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RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 11:24:55 AM

FlamingRedhead

Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline

1. Flattery. Flatttery will get you everywhere, except into my pants. I don't need strangers oozing their charm (or anything else) all over me.

2. Not wanting to meet in a public place for coffee, lunch, or dinner. Serously, I'm not telling you where I live so you can stop by for lunch. You could be Hannibal Lecter for all I know.

3. Not able to talk/meet on nights and weekends. Sure, some people work 3rd shift, but more than likely, they're married.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to SunshineSunny)

Post #: 21

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 11:39:27 AM

kdmfl

Posts: 118
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline

Lying
Disrespectful
Abusive

(in reply to SunshineSunny)

Post #: 22

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 12:14:20 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SunshineSunny

quote:

I would love to see what everyone is careful with .. to
I only want to see everyone's opinion .. and the reason i use the word FAKE is becuase almost every DOM has that in their PROFILE LOL no fakes and or at least some have told me .. that have meet only fake people .. In which i agree with someone here that posted ... it does not make them fake maybe we are just seeking diffrent needs .. and we are not compitable with them .
EVERYONE IS DIFFRENT .. and we all have our .. ways of thinking but its good to know at least for me its good to know what other people are careful with :)
Sunny

Absolutely, and people gave their opinions. Yes there are people of all orientations who list the word 'fakes' in their profile and as I said, it is a complete myth and they have just become drawn into the same. It's that old thing of 'if your friends jumped of a cliff, would you too' thing. It's the buzz phrase and word of the moment. Like you said above in reply to lauren, you now get that just because someone might be called 'fake' - does not mean they are to another.

Reposted - Someones fake or wannabe is another persons somebody. For me, you might never make the grade, but that doesn't make you a fake, it just means incompatability and that you would be the ideal person for someone else.

What are people careful with? For me? Safewords. Just an example - that could class us as 'unsafe or fake' to some people. I don't use them and wouldn't be with or play with someone who used them. So yes, I am very wary of and careful of that.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to SunshineSunny)

Post #: 23

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 12:52:13 PM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

-Email, profiles, journals that are full of nothing but poetic, melodramatic, overly flowerly and romantic musings and writings that are so cliche and saccharine that I have to take a dose of insulin after reading.... To me this says they can talk a real pretty talk, but will probably fall flat when trying to walk the walk. This type many times lives their life in online fantasy but can't function in the real world.

Hahaha, that's like my profile :P (not really, mine's meant more to *discourage* people from messaging me, currently, which is why I have the horrible poetry up there)

However I don't think that the use of poetics or 'pretty talk' is necessarily a red flag, more the use of cliche (for me, of course, and it's caused mostly by my background in English) so in that I agree with you. Those who cannot write eloquently, however (even if simply), also elicit the same reaction.

I agree with others that what gets your gut is what you have to follow, though. This would be one of the things that has (consistently) gotten mine.

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 24

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 1:02:00 PM

kristileigh

Posts: 1078
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline

Raising a hand to me in anger (I will not tolerate physical abuse again in my life)

Being secretive about past.

Demanding first meet be in a private place.

So many more red flags for me , they might not be flags for you.

slave kristi

_____________________________

proud submissive/slave belonging heart and soul to
Master Chris!

(in reply to aravain)

Post #: 25

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 1:10:53 PM

SageFemmexx

Posts: 240
Joined: 1/2/2007
Status: offline

Red flags?

Their online sn begins with SIR or Master or LORD
Their profile consists of nonstop complaining about all the fakes on here and uses the word "true" over and over again.
Every other word is misspelled.
Their second letter (before we meet) says...let's hurry up and meet so we can go "play"....
Lack of respect, lack of contact information, lack of availability.
References to former subs in derogatory terms or even the one they are presently living with and seem to be replacing.
I will control your every .............(time to run)

Sage.

(in reply to SunshineSunny)

Post #: 26

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 1:15:46 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

1. Being told to stop contact with others in the community because that would interfer with his training.

2. Not having a home address and phone number that you can use for contacting the Dominant.

3. Being told that you must PROVE your submissiveness.

(in reply to SunshineSunny)

Post #: 27

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 1:54:37 PM

sweetNsassyPGH

Posts: 12
Joined: 11/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

I don't rely on red flags. I rely on my own instinct.

No two people will have the same 'gut feeling' aboutf a single person. All you can do is rely on what yours is telling you and act accordingly.

Everyone has listed alot of red flags... But what I kept thinking about was how often we ignore those red flags... We ignore that gut instinct that tells us to run... tells us to let go... OR we tell ourselves that one little ole red flag can be handled...

I have learned the hard way that unless I am willing to be alone... willing to keep true to myself... willing to not compromise over certain core things... I will ignore my gut instincts and ignore that huge field of waving red flags...

My need for safety and sanity has to be much greater than my need to have a Dom or a partner... Or else I make really stupid choices... that I end up regretting...

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 28

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 2:26:22 PM

swan70

Posts: 47
Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline

MY red flags happen before the first contact:

1) I ask what they really want to scene. If MY hard limits and their desires are off--why bother??

2) Unwilling to give a face pic. I don't care if they don't want it posted--but after a few emails.......

3) Unwilling to meet in public for first meeting. AND--at that meeting I ask for their driver's license. I want to make sure that the person IS who they say they are. I have to TRUST this Dom--if he can't even use his real name/age--then it is a NO GO. NOW--I have had one Dom refuse because he didn't want me to see his address yet. Can't blame him for being smart. He covered his address up--but i could see his face and name.

(in reply to sweetNsassyPGH)

Post #: 29

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 3:02:14 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

One of the biggest red flags we can find in ourselves. When we are hungry. Being hungry makes you easy prey for those who are just looking for vulnerablity. There are vultures in them there hills... don't be a bunny rabbit.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to swan70)

Post #: 30

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 3:37:08 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

One of the biggest red flags we can find in ourselves. When we are hungry. Being hungry makes you easy prey for those who are just looking for vulnerablity. There are vultures in them there hills... don't be a bunny rabbit.

This is very well said, and in my life it goes in all areas, not just BDSM.

Thanks for stating it so clearly, Lockit.
oceanwynds

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 31

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 4:46:14 PM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline

[ I for one wouldn't disagree with any of these. ]

That's fine, To each his own. I happen to think they are true for me.

Dreamer

< Message edited by greeneyedreamer -- 12/12/2008 4:49:30 PM >

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to natasha66)

Post #: 32

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 5:36:53 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

Wow. What an interesting thread.

Just out of curiosity here, what with all these dating 'rules' and red flags, what if someone really rocked your world, and I mean, really rocked your world, and you felt an irresistible attraction towards them, and each and every contact between you and them convinced you that there was chemistry?

What then? Would you still be sticking my your dating rules and watching out for red flags? Really? Or would they go out of the window?

How does it feel to be wary of every new potential partner? To be suspicious of them? How do you feel to be scrutinized? To have everything you say held up for question? How does it feel to be afraid of a relationship? Not to give of yourself unless you can be sure of getting something back?

How does it feel to be putting yourself into that vulnerable position? How does it feel to play mindgames on yourself?

Ever wanted to be with someone so much, but felt you were never given a chance? How does it feel to be in that situation when everything is over even before it even begun? How does it feel to watch that person walk out of your life as suddenly as they appeared?

This is for nobody in particular. I'm just curious.

Please don't think I'm an expert on these matters, I'm not.

When it comes to love and being with someone there's no such thing as common sense. When you love someone and when you are loved there's no particular reason, there is no answer to the question why, so where can be the answer to the question what will be? There isn't. A promise is only a comfort to a fool.

I could die tomorrow. But does this mean I should be giving out details to someone what they should do in the event of my death? What will it matter if I'm a corpse? Should I include funeral arrangements on my profile and details of my next of kin?

But you know I've been stood up, I've been rejected, I've been hurt, made to look like a fool, I know what it means to have a broken heart, to be disappointed, to misunderstand, and I certainly know what it means to blow it. But you know, I'm still here, the sun still shines, the world still turns, the birds still sing, and I'm still alive.

I live in the here and now, I live for the moment. I know that I must pay attention to the situation in hand and to the other person if I'm going to get anywhere in a relationship. You know the easiest way of risking getting hurt or hurting someone else is to expect more from a friendship or a relationship than there actually is at that particular moment in time.

I would never seek to dehumanize someone by calling them a fake, because that is what you're doing here, dehumanizing someone and simply because they haven't met your expectations. Okay, so if they're the fake, what does that make you? Ever thought of that?

Call me stupid if you like, call me a fool, but you know, when all is said and done nothing is going to happen and you're not going to get anywhere unless you're prepared to take risks, take those opportunities and chances, give someone else those chances and also give the situation enough chances for something to develop.

I mean, have you ever been lonely, and I mean really lonely? Lonely enough to notice that nothing is working out, the replies aren't coming back, and nobody's giving you a chance. Ever been in that situation? What have you learned from your time alone?

You see I have nothing but an open mind, an open heart, and a will to live, to find and share happiness, to experience life and feelings, emotions, and to be responsible and make informed choices on how to act over those feelings and emotions.

I'm not desperate, nor do I find anyone or everyone acceptable or even desirable for a relationship, as my primary concern is one of compatibility with me.

However that saying I'm usually too much focussed on the positive aspects of the other person and the possible friendship or relationship to be bothered abou my own dating rules or indeed, red flags.

Just my 0.02.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)

Post #: 33

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 5:54:27 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

Stella, this gets talked about often in our home.
there is a difference in red flags and rules, btw. Rules are things I set - red flags are things he does that make me uncomfortable. One of those would be telling me my rules were not going to be accepted on the early dating period.
If you make me uncomfortable, you CAN NOT rock my world. That's just me, but if i'm picutring the possiblity of being chopped up in itty bitty pieces, i can't notice the world rocking stuff.
However - make me feel safe, rock my world, and, well, i might - MIGHT - just forget my own rules.
Some of my rules -
no play on the first date. no sex until we are life bonded.
it takes a long time to get to a life mating agreement and a collar.

I met Master in a public place. Then we went and walked around some more public places, and talked alot. As we walked and talked, I knew I wanted him to spend the night. He had come from out of town. I said, 'do you have to go back tonight?' and he said, not if you can point me to a decent hotel.
I left safe call info with my father.
at some point, the thught in my head was, 'if it works out, if he is it, if this is forever - I want to have never told him no.'
We didn't have sex the first night because he ignored my limit - he never got to know about that limit, until later. He has never been told no. Instinct really IS all, in my opinion. the rules and red flags are just ways of verbalizing instinct. Instinct will win over them in a heart beat, everytime.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 34

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 7:40:07 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

One person's fake is another's dreamdate.

Everyone's red flags will be different depending on what they are seeking in a partner. My red flags are nothing specific and never the same with anyone. They're just things that come up and set off my alarms.

(in reply to SunshineSunny)

Post #: 35

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 7:53:04 PM

HalfShyHalfWild

Posts: 150
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SunshineSunny

As I think most .. of you know I am new to this .. and still learning as I go :) .. I wonder .. what are you 3 most Red Flags to say GOOD BYE To a Dom ... I would love to see what everyone is careful with .. to know that he is Fake

Sunny

Well I was adhering to 3 but may need to either expand or narrow that, not sure yet. Haven't scrolled through all the replies but will definitely be taking notes.

1) all their ex's did them wrong or are jealous bitches and even a combination of above lol! Honestly, that pops up, it's really first strike for me, I'm so gone. I don't give it another two.

2) old grainy photos, wants to reveal little information while grilling you on every detail in your life, not sure why but these seem to go hand in hand with me

3)all sex talk, or for the more slick ones, they write great letters, intermixed with the sex talk, but you'll start to notice that the only thing they respond to in your replies is the sex part of it.

(in reply to SunshineSunny)

Post #: 36

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 7:55:29 PM

bdaile

Posts: 69
Joined: 12/8/2008
Status: offline

I agree that everyone will have different red flags, but I agree with most of the ones listed here.

quote:

When it comes to love and being with someone there's no such thing as common sense.

Um, what?!?! You should always have common sense, whether you're falling in love, in love, married, whatever! That's what keeps you healthy, happy, and alive.

For me personally, the red flags would be not telling me their first name after two or three days of communication (and no, Master is NOT your name!), not wanting to tell me anything about their life, or not taking my life seriously. If I'm speaking to someone who gets upset when I say I need to get off to go change my son or something of that nature, why in the world would I want to talk to him again?

< Message edited by bdaile -- 12/12/2008 7:56:19 PM >

_____________________________

~brittany~

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 37

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 8:09:27 PM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I for one wouldn't disagree with any of these.

I misread your post. I am sorry for the other reply! DUH sometimes i can read tooo quickly.

I think most of the posts are very good. there are a LOT of red flags

Dreamer

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to natasha66)

Post #: 38

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 8:15:55 PM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

While I understand what you mean, stella, for *me* 'red flags' are things that, for me, will stop my world from rocking (and yes, a good control of the English language *would* be required for that).

When I talk about them, they're what I've observed that stop it consistantly.

(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 39

RE: 3 Red FLags - 12/12/2008 8:16:29 PM

HalfShyHalfWild

Posts: 150
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Don't rely on other peoples red flags because they are personal to each individual. So I would ignore any advice on 'red flags that anyone gives you.
Instead, feel it in your own gut. Otherwise it isn't a red flag.
Don't see people simply as 'dominant' but as a person.

And get the whole 'fake' myth out of your head.

the.dark.

I think you make a very interesting point about it being personal to everyone. Seems I see a pattern in my encounters and it sometimes matches others on here and a lot times, not.

I also know I've avoided a few that did not show up on my list but that 'gut' feeling was up in arms. I have to regretfully say I also ignored that gut feeling months down the road when we came across paths again and yes, big mistake. That one also had no strikes from my check off list.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 40

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