RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds..

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 5:32:22 AM

agirl

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If you're talking about someone who lives with you or comes to stay, would it be any different to a non-D/s situation? I did things like that for anyone I was in a relationship with and they did things for me, it's just part and parcel of sharing life together.

It would be strange if the girl in your life did nothing at all to contribute in the same way it would be strange if YOU did nothing to contribute to hers in a practical sense, surely.

I can't say I 'enjoy' doing household chores, but I have to do them for myself regardless of whether M is here or not. I doubt if he 'enjoys' doing things like fixing my taps, or building me computers when mine dies on me, but the pleasure comes from having helped someone you care about, regardless of D/s.

agirl

(in reply to youQadesh)

RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 5:36:30 AM

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You also might want to keep in mind that you are not looking for someone to accomodate you, but you and your partner. While someone might be all for doing your chores for you, someone might be a bit more reserved to be doing all the chores for 2 of you when there are 2 of you. Since you are sub to your partner and are looking for someone who will be sub to you, you might want to consider which chores and what work you want to do, and let them handle the things you do not want to do, or cant stand. For instance, Fox does dishes and vacuums for me, but I do the laundry and making the beds and the like. We share bathroom duty becasue it is such a big job.
Most of the answers you are getting are specific to how a one on one relationship works, but you are talking about bringing a sub into a couple. With that dynamic you might be a little less able to find someone who wants to do it all for you both. Like someone else said, service femsubs are not easy to find.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 6:26:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youQadesh

So I am looking to find a sub that among other things will help me with the more mundane aspects of life like laundry, packing my lunch for work, cleaning my car. I certainly don't want to be a slave driver! I want a happy submissive because happy subs make me happy. Though I worry that there isn't a sub out there that is actually happy doing those chores for me.

Is there a sub out there who genuinely enjoys the chore-aspect of their role and if so under what context are these chores done. Are you always rewarded for the work in some way? Or is the work and servitude reward enough. I have found that many subs will say the servitude is generally enough but that is not really true.

I am so interested to hear your experiences with this. It will help me understand what roles I should and shouldn't expect my sub to fill.

Thank you.

before i answer... what do you mean by reward?

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 7:10:24 AM

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When I was single I had a cleaning service come and clean my house. I hate cleaning and it puts me in foul mood. I certainly wouldn't have agreed to be doing chores as part of my dates. On some level, I resent the fact that the circumstances now prevent us from having a cleaning service. The only thing I enjoy is cooking.

I'm not cut out to be a stay home and clean house type of person.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 9:08:28 AM

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It sounds to me like you are trying to buy the cart before the horse, so to speak. If you find someone you click with, someone who you bond with, and they agree to submit to you, then they would most likely be happy to do what you want of them. But if all you are expecting is someone to do your chores, without you giving anything of yourself to them, well you would be better off just paying to have a maid. Although there are a few select who enjoy no strings attached housework, they are few and far between.
Find someone who meets your criteria as a person first...then work on getting them to do your housework.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 10:18:01 AM

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quote:

I am so interested to hear your experiences with this. It will help me understand what roles I should and shouldn't expect my sub to fill.

this slave would advise you to expect your sub to fill whatever roles the two of you have negotiated, as part of your D/s relationship.
there will be those who will identify as submissive who absolutely cannot enter into a relationship with someone who would expect them to ____________. (fill in the blank with activity(s) of your choice)

finding out what that particular fill-in-the-blank-item is, is part of getting to know the individual you are attempting to craft a fulfilling relationship with. how a submissive would feel about any activity you would have them do for you is extremely subjective.

"subs" come in all sorts of varieties...meaning there are those who are fulfilled by choosing to submit to another for a variety of reasons and in a variety of ways. perhaps you might try searching for one who recognizes fulfillment through service---the particulars of that service to be determined by you.

best of luck to you!

(in reply to youQadesh)

RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 1:12:30 PM

Chgolostnlooking

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This is how i met my last Dom - i put out an ad asking if i could come over and clean a strong, aggressive woman's house. After a few email and a phone call, i showed up with a bag of groceries, then spent an afternoon sweeping leaves off her back porch and dusting three rooms of her home.

i love it. There's not anything i enjoy more than moving around a woman's home doing chores given to me. Well, there are things i enjoy more, but you get my drift.

i wouldn't worry that you won't find anyone. There's subs out there that enjoy given tasks.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 1:22:00 PM

RCdc

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Doing such chores is a part of my submission. I enjoy and find fulfilment in creating time for Darcy. I do what he requires of me, which leaves him free to do what he wants to do.

I did such chores when we were not living together. I continue to do them now that we do.

the.dark.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 2:19:15 PM

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I'm not what you'd call service oriented. I don't generally get all warm and fuzzy from doing chores. In order for me to do any housework for someone else, I have to be in a serious relationship with some give and take. For instance, if he cooks me dinner, I will do the dishes. Fair is fair. If I'm staying for the entire weekend, I will do laundry or other light housekeeping. Generally, he helps in some fashion. In this way, we get to spend more time with each other. On rare occasions when he has to leave the house while I'm there, I'll surprise him by scrubbing the bathroom until it sparkles.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 3:59:15 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: youQadesh

Well, for one, I am new to the whole dominant role so I have questions about it. Secondly there is still a lot of flexibility with how I view my specific form of dominance. Every Dom views their role differently some play the totalitarian, others are a little bit more flexible.

I am definitely not the kind of dominant and never will be who says anything even resembling "these are my rules so put up with it." when it comes to chores. When it come to being faithful to my partner and I, sure I will be unyielding. When it comes to other things like respect, honesty, etc I will have no problem laying down the law, so to speak. Though with the chore situation, it's different for me. I don't want to take advantage of anyone, unless they want that of course. Though I don't know if there are people out there who really want it. So I am looking for responses from subs to hear about their dynamic with the mundane aspects of their position. Though some level of household work and chores will certainly be expected, I am just not sure to what degree. On some level I know I can't determine that degree until I enter into the relationship with that given person, because every relationship is different.

Thanks for the response. It was thought provoking!

Having only read a bit of the way through this post, I have to say, that you sound wonderful.
Just take your time, and REALLY get to know those who you are interested in.
Make sure they are interested in you for you, and not what you can offer them; and do the same for them.
Mine is the same as you, and he is wonderful.
Good luck!

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(in reply to youQadesh)

RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 4:08:13 PM

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I genuinely love chores, in fact it's my favourite kink and some would say it's an unhealthy obsession. In fact most of my experience has been purely service or almost all service.

In fact in recent years I have done this for dommes without expectations over a period of time.

However this period has largely ended.. the maid has retired.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 4:23:29 PM

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When I am at Sir's house, I do chores without the thought of any reward. Well maybe that isn't true, depending on what reward means to you. My reward is within myself, knowing that when I go home, his place is laid out for a King. I work hard to make it comfortable for him and pleasing. That is my reward. Sir is very appreciative of the work I do here. If he has certain tasks, he will let me know. Those are done first and then I just continue to do what I see needs done. Also, I enjoy cooking meals and freezing them for him, so he has a home cooked meal ready when he wants.

oceanwynds

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 5:22:28 PM

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I always liked doing things such as chores for Master T. When we were dating, if I had the day off of work, I would go to his house and grab his laundry and it home and wash, dry and fold it all and return it before he came home...I also cleaned his place as a suprise (he gave me a key, so wasn't like breaking and entering). I felt that it made him happy and that made me happy :)

(in reply to youQadesh)

RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 5:29:41 PM

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That is a hard limit for me.......I will not clean Sir house....don't ask and you will not see my dark side.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 6:23:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

before i answer... what do you mean by reward?

oh anything from simple praise to being used sexually. I'm just curious about how different subs react to their role in doing chores.

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 6:30:23 PM

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I want to give a sincere thanks to all who replied. It is so helpful to hear all the different points of view. I don't want someone to be burdened with all my dirty work though I would love someone who would enjoy helping me out. What I neglected to say is that this help would all be in the context of a meaningful relationship, not one just based on deeds. There would have to be caring and intimate feelings involved, otherwise I would have no interest in being a dom to that person.

What this thread has taught me is that my wants are something discussed openly and honestly with someone far before any D/s stuff actually happens. I always knew that though I wasn't so clear on how to approach this issue, but now that I have all of your experiences to make reference to I feel much more clear. I just so happy to see that there are subs out there that would actually enjoy the D/s dynamic that I hope to find, and foster.

(in reply to youQadesh)

RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 6:33:09 PM

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lol! I've never seen the mooning icon before!

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 9:28:38 PM

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Good luck in finding a service sub. I will be one myself, as part of my Domme training while my sub learns how to be a better sub himself.

I do not mind doing chores. I was taught to be self-effeicent, but I dislike picking up after other people who can do that themselves, dusting and mopping (unless I am on my hands and knees, bleaching out the kitchen floor). I enjoy doing the laundry, making healthy meals, making sure the house is in order and gardening (which Mistress and I will work on together). I also cannot stand spots on the bathroom mirrors (yet I call myself a slob due to my romantic nature).

Theresa the Domme

(in reply to youQadesh)

RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 10:41:15 PM

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I've not experienced the expectationof chores on the s-side of the kneel, however I was married for nearly 15 years aid I took care of nearly everything in the house. I took great pride in being a good wife (and keeping the house was part of that) until I gave up. As a natural caretaker, things that please my partner please me. There are certainly chores I abhorr, but within the context of a whole relationship that meets my needs and the needs of my partner, l am flexible. :>
Davan

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RE: chores as a test; your view on those deeds.. - 11/24/2008 11:38:03 PM

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Would you like to come visit?

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