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1st time - 11/13/2008 7:29:21 PM

Hiskat

Posts: 24
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

Well, i have been happily

collared for 6 years to my Master (and husband). We have a great relationship (honesty, communication, mutual respect) and have decided to include others in our play including sex. We have had sex (obviously safe) with another couple and it was a postive experience. I am a switch but i could never top him as he isnt and i dont see him in that role anyhow. He is allowing me to explore this side of me and top another man. We only play with each other present so i will have his guidance. I am a little nervous and wildly excited...
Any advice about doing a first scene as a top?

Be well
~kat

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Releasal of fear = freedom of thought

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RE: 1st time - 11/13/2008 8:00:02 PM

katsDaddy

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/13/2008
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I have no doubt in you my kitten. You are such a sensual sub, I know you have the potential to be a magnificant Domme. I will be there to hold your hand... among other things

Just be yourself and let the enrgy flow freely. Release your ineer slut and enjoy yourself. I know I will be

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RE: 1st time - 11/14/2008 5:20:10 AM

XaviersXian

Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline

greetings kat,

Start by figuring out the sorts of things that will make you happy. Negotiate them with everyone involved. I'd personally do a scene based on fairly mundane things (light bondage, a little bit of pain, maybe some light humiliation, etc). Try some meditation time before the scene, to let go of any stress and sense of "expectation". Do things that feel right to you; don't feel guilty if you are not pleasing your bottom. He is there to please you, not the other way around. Don't rush yourself, take your time and really enjoy the control. Keep the SSC and RACK mantras in mind, and brush up on safe practices (not putting rope around the neck, and other things like that).

Lastly, remember to breathe, and have fun!

well wishes,

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RE: 1st time - 11/15/2008 12:59:16 PM

iwearpanties

Posts: 509
Joined: 7/21/2005
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i say you go for it have funn and enjoy your time as a Mistress

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RE: 1st time - 11/15/2008 7:49:04 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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I would second what everyone is saying and would encourage your Master to help you along and guide you as much as possible. It will feel better coming from him and just help you with being confident in your new role.

lovingpet

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RE: 1st time - 11/16/2008 2:04:06 PM

subbisherri

Posts: 109
Joined: 5/28/2006
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Having occasionally been thrust reluctantly into the same role, there's a few good points I had to learn:

If it's because someone wants to enjoy living vicariously through your topping, let them have a lot of input from afar: hand signals, eye signals, body language. If it's really for their fun more than yours, it might be more fun to let them channel their control through you rather than expect you to take the role on all by yourself. On the other hand, if it's really more about Master seeing how you act in a role in which you're not comfortable (ie: maybe it's more about how YOU react rather than the person you're topping?), then:

Communicate communicate communicate. Gee, does anyone else not see that communication is so important no matter what sort of relationship or role? Discuss, question, debate, et al.

BUT! when your bottom says, "Oh I'd like to be in this position," don't just go, "Okay" while he/she assumes that position: take control, order them into said position. If they ask to have the clothespins on their nips replaced with clovers, fine but make them beg for it. Don't acquiesce, be in charge. Order, demand, control and rule.

And if that's totally contrary to your nature, rationalize it by the fact that Master is willing to let you do this and revel in the freedom implied, or Master WANTS you to do this and accept that it's HIS will and not yours at work here.

And please please please follow up and post how it's working out?

ss

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RE: 1st time - 11/18/2008 5:08:38 PM

Hiskat

Posts: 24
Joined: 2/12/2007
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Thanks everyone for your advicem:)

_____________________________

Releasal of fear = freedom of thought

~me~

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RE: 1st time - 11/19/2008 5:56:45 AM

sweetsyn

Posts: 10
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline

Hiskat,

I find that when I am with a sub I think alot about what i like when i am in the submissive role. Things like how it feels when my Master takes control and also shows care. I enjoy providing those feelings to another. However I also consider that things will be done My way at My time for My pleasure so i do not feel as if it is mechanical and the sub is using me to do his bidding or hers whichever the case may be.

sweetsyn

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RE: 1st time - 11/21/2008 5:56:24 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Write down ideas on an index card, and stick a blindfold on the bottom. Then when you get a moment of utter blankness, he won't see it. At that point you pick up the index card and do the next thing on the list.

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RE: 1st time - 11/22/2008 9:51:27 PM

Alighierisquest

Posts: 58
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline

You've got plenty of good advice for the how but for the after just remember it's just exploration and what may not feel right today might feel right tomorrow or never. And they are all right feelings.

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"Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth. "
Dave Barry

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