kiwisub12 -> RE: Subtle Abuse (12/26/2008 7:02:41 PM)
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ORIGINAL: NuevaVida This is an interesting statement in that it brought something to mind. When abuse is very subtle, very slow, pretty well unnoticeable, the "you" that you know now is not the "you" you end up being, later on in the relationship (I'm using "you" generically here). Such subtle abuse slowly erodes the spirit over time until the self confidence you used to have to gradually and slowly disappear. The strength with which you used to conduct yourself fails to hold you up. The pride you once took in your intelligence and common sense has turned to doubt and uncertainty, and the love you used to feel for yourself has turned to loathing. You may say you would never let it get to that point. You may be right. You may also be wrong. We all, as people, have different levels of awareness and inner strength. We all, as people, have different places where our lines are crossed, and different levels of weaknesses. No one is better or worse than another for any of it. So while one person may recognize and leave abuse before it becomes overly destructive, another may not. It is unfair to believe everyone should conduct themselves with the same rule book, as is often what people believe. Before i got married, i had the gumption to get an education, move from one country to another, buy a car and pay it off, and live by myself, with friends that i enjoyed- all before i was 22. If you had told me that i would end up in a marraige with an abuser, i would have laughed at you. But i did. And i stayed with him for years longer than i needed to, first because i didn't recognise what was going on, and then, because i had two kids and a husband who had convinced me that i couldn't live by myself and make it with two kids. This is the same man that, when i had a letter to the editor published and i showed it to him in delight, asked me who wrote it for me. This is another one of those situations that happens when you aren't looking, and all of a sudden you wonder where the hell the love went. Don't be too arrogant about your ability to see abuse and leave it - it can happen to the saaviest person. Male and female.
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