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rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/26/2008 5:02:24 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		I struggle with this term ... I understand it means different things to different people ... If someone called me "princess" I would feel I was being chastised in some way. One of my closest friends, on the otherhand, has it used as the most precious and loving pet name in her relationship. When she hears it .. she blossoms ... when I hear it ... generally I cringe. To put it in perspective for you; I have a dog bowl engraved with the word "Princess" and I used to eat dog food from it when I was displeasing.

To me princess has so many negative connotations: spoiled, upity, demanding, ego-centric, lazy, indulged, toppy, loud, self important, immature, ... I get an image of some red faced screaming child stamping her foot, tossing her crown at a passing footman and stomping off into the palace grounds. I am aware that to be called princess can be something intensely loving and is often a pet name of choice within Daddy/daughter relationships, something of which I have no experience having always been in very different sorts of dynamic.

Recently I was given a very interesting (though imperfect) book called "Princessa: Machiavelli for women". Simply put it uses the precepts and advice given in Machiavelli's The Prince (a guide to 15th century statesmanship), twists them slightly and explains how to apply them in modern society to getting what you need in life and love but while still being 100% a woman. Embracing your feminine strengths, weakness, skills and vulnerabilities about going into the world not as a woman playing a man's game and being disadvantaged, but as a woman creating her own game, her own rules, and winning. It's very much of its age and, like The Rules, not advisable to treat it like a Bible.

The person lending me the book calls me princess ... and watches me flinch at the name. I was challenged to see a new way of looking at myself, and asked to imagine a very different type of princess to the ones I had previously encountered. I have seen that other way, but only as an idea not a reality... I still shudder at the word because the thought of becoming a pampered, indulged foot stamping thing was ingrained as something abhorent, I would now adore to see a woman I respected behave as, and be called a princess - in the most positive of ways.

so .... my dear reader
  1. When you think of the term princess ... what do you *really* think?
  2. If you were/are called princess is it serious? sarcastic? ironic? loving? How do you react to being called it?
  3. If you have a negative view of the term Princess ... can you imagine a positive meaning? how does that princess behave?
  4. anybody read The Princessa .. care to make any comments about the ideas contained therein?


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RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/26/2008 5:06:36 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		For me it has a negative feel. Rather like a spoilt brat.

If someone called me that.........they would not stay long in my company. And no, I don't think anyone ever has.

The only possible positive I could see is in a genuine princess aka actual royalty. Even then I would expect a spoilt brat.

No, I've not read the book though it does sound rather interesting.

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RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/26/2008 5:14:23 PM   
utopicus


Posts: 97
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		I don't believe there's anything wrong with "Princess"... I used to call my vanilla girlfriend "Principessa" (the Italian equivalent, having been inspired by "La vita è bella", by Roberto Benigni) and I must say she was flattered.
Calling one's Domme "Princess" sounds a bit silly, if not irreverent (as one would expect a Domme be at least a Goddess...), but in a close relationship - governed by emotions as well - it could sound sweet. If a sub girl is called "Princess", than you could be right, it can be used as a pejorative. Depends upon the angle you look at it, really.

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Profile   Post #: 3
RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/26/2008 5:26:15 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		I am going to be the odd one here... I am called Princess. I am neither spoiled or bratty. I don't ever talk back, I am playful but never disrespectful. Sir uses the name as a term of utmost endearment and because I don't have those negative qualities. He also knows I have had ANYTHING but the life of a princess, which I won't go into here. He treats me as HIS princess and He is my benevolent King. Never have I felt more gorgeous, sexy or wanted. I would die before making him angry. So to answer your question, no it's not a negative term in my case, and The book sounds interesting. I am someone he takes utmost care of in life and adores... If that means I am his princess, WOW am I one lucky woman.



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(in reply to utopicus)
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RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/26/2008 5:31:18 PM   
pinnipedster


Posts: 217
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline 		I tend to think of Disney princesses, which is a bundle of mixed feelings, but predominant amongst them for me, as a cross-dresser, is envy of someone who gets to wear ball gowns all the time. :)  (Of course it helps when you have a staff of servants to do all the stuff you don't want to do when dressed up, and to help you into them in the first place.)

I also sometimes think about it as an interesting take on the status of women-as-property through most of history.  Even the most high-born women, living in luxury, where merely chattel to be married off to whatever ruler or nobleman seemed advantageous to her father, and whose main job was to pump out heirs -- male, please.  The "gilded cage" taken to an extreme.

And I have notions of a "captive princess" fantasy, of being part of the spoils of war given to a Master or Mistress who looks forward to breaking me.  (Not my usual sort of fantasy, where my service is very willing.)

I do understand the "spoiled" connotation, however -- it's interesting that many women seem to embrace that interpretation.  On the other hand, you can certainly  use it to mean "I deserve to be spoiled" which is an entirely reasonable attitude for a Dominant woman to take.

In short, I would only address a Dominant woman (or any woman, really) as "Princess" if she made it clear she considered it an appropriate title.  I would not at all mind being her princess, however.... (I have sometimes said that the ideal relationship would be one where I was Cinderella, and my mate was about 90% Evil Stepmother and 10% Fairy Godmother....)

(in reply to utopicus)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/26/2008 5:33:37 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		It's been a bit of a pig-tail pulling term. I even got bought a mug with it on a few years ago.

I think of myself first, most of the time, so I think it's rather apt on occasion. It's not been a negative thing  more of a humourous observation...certainly not a *loving pet name*......but nothing abhorrent either.

agirl







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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/26/2008 5:39:25 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		I have always liked it, but I have never had negative experiences either. I think of it more as being someone precious to me. I call my niece princess all the time. (note. she is 25 and mentionable)

Of course there were the few times I called her older brother princess, but that wasn't quite the same thing.

I don't ever remember anyone calling me princess, I get boi alot, but not princess....hmmmm

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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/26/2008 6:59:49 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I am proud to be a princess.   I don't think that I am spoilt, bratty, or otherwise nasty to be around. 

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RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/26/2008 7:19:25 PM   
scarlethiney


Posts: 492
Joined: 8/22/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

I struggle with this term ... I understand it means different things to different people ... If someone called me "princess" I would feel I was being chastised in some way. One of my closest friends, on the otherhand, has it used as the most precious and loving pet name in her relationship. When she hears it .. she blossoms ... when I hear it ... generally I cringe. To put it in perspective for you; I have a dog bowl engraved with the word "Princess" and I used to eat dog food from it when I was displeasing.

To me princess has so many negative connotations: spoiled, upity, demanding, ego-centric, lazy, indulged, toppy, loud, self important, immature, ... I get an image of some red faced screaming child stamping her foot, tossing her crown at a passing footman and stomping off into the palace grounds. I am aware that to be called princess can be something intensely loving and is often a pet name of choice within Daddy/daughter relationships, something of which I have no experience having always been in very different sorts of dynamic.

Recently I was given a very interesting (though imperfect) book called "Princessa: Machiavelli for women". Simply put it uses the precepts and advice given in Machiavelli's The Prince (a guide to 15th century statesmanship), twists them slightly and explains how to apply them in modern society to getting what you need in life and love but while still being 100% a woman. Embracing your feminine strengths, weakness, skills and vulnerabilities about going into the world not as a woman playing a man's game and being disadvantaged, but as a woman creating her own game, her own rules, and winning. It's very much of its age and, like The Rules, not advisable to treat it like a Bible.

The person lending me the book calls me princess ... and watches me flinch at the name. I was challenged to see a new way of looking at myself, and asked to imagine a very different type of princess to the ones I had previously encountered. I have seen that other way, but only as an idea not a reality... I still shudder at the word because the thought of becoming a pampered, indulged foot stamping thing was ingrained as something abhorent, I would now adore to see a woman I respected behave as, and be called a princess - in the most positive of ways.

so .... my dear reader
  1. When you think of the term princess ... what do you *really* think?
  2. If you were/are called princess is it serious? sarcastic? ironic? loving? How do you react to being called it?
  3. If you have a negative view of the term Princess ... can you imagine a positive meaning? how does that princess behave?
  4. anybody read The Princessa .. care to make any comments about the ideas contained therein?



I have heard the term used both ways. I have seen it mostly as a positive, loving term to mean someone special and treasured. Someone kind and respectful, cheery and a supporter of those less fortunate. I suppose when I think of the "good" version of princess it reminds me of Princess Diana and how loving and kind she was.
I have been called princess, pet, love, and all are positive affirmations of my worth and appeal. I have never had the term princess applied to me in a negative way.
In the negative it seems to be applied to someone lacking in manners, not expected to be responsible in any way, someone selfish and egotistical.
I have not read the book yet but I agree it does sound interesting.

scarlet


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RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/26/2008 7:32:07 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		I like the term princess and personally use it. Mistress, Domme, Madam...pfft! So uptight and old fashioned! I'm a switch and a princess can be either the one in charge or the one in need of protection; perfect! I have always liked the term, even before all this BDSM stuff. It makes me think of pink, crowns, gowns and fair maidens with unicorns....aka all of my girlie vices.

I really hate when I come across a profile on CM with someone calling themself a princess and all the profile talks about is spoiling them and buying them shit and they have such a bitchy attitude. It gives the term such a bad wrap. I know people think of being spoiled and bratty when they hear princess but I rather think of an actual royal princess, regal and beautiful. Or hell, even Xena!

If someone called me princess I'd be happy and hope they meant it in a good way. And in this whole BDSM stuff, I prefer to be called that.

(in reply to scarlethiney)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/26/2008 7:45:27 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		Softness, frequently i've been told i'm a nazi about what words 'really mean'. (Incidentally, i know there's a word i'm looking for in my head but can not find it).  Anyway, when i have issues connected with  a word, what i generally do is look up it's 'real' definition. i looked up the definition for princess in dictionary.com and here's the definition:  
  • A woman member of a royal family other than the monarch, especially a daughter of a monarch.
  • A woman who is a ruler of a principality.
  • A woman who is a hereditary ruler; a queen.
  • A noblewoman of varying status or rank.
  • The wife of a prince.
  • A woman regarded as having the status or qualities of a princess.When i look at this definition and disregard the conotations i've developed surrounding the word, i see it as a positive thing. Were He to say it to me i would have to view it in the context He was saying and then make a decision to trust that is what He meant by it. i have no idea if i'm even making any sense or not.
    Kali

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    • Profile   Post #: 11
    RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/26/2008 7:49:13 PM   
    DesFIP


    Posts: 25191
    Joined: 11/25/2007
    From: Apple County NY
    Status: offline     		Since I go by the maxim that to those whom much is given, much is expected - to me a princess is someone who has much and must therefore have greater responsibility. Not a foot stamping item at all.

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    RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/26/2008 8:23:39 PM   
    missturbation


    Posts: 8290
    Joined: 2/12/2006
    From: another planet
    Status: offline     		The first thing i think of when i hear princess is our mutual friend
     
    When called princess it is a positive thing for me. When being told i am being a princess it is a negative thing.
     
    I don't think anything could change that.

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    RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/26/2008 9:42:58 PM   
    pixidustpet


    Posts: 857
    Joined: 6/4/2008
    Status: offline     		Daddy and TheEngineer both call me princess...james started that and buying me things that are pink, or sparkly, or have the word "princess" on them.  my ex-wife-in-law (that would be the ex hubby's ex g/f) always called me "the princess".  fallcon called me that too.

    its always been as a pet name, an endearment.  each of the people who call(ed) me that have petted me in some way or another, indulged me although i'm not spoiled.  there's a tag on my keyring that reads "My Princess, My Little Bitch, The Love of My life."  i'm TheEngineer's princess, his naughty girl, his baby. 

    for me, its not a negative thing, because i dont use it as an excuse for bad behavior ("acting like a princess") but as a standard ("you look as beautiful as a princess"), or as i was brought up to "act with the grace and nobility of a princess, but reember you are not above anyone else".  (my mama has class.)

    kitten, thoughtfully

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    RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/26/2008 11:56:12 PM   
    eponastar


    Posts: 76
    Joined: 11/19/2004
    Status: offline     		The term 'princess' irritates the hell out of me. I hate being called it and I hate that I see so many profiles on here now that say "I am a spoiled princess and I expect you to buy me expensive gifts..."

    Spoiled, rotton, bratty and just too damn lazy to get a job... Thats my thoughts when I hear the word princess.

    (in reply to softness)
    Profile   Post #: 15
    RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/27/2008 12:02:19 AM   
    ftmyersartist


    Posts: 107
    Joined: 9/14/2007
    Status: offline     		I have used it as a tease and a term of endearment, depending on the person and how I relate to them

    The Princessa is a very good book, a very interesting turn of thought on Machiavelli

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    Profile   Post #: 16
    RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/27/2008 12:38:52 AM   
    charlotteS


    Posts: 203
    Joined: 3/9/2008
    Status: offline     		Whenever I hear the word I get an image of being in one of those really cheap and obnoxious teenage clothing stores with tight tees and pillows and slippers all saying "Princess" or "Angel" on them.  This is a very negative image for me, conjuring pictures of children who are being taught to base their worth on cutesy material objects.  I can't quite describe it but ever since the first time I saw these items I have hated them (and I don't hate many things.)

    However I was very influenced while growing up by a book called Little Princess where the term was used negatively sometimes but mostly in a positive manner.  I always wanted to be the Little Princess, but not because I wanted to be spoiled.  I wanted to have the compassionate, optimistic and humble nature which Sara Crewe had in the story and earned the title of Princess. :)  So I am sure I could get over my bias of the term if someone began using it to describe me in a positive way.  I can even see calling my daughter princess... when I have a daughter. :)

    Also I will certainly be checking out that book!

    Warm wishes,

    charlotte


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    RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/27/2008 12:45:21 AM   
    Celene


    Posts: 158
    Joined: 12/28/2007
    Status: offline     		I'm intrigued by the book you mention. Might just have a look for/at that one.

    The word princess is not an altogether positive one for me for most of the (demeaning) reasons mentioned. To me it indicates a level of youth and/or immaturity.  I am of an age (and attitude) where I find the "title" Queen a lot more accurate and also appropriate to the statesmanship topic you say the book addresses.

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    Profile   Post #: 18
    RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/27/2008 12:46:05 AM   
    MistressRouge


    Posts: 876
    Joined: 3/18/2005
    From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: greeneyedreamer

    I am going to be the odd one here... I am called Princess. I am neither spoiled or bratty. I don't ever talk back, I am playful but never disrespectful. Sir uses the name as a term of utmost endearment and because I don't have those negative qualities. He also knows I have had ANYTHING but the life of a princess, which I won't go into here. He treats me as HIS princess and He is my benevolent King. Never have I felt more gorgeous, sexy or wanted. I would die before making him angry. So to answer your question, no it's not a negative term in my case, and The book sounds interesting. I am someone he takes utmost care of in life and adores... If that means I am his princess, WOW am I one lucky woman.




    What a lovely post

    In the UK, especially south, "princess" is used quite alot as an endearing term, even with strangers, as a greeting sometimes.

    Me being the the heart of the country, the midlands, "love" is used more here, lol, "hello love", etc etc.

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    RE: rehabilitating the term "princess" .. - 12/27/2008 2:06:44 AM   
    persephonee


    Posts: 5089
    Joined: 12/15/2007
    Status: offline     		i get called princess all the time, its always tongue in cheek, and usually only after i have insisted upon it, also tongue in cheek.

    i suppose the tongue in cheek does indicate that the term needs to be rehabilitated a touch...as its used in a joking and gentle way with me, usually in context of me getting exactly what i want, or some such thing (ahem, that hardly ever happens...)

    If i were ever accused of being a princess, i bet i would respond the same way as when im "accused" of being any perjorative term...i immediatly own it and use it as my own and thusly deflect all the harm meant...but again, im just too adorable to throw perjoratives at, honestly!
    After all, im a lover, not a fighter.

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    Profile   Post #: 20
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