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Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/17/2008 7:09:43 PM

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greetings. i call myself a slave ,i have a submissive nature. But it seems when talking to Domme's about anything, i get told that i am topping from the bottom. i do have a opinion about most everything and before i know it i throw it out there, and get myself in hot water. could it be that i am a swich,or just a idot who can't keep his month shut. simplydesire

RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/17/2008 7:38:30 PM

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I think you need to determine/define this for yourself. What do you mean when you say you are a slave? What do you mean you have a submissive nature?

It is easy to express an opinion and have it misconstrued here on a website and even in person. Perhaps you might like to just call yourself a kinky vanilla guy (you'd be in what I think is probably a HUGE majority-and the common complaint is subs and slaves are large in number) if what you need is the comfort of the masses. But I'm sure you'll still have opinions and still get criticized. Just not by me. I know my own opinon and like to hear others.

(in reply to SimplyDesire)

RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/17/2008 7:53:19 PM

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Thankyou for that honest answer without tearing me apart.i guess i don't know what I truely am.To me a slave is like a doormat, that gets walked on. and a sub has say in what happens to them.i have been the slave about 5 years ago and didn't like it.so this time i'd like to be treated with at least a little respect. but on the other side of the paddle i like being in the total control of a domme,without say,it's kida sexy to me.my mouth seems to always get me into trob.maybe i should buy myself a ball gag and wear it when i incounter a dominate. hmmm

(in reply to Celene)

RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/17/2008 10:19:10 PM

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Didn't you post this in another forum? I thought they gave pretty good answers over there. Why the double post?

If you don't want to change your behavior, then look for someone who appreciates your behavior. If you want to change your behavior, it's as simple as you "just do"ing it.

Your ideas about slaves are incorrect when I think about all the slaves I know and admire. None are doormats. Perhaps it's your perceptions of what you're SUPPOSED to be that need to be changed.

Master Fire

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(in reply to SimplyDesire)

RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/18/2008 10:50:14 AM

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Well that statement on slaves was told to me monday by a Mistress in Missiouri. i just want to serve a Domme. and it seems to be harder than exspected.Sure it's easy to find one who just wants to beat me, but i want the whole ball of wax, that my friend is not easy.i have found that missiouri Domme's to be harsh, and some down right mean,i don't want a Domme that just tortures me in all areas, i'm looking for a Loving Domme that i may devolt my Life to. Show me a well rounded Domme like that,and i will fall on my face in submission

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/18/2008 10:58:18 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyDesire
but i want the whole ball of wax
What is the whole ball of wax...in your opinion?

Show me a well rounded Domme like that,and i will fall on my face in submission
Usually a well-rounded Domme wants a sub/slave that is equally well-rounded and understands what he's looking for. Celene and MasterFireMaam gave you great answers. Figure out who you are, what you want and go from there. No one can define who/what you are but....YOU!

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(in reply to SimplyDesire)

RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/18/2008 11:01:50 AM

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Thankyou for your input. The other forum just pretty much treated me like a fool and attacked me like a pack of rabid dogs. Not professional, just mean. i am glad none of them own me.i am speeking with a Mistress who speeks of Feng Shui, and Reiki. Perhaps this is what i desire to feel complete.your in submission..s.d.

(in reply to SimplyDesire)

RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/18/2008 11:08:10 AM

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well thankyou agin.i am tring to find who i am and what i want.how may i do this without asking questions that need to be anerswered, and i must ask these questions. As i said i accepted ownership once before and got heart broken, this time i want to get it right.

(in reply to SimplyDesire)

RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/18/2008 11:17:14 AM

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What better way to explain, then a piece from my Profile:" Once trust is established I am limitted only by my Mistress’s imagination and desires.

While I am a pain slut I also crave the more intimate parts of the lifestyle as well. It is important to me to know that I have earned my One’s care." This is what i mean by the whole ball of wax.

(in reply to SimplyDesire)

RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/18/2008 4:30:43 PM

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From: SW London (UK)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyDesire

Thankyou for your input. The other forum just pretty much treated me like a fool and attacked me like a pack of rabid dogs. Not professional, just mean. i am glad none of them own me.i am speeking with a Mistress who speeks of Feng Shui, and Reiki. Perhaps this is what i desire to feel complete.your in submission..s.d.

First thing, the people viewing and posting on this forum are similar to the people on the other forum.

You have a very good profile, it's coherent, well put together, and makes you a very attractive person to get to know. However here going by your postings you appear to be experiencing some sort of self-doubt, it's almost like you've become lost and having difficulties working out what is what and where you stand. Do you see this too?

I feel the key to the solution for you is to know yourself and know where you stand on various issues. You can ask questions, but how do you know they are the right questions? And what of the answers? Are they the right answers? Much of this comes down to your own gut feeling and instincts. It comes down to listening to that voice in your soul. And what is that voice telling you?

Yes a slave might be seen as a doormat but only if the slave is a slave in the historic sense, i.e. non-consensual, but here in WIITWD the slave is a consensual slave and offers his submission, and is no more a doormat than a dominant Master is a doormat. Slaves in a BDSM sense are very skilled and adept in their submission, it is almost like an art form, a vast myriad of different protocols, rituals, with a comprehensive understanding of internal enslavement and of submission. It is a way of life no less, of going beyond limitations and boundaries to serve.

In saying that I wonder whether you are reaching out too far at this moment to attain that goal, as if this can all be achieved so easily when in reality it cannot, for this sort of enslavement is freedom, freedom from the confines of a much more conventional lifestyle, freedom in submission, when the sacrifice is made or is in the process of being offered. How long can it take? A relationship? A year? Who knows? It does however happen in someone's life and it happens once and therefore is a journey which can only be made once.

Something tells me that you are at the stage where you are discovering this as something new, and you still need to make various preparations for making that journey, just as you would any journey. As you probably know yourself the better prepared you are for a journey the better you will fare on that journey.

Therefore I wouldn't be so bothered as to who at this moment in time, which Mistress will own you as a slave, but instead try to find yourself here and now and to explore your submission, and try to find a willing domme who is prepared to help you and guide you through your submission.

It all goes back to listening to that voice in your soul, trusting your instincts, and accepting that none of this can be forced, but with the right will and an open mind, it comes on its own freely.

So too in time will come ownerhip and that Mistress. But for now I feel it would be better to focus on the start of your journey, and not the destination.

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RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/18/2008 6:46:41 PM

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Thankyou Stella, and Yes i am aware that posting here will be known there. But what i have said was the truth,i asked a real question and they just had their fun with me not Professional... so i still need answers if i have to ask every forum here and get attacted in every one, at least i am getting good advise from the ones who truely care,and that is who i am asking anyways. the rest can have their fun with me as their words don't touch my heart.i now have a book called Becoming a slave by Jack Rinella. I will study this,and any others i can find and i will become a wonderful slave even if all of the Mistress's on collar me shun me. i have the desire simply plain and true.I will not be stopped. You are a wise person and i will do well listening to you.agin my thanks.you have no idea how many emails i've gotten saying they were inpressed by the way i kept my pose during that.i really think that their attack helped me in that area. i am learning so much and i've only just begin...agin my Heart felt Thanks simplydesire

(in reply to camille65)

RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/18/2008 7:10:18 PM

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wow!!! what great advise,and so many inputs,a light in this dark tunnel called forums..Thanks... to:Celene,MasterFireMaam,Carrieo,and of course Stella. i am almost speechless from the Love that has come out of nowhere, i now see i am not totaly alone in this Journey.

(in reply to SimplyDesire)

RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/18/2008 7:13:15 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyDesire

greetings. i call myself a slave ,i have a submissive nature. But it seems when talking to Domme's about anything, i get told that i am topping from the bottom. i do have a opinion about most everything and before i know it i throw it out there, and get myself in hot water. could it be that i am a switch,or just a idiot who can't keep his month shut. simplydesire

Greetings SimplyDesire. Understand that each Domme will have their own way of what they believe a sub/slave should act and their own way of determining what constitutes a submissive and/or slave. This is also true of what most sub/slave feel about defining what is what: though that is a topic which has been discussed to death here on the boards.

How I see this is in many cases we subs do have to endure a bit of flak from others though this "trial by fire" so to speak isn't one to be overly concerned about. The gist is when others see that we have valid thoughts and opinions, then we are taken more seriously. I kinda think that if one focuses the concern on fully learning and understanding ourselves as a submissive or slave then we (myself included) gain in the end, plus we are then able to present ourselves in a better light to a potential Domme or Master. One of the toughest things I had to learn back when I was the ultimate greenhorn newbie, was it is not necessary to offer opinions all the time. I had to learn that when I was owned, my opinions are wanted and are valid, though when my Master wanted my opinion. I had to learn that as my place as his slave, it's not my place to be giving opinions unless asked, being a person how has strong opinions; this is tough to tone down .

Only you can determine if your role is of a switch or not. I looked deep inside myself and peeled back the layers of my personality and illusions I had before I knew what my role and place is in the grand scheme of things.

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(in reply to SimplyDesire)

RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/18/2008 7:48:00 PM

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Okay.. thank you, I'm happy you liked what I wrote. However I'm picking up a lot of tension and anger from your words, which is suggesting some sort of conflict. Conflict only happens when there is a struggle, an opposition to something. This is contrary to submission, wouldn't you agree?

You see there's statements such as

quote:

I will not be stopped

You will not be stopped in what? In becoming a slave? Where is the resistance coming from? Who or what is stopping you?

There's a preoccupation with conflict, with other people, but not just with other people, but more specifically with women, with dominant women. I read your profile and it reads as the profile of a 44 year old man who knows what he wants and appears to know what he wants from a relationship, but however when I read the postings on the three threads, in each case threads you have started, I get a completely different picture. I made reference to this in my previous posting on this thread, in the second paragraph of posting 9 on this thread, and asked you if you see this too. However you haven't responded to this.

So okay, maybe there's not enough information for me to be able to help you any further and make any more suggestions to help you, and perhaps I should be asking you for more information. You see you are in your mid 40's, you appear to know what you want in your profile, so I take it you have some experience with women in relationships. What was that experience? How was it for you in the past? How were your previous relationships in the past with women?

You write of attacks, right? Where are these attacks coming from? And from whom? I've read all the three threads on which you have posted and I don't see any attacks. But you write about women. Is it from women that you perceive these attacks? Or is this simply that the women who have posted to your three threads haven't posted in the way that you like? Is it is this which is causing the conflict?

Then we come to the three threads, all started by you, and the three threads are on 'How do I find out if I'm kinky?', 'Impressing a Mistress' and 'Am I a swich or a big mouth?' You're in your mid 40's and you don't know if you're kinky? Really? Then who do you want to impress, and why? Then there seems to be some confusion as to whether you are a slave or a switch, or maybe even dominant perhaps?

I'm not too sure if you can see what I'm seeing here, or whether you are able to see this at all from my perspective, but you know, I see something completely different. Part of this is not knowing whether you are a slave or a switch. This is a giveaway. You know there's a lot of guys on the other side, and being guys they just want a piece of pussy, and in order to get that piece of pussy they have profiles as submissives and other profiles as dominan males, and it doesn't matter to them whether they find a domme or a female submissive, to them it's just pussy and if it's got pussy it's good enough. You do realize you're doing the same thing, right? I mean, how can it be that you have no idea if you're kinky, or whether you're a switch or a slave, when you have a coherent, well-written profile claiming to be a submissive male?

This suggests one of three things to me, either you're desperate for any contact with any woman. The second possibility is that you have already found a woman, a domme perhaps, and you have become so obsessed with her that you are trying to do anything to fit yourself into the parameters of who or what she wants or is looking for. The third possibility is a little more serious, as we're talking anger management issues and contact with women, and I feel it best to leave what that suggests up to your imagination.

The posturing and posing wouldn't even get you into the cheapest of B class dollar movies.

So what's the real story here?

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RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/18/2008 8:07:38 PM

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Thankyou beargonewild. that was very insiteful. so in a nut shell, Take what i need and forget the rest,and keep my oppinions to myself untill asked.i now know i am not a swich cause i have no desires to Dominate anybody,except people at work.so i will take it easy read alot on the Life style and see what comes to me.While i wait, i will soul search and deside who i am and what i want,then take steps to make myself that person. i'm thinking that is what everyones telling me,in their own way. i now know you ask 12 people you get 12 oppinions,some are the same some are opp.So it is really up to me.that takes alot of presure off, i was tring to become what "they" wanted. i think i'll become what my heart/soul wants me to be,and then find a Domme that matches me. Am i starting to get the point Stella,Celene,MasterFireMaam,Carrieo,and Bear. s.d.

(in reply to beargonewild)

RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/18/2008 8:19:58 PM

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quite simply i was quickly falling in love with one of the Dommes in that thread and it ended. rather quickly.we had talked alot and i wear my feelings on my sleeve(i know i need to man up) i was getting over this person. but when she appeared agin it ripped it open agin and all the pain resurfaced.at that point i should have just shut up ,and went back to square one of healing,but i thought "no" i'm going to go on,and this is where you read the anger,i'm painting on a smile to hide a pained face.Hope this clears it up. s.d.

(in reply to SimplyDesire)

RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/18/2008 9:06:29 PM

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ok i throw myself to the wolfs agin....i feel i must tell you the rest of the story of simplydesire. At the end of oct. i had a great job makeing $800 a week(which is good for here) on top of the world. had a nice house,car, and life. i got hit in the head by a 60# log chain and was forced to file workman coup.it angered my employers and they fired me.it is winter here and no jobs in my town. it is Dec. i have no money,i lost my house,my car, my life as i knew.i was forced to move back into my parents house.i am a strong man but this was too much. then i met a wonderful Domme,and hope begin to creep back into my heart. then when the sudden break up, it is simply too much even for my submissive heart.Yes i am angry,Not at women,or man just at.. i guess me. even as strong as i beleived i was i fell.

(in reply to SimplyDesire)

RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/18/2008 9:33:04 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyDesire

quite simply i was quickly falling in love with one of the Dommes in that thread and it ended. rather quickly.we had talked alot and i wear my feelings on my sleeve(i know i need to man up) i was getting over this person. but when she appeared agin it ripped it open agin and all the pain resurfaced.at that point i should have just shut up ,and went back to square one of healing,but i thought "no" i'm going to go on,and this is where you read the anger,i'm painting on a smile to hide a pained face.Hope this clears it up. s.d.

Okay, so thank yuo for the above and the msg on the other side, it helps me understand your present situation. However as you admit there is anger, and I don't think all this is coming from this one situation with this domme. Maybe manning up isn't what you need to do, maybe it's something else, and I wish I could suggest, but no, because as you will probably agree it's unwise to give advice when you don't really have much knowledge or understanding of the whole situation, right?

I need to know more, much more.. you probably became aware of girls and women years ago, in your teens.. I see a considerable number of sources for this anger.. so where does it come from? Does it come from your childhood? Your mother? From previous relationships? What were those previous relationships? With who? Were they kinky relationships? Vanilla relationships? How did they begin? How long did they last? How did they end?

However what I need to know more than anything is how this all looks from you, from your perspective, how you feel, how you think, rather than what other people have said and done. You are the submissive, you want to be the slave, it's got nothing to do with other people, and what they did or didn't do isn't so important. What is important is how it made you feel, what you felt, what you experienced, how things affected you.

You see anger is weakness, it could be frustration over not being able to change something, anger at someone because they didn't do something, or they did do something, or they gave or didn't give, it could be anger even at you yourself, frustration with yourself, pain, regret, bitterness..

Earlier in the thread I posted that this is a journey, a journey for which you should prepare, and prepare well if you are to find your way to that destination you want to be at, and slaves are usually not angry people. Enslavement is all about submission, and part of that submission is mastery, mastery over your emotions and feelings, mastery over your thoughts, so as you are able to exert from your own mind that degree of control which allows you to submit, to let go, and to be able to do the bidding of your dominant.

That anger is unnecessary baggage, it isn't necessary for your journey, and it's perhaps time to let go of it and to move on. But we cannot move on if you focus your attention and mind on other people and what they are doing or not doing. The focus here at this moment in time should be on you, what you think, what you feel, how things look and feel from your perspective.

So therefore.. in your own words... how was it? What has been before? I'm not talking about now, I'm not talking about what will be or the future, but I'm talking about what was.

Care to share?

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(in reply to SimplyDesire)

RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/18/2008 10:10:13 PM

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To you i would Stella, but to open my heart to the all the people on here would be foolish, as i know that some would gladly cut it out just to watch me bleed. everyone has a past,most have pain from it. but few air it for all the world to see,and try to destroy them. yes i fell,but i have fell before, and i will bounce back. I already have a job starting the 1st. and the house and cars are atainable agin.and hey the Domme.... it was prob.for the best.

(in reply to stella41b)

RE: Am I a swich? or a big mouth? - 12/18/2008 10:18:05 PM

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Mistress Stella. Everyone has a past and there are few that pain has not touch it. But i would be a fool as anyone would be, to open my heart on here knowing there are people reading even as i write this that would cut it out just o watch me bleed. i will bounce back. i already have a new job starting the 1st,and houses,cars, are atainable. and as for the Domme..... prob. for the best.

(in reply to stella41b)

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