RE: Long Distance Relationship

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RE: Long Distance Relationship - 8/18/2004 12:20:55 PM

afmvdp

Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
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It is beyond being just more difficult though, perhaps to some people they can live purely in imagination and fantasy versus real life touch and feel. You mention that it is no different than having a spouse who works far away for long periods of time; not so really as you already have that intial meeting. Did you both meet and fall in love never being face to face or did you meet them and then they had to go off. There is an acceptance to needing to be apart that far surpasses never actually meeting. If you just happen to meet someone who is far away and then they immediately or shortly after become local then again, that can work...but having a consistant, working, healthy relationship in a D/s world or even a vanilla one without any of the physiological or even many of the psychological benefits seems a chemical formula for failure. Of course there are those few stars amongst the black sky that shine out but it doesn't mean it is the norm. Perhaps in a swinger or poly relation this could work fine as you have someone else to take over a void...but I'm just not the type to be happy with vacancy.

(in reply to snowleopard)

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RE: Long Distance Relationship - 8/18/2004 2:02:35 PM

snowleopard

Posts: 18
Joined: 8/16/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

Mail order brides? Pen pals who fell in love? Long before the net people living in different countries met somehow, corresponded, fell in love.... holiday romances, it's endless, and yes some of those relationships were born after initially meeting face to face, but many didn't meet till after they felt something for each other. I'm not saying that it is for everyone, heck some people never leave the place they were born, marry the girl nextdoor and live perfectly happy and contented lives.

Most of what is stated in these types of discussions which crop up pretty much on every forum at some time or another is anecdotal rather than based on any real studies. 10 years ago when I was studying for extended qualifications in my profession the debate was already waging about the effectiveness or not of online counselling, at the time it was seen as complete quackery and thought impossible to establish a workable therapuetic relationship with clients long distance, now my professional body has a whole section set up for online workers with it's own code of ethics and standards.

There are many people out there who are housebound, or for whom face to face meetings are difficult or impractical, LDR's become a lifeline for these people, a chance to interact with other like minded individuals without any barrier of being judged on their disability etc. They can and do find love and acceptance via LDR's.

You might be interested to know I came online 7 years ago highly skeptical of LDR's of any kind; friendship, love, D/s, therapeutic etc. In the past 7 years I have completely changed my way of thinking, and I have had some bad experiences myself, however good or bad all experiences are valuable learning aides and helped me to grow.

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(in reply to afmvdp)

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Post #: 42

RE: Long Distance Relationship - 8/18/2004 2:17:09 PM

LadyBeckett

Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline

I was a skeptic, I confess. I just couldn't comprehend how it could possibly work without an actual face to face meeting having occurred, and some basic relationship having been established first. The components were just not adding up to equal successful relationship in my mind. It never occurred to me that I had never put forth an effort in that regard, or even had an interest to, for that matter. So how would I know? Then I met iwill, and the relationship just happened on its own.

With all that in mind, my thinking on the matter has changed a bit. Now I believe that all the basic ingredients required for a good relationship are necessary, ie common interests/goal, agreement, honesty, chemistry, etc, and a media for communication (internet, phone, postage stamps). Keep it real.

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Lady Beckett

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"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

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Post #: 43

RE: Long Distance Relationship - 8/18/2004 4:34:03 PM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Here is a note for all the sub wannabe's. When I started talking to M'Lady it was not as an applicant. It started with an innocent remark that I had seen her on the boards and too bad she lived so far away or I'd be at her doorstep.

Many Dommes here got something similar from me. I make no bones about being on the prowl. (Hey, they already know. If you can't get the TD at least don't blow the field goal. Honesty is good for 3 points.

)

Then we did not talk about sex, however it gets defined. We talked about a vanilla subject we had in common. Non-sexual things I'm not supposed to mention. (Do "non-sexual things" make your penis stand at attention?

)

I can't say about her, but showing your passionate and involved in something beyond sex is good. (Women want to pretend you never think of sex. Humor them.

[Gee, will she make me pay for that one?!

You wannabe's better damn well appreciate it

.])

When pictures were exchanged I was already sold. It helped she's fricken gorgeous, but she had already blinded me with no-sexual things I'm not supposed to mention.. (Thank you Mr. Dolby.

)

< Message edited by iwillserveu -- 8/19/2004 2:03:33 AM >

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When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

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Post #: 44