RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (Full Version)

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DrkJourney -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/30/2008 10:40:35 PM)

I agree Tress..I also want to say to the ones that read this, let there be no mistake, we do want a strong sub/slave, but please know that there is a difference between strong and jackass...lol

I get those that are a total ass, and their excuse is well I"m no doormat, you just want a wimp, so not true, you can be a gentleman and show respect and not be a wimp.



Lordandmaster -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/30/2008 10:42:44 PM)

Yes, I accept nice and shapely tits too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

Big tits help when the sub's  a girl, but nice and shapely tits will do just fine.



Emperor1956 -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/30/2008 10:50:38 PM)

L&M:  Yes, I accept nice and shapely tits too.

Sigh.  Whatever happened to STANDARDS? 

E.



secretmaster22 -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 5:03:12 AM)

I think you got it exactly right with your assessment of what I want.  Not sure if it holds true for every Dom.  I want a girl who can submit completely, because that is what she desires, not because she is too weak to stand on her own two feet.  I don't want someone who is needy.  Oh yes and good blow jobs help too, especially as I drive down the road and tell her to put her ass in the air and I pull her dress up and finger her ass as I drive by all the truckers.   



CatdeMedici -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 5:34:57 AM)

No drama queens allowed.
 
Willingness to work together to build an U/us
 
No drama
 
Trust that if I got this far, chances are pretty damned good the ship isn't  leaky.
 
No drama
 
Humor
 
Diversity
 
More interested in intimacy then f*&^%$ing
 
The ability to be the Captain of the Queen's Guard.
 
 
 
oh and did I mention, no drama?
 
 
 



DesFIP -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 5:59:09 AM)

Some do, some don't. Some want to be white knights with a fluttering damsel to save. Some want those who operate from fear of disapproval, and some don't. And some doms don't want to have to be barking out harsh words either.

I'm rather easily crushed by a harsh word myself. He starts a sentence, stops just short of the harsh word, and I get the gist and self correct before he has to go that far. It works for us.



kyraofMists -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 6:16:53 AM)

Since I have nice sized tits, I am a shoe in with many, so I am going to make a serious response.  *g*

One of the words my Lord has used to describe me is "fragile".  He has this perception of me that I am fragile emotionally, but not physically.  We joke and tease about this aspect of me, but in many ways it is very accurate.  I am very tender hearted and a harshly spoken word has the ability to cut me pretty deep.  Yet, I am a damn good slave to him. 

My fragility has helped him grow in his own communication styles and learning which tool is best to get the job done.  When we first met, his favored style was what I affectionately call the hammer.  He would just pound his opinion home and just bulldoze over any objections.  This was the source of much pain and many tears that I had in the beginning.  Now he uses different ways to communicate and he finds it much more effective with me and with others.

On the other hand, I don't create drama within our relationship.  I own my feelings and know that I am responsible for managing them.  There are times that I have asked to be excused while I deal with the emotions his actions have brought up.  He made the choice to change the way he communicates because it is more effective for him and gets him the desired results.

There are times that I step away from the boards and choose not to post to certain topics because I don't want the stress of dealing with the emotions the topic brings up.

I don't think being a tender hearted person makes me a bad choice for a submissive.  I think if I refused to take responsibility for my emotions, then that would make me undesired as a partner.

Knight's Kyra



TreasureKY -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 6:24:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

... "Here is one thing I believe is important to being a submissive/slave. You may have a power exchange but you do not give up your personal power. I believe Dom/me's want a sub/slave with character and strength and yes, inner power. They dont seek one that is going to be crushed from one harsh word. They want one who will learn and rise above. If a harsh word is spoken as a submissive i need to express that I was hurt and forgive graciously, but in some ways I need to take it on the chin and rise above it showing stubborn determination to become better because of it. I don't think a Mistress or Master is looking for a weak willed flower that is easily crushed. Be submissive but never loose self determination and strength and the ability to "take it".

If one cant" take it", perhaps submission is too hard. " ...


With the possible exception of tits and blowjobs, I don't think there are any universal traits that dominants look for.  While what you've written sounds good, and while it appears that many dominants (here anyway) say that they do want a submissive with strength, I believe if we got into specific behaviors and situations there might be some disagreement about what constitutes "strong".

In some respects, I like to think that I am a strong person.  I'm able to take care of myself and do what is necessary, when it's necessary.  I am capable of leading effectively and making hard decisions.  I don't need rescuing.

But if Firm felt it necessary to chastise or harshly criticize me, then yes... I would be crushed.  His approval of me means that much to me.  That fervent desire to always please him is a manifestation of my adoration for him and because of it, Firm can rest assured that I will do my best for him. 

It seems to me that if I could so easily shrug off his displeasure, I might not be taking his desires as seriously as I should.  I certainly don't think I'd need to tell him that I was hurt... I imagine it would be very apparent to him.  I'd have to say, though, that the last thing I'd do is "forgive" him.  Why would I need to forgive him for voicing his displeasure?

Of course, I'm not perfect... nor is everything of equal importance to Firm, so I don't spend my life in the futile pursuit of perfection or in fear of failing him.  But it is a weakness of mine that I can be so easily controlled by him.  Whether that is a characteristic that Firm particularly likes or wants, I couldn't say, but I do know that fealty and devotion is important to him. 

I do feel that you hit upon the key when you spoke about being the keeper of your own emotional response, though.  Falling apart and allowing myself to be consumed with doubt and fear would be a poor response to criticism from Firm.  I certainly would work harder to meet his needs, but I'd be lying if I said that my self-confidence wouldn't be shaken.  Does that make me weak-willed and unable to take it?  To some, perhaps it would.



BitaTruble -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 6:29:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

if big tits are a requirement, I'm screwed.


It's only a requirement of the lower life forms. Those of us who are more evolved know that a nice ass is where it's at. ;)



Aneirin -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 6:41:49 AM)

That would depend on the dom(me), but I would think above all things would be honesty.



GreedyTop -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 6:42:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

if big tits are a requirement, I'm screwed.


It's only a requirement of the lower life forms. Those of us who are more evolved know that a nice ass is where it's at. ;)



*adores Celeste*

Then I am in like Flynn!! YAY!



KnightofMists -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 6:48:11 AM)

quote:

  I think if I refused to take responsibility for my emotions, then that would make me undesired as a partner.

Knight's Kyra


That and having a chest as flat as an ironing board!



NuevaVida -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 6:59:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I was posting on another thread. One where the OP was upset by certain posters and what was said. I posted alot about being the keeper of your own emotional response then I added this post...

"Here is one thing I believe is important to being a submissive/slave. You may have a power exchange but you do not give up your personal power. I believe Dom/me's want a sub/slave with character and strength and yes, inner power. They dont seek one that is going to be crushed from one harsh word. They want one who will learn and rise above. If a harsh word is spoken as a submissive i need to express that I was hurt and forgive graciously, but in some ways I need to take it on the chin and rise above it showing stubborn determination to become better because of it. I don't think a Mistress or Master is looking for a weak willed flower that is easily crushed. Be submissive but never loose self determination and strength and the ability to "take it".

If one cant" take it", perhaps submission is too hard. "


So this has lead me to wonder if Dominants think this is true or is there other things they look for?
What are the character traits that you seek in a submissive/slave?


I'm going to disagree with this, luscious.  I used to take a verbal/emotional whooping like no other (matter of speech) but I am in a much different place now, where harsh words hurt me and getting berated by someone I feel submissive to has me hurt and slinking away.  I don't consider myself a weak and wilted flower, in fact, I'm one of the strongest people I know.  But some tender spots have been carved out over time.  This doesn't mean I won't take it or that I won't acknowledge he is right, it just means there will be more clean up than if I had been handled differently.

Your comment "perhaps submission is too hard" seems unfair to me.  Everyone handles hurts differently.  To tell someone they're not strong enough to be the person they wish to be...I dunno, luscious, that doesn't seem very helpful. 
The man I've been seeing recognizes this sensitive side of me as part of the whole, bigger picture of me.  It is up to him to decide if he wants me in his world, flaws and sensitivities and all, it is not up to him to decide if I should be submissive in my life or not.  It happens that he doesn't raise his voice and he doesn't dole harsh words.  That works well for me and brings out my best.  This has nothing to do with submission being "too hard" and everything to do with my boundaries and my compatibility with someone else.



secretmaster22 -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 7:23:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

if big tits are a requirement, I'm screwed.


It's only a requirement of the lower life forms. Those of us who are more evolved know that a nice ass is where it's at. ;)



Amen to that!



MadRabbit -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 7:29:23 AM)

Speaking solely from my personal experiences with the girls I have been with and keeping in mind that they are all from a limited demographic (18-24), I would say that it depends.

When your in a relationship with a people pleaser and have a connection where they are making themselves, to some degree or another, emotionally vulnerable to you and your approval, I think it's important to realize that the dominants actions and behavior are going to have a degree of influence on the mentality of the submissive. Simply because of the symbiotic nature of the relationship where their happiness is often dependent on successfully making you happy.

Is it important for a submissive to be able to handle constructive criticism? Yes. Is it important for a submissive to be able to take responsibility for their own emotions? Yes. But I think it's equally important to realize that the dominant has some degree of responsibility for the condition of his girl's mental state, because of the degree of influence he has over it as the dominant. It's not the same as talking to a subordinate at work who is only their for a paycheck and could give a fuck less about your personal approval outside how it affects his income level.

If someone were to tell their girl that they were a worthless piece of crap who had failed them miserably and then were to absolve themselves of the responsibility of the destructive criticism by saying the girl was responsible for her own emotions, I would probably laugh in their face while secretly holding back thoughts of punching them in the nose.

At the same time, an adult who allows themselves to be vulnerable to the approval/disapproval of their dominant in a symbiotic relationship is a far cry from someone is emotionally immature and insecure with low self esteem and a whole host of personal issues whether they are in a D/S relationship or not.

As someone who has "Captain Save a Ho" tendencies, I have found myself being attracted to such individuals in the past and have had to learn how to see the red flags, avoid them, and save myself from myself in order to avoid the negative influence they have brought to my life in the past.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 7:52:14 AM)

This is edging somewhat too close to that whole "putting subs down for having weaknesses" thread we had awhile back.  I think Kyra perfectly noted the balance and difference between awareness of weakness and using that as a compliment in the relationship, and having it as a crutch to garner attention.

And I think the reality is that while a lot of doms SAY they want smart and feisty, they really want stupid and horny.  But we all know most doms can't handle much of anything in the long term anyway so that's no real surprise.



LaTigresse -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 7:54:51 AM)

I don't mind, and am actually quite attracted to a certain bit of, as kyra put it, emotional fragility. But, with it must also come a strong sense of awareness and ownership. I am not always the most tactful person on the planet.

I also don't like clinging needy vines. I need alone time and don't want to deal with drama and tears over it. So, it's a good thing if they enjoy their alone time too. Don't get me wrong, I like to feel needed, but I need them to know the difference or be open to my teaching them.

They've got to be oriented towards a more quiet solitary life than many are comfy with. Life at the farm is not for someone that likes an active nightlife with lots of clubbing, etc.

Someone that is more service oriented than kink. I love to do kinky things but that is not my priority. I love the power exchange and service.

Consistancy. I hate when people can't decide what the hell they really want.

The ability to A.) be honest but also, B.) communicate well. Communication is a HUGE deal with me. I don't want to have to try to second guess or pry the truth out of her. I want her to tell me what is going on in her head.

Selflessness.........No diva's, princesses, do-me slaves need apply. It's about US, the family, what is best for ALL, not any one person. She is going to have to respect the importance of other people in my life and the level of protection I feel for them. If she is smart she will realize that will also apply to her, not just for her.

And lastly, someone that I identify as a slave. At this point, those that are, part timers, bedroom submissives, bottoms........ are just not for me. I don't want to turn it on and off at her whim.With me it's going to be all or nothing so it's going to have to be that way for her also.

Oh yeah, small perky tatas are my personal preference....[:D]



KnightofMists -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 8:01:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
And I think the reality is that while a lot of doms SAY they want smart and feisty, they really want stupid and horny.  But we all know most doms can't handle much of anything in the long term anyway so that's no real surprise.


you know.. I am beginning to think that you don't think all that highly of most doms.. in fact.. it would appear that you have alot of contempt for most of these self-proclaimed dominants.  *w*



lusciouslips19 -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 8:10:32 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

if big tits are a requirement, I'm screwed.


It's only a requirement of the lower life forms. Those of us who are more evolved know that a nice ass is where it's at. ;)



*adores Celeste*

Then I am in like Flynn!! YAY!


Oh to have both would be so heavenly[sm=angel.gif]
But alas, I dont *sigh*



LaTigresse -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 8:19:04 AM)

Luscious, it is all in the eyes of the beholder.



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