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What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/6/2004 9:37:01 PM   
Dan8


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/11/2004
Status: offline 		I guess I'm real dumb, but I don't understand why so many Dommes love to screw their subs with a strap on. Does it rub her clitoris just right and get her hot or get her off, or does it NOT do that and her kick I purely a power trip and dominating her sub in a humiliation way? I'm a sub but I've never been penetrated with a strap-on, thought I want to try it. (I have tried it with me doing it and it didn't do much for me.)
What does it do for the sub? Does it rub a G spot like the prostrate? If so why aren't they angled downward to rub it better? Are most subs able to get off being "done", or does it just make them hot, or is it just a mind trip for the sub in being so humiliated? Or do the subs build up a taste for it in due time? Could you Dommes please explain it to me. And, Why don't Dommes mostly use strap-ons with a separate dick going into them at the same time? Wouldn't this be ideal? But is seems most don't use this type. Why? Do they not work good? I've been toying with the idea of trying to get my wife one of those with the reverse 2nd dick for the Domme , but wanted to understand what is going on from the female side first. My wife is past menapause and gotten to where she is not much interested in anything it seems. I'm trying to find something SM she might enjoy. Please enlighten me.
I already suggested she put me in a chastity belt (so I would build up and worship her - which I really want to do . She has tried it , and I liked it a lot, but she can't seem to catch fire and get interested in it. Like, forgets to give me jobs around the house to do, and does the dishes even tho I've explained it to her an paid her $100 (each) to read two SM books. (Different Loving and The Sexually Dominant Woman by Lady Green) She just has me put on the chastity belt -CB 3000 - and she goes off and forgets me for days on end., and finally wants to simply get a vanilla screw about every 14 days or so if I'm real lucky. But then I can't last long enought to do her justice, so I though she would like to put the strap-on on me, and suggested it. This didn't interest her at all. So I gave up and now she lets me go off and scratch my itch with other Dommes I find here and on alt.com and she just looks the other way. It's as if she had rather not be bothered with all my trash. I love her, but I've given up hope on getting her to dominate me or put me in chastity training where it is meaningful and fun.
So, back to my question. What's the deal on strap ons from a females's perspective.
Dan in North La

Dan in North Louisisana
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/7/2004 8:22:27 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Different people enjoy different things about anal play/ strap-on play. Personally, I have very little interest in anal play with someone who enjoys and wants it. I don't want to do it unless you don't like or are afraid of it, then I might want it. If it's just another kink for you then it will generally leave me pretty cold. As for whether or not she gets stimulated physically during the act, it's possible to rig different strap ons to enable vaginal or clitoral stimulation, but not necessarily the beginning and ending or strap on play.

As for your wife - menopause doesn't have to be the end of her libido. It could be that she's just not interested in serving up your kink on a platter. I wouldn't be. Also, there are medications that can assist with libido for women. If it's an issue FOR HER I would suggest speaking to her doctor.

Finally -


quote:

ORIGINAL: Dan8

What does it do for the sub? Does it rub a G spot like the prostrate?



prostRate is a an adjective that describes a position, usually laid out flat, face down.

prostate (notice there's only one R in there?) is the gland that you can reach by anal penetration (among other ways).

I'm not trying to be nit-picky towards you about this, but it's a personal pet peeve that I see many do. I've simply used your post as a good place to make the statement.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to Dan8)
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RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/7/2004 8:30:49 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz
Different people enjoy different things about anal play/ strap-on play. Personally, I have very little interest in anal play with someone who enjoys and wants it. I don't want to do it unless you don't like or are afraid of it, then I might want it. If it's just another kink for you then it will generally leave me pretty cold.


Suz... and I say this with the utmost respect... you are such a bitch ;)

I actually love it, whether they love it or cringe at the idea of it. I do prefer using it on male subs then female subs to be honest.

And as for what I get out of it, well the reaction itself is nice. And it does stimulated me to a certain point when it is rigged as such (the harnesses come between the legs and can be well positioned) but often it is just foreplay for me.

Ah we all have our kinks. :)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MizSuz)
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RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/7/2004 8:45:38 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz
Different people enjoy different things about anal play/ strap-on play. Personally, I have very little interest in anal play with someone who enjoys and wants it. I don't want to do it unless you don't like or are afraid of it, then I might want it. If it's just another kink for you then it will generally leave me pretty cold.


Suz... and I say this with the utmost respect... you are such a bitch ;)


Why thank you, Angelika! So nice of you to say so. <smile>


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I actually love it, whether they love it or cringe at the idea of it. I do prefer using it on male subs then female subs to be honest.

And as for what I get out of it, well the reaction itself is nice. And it does stimulated me to a certain point when it is rigged as such (the harnesses come between the legs and can be well positioned) but often it is just foreplay for me.

Ah we all have our kinks. :)

- LA



You can have my share. hahahaha I have a two way strap on that allows for an innie and an outtie and it's not too shabby, although putting a vibe in the front adds to my enjoyment.

NEVER use a cheap strap on with elastic straps!!!! The first time I ever used one was on a woman and we were in the missionary position with me on top. I would pull out and the straps would stretch such that by the time the dong was actually coming out I'd be on the in-stroke. It was HELL to get a rhythm and just about the time my legs and back started SCREAMING "NO MORE" and I was sweating and shaking SHE started screaming "OH YEAH BABY, DONT STOP!"

In that moment I had more empathy for every guy who ever broke a sweat trying a please a woman than I've had before or since.

Stick with leather. It costs more but is SO worth it!

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

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RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/7/2004 9:04:36 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
Suz... and I say this with the utmost respect... you are such a bitch ;)

Why thank you, Angelika! So nice of you to say so. <smile>
Anytime!

quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz
Stick with leather. It costs more but is SO worth it!


My ex-girlfriend actually bought me a leather one 5 years ago. See pic below. And it's fantastic as the way it is made permits to change attachments. It’s only $90 CAD so… about $70 USD… not so bad when you think of it.

- LA




Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/7/2004 9:24:26 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz
My ex-girlfriend actually bought me a leather one 5 years ago. See pic below. And it's fantastic as the way it is made permits to change attachments. It’s only $90 CAD so… about $70 USD… not so bad when you think of it.





That's a nice one. Imagine the front part longer with two holes, the top one for the outtie and the bottom one for the innie. Works well enough.

Frankly, I've got a gag that attaches a dildo on the outside...that's my fav. hahahahaha

< Message edited by MizSuz -- 8/7/2004 9:25:07 AM >

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/7/2004 9:43:58 AM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		She gets a sore lower back according to Kim Catrall, Sex In The City.

On a serious note, I suspect much of it is intangible and/or unquantifiable.

While I am sure there are toys to bring about orgasm in the wearer, I would
imagine for some that just the simple act of penetrating one's partner with a
strap on probably makes their lizard brain get all giddy and weird.

Just me, could be wrong, etc.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to MizSuz)
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RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/7/2004 11:36:53 AM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		MizSuz,
i found Your post interesting and wish to ask Your thoughts on engaging in strap-on play with a sub who enjoys anal play but take away the enjoyment (for the sub) by using a toy large enough to make it uncomfortable. This has always been my mindset on anal play within the BDSM context. To me, this would be a form of exploring limits to find what gives the Dominant the greatest pleasure while maintaining control of what the sub is allowed to experience.

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to MizSuz)
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RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/7/2004 12:10:53 PM   
Sundew02


Posts: 457
Joined: 2/6/2004
Status: offline 		It's very simply for me the control. I control the strokes, the sensations the male feels and have my hands free to torture his body. I don't need artificial stimulation to reach the peak I seek. Remember the mind is the biggest sex organ in the body. Sundew

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RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/7/2004 4:38:07 PM   
Dan8


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/11/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you Mistresses for addressing this question for me.

I don't know if the above answers represent a good enough sample , but can I conclude that Mistresses don't get off, and don't usually plan to get off, when they use a strap-on? And, that most don't feel the need to get a strap-on with an innie? And even if they get an innie, it's not to get off, just to feel good?
And that the trip for her is in her head and is about control and dominance, not about how it feels physically to her . Did I get it right?

So, I've got to ask another question because I fret if I can't get my wife off during a good sex scene, (as a slave or sub I think that is my job and duty, if she wants it) and coming from a chastity belt I can't last long enough to do a good job. My question is this:
Are Mistresses "satisfied" after a good, long scene of her design without getting her climax? Is there hope that if I went back to chastity play with my wife , and she started liking the control that she could end up liking dominance , just for dominance? (I know you can't really know about her, but is it mostly in the mind and not about gettting rubbed or getting off. -- and I realize sex is all in the head, except seems for men, a lot is in the head of his dick.) Can Mistresses go into scenes time after time (happily) without getting off? If so, they still must have (got to have) some method to let the electrictiy go all the way to ground? Right?
Respectfully,
Dan

(in reply to Sundew02)
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RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/7/2004 6:12:31 PM   
MistressZanthia


Posts: 88
Joined: 7/2/2004
From: Seattle, Washington, USA
Status: offline 		Dan, don't conclude that Mistresses don't get off on strap-ons... because I do. The mind rush alone is usually enough to send me over the edge into bliss regardless of clitoral stimulation. So don't go lumping us all into your inorgasmic box, k? Thanks.

And Dan, the wife thing, you are approaching it from the wrong perspective. Try doting on her, rubbing her feet without waiting for her to ask, try serving her breakfast in bed, try doing the dishes the moment dinner is done. Anything and everything you can do without her asking you to do it, that lightens her daily load is going to make a huge difference in how she feels at the end of the day when it's possibly "play time". Be a submissive not a "do me queen" and you might end up with a dominant wife. Can't guarantee, but it's not going to work if you keep pushing her, she'll end up resenting you for it all instead.

Keep pushing her and I promise she'll never be your Domme. Why? Because it'll never be fun for her, you will be just another chore on her list of things to do.

_____________________________

~*Zan*~
www.zanthia.com

(in reply to Dan8)
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RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/7/2004 7:50:24 PM   
Dan8


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/11/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks a ton Mistress Zanthia. I see what you mean. Very good advice. I'm going to try it, because I never give up . I love her and she would be the perfect wife if I could get her into this!
Respectfully,
Dan

(in reply to MistressZanthia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/8/2004 1:25:50 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz
Frankly, I've got a gag that attaches a dildo on the outside...that's my fav. hahahahaha


Yes!! I had one at one time. Things sometimes get lost in shuffles. Must get one again!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/8/2004 1:28:08 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy
She gets a sore lower back according to Kim Catrall, Sex In The City.


She's either doing something wrong or is in serious need of pilates and/or yoga!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy
On a serious note, I suspect much of it is intangible and/or unquantifiable.

While I am sure there are toys to bring about orgasm in the wearer, I would
imagine for some that just the simple act of penetrating one's partner with a
strap on probably makes their lizard brain get all giddy and weird.


I would not say I have a lizard brain! And giddy and weird is not my reaction neither :p

But yeah... the simple act gets me *right there*.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/10/2004 1:35:56 PM   
WayHome


Posts: 237
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz

NEVER use a cheap strap on with elastic straps!!!! The first time I ever used one was on a woman and we were in the missionary position with me on top. I would pull out and the straps would stretch such that by the time the dong was actually coming out I'd be on the in-stroke. It was HELL to get a rhythm and just about the time my legs and back started SCREAMING "NO MORE" and I was sweating and shaking SHE started screaming "OH YEAH BABY, DONT STOP!"t!


Thanks for the tale. You just made my day!

Being a crafts and building things type person, I have often applied my brain to the task of building the "perfect strap-on" I never get very far since I'm not female and don't get on the other end of one either. The anotomical and aesthetic aspects of it fascinate me in an intelectual way.

A freind who shares my fascination with invention and construction of kinky things did take on the project of making one for a female friend (she was a lesbian but not BDSM) and I was a bit jealous. He makes medical equipment for a living so he has lots of tools to work with. He waned to show it to me before delivering it but, alas the timing didn't work out and she quickly spirited it away, never to be seen by a man again.

(in reply to MizSuz)
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RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/10/2004 4:15:42 PM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		MizSuz,

Just curious. What do you feel if he loves/hates it? I mean he ohhs and ahhs but is so embarrased by it he can't mention it and blushes if he even thinks about it?

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When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

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RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/10/2004 7:21:27 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I would not say I have a lizard brain!


Apologies, I was letting Mr. Tiny do the typing.

I meant limbic system.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to iwillserveu)
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RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/11/2004 11:45:55 AM   
Thanatosian


Posts: 765
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: New Castle, PA
Status: offline
quote:

I was letting Mr. Tiny do the typing.


Mr. tiny learned to type already? what a quick learner! - I recall another thread where you were bemoaning the fact that he couldn't type

and amazing how having a hand in a cast will force one to find alternative ways of doing things, isn't it?



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Apply Usual Caveats Here

An expert is somone who has made all the mistakes there are to be made

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RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/11/2004 5:20:06 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub

MizSuz,
i found Your post interesting and wish to ask Your thoughts on engaging in strap-on play with a sub who enjoys anal play but take away the enjoyment (for the sub) by using a toy large enough to make it uncomfortable. This has always been my mindset on anal play within the BDSM context. To me, this would be a form of exploring limits to find what gives the Dominant the greatest pleasure while maintaining control of what the sub is allowed to experience.

anthrosub



Anthro:

I'm gonna have to answer with the standard, I'm afraid. "Every situation is different." I agree with you, there are other ways to approach the situation.

The point I was trying to convey to the original poster is that I find people coming to me with their kinks tedious and tend to react in a 'disinclined to accommodate' way.

Once someone has ingratiated themself to me, once I have developed a bond with someone that is based on who we are as people, then their likes and dislikes and how they want them to manifest are important to me and I take them into consideration when I find myself WANTING to 'scene' with them. That's not to say that once I like you I'll give you what you want, it's to say that I will care enough to use the information to create whatever end I am trying to create. Until I care about you as an individual there is nothing to create, until I WANT to play with you trying to get me to play is going to piss me off at best. Usually it gets met with complete disengagment.

I did not mean to say that I have no interest in anal play. I'm very fond of fisting and the process of working with someone to get them to "open." For me it's a bonding experience...and it's something that can be made both quite a head fuck and quite a rigorous experience, if that is what's desired.

For one man a finger might be pushing his edges, another may be quite happy to work with me to try to get my elbow in. It's all good...every variant in between.

But trying to get me to accommodate a kink leaves me dead cold.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to anthrosub)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What does the Mistress get out of a strap-0n? - 8/11/2004 5:33:56 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dan,

Would you be surprised to know that I can have orgasms simply by putting needles into people's flesh? No other stimulation is required.

I think women are, as a gross generalization, significantly more capable of grasping the concept that orgasms are not just about the physical process that you learned the first time you jacked off. Don't get me wrong, ejaculatory orgasms (and the female non-ejaculatory equivalent) are great things. I recommend them to everyone.

However, orgasms can be experienced in many other ways. If you're really interested in learning more about experiencing orgasms without benefit of ejaculation then do some reading up on tantric sex, and tantra in general.

I think women learn very early on to get their enjoyment in a lot of 'alternative' ways to conventional "orgasm," and that men get so stuck in their limited definition/experience of orgasm that it creates a hell of a hurdle for them to experience and understand other things.

I agree with Zanthia, if you're serious about loving your wife then figure out how to serve her just as she is. You have a lifetime to communicate to her what you are intrigued by and what 'flips your switch.' If you're serious about submitting to her then you'll let her set the pace and figure out a way to be happy that you can tell her about it (so many can't).

Personally, horny boys looking for a kick are a dime a dozen. I tend to not even WANT to play with someone until they've become important to me, and then rarely just because they want it. But someone who gives to me selflessly is someone I tend to want to put my hands on.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to Dan8)
Profile   Post #: 20
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