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A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 8/10/2004 11:10:04 PM

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I have seen recently how a few subs throw themselves on Doms. I find this distasteful,because the Doms have someone in their lives and they donot tell the wannabes to leave them alone,politely .. I would like to see Doms,respectful and loyal to their soulmates again..Some of these wannabe subs/slaves need to be straightened out and the Doms need to have their dignity brought back into the lifestyle and in chatrooms if this is where they go or end up.. This is my opinion but I would like to see more respect and honor used more here and everywhere else Sirs.. Thank You for Your time... be well serenity

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serenity

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 8/10/2004 11:33:10 PM

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I am responding to your post, however, I am not one of those Doms you describe. I have encountered that situation, a sub who would not "back off". She was a trainee of my late concubine and I, and she was informed of "protocol" as we saw it.
The problem I think you are talking of is not simply wannabe subs, but wannabe Doms as well. The answer is to teach them the respect and discipline that that goes along with our way of life, those who don't listen, well what can you do but identify and ignore?
Lord Shadow

(in reply to serenity2u)

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 8/11/2004 7:54:02 AM

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From: Brisbane, Australia
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Then you get those doms who throw themselves at subs who are in relationships.

Some people just choose to ignore the boundaries of other people's relationships.

Trying to woo someone already involved isn't necessarily going to be an act of a cretin (it's possible they didn't know the person was involved), but if you're committed, then you've got nothing to worry about.

(I think that made sense. It's very late here)

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RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 8/11/2004 8:03:36 AM

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I did a posting about the very thing should a little more respect and I got slammed. I think we are getting the vanilla world bleeding into the bdsm lifestyle. Every one wants to treat this lifestyle in vanilla terms when in fact we need to raise the level of how we treat each other. I am not saying I expect subs and slave to call not every Master/Mistress Master and Mistress. I think we need to do better with etiquette as a whole. This is my viewpoint and how I feel.

(in reply to serenity2u)

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 8/11/2004 9:09:27 AM

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Hell... I'm having enough problems finding interested slaves who can wrap their heads around the fact that I am in a committed poly relationship. If I "throw" myself at someone...(Which I can't imagine myself doing) I am looked at like I'm skulking around in the dark, cheating on my slave, and looking to tarnish the virtue of all the wonderful slaves out there.

Slaves don't "throw" themselves at me...as they see very clearly that I own a girl and am very happy in that relationship.

So as you can see...I'm at a bit of an empasse.

(Did I get off topic?)

I agree that honor should become more of a focus, serenity2u... as should courtesy, self respect, responsibility, honesty, valor, courage..

(need more coffee...)

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to serenity2u)

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 8/11/2004 9:29:07 AM

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A man should honor whatever boundries he has set on the relationship with his "chosen one". No more, no less. He need not conform to anyone else's point of view about how he should behave, whether that's your point of view, or anyone else's.

In the sub-culture of which I am a part, a slave has no hold on her master whatsoever, nor any right to say what he is or is not allowed to do. If a man wants to use some other slave, or take another slave, that is his decision, and his alone. That doesn't stop some slaves from trying, though. They will pout and sulk, or warn those who would, as you say "throw themselves" at her master to "stay the fuck away from my master, you little bitch". It goes on, and we mostly just find it amusing. Some men are more susceptable to it than others. Those who are make themselves the target of some good-natured ribbing from their peers about "wearing the collar" of their slave. Every once in a while a slave will decide to expound on how a "real master" would be sensitive to the fact that his slave didn't want him looking at other women. The response that she gets to that musing is usually quite a bit less cordial than she'd like.

What I am trying to point out to you here is that you have a certain view in your mind of how a dom "should" act and how other women should act around a dom that "belongs" to someone else. It really depends on the bounds of the relationship in question, and the general culture of the group, your particular desires notwithstanding.

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 8/11/2004 9:31:31 AM >

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Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to serenity2u)

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 8/11/2004 10:12:12 AM

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quote:

MrThorns said:

Hell... I'm having enough problems finding interested slaves who can wrap their heads around the fact that I am in a committed poly relationship.

i hear You. Master and i are in a committed poly relationship also. The slaves He talks to don't want to share (at least they're respectful about it), and the "Doms" i talk to believe that because i'm poly, i will help the cheat on their spouse, or that i'm an easy lay.

Master has only been with 3 sub/slaves since our relationship began. The only one that could handle poly is my slave sis. The others felt like i was going to come kick their ass, and i didn't even know them. As for me.... i've been with one "Dom" (almost 2) since i moved in with Master. The one i was actually with disrespected Master big time, and i do not play with anyone who disrespects Master. The other "Dom"..... well, let me put it this way. Master calls him "my little stalker". This man claims he understood poly; he would email and IM (at times he knew i wasn't online) me at least twice a day. All the email/IM would be was a 1-4 word sentence. After i called him once (i forgot to use the *69 to hide my phone number), he called me at least twice a day. This was even before we met. We met, and then he wanted me to use all my free time on him. i now have him blocked from contacting me.

But i digress (rant over)....

It's not just the slaves that are disrespectful of a relationship, it's the Doms too. In fact, in Master's and my relationship, most of the problems we have had is with Doms. But then again, that's probably because Master is VERY clear with the slaves He talks to what He expects. When i do that with Doms, they usually ignore me because i am a slave. i usually end up either blocking them from contacting me, or if Master is in the room He has a few words with them and then i block them.

(in reply to MrThorns)

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 8/11/2004 10:19:47 AM

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quote:

It's not just the slaves that are disrespectful of a relationship, it's the Doms too. In fact, in Master's and my relationship, most of the problems we have had is with Doms.

The biggest problem I had with other men wasn't how they used the slave (I knew them pretty well before they got that far) it was that they'd drink all the damn beer and eat that piece of steak I was saving for a sandwitch and not replace them. The nerve of some guys.

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Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to kirameaMW)

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 8/11/2004 10:33:59 AM

perverseangelic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrThorns

Hell... I'm having enough problems finding interested slaves who can wrap their heads around the fact that I am in a committed poly relationship.

<bitter rant>

Heck, I have problems finding people who will believe that I am -not-. Though I suppose monogamy and polysexuality is a bit hard to accept....it's not quite one thing or the other.

Still, if people listened...

</bitter rant>

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to MrThorns)

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 8/12/2004 5:52:33 PM

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I agree with E/each Ones opinions here, but where are the respectful Ones going to go if theycannot find that One to trust and respect.. Respect is a tough word and a hard word earned,but if someone is taken,collared,or moved in as a RT relationship then all the work used to get that far was watsed if it for someone who wanted more as in either needs or partners.I think the solution would be in my opiunion is to stand for what we believe in and make the wannabes whether Doms/mes,sub/slaves grow up ,meaning ( i love that word) if someone is taken then so be it push away the players,tell them you have someone to just be blunt tell them to " stay away thank you "If people are having marital problems,b/g friend problems handle them away from online,get on the phone ,work them out or tell them goodbye.. Life gives us no options we make the options,either be happy or be miserable..Im sorry to be this bold and blunt but this is a problem everywhere,they use people until they workout their own problems then leave the innocent ones they found..Then we have revenge,dirt slinging and what have you..This is so wrong but yet this lifestyle needs to be taught more here and at home and everywhere else that people go online..So thank You all for your responses I just hope we can make the change and keep our honor and names clean.. be well and safe serenity

(in reply to serenity2u)

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 8/12/2004 9:41:21 PM

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Serenity:

There seems to be an assumption that folks participating in BDSM should somehow be more honorable than the general population, and it is a notion that strikes me as odd. There is no special membership process to be selected to this "club", so you're going to see the same behaviors here as elsewhere. For example, a few years ago there was a girl who flashed her thong at the President of the US, and the next thing you know she ended up with some of his DNA on her blue dress.

Complaining about it is going to do as much good as complaining about the weather, so you should just try and use your best judgement to pick whomever you are going to be with.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 8/12/2004 9:53:48 PM >

(in reply to serenity2u)

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 8/17/2004 7:33:05 AM

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Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
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quote:

ORIGINAL: serenity2u

I have seen recently how a few subs throw themselves on Doms. I find this distasteful,because the Doms have someone in their lives and they donot tell the wannabes to leave them alone,politely .. I would like to see Doms,respectful and loyal to their soulmates again..Some of these wannabe subs/slaves need to be straightened out and the Doms need to have their dignity brought back into the lifestyle and in chatrooms if this is where they go or end up.. This is my opinion but I would like to see more respect and honor used more here and everywhere else Sirs.. Thank You for Your time... be well serenity

serenity2u,

You are referring to what I call “poaching”. But, unfortunately, as was said in other posts, there is no more honor in this sub-culture than there is in any other. Some folks just find it hard to believe that they are not “the one” for whoever has become the focus of their obsession. Personally I find this behavior (whether it is the Dom/Domme or the slave/sub initiating) to be incredibly pathetic and (sometimes) amusing. What could possibly be more attractive than a “dominant” pleading with a “taken” sub/slave to give up their vows and commitments? Hell this kind can usually be found in department stores dropping coins on the floor to look up skirts.

In particular I have found that some male dominants have a lot of trouble with the fact that a given sub/slave may be submissive/devoted to someone else, but not to them. They attempt to call into question his/her submission; because we all know, don’t we, that a “true” submissive/slave couldn’t really not want “me”.

If the slave/sub throws herself at a Dom/Domme whom she knows is involved in a committed relationship, and that same Dom/Domme doesn’t immediately tell the slave/sub that they are not interested – then who is in the wrong? In my opinion both are wrong.

On the other hand; as for the poly side of things (and understand I am speaking from ignorance here as I am not poly) I would think that being poly does NOT mean being available for just anyone. In fact I would think that it means just the opposite. I imagine that being in a successful poly relationship requires being VERY careful not to unbalance things. And in fact would require a high degree of honor and communication between the various members of the poly household.

As for expecting/wanting Doms to be “respectful” and “loyal” to their soul mates – why on earth would you expect them to be any different than any other cross-section of the population? There are those that are loyal and those that are not. Those that understand and honor commitments; and those that never will. It is really no different here than in any other culture or sub-culture.

Peace and light
Terry

(in reply to serenity2u)

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 8/17/2004 6:11:32 PM

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I have to agree here, why would you expect a disrespectual man to be a respectable master? There are unloyal people in every casted mold in every genre of life. Religion, sexuality, political affiliation. It's all on an individual basis.

(in reply to ShadowHwk)

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 8/17/2004 6:44:40 PM

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quote:

Trying to woo someone already involved isn't necessarily going to be an act of a cretin (it's possible they didn't know the person was involved), but if you're committed, then you've got nothing to worry about.

The approach I generally use is to ask the person if they are involved in a relationship.

I find this works best prior to asking them if they want to dress up in a cheerleaders outfit so I can spank them senseless and ravage them everywhere.

JM, CBW, BTYG

Sinergy

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(in reply to afmvdp)

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 9/12/2004 2:24:44 AM

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~Not in a good place right now~

< Message edited by RhapsodyInBlue -- 9/19/2004 7:13:41 AM >

(in reply to Sinergy)

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 9/12/2004 6:04:35 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RhapsodyInBlue

What about a Grand Master Dominant that continues to perpetuate a lie about his exclusivity to the one that he supposedly loves? One that he is planning a life with? We've been through this two times now over the past year, with the same online sub. I was promised that it was over, but it isn't at all... F***! What has happened to honesty and integrity? I am ashamed and embarrased by his behavior with his secret online sub that I wasn't supposed to find out about in the first place. They will never meet because of the distance, but I feel like I'm being used. And I'm about ready to walk. I just don't know if I can take anymore.

What makes some think that because they are a Dominant that they are beyond reproach? You give everything that you have, yet it never seems to be enough.

~Not in a good place right now~

I am sorry it seems that you are in a bit of a predicament right now, and i hope you can resolve it but as people have said on previous threads, if what you have is not what you had agreed upon and the changes are not something you can live with then you have sxome hard decisions to make. I wish you the best of luck. Roe

_____________________________

Roe

People always ask me why I do these things . . .
It's because I can!

(in reply to RhapsodyInBlue)

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 9/12/2004 10:30:39 AM

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I think that we have a couple of different things which happen frequently in this community.

1) Misunderstandings about polyamory/polyfuckery. There are poly people everywhere, and that includes here. Just like in the vanilla world, this frequently causes confusion, both because people are not used to it, and also because poly relationships may have a lot of rules and boundaries that have been agreed to by the participants, but which are not readily apparent to a casual observer. If someone is pursuing a poly person who has existing relationships, they may have no idea when they are suggesting something which would be considered total betrayal and when their suggestions would be fine with all concerned. They may assume things like that the poly person is not terribly interested in their existing partners, that they want to find a more suitable partner and become monogamous, etc. The number of ways to get confused around issues like this are practically infinite.

2) Cheating. As others have pointed out, it's common here just like it is everywhere else.

There are also situations which are not exactly either one, like subs who say they want a romantic, exclusive relationship, but who also seem interested in being shared, which strikes me as complete hypocracy. Dom/mes may pull the same sort of thing, and, while it may be more consistent with their role to assert such a right, it's still likely to make some subs unhappy. There is such a wide range of relationship rules and expectations in BDSM... we dump the vanilla rules, which we all knew well, and from that point on, nobody can safely assume what any of our rules are. If you know that I am, in fact, a Dom, what do you know? That could mean that I'm in what's almost a conventional marriage with a collar, some kneeling and a little grabbing by the hair, and that it *is* a vanilla relationship until bedtime. It could mean that I have half a dozen casual play partners. Or both, or anything in between. If I have more than one sub, I might well have totally different agreements with each.

In my case, for example, things aren't too complex because I only own one slave. I select play partners for myself and/or my slave. I can take on other full-time subs, but if they were to live with us they should expect to take some orders from my slave, since she speaks and acts for me in my absence. I would not accept a live-in sub who couldn't be happy with both of us (and vice versa), because I value domestic peace and harmony. I have enough stress at work without coming home to catfights and drama every night. But in some households things are FAR more complex.

I'm really sorry to hear that your Dom seems to be violating a fundamental agreement that you believed yourself to have. Violating agreements is no more acceptable in a Dom than it is in anyone else, and he shouldn't expect any different treatment than a vanilla boyfriend or husband would under similar circumstances.

(in reply to RhapsodyInBlue)

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 9/15/2004 11:45:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: serenity2u

I have seen recently how a few subs throw themselves on Doms. I find this distasteful, because the Doms have someone in their lives and they donot tell the wannabes to leave them alone,politely .. I would like to see Doms,respectful and loyal to their soulmates again..Some of these wannabe subs/slaves need to be straightened out and the Doms need to have their dignity brought back into the lifestyle and in chatrooms if this is where they go or end up.. This is my opinion but I would like to see more respect and honor used more here and everywhere else Sirs.. Thank You for Your time... be well serenity

Since I do not attend the chat rooms I can only take the opening statement as I see it. This is not to agree or disagree but points to ponder:

Someone else wishing another would behave in a specific manner. I am sure all of us would enjoy that kind of power.

Regardless if someone has a partner, do we have the right to decide how someone interacts with another? I failed to see where there is disrespectful and disloyalty?

Is it just the wannabes that need straightened out from time to time?

Are expectations on others realistic? Should they be placed more on ourselves?

This degree of dignity, respect and honor, isnt that based on individual perception?

CC

(in reply to serenity2u)

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 9/16/2004 9:49:38 AM

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I have to agree with a few here. I'm with KiKi. I've never seen a submissive throw him or herself on a Dominant. I have zero doubt it happens. What I have seen is people throw themselves on me. Dominants and submissives alike. This is daily when at a scene event.
People know me and percieve me as a certain way. I don't really know. Everywhere I go I am on my Dominants arm.

To me it has little to nothing to do with the lifestyle though. Even those not enlightened enough to know about the lifestyle cheat. It is about morals. Yes, respect as someone else called it. If you have no morals even in a vanilla world you will cheat. These people come into the lifestyle.
To me the lifestyle is a more heightened level of trust. That's it. That encompasses the entire lifestyle.
So, I don't expect people to lie to me. However, no matter what there are always people out there going to lie. They seem to think they can just skate by, by being dishonest. It boggles my mind every time I come across one of these types.
This is the type you are complaining about in your very post.
So the real question is, how do you make these people see the light?

(in reply to serenity2u)

RE: A Masters Respect For His chosen One - 9/17/2004 8:40:40 AM

Chaos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

So the real question is, how do you make these people see the light?

I don't think you can. If a person really really really wants something, and do not have self discipline, they will find a way to bend or break any rules/committtments they have made. It doesn't matter if they are vanilla, or lifestyle, it is still going to happen.

Sad, but true. imho

(in reply to sub4hire)

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