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RE: Should everyone switch? - 12/23/2008 5:08:47 PM

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I don't think I could ever be a dominant as I have a real problem with separating my self from feeling the pain of others. Not a good practice for a dominant.
I much rather be on the receiving and gain the natural rush in endorphins being sensitive to my mistress' pleasure in administering her discipline upon my body.

(in reply to JRiddle)

RE: Should everyone switch? - 12/23/2008 9:42:09 PM

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I don't think everyone should try both sides of the equation. I personally could never be dominant. It's just not in me. Some people enjoy doing both, but there isn't one universal way of doing things. Sure, I could try to be dominant to see what it's like, but I wouldn't be happy, so why should I?

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RE: Should everyone switch? - 12/24/2008 10:05:50 AM

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I see the operative issue being "if" the person has a curiosity to try another role outside their usual role. There are some who do believe that one needs to experience the other side before they can be who they are, in a BDSM context.
In theory that is valid yet in reality it isn't. What has to be considered is without the desire then trying to be a Top when you're a Bottom just won't work to any satisfaction (been there done that and ain't going back). I have been placed in situations where my partner at the time attempted to place me outside my role and it was a failure! Over time I had learned what my role is and that is where I am most happy being in.

< Message edited by beargonewild -- 12/24/2008 10:06:23 AM >

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RE: Should everyone switch? - 12/24/2008 10:12:26 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JRiddle

Should everyone be willing to switch at least a little? Would experience on the receiving end make for better performance on the giving side of things? Does the bottom need to experience Topping to be best fill their role? Does one role require more experience with the inverse than the other role? Does this vary with play style and elements of play?

A quote comes to mind while pondering this: "To be a good leader, one must be a good follower." - Quote unknown.

As I have said may times before, I have nothing to learn from bottoming. I will not gain insight into how someone who enjoys those activities feels since I despise them. I would be a bad sub, I dont obey well and would have to force myself to do so at every command. I fail to see what that would show me about being in a persons position who loves to serve and enjoys being commanded. I do not enjoy pain inflicted on me, so bottoming would not teach me how a masochist thinks.
In regards to your quote, being a leader is not the same as being a dominant. Submissives can be leaders as well. To be a good dominant you have to understand what motivates your submissive, but not necessarily enjoy the same things they do.

DV

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RE: Should everyone switch? - 12/28/2008 2:15:00 AM

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No,I am a sub 100%.I have no desire to Dominate ever.

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RE: Should everyone switch? - 12/28/2008 6:49:15 AM

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Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies.

To those who were offended by the word "should", I now understand your perspective. Since I did use that word, one could get the impression that I thought everyone should. This could not be further from the truth. BDSM is much too large to make altruistic statements.

After carefully reading the replies and meeting others in the lifestyle, I have reached my conclusion. Doms and subs don't usually switch. When additional knowledge is thought necessary, the necessary information is gathered without technically switching roles. Testing a new flogger upon ones self before use on a bottom is not submission; it is simply learning the feel of a new toy. A sub learning rope techniques and tying someone down may be switching, or just following the wishes of hir Master. To perfect some techniques, first hand knowledge of the sensation may be helpful. Experiencing needle play or fire play first before using on a sub is not necessary, but may be recommended. Experience using a knife on skin may be helpful to one submitting to such play. An example of something that may not noticeably benefit from experience on the other side is cage play.

My answer to the title question remains no. Different play styles require different knowledge. The best way to attain such information hinges upon what play type is involved. Thanks for the information to clarify my understanding.

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RE: Should everyone switch? - 12/28/2008 10:26:15 PM

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A good question and something I think about quite often as my Master is a switch and I'm not quite sure where his connection to me as a submissive ends and where his indentifying with my experience starts. It doesn 't really matter, it works for us. Having said that, I am not a switch and do not see that my subservience in any way is diminished because I do not understand what is experienced on the other end of the stick so to speak.

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RE: Should everyone switch? - 12/28/2008 10:37:49 PM

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Hmmmm....Great question, and nicely put.

I don't think it would hurt, but I don't think it's necessary to switch for each to fulfill their "role" well.

I think I'd be able to top someone, and yeah, it would be cool to see what it feels like on the other side, but I'm not inclined to be someone's dominant. Not sure how many doms/tops would be willing to bottom to someone just to see what it's like, but I'm sure many have and many do, and I would imagine it does indeed give them a better sense of what the other is going through.

(in reply to JRiddle)

RE: Should everyone switch? - 12/28/2008 11:39:07 PM

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Here is the danger I have found with "switch" it is kind of like bi in the gay and lesbian community. Bi people are likely to be rejected by gays and lesbians for not making a choice and being pure. The same with switch. I actually started out in an old gaurd type enviroment so I am bi and have been sub but I just do not form emotional attachments with men. The sex was good to great but I wanted more and could not find it there.

So now I only play with women and usually subs but every once and a while I switch because I like anal and pain. I do not list switch because many subs have an adverse reaction to it. (Many will not even service top.)

It's funny that I can get into a martial arts ring and end bruised and battered and be more of a macho man but if I stand unbound and let someone flog or cane me to a pain level that is higher than I've ever experienced in a fight then I'm not manly.

So my suggestion is do not switch. You might find out you like it but you will lose a lot of potential partners. Including some that you love because they can not handle it.
peace

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RE: Should everyone switch? - 12/29/2008 3:29:12 AM

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I hold that one has to be true to themselves, so I in being true to myself recognise myself as a switch, not in that I will switch within a relationship, but will switch within myself, so there giving myself the best of both worlds, and what I am is all dependent on whom I am with. I am comfortable with the fact that I can be dom with one, but sub with another, that way, interpersonal dynamics come into play. I see switch as nothing to be maligned, but a very flexible approach in how to get along with others. Being under the title of switch gives me the ability to explore in any direction without thoughts of being un-domly, un-manly etc, those being societal constructs and not necessarily human constructs. I am human before I am what society suggests I should be.

So, I believe switch is good, and see it as a flexible approach, those that do not wish to play with switches, fine, for everyone that is closed minded, there exists others that are open minded, I for one wish to know the open minded, well, they would have to be, to know me. Never to forget, I am in this for me, not for anyone else, I have myself to please, I am my own master and my own slave, my own dom and my own sub.

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RE: Should everyone switch? - 1/4/2009 4:51:41 PM

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No, not everyone should switch. Being more experienced doesn't make you more dominant, just more experienced. Can an inexperienced Dom learn something by watching, or even feeling the sensation....Yes, but unless the Dom doing the training is above the trainee on the scale of dominance....there is no submission and therefore no "switching." It's a state of mind, not a sensation. Keep in mind that I, personally, leave out Top/Bottoms from the discussion, simply because (in my experience, and yes it's a stereotype) they tend to be more about the sensation of the moment, rather than submission or dominance.

Also, some of us would quickly lose our hold on and respect of our slave if we were to submit to anyone (or even bottom for that matter).

(in reply to Aneirin)

RE: Should everyone switch? - 1/4/2009 6:11:26 PM

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I 'switch' for my husband. Only for him and mostly in jest. I enjoy a little pain now and then, but that doesn't make me a twue switch. If I were to say such things as 'I like a little pain' to the wrong partners, they would take it the wrong way.

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RE: Should everyone switch? - 1/4/2009 6:19:07 PM

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I would never presume to say what "everyone" should do, but even though I'm not Dominant, it doesn't mean I couldn't learn to Top. Might learn something from it, might not. I'm not afraid to try, if the situation presents itself.

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RE: Should everyone switch? - 1/4/2009 6:28:19 PM

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MsStarlett...
I must have missed it. Were you responding to me, agreeing or not? Seemed out of context since it didn't answer the original question and doesn't seem to apply to what I said at all.

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RE: Should everyone switch? - 1/5/2009 7:24:25 PM

hizgeorgiapeach

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ph0enixF1re
Keep in mind that I, personally, leave out Top/Bottoms from the discussion, simply because (in my experience, and yes it's a stereotype) they tend to be more about the sensation of the moment, rather than submission or dominance.

Surprisingly enough, you're correct about it being a Sensation matter rather than a "role" matter for some of us. I switch, in both the sm and ds senses. I'm a naturally forceful personality, and there's simply damned few I meet whom I feel any sort of compulsion towards submitting to, even for a few minutes at a time. There seem to be quite a few though that express a desire to "submit" to me - or simply have insufficient backbone to stand up to someone who knows their own mind. SM wise - I'm simply addicted to pain. My pain, your pain, joe blow down the street's pain - doesn't matter, it's all good, and it all feeds the beast in some form or fashion.

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RE: Should everyone switch? - 1/15/2009 4:48:35 PM

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I pity anyone who might get stuck bottoming to me. I'd be asking them every minute "Are you okay? That didn't hurt too much, did it?" Feeling their extremities for temperature changes constantly, needing reassurance that I wasn't hurting them. I'm not wired to top, and I'd be resentful that they were getting all the fun stuff and I wasn't enjoying myself at all.

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RE: Should everyone switch? - 1/20/2009 12:21:55 PM

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You can't change a leopards spots. Why would you try? Some may be wired with the ability to "switch" - but the mere idea of it is anathema to who I personally am. Just as many submissives on here could not think of being Dominant, I can't even picture myself submitting.

The idea sounds like its reasonable - but in reality - too many people are wired "one way" - be it D or s - and it would be difficult to impossible, depending on the person, to be able to change roles.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Should everyone switch? - 1/21/2009 7:14:46 PM

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I have difficulty with absolute statements about most things. This is one of them.
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RE: Should everyone switch? - 1/29/2009 1:48:11 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JRiddle

Should everyone be willing to switch at least a little? Would experience on the receiving end make for better performance on the giving side of things? Does the bottom need to experience Topping to be best fill their role? Does one role require more experience with the inverse than the other role? Does this vary with play style and elements of play?

A quote comes to mind while pondering this: "To be a good leader, one must be a good follower." - Quote unknown.

Just because person makes quote "to be good leader......follower" does not make this so. Many times I see people say famous quotes and act as if quote is word from God.
I could not be submissive. If I tried I would not make better dominatrix. I would only annoy person trying to act as my dom.

I am very good with throwing and catching Frizbee. I can do many tricks. I do not need to become frizbee to understand how to throw and catch frizbee. Maybe not good analogy but only good analogies I know are in Polish and do not make proper translation.

(in reply to JRiddle)

RE: Should everyone switch? - 1/29/2009 9:47:53 AM

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In short, there is no one true way, but I strongly feel that it would be beneficial to both tops and bottoms to experience the other side of things, even if it is brief. It's just one more thing to help the learning process, which is wise, not something you'd have to swallow any pride at all for.

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