03:32 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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As I said, you may be putting to much of an emphasis on it. You look froward to it all day, but maybe the body won't respond. And then the pressure comes from having to do something in the little time you have. Have him please you in every way but intercourse, and I bet the problem will clear up.

(in reply to hornywifey)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 6:24:07 PM

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Joined: 8/4/2004
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"Interesting" answeres but then that's what you get when you ask an essentially "vanilla" question on a board for BDSM.

First, the problem is COMMON for people in your situation. Don't make a big deal about it because that just makes it worse.

Second, go to a doctor! It won't hurt. You can rule out physical problems which might be serious. You might also fix the problem with a simple Rx. If not, then you can get a referal for knowledgeable and accepting council (which you won't find here)

(in reply to Estring)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 7:02:40 PM

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Joined: 4/17/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WayHome

"Interesting" answeres but then that's what you get when you ask an essentially "vanilla" question on a board for BDSM.

First, the problem is COMMON for people in your situation. Don't make a big deal about it because that just makes it worse.

Second, go to a doctor! It won't hurt. You can rule out physical problems which might be serious. You might also fix the problem with a simple Rx. If not, then you can get a referal for knowledgeable and accepting council (which you won't find here)

I really hope I've misunderstood your post. Since I don't have a clue what an accepting council is, I'm assuming you meant counsel. Counsel as in "advice".

As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing wrong with asking "vanilla" questions about sex on this board. Kinks can sometimes have ordinary-ish sex.

Yes, the advice was diverse, but I think it's a bit "unaccepting" on your part to claim the suggestions were not "accepting", or snidely remark how "interesting" our comments were.

Unknowledgable counsel? You don't agree with some of the suggestions? So what? That hardly makes them worthless.

IMO, your advice was neither particularly compassionate or unique. And the fact that you sneer at the other advice doesn't elevate yours.

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

(in reply to WayHome)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/5/2004 7:25:28 PM

Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline

Oh come on! You're not wearing red shoes, so you can't post here, get out! Ha Ha!!! She posted this on another thread also, and apparently she and hubby have indulged a little kink as well, so I suppose she would qualify to post here, if she HAS to have some kink, fetish, or BDSM interest...whatevah!!!

Regarding the rest of it...yeah, what January said!

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to January)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/6/2004 1:59:07 AM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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Accpting council is when you have like a city council and you are a doorman and you let them in the building.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to LadyBeckett)

RE: NEED HELP - 8/6/2004 1:59:15 AM

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Pressure Schmessure. If it has been a week on camera televised live across the nation is no pressure. OK, maybe that would need two weeks.

Oh Sorry, you weren't saying, "The added pressure of only performing then may be too great." I need more sleep.

< Message edited by iwillserveu -- 8/6/2004 12:49:18 PM >

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to Estring)

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