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RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation - 1/8/2006 8:57:25 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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The more I read your posts, the more I'm convinced you should be a civil rights advocate.

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation - 1/8/2006 9:53:31 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy


The more I read your posts, the more I'm convinced you should be a civil rights advocate.


I'm guessing you meant this for me but without quoting it's hard to tell, but in any case, everyone should be a civil rights advocate. It's the only way to try to assure that the rights will be there when we need them ourselves. Those who stand by while other's rights are violated don't realize they are actually standing in a slowly moving line.

Just ask Martin Niemoller.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation - 1/9/2006 7:35:10 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
Yes, I was responding to you, and clearly you are a civil rights advocate. Here's something for you to think about. Alexander Solzhenitsyn themed in his novel, THE CANCER WARD, that the only free people in Russia were in the GULAG SYSTEM. They had nothing left to lose and nothing more to fear. It was a somewhat romantic view of being a ZEK, or prisoner, but romanticism aside, this idea spoke volumes about the man on the street.

Just to wax a little political here, IMO the greatest thing about US's constitution if the FIRST AMENDMENT and its separation of Church and State. The Constitution's weakest component is not in the Amendments but in the Congressional section, wherein Congress has unlimited power to borrow and spend money. Unfortunately, there is not counterbalancing check on this power, so our esteemed representatives are speeding us toward banana republic status as fast as they can. (The Presidential VETO, absent line-item veto powers, is insufficient.)

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation - 1/9/2006 8:16:44 AM   
pettaurus


Posts: 9
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline 		we all have disabilities, just varying in degree.

I myself, I have shitty knees from a fall i took down a flight of stairs 2 years ago. Does not mean I should leave the lifestyle bc I cant kneel for long periods of time. I have something going on in my neck, likely a pinched nerve, or herniated disk. I suffer from chronic headaches and migraines. I am also bipolar.

Because of all of this, should I leave the lifestyle, or continue on, with the modifications IE: I dont kneel for more than five minute intervals. It can all be worked around. Is just personal preference in how many of those adjusts you want to make and are comfortable with.

pet

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation - 1/9/2006 8:31:38 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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Well, I don't think people like me or anyone else should make the choices about what you do. My post to John was really a non sequitor to this thread. I first met him when he fired a shot over my bow on a thread about weight and body issues, and since then I've taken notice of his posts. He is generally a good read and always consistant in his point of view. So, anyway, I was speaking more to him ex. parte of the thread, so to speak.

(in reply to pettaurus)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation - 1/9/2006 9:20:15 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newdombbw

I still love the man to death - but had to tell him I couldn't accept him - be responsible for his health under my care and supervision. (Really wish that for his own health and safety, he'd leave the BDSM scene altogether, but that's his choice, not mine.)

MY RECOMMENDATION: Ask for a medical history and list of meds - or at least discuss this with potential submissives BEFORE play begins.


I applaud the fact that you felt you could not assume the responsibility for him, that does you both a service--however to leave the life may not have been the best recommendation--there is a preponderence of nurses, doctors and parameds in BDSM (hence the popularity of medical play) --I might suggest he find a Dom/me who has that background, or someone who is more comfortable with those conditions--and let Me add, when I was a NO police officer, we had more people get things "stuck" in orifices then we had die in a CSI imagined episode from medical conditions.


< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 1/9/2006 9:21:07 AM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to newdombbw)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation - 1/9/2006 10:00:46 AM   
nelbot


Posts: 95
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline 		From the statements in the OP, this sub was on some medication that either thins the blood or prevents clotting and duely might add to the potential of causing bleeding from an enema or other actions that in people with normal blood constitution would not be a problem. Anal and vaginal intercourse does create tiny little tears in the tissue that are, under normal conditions, innocuous and harmless; but perhaps because of this persons medications that were stated as being taken to allow for bleeding that this might be entirely possible under the circumstances. It would also lead me to suspect that the medication levels are not stabalized and/ or that this person might not be aware of the risks of their activity or their limits.

May I propose that not only do partners, either D or s, need to disclose their medical history but in these cases in ongoing medical conditions they also need to come out to their medical professionals. Perhaps a doctor might have warned about increased risks due to medication and fore knowledge might have prevented this as well.

_____________________________

In life there are no winners, only saints and sinners
of pleasure and pain both have their gain for
what is a devil but an angel in bondage?

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation - 1/9/2006 11:17:15 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		You're going to have to have slightly thicker skin as a Domme and on internet boards so you don't run away when people disagree or even dislike you sometimes.
Your post and points are valid, especially after clarifying what happened in subsequent posts. It seems your prospective is guilty of dishonesty and very poor judgement if he gave self an enema in such a harsh/inapropriate manner that he perforated something that required surgery... He has bigger problems than being an epileptic and on coumadin.
I would encourage you to stay, as there is lots that can be learned from these boards. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to newdombbw)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation - 1/9/2006 11:30:37 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I first met him when he fired a shot over my bow on a thread about weight and body issues, and since then I've taken notice of his posts. He is generally a good read and always consistant in his point of view.
I just read your posts on that thread, I hope you consider them regretable mistakes, LMAO.
quote:

Beauty will save the world
You are something cloudboy, but I can't say what exactly. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation - 3/13/2006 1:30:29 AM   
MarinaBlack


Posts: 121
Joined: 8/6/2005
Status: offline 		You make an excellent point re: knowledge of medical history, etc.

I will say this...

Just because playing with someone with his condition is a hard limit of yours, this does not mean he should leave BDSM.

There are many other Dom/mes out there who would gladly play with someone who has such a condition, depending on the rest of the equation.
Heck, just think how many of us are into medical scenes. Giving your sub their medication could even be incorporated into play.:)

< Message edited by MarinaBlack -- 3/13/2006 1:35:27 AM >

(in reply to newdombbw)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation - 3/17/2006 12:42:21 PM   
MasterVirage


Posts: 16
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline 		Newdom:

I really have to side with you on this. It's a very sensitive subject, and I don't want to be thought of as callous towards others, but there are some serious health issues that must be addressed.

I interview all subs, prior to play, and if there are health problems that can be worked around, it is duly noted. However, one had a severe heart condition, and play with her had to be very limited, and she was constantly monitored. Another had a bad leg and spinal problems, so certain things were "out" with her as well, fortunately she understood.

-Master Virage

_____________________________

"Once I have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow." - H.R. Haldeman, January, 1969

(in reply to newdombbw)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation - 3/17/2006 1:57:31 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		to the OP:

I didnt take your original post offensively. To me it just said

1. Get medical info from potential partners

Safety reasons and lifestyle issue. Safety issues are obvious. Lifestyle issues are that medical issues will/can affect both partners lifestyles, its a "way of living " choice being made here.

2. Assess whether you are able to deal with a potential partners medical issues.

Anyone taking on someone with medical issues is creating a burden for themselves. This is just fact. We all take on burdens in life some we are more easily able to deal with, some we just can't. I dont see it as it being a bad thing for someone to say "Hey I'm not equipped to deal with your issues." It's doing the person a favor by saying so.

3. Made a statement about someone you knew that shouldnt be involved in bdsm.

Well, I dont know the person your talking about but in your original post you seemed to care a great deal about him. So I took this statement to mean that in "his situation" you believed he would be better off not being involved in bdsm. I took it to mean you were saying that from a point of caring.

I didnt take it to mean you meant everyone in the lifestyle with health issues.

I know a bunch of people I could say it would be unhealthy for them to be involved in bdsm or D/s relationships. I'm not being prejudiced towards them, I simply think it would be unhealthy for their physical, mental or emotional wellbeing. Its perfectly ok for me to have this opinion, right or wrong...and doesnt make me a bad person by saying so, in fact it could allude to the fact that I care.

So in conclusion:

People arent always going to agree with your posts. Some people will read them totally the wrong way, some people will jump to conclusions from very little information, some people judge, criticize and just generally think they know better than you.

Others will get the theme behind the post, others will agree with you even when your wrong, others will uphold false beliefs, others will be kind and supporting, others will give some great advice...others....others...others...

I hope you dont stop posting...cuz all in all... it all pans out in the end.

P.S. oh also, one day one person will diasagree with you and the very next day agree with the next thing you said...thats just how it is.


(in reply to MasterVirage)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation - 3/17/2006 10:31:19 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		My first Dom had a heart condition. We always made sure i could release myself when bound just in case.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation - 3/18/2006 1:51:53 AM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		I didn't see the OP as saying that just because the person had disabilities that they should consider leaving BDSM.

What *I* got from it was that she MEANT to say that unless he learned to be open and honest and accountable about his medical condition(s) with his play partner(s) and to not allow them to unknowingly engage in activities with him that someone with those disablities should avoid or at the VERY least allow his play partner(s) to know what precautions to take and what things to look out for that he probably isn't in his or his future partner(s) best internest to engage in BDSM activities.

It is not judgmental IMO, to say that if someone is deliberately not forthcoming with their medical conditions that they are in effect taking away the ability of the other perosn to make a fully INFORMED decision in regards to him and what things to do with him.

That being said, I also think that in some senses it's an issue of consent - someone that is not fully disclosing any medical condition or history that might crop up is in effect denying the other person the ability to FULLY consent to playing with them in a fully informed manner.

So in that sense I can see where one might come away saying if the perosn is unable or unwilling to give or disclose necessary facts in order for the other to be able to fully consent to go there with that person that maybe they are lacking the maturty or ability (or willingness) to communicate about their limits, situation and health in an open, honest manner, that MAYBE, just maybe continuing to be involved in BDSM isn't the *best* of ideas.

Now if that happened to me, and then add in the fact (and I would be able to call it fact if it happened to me, though I can't say it's fact in this particular situation due to it being second hand info and I wasn't there or oinvolved) that he decided to put himself in danger with risky play would make me wonder what other risks with his health he might be willing to make that might place me or his future play partners at potential risk for a bad situation to occur or develop.

And DAMN. This post is nothing but tons of HUGE run-on sentences, LOL!

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation - 3/18/2006 5:55:48 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayne58

Not only subs, but Doms should take that into consideration as well. My Master is a diabetic and if He'd had a hypoglycemic attack (low blood sugar) when we first started out, without me being aware of his medical condition, I would not have known what was wrong and it could have been a potentially fatal situation.

Honesty in all things, including medical history


That's true, but you didn't reject him because of his condition. I'm disturbed by the OP's contention that such people shouldn't be part of the BDSM community.




John, I completely agree with you, were that the case, the community would be down to about 3 people!

I think that having a Dom/me or a submissive with a medical condition is a matter of personal preference and to make a blatant comment about them not being allowed to partake is elitist--IMHEO.

My best wishes in finding someone "perfect" oh and when you do, may they not dump you should you find yourself with a medical condition.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation - 3/22/2006 11:05:58 PM   
knees2you


Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
Status: offline 		NewDomBBw, Excelent Question.

Yes I Believe that it would be nice if people where
more open in there Profiles, but they are not.

I also Believe that Medication is a Big Issue
and that both sides need to be Up~front.

I hope this Posting recieves a Million Responses.
quote:


"Yes I Said It!"


Always, Ant

(in reply to newdombbw)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: A New Dominant's Recommendation - 3/23/2006 10:20:07 PM   
DragonNphoenix


Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayne58

Not only subs, but Doms should take that into consideration as well. My Master is a diabetic and if He'd had a hypoglycemic attack (low blood sugar) when we first started out, without me being aware of his medical condition, I would not have known what was wrong and it could have been a potentially fatal situation.

Honesty in all things, including medical history


That's true, but you didn't reject him because of his condition. I'm disturbed by the OP's contention that such people shouldn't be part of the BDSM community.




I have to agree.  Does this mean that because I am diabetic, am bi-polar and animic that I should not be allowed to serve my Master?  No, that just means that part of what he does for me is monitor my meds and makes sure that I take them.  He does this because he knows that I need this from him, and he does it gladly.

1st Girl Phoenix

_____________________________

**Pain is just pleasure with a twist**

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 37
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