subs=victim dom/mes= ?

subs=victim dom/mes= ? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

feydeplume -> subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 9:39:49 AM)
How come there is so much "bad" press about how submissives and slaves must have had horrible childhoods, rapes, and/or traumatic experiences to be "the way they are" when there is so little press about what life circumstances "made" someone a switch or a Top or Dom/me? What "horrible" things must they have gone through to be "like this"? Anyone have any ideas about why the media and the stereotypes are so focused on making subs lifetime victims with no mention about the other flavors in our rainbow?

missturbation -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 9:43:09 AM)
Perhaps because people don't understand our lifestyle and see us as victims now. So therefore we must have been victims in our past too.

IrishMist -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 9:44:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feydeplume How come there is so much "bad" press about how submissives and slaves must have had horrible childhoods, rapes, and/or traumatic experiences to be "the way they are" when there is so little press about what life circumstances "made" someone a switch or a Top or Dom/me? What "horrible" things must they have gone through to be "like this"? Anyone have any ideas about why the media and the stereotypes are so focused on making subs lifetime victims with no mention about the other flavors in our rainbow? Since outside opinions mean very little to me...it's not something that I bother myself with. Let them think what they want; the individual knows why they are who they are...

RCdc -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 9:47:41 AM)
Because stereotypes are there for a reason and do exist. Because people perpetuate it by listing the amount of abuse they have had and have been through as though it was only negative. the.dark.

oceanwynds -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 9:55:56 AM)
Good question. I am happy I dont believe in sterotypes. Not a victim of an abusive childhood, and i dont have a wart on my nose to be a witch. hhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmm

MarcEsadrian -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 10:00:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feydeplume How come there is so much "bad" press about how submissives and slaves must have had horrible childhoods, rapes, and/or traumatic experiences to be "the way they are" when there is so little press about what life circumstances "made" someone a switch or a Top or Dom/me? What "horrible" things must they have gone through to be "like this"? Anyone have any ideas about why the media and the stereotypes are so focused on making subs lifetime victims with no mention about the other flavors in our rainbow? There's plenty of "do unto others what was done to you" theories afoot about the dominant half of the equations in D/s relationships, but somehow such notions are not as entertaining to focus upon, perhaps. In a society that fetishizes victims, many tend to want to focus upon, rationalize and get off over the submissive and masochist parties; it's weirder and more compelling to see dissected on Dr. Phil. All that aside, I will say the boilerplate explanations for why someone is submissive do often hold ground for many I've met. Those who have received abuse in the past do often seek out its continuation in one form or another, but that's of course only true for a certain number of people; sometimes there is no real "reason" why we do what we do, other than pure desire. No length of DSM drivel will ever be able to fully explain that.

Lockit -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 10:16:37 AM)
We dominant's get a bit of the bad press too. Like... a domina hates men and was abused and therefore only wants to punish men. And, that bit about females really being submissive if they answer their true call of nature, but won't because of abuse. Or, that we are all raging feminist, professional domiant's of the prostitute kind, don't like sex or like it with anyone because we are at a kinky site and are superior thinking as in goddess. We all get it... people seem to need a reason or cause for everything.

torturedmuse -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 10:17:01 AM)
My guess would be because sensationalism sells. People like to see the most outrageous story, or to see things that are considered depraved. To know the real lives of people that are involved with bdsm would actually be quite boring. We go to work, make dinner, take care of the munchkins..etc. It's much more fun to think they live naked in chains, have had horrid childhoods, or are traumatized in some way.

CatdeMedici -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 10:25:17 AM)
Because humanity must always have a logical explanation for that which they CHOOSE not to understand, accept or grasp--dontcha know.

pdv99 -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 10:49:51 AM)
Remember, 90% of what you see, hear and read in the media is a load of b*llocks, either entirely made up by the reporter, or so twisted in order to support a particular hobbyhorse or policical bandwagon by the editors that it bears only the faintest reflection of reality. This is true not only of BDSM, but practically any other topic you care to name. If you were actually there or involved in anything reported, you'll struggle to recognise the reality you know to be true. Of course, subs have been victims of abuse. Except of course, that the press would also have it that most victims of abuse go on to become abusers. Both at once? Not in many cases I suspect. In the one case I can speak authoritatively on, this BDSM'er had a fairly idyllic and certainly non abusive childhood, and am now "into" a wide range of WIITWD. No bad things drove me here.

DavanKael -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 11:03:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feydeplume How come there is so much "bad" press about how submissives and slaves must have had horrible childhoods, rapes, and/or traumatic experiences to be "the way they are" when there is so little press about what life circumstances "made" someone a switch or a Top or Dom/me? What "horrible" things must they have gone through to be "like this"? Anyone have any ideas about why the media and the stereotypes are so focused on making subs lifetime victims with no mention about the other flavors in our rainbow? I think that sometimes it is absolutely true that people have gone through hellish ordeals and come out the other side to have D/s as a proclivity. I also believe that isn't inherently the case nor is it always bad when it or some lesser version there-of is the case. As an example, I can look back at certain tendencies as a child and identify what I believe to be endogenous tendencies that would be associated with s-types, particularly being attentive to/tuned in with 'my people'. That has endured throughout my life. I also believe that certain less-than-picket-fence events in my family of origin likely colored certain 'harsh' tastes I have (Incidentally, I find there is a separation between the s-proclivities and harsh play proclivities I note) though I don't view that, for myself, as pathological as negative can be transmuted into positive in the right circumstances and with the right alchemy of souls. Also, personal commitment to not being a victim is immensely important. As to why people focus on the 'sub victim', I think it's that 'rubbernecking at an accident' tendency coupled with the trusim that drama and strife is somehow newsworthy in our society and healthful interaction, regardless of the permutation, is a far lesser focus. Davan

feydeplume -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 12:11:29 PM)
so much bad press for women having sexual desires and choosing their own lifestyles. I think i feel the feminist in me jumping up and down with a burning bra sigh All i have heard in the press about Dom's is that they are abusive (because they were abused) or that they are sociopaths. As for male subs, that they lack in self respect and will do anything to get laid. But the assumption is that men (sorry men, I don't mean this, the press made me do it, or was it a twinkie) are supposed to have sex drives and some pick unusual ways to get laid. Women on the other hand only have sex (or don't have sex in the case of man hating Dominas) to continue the cycle of abuse that started when they were children. Anyone else have a problem wth the idea that those of us with clits don't have a sex drive? And those of us with penises only EVER think about sex?

RedMagic1 -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 12:28:41 PM)
I like hitting girls. A lot. And I don't mean with a flogger. I don't own a flogger. When I was 15-17, I figured I was a monster and a piece of shit, because only piece of shit monsters would ever hit women. I came out of my shell some when I got to college. My sub friends tend to act like feminists, whether they like that word or not. Most of them tried to "fix" themselves at some point in their lives, because they figured submitting to a man was like a political betrayal. But what you do in private is not the same as what you do in public, and who obeys who in bed has nothing to do with equal pay for equal work. But recently, I have come to the conclusion that the only reason to keep my identity separate from this profile is the whackjob trolls on this site. I've got a date tomorrow with a woman who seems frikkin amazing, and it was set up by a nilla friend of mine after I told her about recent electrical play I had done, and other intriguing stories. I just posted on another thread that I've introduced my ex-prodomme friend to colleagues, and there was no "harm" done. I really think kink is getting awfully close to "the new black." In fact, this nilla friend said to me, sadly, "I must be the most boring person you know!!!" She wanted to be more cool, not make me more square.

MissSixx -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 12:40:05 PM)
Some people don't understand the way we live... or the things that we are into... they associate "healthy" with vanilla sex and lifestyle.. it is confusing for them to wrap their minds around... I have found most people are curious to know about my life. They are shy to ask at first... but once the subject is brought up they want to know everything.

chezzy71 -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 12:46:23 PM)
This happened to me recently as i posted a thread about not being emotionally available once during a play party scene some four or five years ago.Some concluded i must have been abused during my childhood or there was a veiled hint that my parents were horrible without saying it.Nothing and i do mean nothing could be further than the truth,i had a childhood to die for and saw and experienced things that were all a large part of my growth.How many five year olds can say they watched their favorite band at the time(a local group)play onstage in a bar for an hour???How many can say they actually rubbed shoulders with some pretty seedy characters of the Godfather type even though my family were not mobsters??Pretty colorful as you can tell and i have stories up the ying yang...but this will do.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 1:41:13 PM)
Cuz subs want to be spoiled protected delicate little passive snowflakes

NuevaVida -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 2:01:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Cuz subs want to be spoiled protected delicate little passive snowflakes I used to hate when you would say this, lol. But now that I am unattached, I'm finding the multitude of dominants out there WANT an injured, lost, passive snowflake (going by the mail exchanges I have experienced thus far). This, and what Marc said above about society (and Hollywood, for that matter) fetishizing victimhood. Damsels in distress are fascinating, sexy, and appealing. I didn't write that particular rule book and I don't seem to fit in it. But I will say I've never seen a dominant put his track shoes on faster than when he comes across as submissive who is self aware and not in need of rescue. Generally speaking, of course. ;)

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 2:15:58 PM)
LOL you speak da truth kind lady!

ReinaPop -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 2:55:28 PM)
I've also seen on the media that Dom/mes are in a quest for vengeance, for what they've been through in their past... so, as you can see, it all boils down to the mainstream not understanding the lifestyle... I stopped worrying about the way in which they picture bdsm when I saw the film "Secretary".[8D] Regards, Reina

robertolapiedra -> RE: subs=victim dom/mes= ? (1/19/2009 3:13:10 PM)
Hello feydeplume. It is all gender politics, the penis clit thingie is secondary to the feminist politicians agenda and power. It is the same as with all politics, some say and do anything for maintaining their political advantages. If we had a ''people agenda'' regardless of sex and applied the same ''victim'' criteria that is done today with women centred social intervention, the feminist would lose out. Actually in all cultures, boys and men are ''more'' victim of violence than girls and women (just see violent deaths statistics as an example). Because men are statistically more the aggressors than women, the political ''elite'' find it more practical (politically advantageous) to intervene in gender specific manner (less costly to pander only to the 52% segment of the population that has the most ''swing votes'' of all other segments). Another symptom is qualifying a 60/40 university attendance in favour of women as being ''progress'' (I have never heard the word ''success'' mentioned in gender politics).When it was the opposite, the political machine (subventions, special programs etc) was in full function to eradicate this ''sexist'' discrimination against 52% of the population. Nothing is deemed a problem for the 8% shortfall of males and of course, nothing is said or done about it. It is the same for the amazing death toll (80% of suicides) of males killing themselves. Again, not on the political agenda. Nothing in the political ''propaganda''. Amazingly, there are gender specific suicide prevention programs ''tailored'' to the specificity of the ''female psyche'' (subventions, programs). All you have for the males is strange generic ''cryptic'' posters on some public institutions walls. I am saying all this (I can back it all up by the way) to delicately put it to you that there is some propaganda going around that does not necessarily fit (surprise, surprise!) what is really happening in society. What is ''really'' going on will never be said by people having a political agenda. I try not to buy into social-political trends too easily and look up the facts as much as the facts can be found. At the risk of not being ''trendy'' or ''politically correct', I equate gender victim politics to being bull shit for the masses. I am not denying that there are victims, far from it, I am just a little sceptical about women being ''that'' weak and ''that'' vulnerable in a modern society to begin with. I am also sceptical about the popular men's ''got it made'' social condition. Elites exploit everybody, no exceptions for the gander goose constituancy. Avantages of one gender over the other stem from ''optimisation'' of the exploitation, not from some ''altruistic'' concern for social justice. Quote: ''Anyone have any ideas about why the media and the stereotypes are so focused on making subs lifetime victims with no mention about the other flavors in our rainbow?'' -When you focus on subs as being lifetime victims you focus on male doms being lifetime agressors (propaganda, gender politics). Female doms escape the stereotype for gender political reasons as they cannot be agressors, therefore they must be pleasure givers or nurturers. Media is focused on making victims? Who does media serve? The people? The elite? The elite is served by the politicians, the politicians are served by the media, the people are served propaganda and taxes, which is money to pay for the propaganda that justifies ever increasing social control in order to maintain ''brainwashing'' type power over the''sheeple''.- Ex: ''war on terrorism'' bull shit, ''war on drugs'' bull shit, ''weapons of mass destruction'' bull shit, ''axis of evil bull'' shit, ''spreading democracy'' bull shit and the ''all men are potential aggressors when in position of power'' bull shit which means that ''all submissive have no power and are potential victims''. Propaganda is not only for convincing people that it is necessary to drop bombs and cause ''collateral damage'' on some potential victims that do not obey the ''non-evil'' dominants of the world scene. It is also for the divide and conquer type politics at home as is done with gender politics. Watch out if men and women figure this out and finally get together as people. There is a great difference between having proper knowledge and just believing everything that suits one's desired ''social personae'' or ''personal agenda'' for that matter. Just my too long opinion. RL.

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875