RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ???

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RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 8/12/2007 1:52:54 PM

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A. Surely another switch - for god's sake, there's got to be some variety!!

B. Definitely poly, for the temptations of such a delicious world couldn't be resisted.

C. Every relationship has some conflict - hey we're mature sensible people aren't we? So we'd resolve it in the usual way - logical debate ending in shouting, crying, foot stamping....and everything else we thoroughly enjoy doing!!

(in reply to SunNMoon)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 8/13/2007 10:08:24 AM

e01n

Posts: 1472
Status: offline

BTW - nothing wrong with a bit of ressurection play... I mean, dead threads don't say no... ;)

Me, since switch is accurate only so far as there's not really a good term for my views on things, I go to how this person relates to me. What is the factual evidence of how this fits together between me and her? What feels right with her? And then go from there...

If I'm on a desert island, I've the beer and cooking things down pat and can get by with most survival issues... so I'd hope the other person was equally useful in a survival context. And then we'd worry about how Tab A fits into Slot B...

As far as the poly portion of the question: again, it depends. I'd rather be alone and happy than surrounded by a puppy pile of willing girl flesh that leaves me feeling weak and pathetic.

And as to conflict resolution: if I'm with someone in that context, it's already been resolved before the conflict even arose. The only way it wouldn't be a non-issue is if someone changed their mind... which simply means that things aren't the same as they were and thus need adjustment. And is still a non-issue.

Then again, this is how I've seen things WORK in this area. There's lots of other ways that things ARE, but very few that actually have everyone remain unscarred... YMMV

(in reply to OldGeezer)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 8/13/2007 9:46:20 PM

Aine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Dear SWITCHES,

a. I have a question for you. If you were to shipwreck on a deseerted island and could chose one other person to be with you, who would you chose ----- Who do you feel you match up best with: a Vanilla, DOM, SUB, or other Switch? Please explain your choice.

b. If you were in a Metropolis with a full menu of delicious others to chose from, would you prefer a poly or monogamous relationship? It would seem to me if you went monogamous --- the best choice for you would be another switch, but what do I know. In a poly world, though, it seems you could indulge both of your roles.

c. If you have been in a relationship with another switch --- and let's say it was an intense relationship --- did you experience conflict over role assumption ---- aka "I want to be DOM," "No, I do." if you get my drift. How do you decide between top and bottom? I imagine if I were in such a position, I would decide through friendly but "binding" negotiation --- so I would know when I was topping (and could plan), botttoming, and being on equal footing.

A. Another switch. I'm marrying one. So I guess it just works for me.

B. Again, monogamous and switch. It's what I have.

C. If you find the right person or people, it's completely natural. There's no discussion, no negotiation...we just are, and we just feed off each other so fluidly that there's no real thinking to it.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 8/14/2007 8:51:34 PM

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a) My wife.

b) Monogamy is a fine thing to aspire to, but easier on a desert island than in a major city.

c) Never been a problem for me. I have never been so easily controlled by something so petty as my desire to play a particular role that I am not willing to concede to the wishes of my beloved.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 8/23/2007 5:39:09 PM

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Best match for me is the one i have, another switch..... i'm monogomous, personally, and with both sides to play with, why not? Every once in a while, we have a little bit of challenge over who is going to be submissive... oddly enough! But the one who has the greatest need for it goes into the ropes... if that makes any sense!

(in reply to Suleiman)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 8/24/2007 2:37:39 AM

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Joined: 3/22/2004
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I believe Aine has said it best here. I agree with all her answers and feel the same way. Only difference is I'm single still...lol. Any ladies interested in me??? ;)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Dear SWITCHES,

a. I have a question for you. If you were to shipwreck on a deseerted island and could chose one other person to be with you, who would you chose ----- Who do you feel you match up best with: a Vanilla, DOM, SUB, or other Switch? Please explain your choice.

b. If you were in a Metropolis with a full menu of delicious others to chose from, would you prefer a poly or monogamous relationship? It would seem to me if you went monogamous --- the best choice for you would be another switch, but what do I know. In a poly world, though, it seems you could indulge both of your roles.

c. If you have been in a relationship with another switch --- and let's say it was an intense relationship --- did you experience conflict over role assumption ---- aka "I want to be DOM," "No, I do." if you get my drift. How do you decide between top and bottom? I imagine if I were in such a position, I would decide through friendly but "binding" negotiation --- so I would know when I was topping (and could plan), botttoming, and being on equal footing.

A. Another switch. I'm marrying one. So I guess it just works for me.

B. Again, monogamous and switch. It's what I have.

C. If you find the right person or people, it's completely natural. There's no discussion, no negotiation...we just are, and we just feed off each other so fluidly that there's no real thinking to it.

(in reply to Aine)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 8/27/2007 11:22:39 AM

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For the island I'd have to say a Sub, just because I'd want to do my own thing on the island and be the leader.
But if by island you mean, spend an extended time with no one else but this other person in this fully furnished house. I'd say Switch. The problem arose when you said Island lol because I'd take survival into consideration before sex, so with a sub I know I'll be able to do my best to survive without arguments.

I'd want a Poly lifestyle with my currect girlfriend and a Bi Female Switch. It'd work so that I can Dom my gf, she can Dom the other girl and the other one can Dom me. Yay.

In my current relationship It's normally one way or the other, we're very fluid and normally if one of us is really in the mood for one thing the other adjusts their mood to suit, we have not yet had any arguments.

(in reply to SunNMoon)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 8/27/2007 3:33:06 PM

Vigilantejustice

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a. For me, it would have to be whoever I clicked with on an interpersonal level. I have met people who make me feel as if I lack a dominant (or submissive) cell in my body. For me, my partner largely determines the role I want to take.

b. I have always been of poly tendencies. There should never be any assumption of monogamy in a relationship with me unless it is explicitely stated. I find myself best suited for a role as an Alpha Slave, serving as a right hand to a dominant while also serving as a dominant to submissives/switches.

c. I actually am married to another sWST. (sub With Switch Tendencies) We rarely had the issue of fighting over top position, in fact our problem is the opposite.We love eachother, but neither of us is well suited to take a dominant role with the other. We both crave powerful partners, and at the moment neither of us can provide that power for the other. I have looked to others for fulfillment in that regard, while he has chosen not to for whatever reason. For a long time, I took the subservient role in our relationship, but it seems that in the last few months it has been like when Lake Michigan turns over. I want desperately to pursue a greater degree of dominance, and my hubby is more than happy to molt that uncomfortable skin. Hopefully, under the mentorship of my Master I can finally find a comfort in my dominance that will allow me to provide my DH with what he so desperately craves and satisfy myself as well.
my 2p,
Justice

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 9/1/2007 11:23:51 PM

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From: Indiana
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A. If I had to pick, I would choose a dominant simply because I lean much more heavily to my submissive side. (I'm restraining from making a joke about that side weighing fifty pounds more. Hey, they say women have one boob bigger than the other, ya' know?)

B. I would go polyamorous.

C. I have been in a relationship with a switch, but it was brief, so no issues ever came up with regards to who wanted to top or bottom at the time.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 9/5/2007 9:35:40 AM

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From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce
I simply would not thrive if both sides of my nature did not have adequate outlets for expression, but I still have a need for someone else to be "in charge."

To satiate your top side, you could find a volley ball and draw a face on it and call it Wilson. Then you could kick it around and yell at it.*

;-)

Cheers,

Sea

* Reference to film Cast Away with Tom Hanks.

(in reply to Evanesce)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 9/5/2007 10:40:16 AM

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Joined: 7/4/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Dear SWITCHES,

a. I have a question for you. If you were to shipwreck on a deseerted island and could chose one other person to be with you, who would you chose ----- Who do you feel you match up best with: a Vanilla, DOM, SUB, or other Switch? Please explain your choice.

b. If you were in a Metropolis with a full menu of delicious others to chose from, would you prefer a poly or monogamous relationship? It would seem to me if you went monogamous --- the best choice for you would be another switch, but what do I know. In a poly world, though, it seems you could indulge both of your roles.

c. If you have been in a relationship with another switch --- and let's say it was an intense relationship --- did you experience conflict over role assumption ---- aka "I want to be DOM," "No, I do." if you get my drift. How do you decide between top and bottom? I imagine if I were in such a position, I would decide through friendly but "binding" negotiation --- so I would know when I was topping (and could plan), botttoming, and being on equal footing.

A. Id hope to get stranded with my Master/Husband who actualy might be able to survive on a deserted Island, failing that Id hope for a survivalist Dom Id be compatible with or a Dommish switch Male, because in a survival situation a woman would be likely to anoy me. And If I have to live a long time with only a Sub or sub leaning male switch Id likely commit suicide. A possible exception beeing a male Sub or Slave who had got past the whole passive agressive thing that gets under my collar in a not good way. A Dom with a head on his shoulders would keep me motivated.

B. Master and I are Swingers we practice safe sex, and very much enjoy sex with just about any willing attractive friend. but we are each others Primary as far as mushy relationship stuff goes. Might be into a betta girl for him or a part time well trained slave boy for me sometime in the future but its not in the cards right now.

C. I had problems with a relationship where I was engadged to another switch, we both have submissive leanings and argured over whos turn it was to get tied up. It got a bit easier after I started looking elsewear for a part time "Master" for myself It was easier to then go home and be my then fiance's "Mistress". Since then I no longer alow anyone to call me Mistress even when I'm toping. Its just not who I am. Maam works perfectly well for those siturations. Incedently I have on ocasion toped my Master. Usualy when he has a back ache (theres nothing like a masage via flogger) or when hes lost a bet playing poker or Monopoly with me. Its fun even if he is the mouthiest thing ever to get tied up, but even more fun after I let him go. It takes him no time at all to remind me that I married a DOM.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 9/10/2007 12:45:37 PM

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practically everybody I know in pro domme or running websites of m/f domination have spent plenty of time tied up or being abused before expanding from submissive. I wouldn't let someone put me into bondage unless they have had it done to them, or it is at a play party with monitors. I love and do not love the term "switch". The best match for a switch is somebody who has also switched. Someone who is looking to get a rush from tying another in a hogtie with an armbinder should be themselves tied up in a hogtie with an armbinder to find the endorphins and/or headspace and/or fear-pain attributes first. I learned many things best avoided in my play from insisting on this. I have two male friends who died from breath control gone wrong, one who was in a gay relationship with a lover who knew practically nothing about BDSM play and one with an inexperienced wanna be dominant woman.

(in reply to SunNMoon)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 9/10/2007 1:51:01 PM

BlackWolfSwitch

Posts: 40
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

a. I have a question for you. If you were to shipwreck on a deseerted island and could chose one other person to be with you, who would you chose ----- Who do you feel you match up best with: a Vanilla, DOM, SUB, or other Switch? Please explain your choice.

Answer: Switch more than likely.
Reason: I have urges to take on both roles at any given time, so a fellow switch of the same mindset would be more of a thoughtful 'shipwrecking'.

quote:

b. If you were in a Metropolis with a full menu of delicious others to chose from, would you prefer a poly or monogamous relationship? It would seem to me if you went monogamous --- the best choice for you would be another switch, but what do I know. In a poly world, though, it seems you could indulge both of your roles.

Answer: Monogamous more often than not.
Reason: Having a switch (in the answer above) would have a more closely matched feeling if the relationship were as my answer states. Hopping around the 'menu' would give a general idea of many, whereas sticking to one would give the stronger sense of the individual. *This is of course as I've leaned towards Mono most of my life.*

quote:

c. If you have been in a relationship with another switch --- and let's say it was an intense relationship --- did you experience conflict over role assumption ---- aka "I want to be DOM," "No, I do." if you get my drift. How do you decide between top and bottom? I imagine if I were in such a position, I would decide through friendly but "binding" negotiation --- so I would know when I was topping (and could plan), botttoming, and being on equal footing.

Answer: Definately.
Reason: I'm the type, as stated in my first answer, to have desire of being in any role at any given time. My personal enjoyment though is having, as one other stated... a knock-down, drag-out Dominance fight to see who wins. This is a -Major- turn-on to me, I might add.

_____________________________

"Command of the collar, or submission to wear it. It's your choice. My choice is to know what I like from both."

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 9/10/2007 5:47:35 PM

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From: NYC now!
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I'm going to answer these three, but due to the nature of the questions I get the feeling that it's assumed that romantic/sexual partner is also one's kink/lifestyle partner. This is not the case for me.

So, I'm answering this from the position of someone whose lifestyle and romantic needs are met separately.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

a. I have a question for you. If you were to shipwreck on a deseerted island and could chose one other person to be with you, who would you chose ----- Who do you feel you match up best with: a Vanilla, DOM, SUB, or other Switch? Please explain your choice.

Vanilla

quote:

b. If you were in a Metropolis with a full menu of delicious others to chose from, would you prefer a poly or monogamous relationship? It would seem to me if you went monogamous --- the best choice for you would be another switch, but what do I know. In a poly world, though, it seems you could indulge both of your roles.

Poly, for both romantic and lifestyle partners, without overlap.

quote:

c. If you have been in a relationship with another switch --- and let's say it was an intense relationship --- did you experience conflict over role assumption ---- aka "I want to be DOM," "No, I do." if you get my drift. How do you decide between top and bottom? I imagine if I were in such a position, I would decide through friendly but "binding" negotiation --- so I would know when I was topping (and could plan), botttoming, and being on equal footing.

I do not switch with one partner, so this has never been an issue.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 9/10/2007 5:55:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Dear SWITCHES,

a. I have a question for you. If you were to shipwreck on a deseerted island and could chose one other person to be with you, who would you chose ----- Who do you feel you match up best with: a Vanilla, DOM, SUB, or other Switch? Please explain your choice.
My life partner. Chosen not for your reasons, because play, would presumably take up very little of our life. For the rest, i need someone who i can talk to, live with, be challenged by, be loved by. They are not role specific. They are person specific.

b. If you were in a Metropolis with a full menu of delicious others to chose from, would you prefer a poly or monogamous relationship? It would seem to me if you went monogamous --- the best choice for you would be another switch, but what do I know. In a poly world, though, it seems you could indulge both of your roles.
I am in a metropolis, filled with others to chose from. I chose monogamy. Im greedy, i need 100%, i give 100%. Not everyone's mileage, but ours. He came to our relationship knowing all of me. Ditto in reverse. Years in, we still enjoy each other, though not all of our needs are met by each other. But plenty are. Some needs are more essential than others. Financial stabillity, a roof over our heads for us and the children, food, heating, Love, devotion, loyalty, honesty, intellectual equal the list goes on. For me, its the relationship first.

c. If you have been in a relationship with another switch --- and let's say it was an intense relationship --- did you experience conflict over role assumption ---- aka "I want to be DOM," "No, I do." if you get my drift. How do you decide between top and bottom? I imagine if I were in such a position, I would decide through friendly but "binding" negotiation --- so I would know when I was topping (and could plan), botttoming, and being on equal footing.
That would depend on who's need was greater. And if you were both able to fulfill the desired compatable role at the time. Its no biggy. Sometimes the scenario is set and planned. Sometimes its spontaneous and fun, sometimes its a wrestle for who can get on top and stay there. Sometimes its a stalemate, and just a cuddle. As long as it evens out in the end. Its all good. When i was single, i rarely switched roles, i sought out particlar play styles to suit my need. So it was allready agreed. Only from within a relationship that is monogamous, is the need for this intensified. As you cannot go elsewhere for your jollies.
Mercurialdame

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 9/11/2007 3:54:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Dear SWITCHES,

a. I have a question for you. If you were to shipwreck on a deseerted island and could chose one other person to be with you, who would you chose ----- Who do you feel you match up best with: a Vanilla, DOM, SUB, or other Switch? Please explain your choice.

A. Switch just because it would be a stranger and I'm always open to something new and fun.

quote:

b. If you were in a Metropolis with a full menu of delicious others to chose from, would you prefer a poly or monogamous relationship? It would seem to me if you went monogamous --- the best choice for you would be another switch, but what do I know. In a poly world, though, it seems you could indulge both of your roles.

B. Poly unless my partner ask for Mono and can full all my wants and needs.

quote:

c. If you have been in a relationship with another switch --- and let's say it was an intense relationship --- did you experience conflict over role assumption ---- aka "I want to be DOM," "No, I do." if you get my drift. How do you decide between top and bottom? I imagine if I were in such a position, I would decide through friendly but "binding" negotiation --- so I would know when I was topping (and could plan), botttoming, and being on equal footing.

C. I cant really say because I've never had a Switch relationship. I would think that it would depend on what works best for the couple.

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 9/11/2007 5:05:58 PM

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On a pure id moment, id chose poly. That is because i have the mentality to enjoy poly, without drama. But i know, that my partner does not have that mentality. It would cause harm. And harm is not something id ever bring to those that i love.
Though clearly, if few of my needs were being met, within the relationship, i would echo the sentiment of move on.

(in reply to CheekyHalfWit)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 9/24/2007 3:22:14 AM

Zmey

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Joined: 9/23/2007
Status: offline

a) Switch! ... no wait... sub! or maybe Dom.
suboDommieSwitch?

b)Mono only mono, stereo is nice but indirect.

c) Sadly enough I never been in a relationship with a switch. Most have been subs or vanilla... and Dommie bottomed out on me... however if I ware in a relationship with a switch it would depend on the dynamics of the particular situation as both happy to be both.

(in reply to SunNMoon)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 9/24/2007 2:00:49 PM

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A. It would have to be another switch; if I'm stuck on an island, I will definately need variety.

B. This is a little more tricky; I would tend towards mono and another switch, but I had relationships with Dommes and submissives that were fulfilling, so don't hold me to this.

C. I have been in a relationship with a switch, but I never experienced any conflict over role assumption. We just fell naturally into our respective roles depending on the situation and our given moods. This might be unusual, so I guess if I had experienced any conflict, then I would have wanted to discuss how we would decide who is D and who is s.

_____________________________

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

Blake

(in reply to Zmey)

RE: Who is "the best" Match for a SWITCH ??? - 9/24/2007 8:10:48 PM

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Of course this is based on my personal experience only. I find most switches lean more one way than the other. We do not like to be referred to as a Dom or a sub. We live in two houses.

As a switch that prefered to bottom and now submits, I could never do more than play with another switch. I would find myself taking over - much to their joy - and being resentful of it. It would never become an intense relationship. It is not an insult to the individual, just not well balanced in my eyes. Therefore it would never become a strictly mono relationship. I never seemed to get what I wanted. Even from a more dominant switch, it would be a competition. This is because once I know how to take control of a person, they will never be able to convince me that they can take control of me. Is this a double standard?

Switching works great in poly relationships, as is stated in the post I am responding to. It always has for me. Again, I became Alpha over the other switches or subs, with their Dom's blessings as well.

For me, my involvement with a switch is like an old game on the top shelf of a closet. Take it down when it amuses you to play with it, when you are done, save it for another rainy day.

Just one persons experience, more than opinion.

(in reply to Slipstreme)

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