RE: service

RE: service (Full Version)

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PeonForHer -> RE: service (1/11/2009 4:18:00 PM)
Btw, I'm voting for one out of each nostril. It just seems funnier that way. . . . And you could catch them more easily in a pickling jar. [;)]

LadyHibiscus -> RE: service (1/11/2009 4:27:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix quote: ORIGINAL: beeble . . . sweet, innocent Peon . . . . How much did he pay you to write that rubbish? I didn't think he had that kind of money. I know I'm irremediably innocent, but could we all cut out the "sweet", please? I've made great strides in being un-sweet in the last few years and have even, on one recent occasion, belched audibly (albeit in private). I think my efforts at least should be given due recognition. My dear. Just suck it up. We ARE sweet. The words most commonly used to describe me are "adorable", and "cute". Kittens are adorable! GAH!! There is nothing that we can do. Live with it, and move on.

LadyPact -> RE: service (1/11/2009 4:31:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I might be a marshmallow, but a marshmallow with a titanium core. Oddly enough, I say this in reverse. I'm more the stainless steel coated marshmellow. Tough on the outside, but soft on the inside.

beargonewild -> RE: service (1/11/2009 4:55:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I might be a marshmallow, but a marshmallow with a titanium core. Oddly enough, I say this in reverse. I'm more the stainless steel coated marshmellow. Tough on the outside, but soft on the inside. not taking any chances and being very very respectful Ignore the bear, he's just quickly passing through!

LadyHibiscus -> RE: service (1/11/2009 5:02:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: beargonewild quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I might be a marshmallow, but a marshmallow with a titanium core. Oddly enough, I say this in reverse. I'm more the stainless steel coated marshmellow. Tough on the outside, but soft on the inside. not taking any chances and being very very respectful Ignore the bear, he's just quickly passing through! snorgles her Bearalicious

beargonewild -> RE: service (1/11/2009 5:10:08 PM)
snuggles in Lady H's lap

Lynnxz -> RE: service (1/11/2009 6:09:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: beeble quote: PeonForHer wrote: The appearance of a man's nuts projecting from his nostrils would be unpleasant, I would imagine. Damn right. They'd dangle in his soup, for a start. beeble. lmfao! chokes on smoothie

hairslave -> RE: service (1/11/2009 6:18:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lateralist1 Why do men see performing simple tasks for a woman as humiliating? i For one,... do not find doing things for a Domme,. as being to humiliating to do or as being below me,... be it cleaning, laundry or just geting the door for Her. i Have always enjoyed doing for the woman in my life. To me, doing all i can for Her without having to be supervised or, without expectations in return, just to free up Her time and energy and, (or) to make Her live effort free is the best way to show true devotion to Her. Now i long to become a Domme’s personal property doing for Her, however She pleases me to,. without Her having to or, made to feel like She is in anyway obligated in return. To me our only reward should be seeing and knowing that She is satisfied with our performance. we should be greatful for anything that comes back to us and,. see it as being over and above what we diserve.

ShaktiSama -> RE: service (1/11/2009 8:28:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer OK, here I go with probably yet another of my famously simplistic questions: Suppose he demands to feel humiliated to do a job and get a buzz out of it. Why can't a dommie just do something like whip him every now and then (or kick him up the bum or even just give him a tongue-lashing - whatever he finds humiliating)? Doesn't that ever work? No, it really doesn't. Not for me, anyway. For a variety of reasons, not least being that getting things done in and around my house is not a kink. It's just a necessity. In addition, a man who makes "demands" ("make sure I feel humiliated or I won't get my buzz and I won't serve you") is a huge turn-off in every possible way. If I wanted a man to dominate my life, I'd just get topped from the top, thanks. Any person, male or female, who demands that I pour energy into him in order to force him to do something simple and trivial is, quite frankly, wasting my time. I am not a professional domme and I am not getting paid to whip anyone's ass over every meaningless triviality of housework and day-to-day needs. Yes, I appreciate service, and I try to play with my submissive in fun ways to reward the time and energy that he spends taking care of me. I also try to join him in chores like cooking, cleaning, and laundry when I have the time. But what I need overall in a submissive is someone who takes care of things--thoughtfully, efficiently, and without draining me dry. If I really have to chase a man around to get a simple job done, I am a million times better off just doing it myself, or hiring a real (non-kinky) professional. My time is worth more money than most maid services charge, and even if I had to do all my housework myself I would be less emotionally and physically exhausted than I am after having to cope with the sexual demands of a person who can't do even the simplest thing unless I stand behind him with a whip in my hand like a lion-tamer.

LadyPact -> RE: service (1/11/2009 8:39:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: beargonewild snuggles in Lady H's lap If you think that's a safe place, you might want to forget it. I know I can get her to trade you for a box of those Nanaimo bars.

chezzy71 -> RE: service (1/12/2009 10:08:48 AM)
simply put,there is nothing more humiliating than not being wanted or desired.how humiliation gets coupled in with service here has me confused a bit.

Lockit -> RE: service (1/12/2009 10:33:50 AM)
At my house, the parent taught them to survive in the real world and take care of themselves. If I have to watch over and teach someone how to do what my um's could do at a young age... what does that say to a woman like me? It says... mama didn't do her job and now 'he' expects me to do it... but... wth is wrong with him that at this age he would need anyone to tell him how to do it??? Why must I show the benefit of doing things that need to be done? He doesn't know that we can't play until the work is done for the most part? Do I need to teach him to think too? Would that make a good lover for me? I think not! Yes, when I am pleased and real life is dealt with... the party is on. Yes he will get his... but real life... and I, have to be dealt with first and that doesn't mean he is totally ignored, but if I must entice him to do what needs to be done... who is serving here? Cause and effect... okay, someone can argue that I am sure. But nothing will be established with me unless I have a grown up who knows how to clean and cook at least for himself and knows the worth of such things. If I have to teach more than that or entice... he is being sent home to mama, no detention, do not pass go and collect anything... mama is calling and I am not your mama. When did dominant come to mean teacher of all household and real life things? I am not doing elementary basic's at my age. They either know them and can do them without punishement, correction or enticements or they are gone. Really there is nothing superior in being able to teach these things to the self imposed ignorance out there. I have found that the one's who need the most tend to think a dominant must be superior and they must be helpless. No thank you... They don't seem too helpless when it comes to knowing how they like to get off! What is truely humiliating is having a submissive that thinks real life is humiliating.

lateralist1 -> RE: service (1/12/2009 12:13:24 PM)
Unfortunately in my experience in England very few mothers teach their sons anything at all about looking after themselves or anyone else. We seem to still have a mother will do it attitude. I was thinking about more personal services (not sexual). Which seem to be seen as a females role rather than a mans so therefore humiliating for a man to do. I love having my hair washed for me and my shoes put on. It makes life so much easier.

AAkasha -> RE: service (1/12/2009 12:40:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer OK, here I go with probably yet another of my famously simplistic questions: Suppose he demands to feel humiliated to do a job and get a buzz out of it. Why can't a dommie just do something like whip him every now and then (or kick him up the bum or even just give him a tongue-lashing - whatever he finds humiliating)? Doesn't that ever work? Other people have given fine answers to this but I'll add a couple more observations from firsthand experience with houseboys and service subs. The first one is that it's true that it's just easier to pay a maid and get housework done without being expected to dominate in return. Even if a little whip cracking or kick in the bum or "making him clean naked" or adding verbal humiliation are the only "things" expected, the work performed is never done as well as a paid maid. And the expectation for motivation is always higher. It just takes a lot longer to get the same stuff accomplished than it would have if I did it myself, or paid cash to have it done. Time is money - my time is valuable. But the second part is what I think is more important. The act of "domination" is not easy. Nor does it just flick on and off like a light switch. Nor does it come without fuel - and that fuel, for me, is either lust or affection. In addition, it isn't an endless running machine - it requires additional fuel to keep it going. Even barking commands from the comfort of a recliner has an emotional "price." If I am running on high fuel (lots of lust) - oh, it is WELL worth it and the engine runs smoothly. If it's running on fumes (obligation is a horrible drain) it runs like a crappy engine. It sucks the energy right out of me. There is nothing enjoyable about it. It's emotionally taxing. I think some subs just believe femdoms have an endless amount of this fuel in them. It doesn't work that way, at least for me. When properly driven by lust or desire, I can dominate in a variety of ways and it's a self fueling cycle. When dominating as a chore to 'get something done' it's a huge drain. Could I just "fake it"? Well, I guess, but that's a slippery slope. If I am faking it by just barking commands and going through the motions, I'm running on the crappiest fuel around, and it screws up my engine. Then it makes it even more challenging when running on the best fuel ever because my engine is screwed up. Wow, horrible analogy! But - maybe it makes sense. Giving commands to get domestic stuff done is not generally my idea of fun, lustful play. It can be, when I am really in the mood -- but that's more about the PLAY than the chores, at that point. Subs need to realize that the dominant frame of mind is taxing. It requires energy and calculation, even if it seems, to you, that it should be easy and/or natural and can be turned on and off and will. If I had that kind of endless energy supply and could run on any kind of "fuel" that'd be another story. Akasha

AlexandraLynch -> RE: service (1/12/2009 1:28:33 PM)
In regard to the above scenario, there's several ways to deal with it. I tend to walk through the cleaning process verbally with anyone, because I have a few quirks in the way I like things done. So "I didn't know where the trash bags were" is bullshit. I do not reward bullshit with playtime. Or, at least, not playtime he likes. And there will be a discussion on why it is one does not deliver bullshit to one's Mistress and pretend it's gold, and if he hadn't realized that isn't acceptable before, he will know it when I'm done. If it's "I didn't see", then I will ask him "Does the stove look like it just came from the showroom?" "No." "Where does it differ?" And that is teaching a man to see. You do have to learn to see, and I am willing to spend time now in order to get a trained servant. Of course, if you pretty much just phone in "clean up the kitchen", and I have to spend forty minutes teaching you how it's done properly , that's forty less minutes you are going to get to spend in playtime. And you decided that, not me. Consequences of your actions. But if I issue an order, there will be compliance with the order. Even if it takes me all evening to achieve it. See my sig.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: service (1/12/2009 1:32:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: beargonewild snuggles in Lady H's lap If you think that's a safe place, you might want to forget it. I know I can get her to trade you for a box of those Nanaimo bars. I wouldn't trade my Bear for anything!! This is not to imply that he would be entirely safe, of course.... [8D]

PeonForHer -> RE: service (1/12/2009 2:32:07 PM)
Hello Akasha - it's good to see you back here. But the second part is what I think is more important. The act of "domination" is not easy. Nor does it just flick on and off like a light switch. Nor does it come without fuel - and that fuel, for me, is either lust or affection. In addition, it isn't an endless running machine - it requires additional fuel to keep it going. Even barking commands from the comfort of a recliner has an emotional "price." If I am running on high fuel (lots of lust) - oh, it is WELL worth it and the engine runs smoothly. If it's running on fumes (obligation is a horrible drain) it runs like a crappy engine. It sucks the energy right out of me. There is nothing enjoyable about it. It's emotionally taxing. For me, at least, that's more than fine - because, of course, the act of submission isn't always going to be easy either. I'd take it that I'm not going to get a buzz out of everything I'm "ordered" to do or "funished" because I didn't do well. I'd rather do it out of bog-standard, vanilla-style love, affection, or even just friendship, instead. I think I might have a modicum of that available to a partner to be drawn upon in emergencies. [;)]

Lockit -> RE: service (1/12/2009 3:07:34 PM)
LOL Peon...

AAkasha -> RE: service (1/12/2009 3:58:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer Hello Akasha - it's good to see you back here. But the second part is what I think is more important. The act of "domination" is not easy. Nor does it just flick on and off like a light switch. Nor does it come without fuel - and that fuel, for me, is either lust or affection. In addition, it isn't an endless running machine - it requires additional fuel to keep it going. Even barking commands from the comfort of a recliner has an emotional "price." If I am running on high fuel (lots of lust) - oh, it is WELL worth it and the engine runs smoothly. If it's running on fumes (obligation is a horrible drain) it runs like a crappy engine. It sucks the energy right out of me. There is nothing enjoyable about it. It's emotionally taxing. For me, at least, that's more than fine - because, of course, the act of submission isn't always going to be easy either. I'd take it that I'm not going to get a buzz out of everything I'm "ordered" to do or "funished" because I didn't do well. I'd rather do it out of bog-standard, vanilla-style love, affection, or even just friendship, instead. I think I might have a modicum of that available to a partner to be drawn upon in emergencies. [;)] Ahh but that's the rub. There are men - both kinky AND vanilla - who get a very deep satisfaction out of serving because of deep devotion and love. I have a deeply devoted, very service minded mate who is also very domestic. When he bakes bread, he gets tremendous pleasure from it, even though I don't nearly thank him every day. When he proactively buys new makeup brushes for me because he thinks they need to be replaced, he does that out of affection and devotion. All the things he does to take care of me are pleasurable because he knows they make me happy....but I can say the same for a handful of men I know who are the caretakers/devotees/"pussywhipped" men of lovely women yet they do not have a kinky dynamic..AT ALL! It's more about their social, romantic wiring. When a submissive is "service oriented" and connects quickly with a femdom who "likes to be served" that does not mean the chemistry and connection is instant. If either person expects that kind of mutual satisfaction to be instant I think there will be a lot of disappointment. While it can happen, I suspect it is rare. What would be more common is a submissive who feels taken advantage of because he's not getting enough praise or rewards or funihsment, and/or a femdom who is getting annoying because her "service" submissive is demanding and has expectations. In the first weeks of dating, of course, this is a recipe for disaster. Months into a relationship when deep affection is in place, the desire to serve and pamper is sincere, and the appreciation and adoration is on both sides. But when a service submissive imagines how wonderful and fulfilling it will be to serve a lady in this manner, he's got to take into consideration that a process of mutual affection must be in place and built up first or else it will be mechanical, under-appreciated and fake. And for her, she'll feel smothered or annoyed. This is my experience. The men I have observed (both kinky and non kinky) who thrive on being service-minded are not flamboyant or "easy" about their nature; they hold it close to the heart and don't get that way until they trust they are not taken advantage of. But once the mutual affection is in place, he'll walk in hot coals just to bring her breakfast in bed - simply to see a smile. Akasha

DavanKael -> RE: service (1/12/2009 5:34:18 PM)
Thankfully, not all do. Nor do all women see performing simple tasks for males humiliating. For almost every all/nothing, always/never assertion, there is an exception. Service done well for someone appreciative of the deference is an elevation, not a humiliation. Acceptance of the servitude with grace is also an elevation, not a humiliation, imo. Davan

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