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Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/5/2008 8:11:57 PM

SanDieoSub

Posts: 20
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline

I know this subject will not make me popular amongst all you lovely Mistresses, but it will probably raise a good discussion... and hell, maybe I'll learn something.

I would refer to myself as a sexual sub... submissive in the bedroom, and only there. I'm sorry but this is who I am. Many of you would consider me a fake or a wannabe sub, but I my sexual submissiveness is not. I want to be spanked while wearing panties, and made fun of when I get an erection. Just the sight of handcuffs arouses me. And this I cannot deny.

For many of you though, your dominance needs to be exerted everywhere. Walking behind you, no eye contact, having you ordering my food for me, and so on. My problem with this stuff (outside of being public which is a limit for me), is that im not a total and complete whimp. Fact is that I am I man, just a sexually submissive one.

So my question is that are there any sexual dommes out there? It's almost as if you don't even enjoy dishing out a solid spanking. Or leaving a poor manslut in chastity device a few days. All too often the male sub is critized for being selfish for wanting a spanking or a punishment. But isnt it mutual?

I know you ladies are going to rip me apart, and call me a wannabe, but I still like to see what you have to say... but know that I'm prepared for it and I won't be surprised by your response.

Post #: 1

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/5/2008 8:25:59 PM

UmbraDomina

Posts: 491
Joined: 7/22/2008
From: SE Michigan
Status: offline

Just to inform you...... males who are submissive outside of the bedroom are NOT wimpy, they are strong. Strong enough to serve a woman without seeing it as being wimpy...... they are strong enough to kneel at a womans feet, and lower their eyes with pride.
Posts about submissive men being wimpy make me cringe. It sickens me even more that they often come from men who want attention from dominant females. It makes me want to do non consensual things to the posters.

_____________________________

Alexandra ~

~~ And I will show you something different from either your shadow at morning striding behind you Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you; I will show you fear in a handful of dust..... T.S. Elliot ~~

(in reply to SanDieoSub)

Post #: 2

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/5/2008 8:31:19 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

There's nothing wrong with being a bedroom submissive. At least you are willing to admit that is the only area that you consider yourself a sub, and that's an honest thing. Nobody is going to rip you apart for it. I think you're going to find that many of the folks around here would rather have people say that they are bedroom only submissives, bottoms, or anything else which tells people exactly where their interest lies and when it doesn't go any further.

Personally, I'm not a bedroom only Dominant. I'm sure we have some here somewhere, but I do think the majority of the regulars on this particular forum are either lifestyle or professional or both. I could be wrong about that though. I'm sure there will be someone to speak up if I'm not correct.

ETA..... Oh, I did forget to mention this part. Submissive males aren't necessarily whimpy. Some are, some aren't but most of the ones I know fit the latter.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 11/5/2008 8:32:45 PM >

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SanDieoSub)

Post #: 3

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/5/2008 8:35:59 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

There is nothing wrong with being submissive only in the bedroom and I don't look at men as wimps for being anything but a wimp. You just have to find someone who only wants to be dominant in the bedroom.

As for that walking behind someone and all that... lol... that isn't the way for many/most of us. Men who are submissive outside of the bedroom are not wimps unless they are real wimps and real wimp to me means afraid of his own shaddow... weak and not stable really.

You are new... you have some misconceptions and I am sure many of us are willing to help you out, but please be open to what we are saying. We are not like you picture in your mind and if you think of us that way, you may not really value anything we say.

I get something out of spanking my submissive's tail end... but that is because we have a relationship. I am not in a relationship at the moment, but that is the way it was. I do not like spanking someone I am not connected to. There are some who love to spank without what I need in my life. We are all different.

It is as if you are thinking for us. You already know what we will say. Relax...

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to UmbraDomina)

Post #: 4

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/5/2008 8:36:32 PM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SanDieoSub

For many of you though, your dominance needs to be exerted everywhere. Walking behind you, no eye contact, having you ordering my food for me, and so on.

The key word in the paragraph above is "many." Not all dominas have an interest in what you describe. In fact, I find it laughable. I've never once made someone walk behind me in public, insisted that he not make eye contact, or ordered his food. And, yes, I do like to administer a pretty intense SM session, as long as the sub in question is willing. You need to open your eyes to the fact that every domina is going to have different interests.

(in reply to SanDieoSub)

Post #: 5

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/5/2008 9:41:48 PM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix
Not all dominas have an interest in what you describe. In fact, I find it laughable. I've never once made someone walk behind me in public, insisted that he not make eye contact, or ordered his food. You need to open your eyes to the fact that every domina is going to have different interests.

I agree with the above. Unless and until there is a dominant college (or as someone said a center for the promulgation...), I will use the term according to my specifications, which is similar to the dictionary definition. Unlike Venatrix I have ordered for a boy, but it isn't my requirement. Like her however, I have never insisted anyone walk behind me (though walking in front of me is just about a deal breaker) or restricted eye contact. Bedroom submissives, not at all what trips my trigger, but it's simply a matter of different strokes, and I'm sure there are women who desire just that. M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to Venatrix)

Post #: 6

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/5/2008 9:44:07 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

Go ahead, walk up to me and call me a wimp; I don't live all that far from San Diego, at least for another couple of weeks. Cmail me and set a time/place and we'll see how it works out.

Other than that, be what you want and do what it takes to make you happy; being "a man" you shouldn't have any trouble doing finding someone who is looking for exactly what you offer.

On a side note, I don't do eye-contact restrictions and I order my own food. I only walk behind Ma'am when we are with Her husband/Dominant and there is not enough room on the sidewalk for three (ok, sometimes just for the great view). She doesn't exert Her dominance, She is dominant and i am Her submissive period; if She had to exert Her dominance then i'm doing something wrong.

i am submissive to Her in public because i can't turn off my submission to Her and have no reason to. i am, in fact, submissive to Her while at work and while at play whether She is around or not. It does not mean i have to seek her counsel in every decision i make, but only those that we have decided are important to our relationship.

The important thing for me to remember (especially) when She is not about, is that i am at all times a reflection upon my Owner whether those around me are aware of the relationship or even of my submissiveness. Most of my casual friends can't even imagine me as a submissive, it is what and who i am but not all of me.

Ma'am wanted a strong (and when necessary, assertive) man when She chose me, not a wimpy little ragdoll; and part of being a submissive is to be what my Owner wants.

Edited to add: Apparently my side note was not exactly a side note. Also, the aggressive nature of the beginning of this post was more to make a point than to actually start a fight, i don't have Ma'ams permission for that. LoL

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 11/5/2008 10:10:26 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to Venatrix)

Post #: 7

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/5/2008 9:50:38 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I'm not a Mistress, or interested in subs or slaves full time, but If I was single, and we had clicked and liked each other enough to do sex stuff, I would dominate them sexually and in the bedroom only. It's true I am kind of bossy in real life personality too, And I'd naturally expect them to wait on me and spoil me,and pretty much be open to my desires, as I would in any realtionship where I'd be in control, but I'm not into the whole eye restriction and a step behind and let me control your money and other things you listed.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SanDieoSub

I know this subject will not make me popular amongst all you lovely Mistresses, but it will probably raise a good discussion... and hell, maybe I'll learn something.

.

So my question is that are there any sexual dommes out there?

(in reply to SanDieoSub)

Post #: 8

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/6/2008 1:09:14 AM

SanDieoSub

Posts: 20
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline

Mistresses,

Thank you for reading and all the comments. I would like to say that I did not choose the best wording when describing a lifestyle sub as a "whimp." It looks like I pissed Alexandra off (great legs by the way, I would be privileged to walk behind those).

What I was trying to get across, is that I do take charge (not dominate) outside of the bedroom, and that's just who I am.

I knew that some dommes were out there that we're more into the "bedroom domination," but I have found it to be rare. I think the general misconception of the lifestyle domme is that many times I am accused of it being "all about me." When it's not, I am offering my ass to her for abuse, I am offering her the key to my chastity allowing her to release me when she pleases... I am offering my humiliation to amuse her.

I understand everyone has their own preferences, I'm just commenting on trends and am curious about it.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 9

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/6/2008 3:58:40 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Your not a wannabe your just a bedroom sub and your not alone, there are quite a few out there of both genders. Just make that clear to whoever you may be involved with that, that is what you are. There are some females seeking bedroom subs only, they may not have time for 24/7 D/s.

Now a few things to clear up, submissive does not equal "wimpy", most subs are extremely strong. A man who is submissive, to my way of thinking is stronger than most of the males out there. This is because he refuses to be bound by societies rules and feels free to show his real nature. FYI a Dominant female is just as Dominant as a male. Don't let the gender fool you into thinking otherwise. For some screwball reason our society has the idiotic idea if someone is beautiful and shows empathy that s/he is weak, don't believe it.

Good luck in your search,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to SanDieoSub)

Post #: 10

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/6/2008 4:32:34 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

that's because-- to many, being a bedroom submissive is based on YOUR agenda, not Mine and to those of Us who have it wrapped in to their lives, the bedroom isn't the primary focus. Don't get Me wrong, I'm not throwing stones at your kink, but a predefined agenda within the confines of an 8 x12 space that works as long as your rocks are stimulated is not for Me, though there are many who are quite fine with it.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to SanDieoSub)

Post #: 11

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/6/2008 5:44:46 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

There are both male and female subs who wish to be "bedroom subs" only; and there are both Doms and Dommes who would be happy with this relationship. As a Domme those were the only subs I handled because I was not looking for a full time relationship. I was much happier just having session time and nothing else. If we were to go out in public for coffee or a meal I would expect mine to be paid for but other than that expected no outward signs of submission. (They often came naturally to the men, but I did not insist on them.)

It is good to know what you are looking for because it makes it easier to find someone compatible. Some view their submission almost as a relief valve, needing only small amounts of time with it to get their fulfillment, while others choose to live basically their whole life that way - with many, many in between. You don't have to be a 24/7 sub to be a good one.

_____________________________

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 12

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/6/2008 6:51:35 AM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SanDieoSub

What I was trying to get across, is that I do take charge (not dominate) outside of the bedroom, and that's just who I am.

I don't think most dominas would have a problem with your taking charge outside of the bedroom, just so long as you don't seek to take charge of them. If a man tries that with me, he's gone. Just because I'm not into protocol doesn't mean that I don't expect a man to submit to me to at least some degree in the vanilla portion of the relationship.

By the way, I need to amend my earlier answer. I *have* ordered food for my ex-husband. But that was when we were visiting France and he doesn't speak French. Hmmm. Maybe if I were a true sadist I would have let him do it himself.

(in reply to SanDieoSub)

Post #: 13

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/6/2008 8:42:04 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

You do get bonus points for honesty, Sandiegosub. Most men who are just into kinky sex waste a lot of our time pretending to be something that they are not. I have to say that if you are looking for NSA kinky sex, this is probably the wrong site to be looking...

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Venatrix)

Post #: 14

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/6/2008 12:41:32 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

It's fine as long as you are up front about it and also have valuable traits as a bottom/play partner and are not selfish in that area. You have to expect she's going to want to do more than spank you in panties and make fun of your erection, and some of the acts might not be fun for you. Are you going to be flexible or just want what you want?

You also have to be fun, have a good energy, be responsive and be attractive. Ladies have many options for "casual play," including tying up their hot co-workers, friends, or people they meet at parties. Most men don't have a problem agreeing to a little kinky fun now and then - so to be an exceptional prospect, you need to be able to bring more to the table.

As far as not being submissive, it's not a problem for a lot of women. As long as what you really don't mean is "being a jerk" or being insensitive; I don't mind if a man is not *submitting* to me if he's a great bottom. However, I do expect and deserve respect, tact, class and reliability - all traits I offer and expect in return with friends and professional acquaintances. I don't have time or patience for men who lack class, maturity or tact and just shrug that off as not being submissive.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to SanDieoSub)

Post #: 15

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/6/2008 1:15:06 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

OP: I am not a Domme but I have been on the D-side of the kneel of a relationship with a male that was far beyond sexual.
There are things you mentioned as public manifestations that I could not even contemplate in an appealing fashion related to the male who behaved in submission to me. Men can be submissive broadly and retain their mascullinity and not manifest as 'wimps'. As far as sexually Dominant only Ladies; I'm sure there are: there's no new thing under the sun and the permutations of human behavior are enormous. Best wishes,
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 16

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/6/2008 1:20:44 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

Just wanted to put in, much of what we see as a man's public display of submission is the exact same as what others would recognize as the behavior of a gentleman. Things such as offering a balancing hand to a lady stepping up a curb or stairs, holding the door for her, carrying her bags while shopping, standing when a lady enters or leaves a room and walking between a lady and the street are all prime examples.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 17

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/6/2008 2:02:39 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

Am largely just echoing what's already been said:

Males who are submissive utside the bedroom are *not* automatically "wimps" or any such. They can be and often are strong, decisive, well-functioning people -they are just all these things plus like a female-lead relationship in general and/or find it sexually exciting as a kinky play type.

There is also zero wrong with being a bedroom-only submissive or bottom. What you'll find people frustrated about and complaining of is those that are one thing but express being another -fakes in that they misrepresent themselves to the time-wasting or upset of others. If you're a bottom and say so, no real problem. If you're bedroom-only and say so, again no big problem.

Personally, for example, I've no problem -topping or bottoming- to someone who is purely a fun play partner... but if that's all they're looking for and lead me to believe they are a service-oriented slave/sub who is interested in play, too, and I find later otherwise... well, there's the "fake", "liar", and "time-waster" issue.

Just put out there what you seek and eventually you'll find someone who suits. Me, I am looking for those who are submissive/slaves outside the bedroom as I'm currently sexually monogamous with my spouse PLUS that's just a comfortable, natural friendship/interaction style for me on a day to day basis. I've some people who are purely play partners, but those tend to be folks I meet neutrally first and then we hop into play after we've gotten a feel for each other... I don't seek that since it turns up more easily and often than sexual or lifestyle interactions.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 18

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/6/2008 2:53:30 PM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde
Just wanted to put in, much of what we see as a man's public display of submission is the exact same as what others would recognize as the behavior of a gentleman. Things such as offering a balancing hand to a lady stepping up a curb or stairs, holding the door for her, carrying her bags while shopping, standing when a lady enters or leaves a room and walking between a lady and the street are all prime examples.

I agree completely darch, but most men don't know about or do these things, because I'm always explaining how simple it is really; and it absolutely takes a strong man to be submissive. Incidentally, I also think that the reason many women fall for a man is because he courts her this way initially. M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMaam -- 11/6/2008 2:56:18 PM >

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 19

RE: Sexual Domination / Submission - 11/6/2008 3:25:39 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMaam
I agree completely darch, but most men don't know about or do these things, because I'm always explaining how simple it is really; and it absolutely takes a strong man to be submissive. Incidentally, I also think that the reason many women fall for a man is because he courts her this way initially. M

Sadly, this is one of the collateral losses of the great advances women have made in American society. From learning to vote and showing that they can do any job as well or better than men to the strong argument against the objectification of women; part of the fallout is that the art of being a gentleman which was once taught to young men as the standard instead became the exception of how to treat a woman.

Also, there are many women out there who are wholly affronted by any of the above mentioned gentlemanly acts, feeling that such acts somehow diminish the woman. I've often heard "I can open the door myself, thank you." and not always as polite, even going so far as slapping me or spitting me in my face. To which I have always responded with either a smile or something along the lines of "Of course you can open the door for yourself, but that doesn't mean you should have to."

I learned most of my gentlemanly ways from watching my father (and avoiding his backhand), old movies (especially westerns) and reading fantasy novels (the knight in shining armor or the suave rogue types).

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 11/6/2008 3:27:42 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to FullfigRIMaam)

Post #: 20

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