RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (Full Version)

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T1981 -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 3:23:28 PM)

Anyone who thinks that more than a handful is a waste is someone who will never get any hands on my breasts....

:P

(Sorry, had to say it. Just being cheeky. Return to your regularly scheduled kinky discussion!)



Aszhrae -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 3:28:38 PM)

That was for all us girls with B or smaller. Because some guys prefer big breasts.
May not have big breasts, but I have a nice ass. *giggles*

(now return to the original thread)



Twicehappy2x -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 3:34:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

Honesty.

And big tits.




quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Thanks for reminding me!

Yes, great blowjobs.  Add that to the list.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

And in L&m style, great blowjobs.

quote:

Honesty.

And big tits.


Wow! I think Iam the perfect sub! [:D]


If that is all it takes then i am too! Does the happy dance!
 
Grins, actually i believe it takes a whole lot more than either of those. And that while a lot of the characteristics are going to be similar, ie great bjs and honesty, a lot are going to be unique, ie has red hair, bakes awesome cake etc.



mc1234 -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 3:38:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: secretmaster22
I'll take neither.  Thanks!  At least for my collared submissive.  If she's stupid and horny and wants to worship my cock for a time, and has the ass and such to go with it, then I'm not gonna say no, but she won't be a regular.  As far as Smart and Feisty girls, I think most of the time they make me feel like I'm having to force them into submission, which I know is some peoples thing, but it's not mine.  I like the way my Keiko is smart and submits because she loves me and it is who she is.  But to each his own.


Ah, so it's smart and horny.  Great combination!  [:)]



kyraofMists -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 4:10:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Being tenderhearted is also not a characteristic limited to s types. I hate hate HATE, watching on television, seeing in person or hearing about anything that causes harm to a helpless (usually minor) person or animal. I cannot watch movies like that, even those disgusting "donate to our animal welfare cause" commercials that show sad eyed kittens and dogs are terrible. I cannot go to animal shelters without the increased population of my home being at risk.


I had to stop watching the show "Animal Cops" on the Discovery channel because I would get so sad and cry and there is no way I could volunteer at an animal shelter.  We have quite a few pets already and in large part it is due to my tenderheart. 

People often describe me as unemotional and really it is just me hiding my emotions so that I can function.  I focus on my analytical skills so that I don't get overwhelmed with the emotions.  I am getting better at balancing the two, but I am not where I want to be.

Knight's Kyra



persephonee -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 4:59:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
My thought and questions came about from the idea of a sub who is so easily hurt by what is percieved as criticism that they were so wounded. I thought perhaps it may get in the way of meeting a dominant if every negative comment from a dominant is met with the sub falling apart or getting defensive.

You'd think, but no.  Actually they can be the type to get extra tons of attention from the Captain Save a Ho types, specially if they are young and kinda hot (although that helps in just about any case).


no chit....[8|]



Lordandmaster -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 5:07:44 PM)

Well, guys, jest all you wish, but a sub who is honest and gives great blowjobs is worth more than crowns and pounds and guineas.  Yes, sure, it takes a little more than that.  But those are two characteristics that should never be underappreciated.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

Grins, actually i believe it takes a whole lot more than either of those. And that while a lot of the characteristics are going to be similar, ie great bjs and honesty, a lot are going to be unique, ie has red hair, bakes awesome cake etc.



lusciouslips19 -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 5:10:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
My thought and questions came about from the idea of a sub who is so easily hurt by what is percieved as criticism that they were so wounded. I thought perhaps it may get in the way of meeting a dominant if every negative comment from a dominant is met with the sub falling apart or getting defensive.

You'd think, but no.  Actually they can be the type to get extra tons of attention from the Captain Save a Ho types, specially if they are young and kinda hot (although that helps in just about any case).


no chit....[8|]


I just drop my hankie and put my hand to my head and talk about the vapors.



CaringandReal -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 5:50:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Speaking solely from my personal experiences with the girls I have been with and keeping in mind that they are all from a limited demographic (18-24), I would say that it depends.

When your in a relationship with a people pleaser and have a connection where they are making themselves, to some degree or another, emotionally vulnerable to you and your approval, I think it's important to realize that the dominants actions and behavior are going to have a degree of influence on the mentality of the submissive. Simply because of the symbiotic nature of the relationship where their happiness is often dependent on successfully making you happy.

Is it important for a submissive to be able to handle constructive criticism? Yes. Is it important for a submissive to be able to take responsibility for their own emotions? Yes. But I think it's equally important to realize that the dominant has some degree of responsibility for the condition of his girl's mental state, because of the degree of influence he has over it as the dominant. It's not the same as talking to a subordinate at work who is only their for a paycheck and could give a fuck less about your personal approval outside how it affects his income level.

If someone were to tell their girl that they were a worthless piece of crap who had failed them miserably and then were to absolve themselves of the responsibility of the destructive criticism by saying the girl was responsible for her own emotions, I would probably laugh in their face while secretly holding back thoughts of punching them in the nose.

At the same time, an adult who allows themselves to be vulnerable to the approval/disapproval of their dominant in a symbiotic relationship is a far cry from someone is emotionally immature and insecure with low self esteem and a whole host of personal issues whether they are in a D/S relationship or not.

As someone who has "Captain Save a Ho" tendencies, I have found myself being attracted to such individuals in the past and have had to learn how to see the red flags, avoid them, and save myself from myself in order to avoid the negative influence they have brought to my life in the past.


Great post.

FWIW, I think  what you said applies to submissives of all ages.



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 6:01:50 PM)

I'm glad to have read the responses and references to emtional vulnerability and frailty.  It is very easy to feel a sense of inadequacy when you read of how strong and independent so many submissives are.  Not that I'm a weak person, or that I dont' possess my own strengths.  I do.  And yet, I know that I am tenderhearted, and when I am with someone that I am submiting to, deeply invested emotionally.  I feel most mastered, when I am exposed and vulnerable.  It isn't some place I can go with just anyone and something I value immensely, when I find it.  When I am emtionally invested, it also means being in control of how I react to any emotional wounds and not allowing my emotions to over rule my responsibility to the relationship or in how I'm expected to behave.  Still, I don't feel all strong ore independent and knowing how exposed and vulnerable I am, sometimes scares me silly.  Its nice to know that not everyone values only the towers of strength.  I'm feeling pretty Tower of Pisa myself.  I think that a single push could sometimes topple me right over.

What Kyra speaks of, I understand so completely, because I too believe that owning ones actions is important. 





Aszhrae -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 6:05:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Being tenderhearted is also not a characteristic limited to s types. I hate hate HATE, watching on television, seeing in person or hearing about anything that causes harm to a helpless (usually minor) person or animal. I cannot watch movies like that, even those disgusting "donate to our animal welfare cause" commercials that show sad eyed kittens and dogs are terrible. I cannot go to animal shelters without the increased population of my home being at risk.

It is how we handle ourselves with our personal traits that are in fact either a strength or weakness.........at least to me.



You would never see me go to an animal shelter just because I am just too sympathetic and also because I know what happens if they are not adopted.
As for Children Welfare and Animal Welfare adds wanting monies donated to them, I am a total basket case after the commercials have aired, rise and go to my room.
Just to damn sensitive for my own good.



oceanwynds -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 6:18:41 PM)

I am a strong person but I do have a strong sensitivity within me. Many years attending codependent meetings, a strong hubby and now Sir, I have learned ways to balance my sensitivity. People who know me know I can cry at a Hallmark commercial. I am a avid animal lover and understand them better then people most of the time, which helped since we use to have an ocelot for a pet. Sir knows of my sensitivity and has learned to work with it from his own perspective. Certain words will make me crinch, for instance the word stupid. He now has me desensitize towards that word.  

I learned a long time ago to not take personalities on line seriously, so don't have problem with what people say to me. It is different story face to face though with some people. 

I believe strong people are many times sensitive but have learned to reconditioned or control a lot of it. Doesn't mean we don't get hurt feelings, we just dont get hurt as frequently as before.
oceanwynds 



NuevaVida -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 6:33:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

And yet you set up certain guidelines for whom you choose to submit too?? You take responsibility for your choices?

Yes.  But there was a time when I really didn't.  I just wasn't able to, yet I submitted.  I found my way here, through a LOT of effort and work, and a lot of bumps and bruises.

quote:


I dont really think I was intending my words quite in the way you took them.

Perhaps not.  I thought your comment of "perhaps submission is too hard" was kind of mean.  Maybe you didn't intend it to be so.

quote:


I do agree with what you say. I am a tender hearted person too. I may even cry my eyes out over what is said. I then look at the lesson. Sometimes no matter how nicely something is delivered it can still hurt. Yet, there is a certain responsibility a sub must take in their choices.

Not just a sub, but any person. And while ideal, not everyone in life has the tools to do this.  This is where we differ in our approaches, though.  I prefer to encourage and teach, using my history and circumstances as an example.  Telling someone something must just be too hard for them (and to what - forget it?) is not a place I can go. 

quote:


Also, there are some who make bad choices. There are also some that take any criticism dolled out in any way negatively. Or cant be told that they are doing anything wrong. These are the subs I refer to. Its the defensive over every correction that led me to the statement," Maybe submission is too hard".

I understand.  I used to be just like that.  :)

quote:


I do thank you for a different perspective and shedding light on a side of the story which can go unnoticed. A Dominant should not be abusive nor do they have to be harsh.


You are welcome, and thank you in return for bringing up such an interesting topic.

There has been talk on this thread about owning one's feelings.  I agree with that concept - if I feel hurt about something I analyze why, and if I'm being reasonable or am I reverting to old dysfunctional patterns.  Sometimes things just hurt.  When things hurt I figure out why, and what I could have done (if anything) to have prevented it.  I wasn't always this way, though.  It took some work on myself to get here.  I also used to speak to others harshly, as it was the language I knew (it was the way I was always spoken to), and as a result I hurt other people.  My point is, life is a journey and we all start somewhere.  Some paths begin in darker places than others.  While these may not be people I want in my close circle, I am not an advocate of closing doors to them, either.



secretmaster22 -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (12/31/2008 10:37:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234

quote:

ORIGINAL: secretmaster22
I'll take neither.  Thanks!  At least for my collared submissive.  If she's stupid and horny and wants to worship my cock for a time, and has the ass and such to go with it, then I'm not gonna say no, but she won't be a regular.  As far as Smart and Feisty girls, I think most of the time they make me feel like I'm having to force them into submission, which I know is some peoples thing, but it's not mine.  I like the way my Keiko is smart and submits because she loves me and it is who she is.  But to each his own.


Ah, so it's smart and horny.  Great combination!  [:)]



Yes I would say those are both essential.  I know BDSM isn't only about the sex, but I'm a very sexual being so any relationship I'm in whether BDSM or not needs to be with a horny girl, otherwise there will be a disconnect. 



mc1234 -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (1/1/2009 12:22:43 AM)

I agree that the sexual energy must be a match between the couple - if it's out of balance, I've found too many issues arise.    



Aszhrae -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (1/1/2009 12:50:09 AM)

You're correct oceanwynds.
Unfortunately no sooner do I spread my wings than I have them clipped and end up right back where I started. Eventually you just stop trying. Maybe once I am out of here and with the right mistress, I might be able to spread my wings and my mistress will fly with me.
Wishful thinking.
It might happen now that its '09.



NuevaVida -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (1/1/2009 12:57:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I just drop my hankie and put my hand to my head and talk about the vapors.


LOL that made me laugh.  I do know what you mean with regard to the "woe is me" attitude.  Is that what you were referring to in your OP?



greeneyedreamer -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (1/1/2009 2:07:53 AM)

quote:

Honesty.

And big tits.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)


ALways love L& M responses... knows brevity is the soul of wit! LOL



DesFIP -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (1/1/2009 7:21:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEnchanted

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Honesty.

And big tits.


Me? I go for biceps myself.

Honesty.

And big pecs.  [:D]

On the more serious side:
Intelligence, kindness, and a wonderful ability to make me laugh.




oceanwynds -> RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave (1/1/2009 7:46:43 AM)

I not one for talking about my body..but it is not uncommon to have men that I don't know to tell me I have beautiful breast. Always thought that is an odd thing to just come up and tell a woman..shrugs. Sir says I have beautiful breast but no butt. Said Jewish women dont have butts and grin.;) Don't know if that is really true, but I have heard it.

oceanwynds




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