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full slave ownership and training - 10/31/2008 11:47:03 AM

yourbossmansbaby

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Joined: 10/29/2008
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I'm not fully sure how to correctly word any of what I have to say, so please bare with me.

Last night my Daddy (yourbossman) offered to take full Mastership of me. I have never let myself be fully owned by any one. Many have owned my body, but not one could steel my heart, manipulate my emotions, guide my soul, or give so much of Himself for my betterment.

He tells me things will be easier when i can go to Him, be with Him for real. I fully believe this. I want nothing more than to give my everything to Him. He plans to "erase" all the bad memories, to break the negitive thoughts and lack of self worth/respect. He will also impliment eyes contact restriction, speach restriction, and so on. The second will be very hard as I love to talk.

He tells me that I have to stop thinking, not to worry if I will upset Him or be punished for what i say. It is hard not to worry as i have been beaten for the simplest and most retarded reasons. I fear the same will happen with Him although He is always telling me different.

My question, how can I just relax and go with it? You know, just let go and know everything will be fine.

RE: full slave ownership and training - 10/31/2008 12:05:01 PM

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Joined: 2/17/2007
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Well, actually, there is no way of knowing that everything will "be fine." People can be incompatible. It is a fact of life. Expressing a desire to make you happy does not mean that a Dom has the skills or even desire to make you happy if the methods needed to do so go against his interests.

He says he will "erase all the bad memories, to break negative thoughts and lack of self worth/respect." How is he planning to do this? With the laser beam of love? Through sheer wishful thinking he will completely obliterate all the negative experiences you have ever had that caused this pain? This is not possible. Interpret what he has said with a grain of salt.

As a Dominant, if he has an ounce of compassion, he wants you to be happy. He wants you to feel secure and happy with yourself. He wants to be the protecting force that shields you from the monsters in your life...

...but some of those monsters are part of you. No one can relieve depression in you without your initiating that healing. No one can take away the bad memories, the fears, or the insecurities. He may want to do so. He may wish more than anything he could do this, but anyone with any experience knows that this is not possible.

He can love you. He can give you the restraints you desire.

Yet think about your motivations. Why are you going to him? If you actually think he can fix every fear or insecurity, you are doomed to be disappointed. They are no external beasts he can hack apart with his dommly sword of might. These things are part of you. If you want a cure, you are going to the wrong person.

Only agree to a collar when you are thrilled and excited by the idea, not when you are afraid and feel that part of who you are might be suppressed. Give to him because he gives back at least as much as he has received. Wear his collar because you learn and grow when you are with him, not because you are hoping he will make the bad things go away. He can't. Every new Dom/me here has tried to smother the monster of insecurity and jealousy in a slave/sub, but every wise one of us has realized that the only way to crush that beast is to destroy the slave, and that defeats the point of the battle entirely.

From your reluctance, it sounds like this might not be the right Dom for you. He wants speech restrictions, but you love to talk. He promises to erase bad memories, fears, and insecurities, but no one short of a mindflayer can do that. Unless he plans on using a frontal lobotomy or severe electro-shock therapy, he cannot erase your memories or the pain and fear resulting from it.

So think about what else he gives you. Assuming he cannot erase your problems. Assuming you must give up speaking when you wish to do so. Assuming you must give and sacrifice for this person... would it still be worth it?

(in reply to yourbossmansbaby)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 10/31/2008 12:05:53 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourbossmansbaby

I'm not fully sure how to correctly word any of what I have to say, so please bare with me.

Last night my Daddy (yourbossman) offered to take full Mastership of me. I have never let myself be fully owned by any one. Many have owned my body, but not one could steel my heart, manipulate my emotions, guide my soul, or give so much of Himself for my betterment.

He tells me things will be easier when i can go to Him, be with Him for real. I fully believe this. I want nothing more than to give my everything to Him. He plans to "erase" all the bad memories, to break the negitive thoughts and lack of self worth/respect. He will also impliment eyes contact restriction, speach restriction, and so on. The second will be very hard as I love to talk.

He tells me that I have to stop thinking, not to worry if I will upset Him or be punished for what i say. It is hard not to worry as i have been beaten for the simplest and most retarded reasons. I fear the same will happen with Him although He is always telling me different.

My question, how can I just relax and go with it? You know, just let go and know everything will be fine.

You can't; simply because you don't KNOW that 'everything will be fine'. If you KNEW it, you wouldn't need to ask 'how to'.

Being told these things don't necessarily make them a reality. Nor does wanting them.

What do you mean by 'be with him for real'?

Is there any rush?......Why not wait until you DO know that everything will be fine?

agirl

< Message edited by agirl -- 10/31/2008 12:07:04 PM >

(in reply to yourbossmansbaby)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 10/31/2008 3:38:52 PM

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I tend to find mentally giving myself comes naturally, i expect you will too its not something you can force or rush as has been said, you have to do what feels right for you dont push it.

It sound sto me like a trust issue, I say air your concerns, tell him how you feel, its all well and good saying dont worry but that wont work. You can only know what someone is like by being with them, there is no sure fire way of guessing. Its not all that differant from dating anyone else, you can force love, you cant force trust and you cant force ownership it just comes. Be patiant. How he treats you will determine how you are with him.

Remember you are an adult, its a consentual relationship. if it stops working you can leave, that should be enough to settle your mind.

_____________________________

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There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

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(in reply to agirl)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 10/31/2008 4:35:43 PM

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

When you say 'be with him for real', are you saying that you have never met him? Because it reads as though this is an online relationship only. If so, please be aware that you may meet and have no interest in him. And even if you do, you aren't going to have full trust in someone you just met, nor should you.

Total trust comes from years of knowing the other person and being able to predict their reactions. Until you know exactly what kind of issues will cause him to erupt, yelling and screaming, you can't trust him not to do this if you overcook the toast.

Anybody who tells you that the moment you meet, or move in, it will be a magical and transformational experience is selling you a bill of goods. Be smart and don't buy it.

_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to colouredin)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 10/31/2008 4:57:45 PM

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Joined: 1/2/2007
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This sounds very online to me with him buying into the fantasy as much as she is. Both of you are people and come with your own baggage--that's called being real. Online is one dimensional--it's much easier to buy into the fantasy when you are not distracted by life.

You need to meet him, not once or twice but numerous times. The new needs to rub off so you can see him stressed and not under the best of circumstances.

I flew out to meet a dom once--he failed to mention that he never went anywhere without a six pack of beer. He also forgot to mention he spent nearly every waking moment swigging one. He just thought he was on his best behavior. I spent the weekend and never went back. (I have several other stories like this)

Listen to your gut instinct. You can't smell bad breath, BO or listen to them snore online. Something is warning you to take it slow so do so. The result could be a disaster if you don't.

Sage.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 10/31/2008 5:05:24 PM

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Joined: 8/24/2006
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Personally, I have trouble with anyone coming into my life with let me fix everything for you. Sort of that one saying, if it sounds to good to be true, it isn't. What is your rush here? No one has a magic wand to fix you. Trust takes time to build. Most issues within us, have to be healed by ourself, not another. We can be encouraged to grow and heal, and shown new ways of coping, but no one going to save you.

oceanwynds

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 10/31/2008 5:11:45 PM

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I agree with Ocean - i spent the time and money to fix myself before i ended up in a long time relationship - and it was well worth it. and how!
I didn't need to rely on someone else to fix me, so the focus of our relationship is on us, not my problems. And our relationship is dy-no-mite!

(in reply to oceanwynds)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 10/31/2008 5:15:30 PM

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Joined: 9/3/2008
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Things may be easier when you go to him for real. It might all fall together naturally and just be perfect. Or it might not work out at all, you might meet face to face and have no chemistry at all.
Rather than concerning yourself with how fully owned you are going to be, why not slow down and meet first. You cant trust someone you havent met, not that much. You have to know what you are getting into before you can trust your life to someone.

DV

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss

(in reply to kiwisub12)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 10/31/2008 5:18:56 PM

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Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Anybody who tells you that the moment you meet, or move in, it will be a magical and transformational experience is selling you a bill of goods. Be smart and don't buy it.

greetings to all,

OP, a *lot* of people believe things like what is in the quote above. I have been living with my Master, and serving him as a slave for the past four years. It is *not* an easy relationship to get into, let alone maintain. My advice to you would be to start out slowly, be a vanilla couple for a little while. Get to know each other's likes, dislikes, reactions to things. Don't consent to ownership of any type (submissive or slave, or any variation of it) straight away, make sure your Master knows who you are first. When you find that you are both ok for the power exchange, start out contracted, with limits and all the bells and whistles. Ease yourselves into the exchange, there is no rush. When that feels comfortable, up the control, and work with the new level of control until you both feel comfortable again, then up the control again, and so on. That is how you build the trust, and commitment necessary to pull off an M/s relationship. Make sure that you periodically return to that vanilla/equal point occasionally, if only for an evening. I will beg Master to "raise status" for me, just so as I can relax, and love him as my life-partner, my lover and my friend, for awhile. This allows me to return to my slavery refreshed, and confident.

You will know when it is time to surrender everything to your Master, you will feel it in the depths of your soul.

If you go the way of an M/s relationship, your life will be far from easy. You will have days where you would rather leave your Master than get out of bed to get him *another* cup of coffee, that he is old enough to get for himself!!! (yes, this is how you will feel at some point). The nights you spend at his feet (or near him) relating as two adults who love each other and are committed to each other, despite the M/s, and the hardships that may come out of it, make it all worth it.

I hope that things work out for you...if you need anything, please feel free to shoot me a cmail!

well wishes,

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 10/31/2008 5:40:27 PM

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Joined: 10/8/2008
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I have to agree with alot of the other posters. If you have to ask your probably not ready. It is something that really can't be forced on your part and pressuring you probably won't work. If you truly want this, just relax, stop thinking about it and let it happen. If it's meant to it will

< Message edited by Barelily -- 10/31/2008 6:30:55 PM >

(in reply to yourbossmansbaby)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 10/31/2008 5:51:13 PM

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Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

Lets start with have you meet this person yet? Because right now it sounds like wanking talk to me.

Mike

(in reply to Barelily)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 10/31/2008 7:22:12 PM

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Umm, you relax and go with it, by relaxing, and going with it. Light a candle, sit, close your eyes, and meditate. Forget about what he says, about what you think, forget the weather and the electric bill, and concentrate on your desire. Find it, and then do what you need to attain that goal. I can see myself saying to a loved one or a sub to "give yourself over", but that means he's got to know you very very well. And that takes time, and time together. It is not an experiment. You have to be sure.

(in reply to yourbossmansbaby)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 10/31/2008 7:40:38 PM

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Time, and proving himself, and you proving yourself inside a stable relationship will let you know things can be okay. Other than that, you won't know until you go there. You can try to delude yourself but honestly, if it's a past abuse issue, living inside your head is the worst thing to do. Focus on present, look for a future and leave the past where it belongs. Sure you may have certain behavioral patterns or bad reactions to things.. don't dwell on WHERE those bad habits came from, just work on improving them with someone you can build trust with.

(in reply to antipode)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 10/31/2008 10:49:12 PM

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What she said :) Smart beings don't just magically turn on and off- they require substantial time and experience together on which to base "letting go."

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 10/31/2008 11:13:38 PM

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Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
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I'd like to try one of those magical fantasy/paradise pills too.

slurp

Doesn't almost everyone offer rainbows and puppy dogs before ya meet and/or soonafter?

You gotta stop thinking? wow, must be nice. Sure a man will tell you that. lol but you haven't even met him yet, damndest thing you can do is to avoid thinking at this time.

Any questions you ask out of hesitation or speculation of/for your safety can only be answered by yourself. I'd only assume that you request time (in person) with him to decide and answer such questions as a couple BEFORE he lays a hand on you at all.

Better to be safe than sorry.

Geez louise, amazing anyone here returns alive after these initial outbursts of unsecurity of a meet.

_____________________________

It hurts.....that you call me a masochist

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/1/2008 9:23:48 AM

yourbossmansbaby

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Joined: 10/29/2008
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I have read what has been said.

I have lived with two "doms". The first lived in my state and moved in with me. The second lives in arkansas and i went to him. The first was a one year contract...I kicked him out when the year was up. The second I left after only four months and had to get my dad to pay my way home. So, yeah, I know.

I have been in therapy for 23 years, i'm 30 now. I'm just so despreate for shelter. I want the bad things to stop happening. I don't want to have to worry where my next meal will come from or how i'm going to pay the bills.

Most of all...I want so much to be loved, charished and protected.

I know this lifestyle is hard. But I'm sure I have been throught so much worse. So, it's not slavery or service that scares me, it is happiness and success that scares me.

(in reply to came4U)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/1/2008 9:32:35 AM

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From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourbossmansbaby
I have been in therapy for 23 years, i'm 30 now. I'm just so despreate for shelter. I want the bad things to stop happening. I don't want to have to worry where my next meal will come from or how i'm going to pay the bills.

Instead of looking for someone to take care of you, perhaps you need to concentrate on taking care of yourself. I would be surprised if, in 23 years of therapy, that has not been discussed.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to yourbossmansbaby)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/1/2008 9:46:49 AM

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From: Pennsylvania
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I second what Cali says. When I realized that I needed more money in my budget in order to have a less stressful life (stressing over money), I obtained a second job. That doesn't leave me a ton of free time, but I what gained with the loss of all of that worry is immeasurable. I identified one of the biggest stressors in my life and I was proactive about it. I obtained a second job and learned a new skill set. I could've cried and whined to my parents or wished for a man to save me, but I chose to be a grownup.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/1/2008 10:20:17 AM

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OK.. I don't have to worry where my next meal comes from, or who will pay the bill - over the years, I got control of it, after I moved from Europe to the US, and discovered that you really have to get your shit together to survive on Wall Street. And I was in therapy too, at a much younger age. I learned from it, but didn't come out any better than I went in - you still have to sort yourself out. The only significant thing was that, since the therapist was a psychiatrist, and thus an M.D., he thought there was a medical problem somewhere underneath, and made me go get second and third opinions, until it was discoveredd I was not a hypochondirac, but had (and have) an immune system disease.

Sorting that out is not in any way related to the lifestyle, or to having a partner. If you go into a relationship dependent, which is what I read into your words, you sow the seeds of failure. You're not negotiating from strength.

23 years is a long time - I had had enough after 16, and I think that was long. That is old school. To help yourself, I'd go back and see your primary care provider, and ask for a second opinion (most insurances allow that, but you should talk to them first to check). I will wager you're not thinking you are getting anywhere, that is devastating, and that is something you need to change, get the positive back in your life. Maybe even just chuck the therapy for a year - you could have developed a dependency.

FWIW....

(in reply to yourbossmansbaby)

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