RE: when is the right time to tell someone here about something they must Know

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RE: when is the right time to tell someone here about s... - 12/16/2008 8:12:01 PM

talktomeplease

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Ok. So have you had 80% of the people you've dated tell you before meeting (or frankly, ever) that they have oral Herpes? Have you had a quarter of all women tell you they have genital Herpes? My guess is, no. So there are a lot of people out there that you'd rule out as friends. I find that an odd decision, but obviously yours to make, *as long as you are aware* of how common it is and how common it is not to tell.

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RE: when is the right time to tell someone here about s... - 12/16/2008 8:35:01 PM

RedMagic1

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You have a chip on your shoulder that is fifty feet high. I had a long term girlfriend with oral herpes. She took Zovirax every day. I am tested and clean, and it was just like living with any other minor disability. You figure out a routine to manage it, and don't really have to think about it after a while.

For someone with a username like "talktomeplease" you sure do advocate deceit.

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RE: when is the right time to tell someone here about s... - 12/16/2008 8:41:11 PM

Lynnxz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: talktomeplease

Ok, why? Why does anyone have an obligation to tell someone about any type of Herpes before meeting? A meeting does not imply you are going to have sex with the person, nor even kiss.

Erm... just... freaking shows good character I guess. Lots of people may have it, but I don't want it, and if the person does have it I want to know they are on meds for it, and are doing their best NOT to spread it.

Just because you don't talk about it doesn't mean it isn't there....

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RE: when is the right time to tell someone here about s... - 12/16/2008 8:47:21 PM

stella41b

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I have a simplified approach, where the principle is the sooner the better, irrespective of what the particular 'bombshell' is.

If you ever get rejected for something you have revealed about yourself then you were never accepted as a person and it's better to be sooner than later.

Besides, what you might see as a 'bombshell' may not be seen the same way by the other person.

But the actual time and place when you make your revelations is only something you can feel. You can get it right or you can get it wrong, but look at it this way, if it's not going to make a difference to the other person there is no wrong time.

People don't come with user manuals nor are personal relationships ever covered in insurance policies. They're just too risky.

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RE: when is the right time to tell someone here about s... - 12/16/2008 9:24:41 PM

proudsub

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quote:

I searched the subjects 5 pages deep and nothing. There was one that was close to my subject matter but didn't answer my question

If you click "search" in the top right corner of this page and put in a keyword you can search all the forums. Just so you know, since you are new to the forums.

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RE: when is the right time to tell someone here about s... - 12/17/2008 4:01:09 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: needstheOne

Thank you the question has been answered . I again thank A/all that have helped me with this topic.

SS answered the question for me. I will tell before first kiss. LONG before.

And the reason I won't be more telling here is That I get like ten views a day I like that # it is up from zero I would like to keep it that way:D

So you've got a criminal record. Well, that may or may not, be a big deal. Most people have done SOMETHING illegal in their life. Hell, to get technical I still do illegal stuff everyday, like speeding........and occasionally one other activity. Not to mention, BDSM play is technically illegal in most places.

My adult son has quite a healthy rap sheet from his late teens and early twenties. Stupid shit like stealing, not paying fines, driving on a suspended license....multiple times. Yet, today, not that many years later, after becoming a parent, he is a totally different man. If he found a wallet full of cash he would return it exactly as he found it....which is a big deal for a broke dad trying to support himself. Yet, he has zero problem having women around, usually more than he wants. He is honest with them, and usually will even go online and show them his criminal history (we can find that stuff out online here), just to give them the full picture. I don't think one has run.

Now, if your stuff is more personal than his, assault or something along that line, be prepared to give full disclosure. I would give a person a chance if they had been completely honest and told me they had been a putz, but if I found out later that they had lied/omitted details, they would be gone in a heartbeat. No second chance, no refund.

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RE: when is the right time to tell someone here about s... - 12/17/2008 4:47:55 AM

MmeGigs

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
I have a simplified approach, where the principle is the sooner the better, irrespective of what the particular 'bombshell' is.

That would be my way of going about things, too. I spill everything early on, on the theory that it saves aggravation and heartache later on. Fortunately, my hubby isn't quite as forthcoming. He dropped his bombshell when we started talking seriously about cohabitation. Danged good thing, too. Had he told me before I fell for him, I would have cut him loose. As it was, I had to do some hard thinking, but I decided he was worth keeping.

< Message edited by MmeGigs -- 12/17/2008 4:49:27 AM >

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RE: when is the right time to tell someone here about s... - 12/17/2008 5:38:15 AM

ItalianSMistress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

It depends on what "it" is and how likely it is to affect any future relationship. Example: If you are a parent, that's something you should probably mention in your profile. However, if you're diabetic, that can wait until you're comfortable enough to start talking about pre-play negotiation.

Depending on the nature of "it" you'll have to decide when to bring it up on a case by case basis. Only you can decide how long it will take for someone to "get to know you" well enough for you to be comfortable bringing it up.

I am just wondering why your opinion is that parents should state so in their profiles?

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RE: when is the right time to tell someone here about s... - 12/17/2008 7:37:04 AM

GreedyTop

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A lot of people don't want to partner with someone that has kids.

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RE: when is the right time to tell someone here about s... - 12/17/2008 8:06:29 AM

ItalianSMistress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

A lot of people don't want to partner with someone that has kids.

Er, I guess that just never occured to me, my partners are generally not that close to my life that they ever met my kids, not even after years and years. Sometimes I forget that the way I do things is not the norm......

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RE: when is the right time to tell someone here about s... - 12/17/2008 8:34:35 AM

persephonee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

A lot of people don't want to partner with someone that has kids.

No chit...i thought i got a chick magnet upon my breakup...little did i know.

But conversely, i need to be looking in that direction since the other occupant isnt going anywhere just yet.

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RE: when is the right time to tell someone here about s... - 12/17/2008 8:53:06 AM

chamberqueen

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The thing that jumped immediately to mind for me is your marital status. I would want to know very early on if my potential partner is married. It doesn't bother some people at all but is a hard limit for others. I have also heard from people in the past that have a physical handicap that they don't know whether to talk about.

I have a slight limp and have low blood sugar. Neither will necessarily have anything to do with a session but I feel it important to share these facts early on with a partner. A Dom might not be able to see the difference between sub space and going into a hypoglycemic coma if he is not prepared. The problem with the leg means that I can't wear high heels and there have been partners on both sides of the whip that have wanted nothing to do with me because of that. If they are that shallow I would prefer to know it right away.

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RE: when is the right time to tell someone here about s... - 12/17/2008 11:42:59 AM

SylvereApLeanan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ItalianSMistress
I am just wondering why your opinion is that parents should state so in their profiles?

Some people don't want to date/play/etc. with others who have offspring if said offspring is living with the other. I like to know if a potential partner is also a parent. Custody agreements may preclude or restrict a relationship with some people. Since I'm looking for a 24/7 live-in relationship, knowing whether or not a potential partner has offspring factors into the equation. In the interests of saving time for everyone, I think it's appropriate to state it in the profile. I'm a parent with offspring living with me so I've done it myself.

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RE: when is the right time to tell someone here about s... - 12/17/2008 2:19:58 PM

pixidustpet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

The thing that jumped immediately to mind for me is your marital status. I would want to know very early on if my potential partner is married. It doesn't bother some people at all but is a hard limit for others. I have also heard from people in the past that have a physical handicap that they don't know whether to talk about.

I have a slight limp and have low blood sugar. Neither will necessarily have anything to do with a session but I feel it important to share these facts early on with a partner. A Dom might not be able to see the difference between sub space and going into a hypoglycemic coma if he is not prepared. The problem with the leg means that I can't wear high heels and there have been partners on both sides of the whip that have wanted nothing to do with me because of that. If they are that shallow I would prefer to know it right away.

i cant wear heels either (tore the ligaments loose on the r foot in 1980) and i never thought of it as someone being shallow for not wanting me for that reason. for whatever reason, that's important to *them*. maybe they like to go dancing. i cant do that either. if its just important for fetish reasons, for the look of it? those shoes in my avatar are what we refer to as "bedroom slippers". as in, they've never seen floor outside the bedroom.

but yes, disclosure of the medical issues is key *for me*. i know i'm a handful to deal with, lets let J Random Domlydom make an informed decision.

kitten the obstinate

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