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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 11:43:19 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Okay okay okay...the "Is this your kid" thing happens very rarely. But I look very young standing at 5 foot nothing. But for shits and giggles...

On a very bad day for me last week MsKitty made me go to a chanting class with Her then out to lunch. At both the chanting class and lunch the instructor and waitress (respectively) asked what Her UM would like or why I was there....oh boy. MsKitty brushed off the chanting instructor no problem, but I would have HATED to be that waitress.

Ok I'm sorry but that really made me laugh. I wish I could have watched her interact with the waitress. I sure it was priceless.

And for the record, I am not sure how anyone could look at the two of you and think she was your mom. She just doesn't look that old.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 11:48:37 AM

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No she doesn't. She's aged very well and often gets confused for a Woman in Her late 20's/early 30's. I don't know what it was but the look on Her face when the waitress said it had me cracking up. Luckily I was sitting in the booth across from MsKitty with my leg already up because I'm sure I would have been kicked.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 11:52:04 AM

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I am 40 and I absolutely prefer younger men. I like inexperience, freshness, giving a boy a new experience and, frankly, the prettiness of younger men. I haven't found young male subs -- those who are in their 20's -- to be any more immature or childish than men my own age. They might be a bit less cynical and damaged. But I can have the kind of in depth conversation with them that I find a lot more difficult with older men. They are just fun. Full of energy.

That said, I have struggled with my preferences. Because of the existence of words like "cougar" and the contempt society has for older women who like younger men that implies. Funny who hardly anyone bats an eyelash at an older Dom/younger female sub pairing.

The fact is, this is what I like. It may mean I'm immature or something else, but I don't really care as every one is consenting.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 12:52:37 PM

aidan

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Oh man, when I was single thinking like Akasha's was the bane of my existence. Not to be offensive when I say that, I just remember being very frustrated when I was trying to get a toe-hold in the BDSM community and being told I was "too young" and it was "inappropriate" by prospective partners.

Also, I really don't like the term cougar for an Older Woman/younger man dynamic. I'll let The Daily Show explain more.

Suffice to say, I don't think there's anything wrong with it, and don't think anybody else should. I mean, if it makes a person uncomfortable just because it's not their thing, or they have kids, or they just don't want to, whatever. But it's weird to me that a person would feel bad about being with a younger person just...because. Because you're told it's bad or whatever.

My Mistress is 39. I'm 20. We couldn't be happier together. Even for more casual relationships I don't think it should be an issue, unless one of the parties makes it an issue.

So I say go for it, Akasha. Snatch up those youngin's.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 1:31:37 PM

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I have no problem with the term cougar, if that's what someone wants to use to describe me. After all, it is a beautiful predatory feline. Not as flashy as the tiger, but still........

I just don't really care what other people think.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 1:35:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I have no problem with the term cougar, if that's what someone wants to use to describe me. After all, it is a beautiful predatory feline. Not as flashy as the tiger, but still........

I just don't really care what other people think.

The responses have been great and very enlightening. It gives me much to think about! I'm already a cougar, technically, anyway, since my primary partner is 10 years younger than I am, but as I move down the open relationship path and additional "prey" (oops, did I use that term) are even 5 - 10 years younger than him, well, that just seems nuts sometimes :)
Akasha

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 1:36:51 PM

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I am glad to hear that so many other femme dommes are so concerned about confining their interest in male partners to men who are "appropriately" their own age! That is wonderful news. I'm always happy to see the competition shoot themselves--first in both feet, and then in the head.

Those of us who know better than to let ourselves be cock-whipped by Patriarchy and told who it is "appropriate" for us to dominate will be more than happy to keep all the hard bodies, sharp minds and willing hearts of the younger generation alllllllll to ourselves.

*snickers and shakes her head* Suckas.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 1:38:03 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I have no problem with the term cougar, if that's what someone wants to use to describe me. After all, it is a beautiful predatory feline. Not as flashy as the tiger, but still........

I just don't really care what other people think.

This is actually the first time I ever heard the term cougar used like that. But I agree, Tiger is much flashier.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 1:44:22 PM

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Without seeing the daily show clip, I don't care for the cougar name either. It's a crazy game God plays on us, with women getting hotter, and needing the younger guys to be able to keep up, and yes guys, I know there are exceptions...
For me, getting the uhm has been a good thing, in terms of slowing me down sufficiently to date my age and older men. M

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 1:52:16 PM

MysticFireTopaz

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For a long-term relationship, I would only consider someone within about 10 years of my age, plus or minus. I have more in common with, am more attracted to, and feel more comfortable with people in that age group.

When it comes to casual play, however, I am open to playing with submissives younger than myself. I have even played with some young enough to be my son. I don't pursue these individuals, but will play with them if they approach me and I like them as a person.

I definitely do not consider myself a cougar. For a long-term relationshp, it has to be someone reasonably close to my own age.

Lady Topaz

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 1:52:37 PM

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My primary slave is 14 years younger than myself. We get odd looks when out and about but so what? The situation works for us. I have always thought it hypocritical that much older men can have much younger women and that scenario is socially acceptable. But when the genders are reversed that is somehow threatening to many people. And when my 20-something housemate was living here people automatically assumed we were mother & daughter or sisters or cousins or gasp! a lesbian couple.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 2:09:37 PM

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It isn't a social limitation for me. Not at all. I have always done what I wanted to do and always will. For me it is more a matter of where we each are. I have done my parenting days... I am not going there again. I would never want to limit someone and ask that they not have um's and be left without that joy in life if that is what they want. That is what has typically prevented having relationships with much younger men. There are many things to consider and I do, even if they don't wish to right off. When it comes to getting together many have no problem with the thought of certain things and then later... they see their friends having um's and such and then it can become more of a missing something. No one always knows what direction they will take even in their thirties sometimes.

I am at the closing end of my life and I don't want to be with someone at the beginning. It has nothing to do with society or social views. I tend to look younger and many wouldn't even blink an eye if I was with someone in their thirties... but that is changing by the day! lol

Besides that... there are some wonderful older men out there and I think we do an injustice sometimes when we don't consider their worth. I have known some really hot fit older men and I didn't have to explain to them how it goes in buying a house or about flower children or musical groups etc. A younger man can be very aware, very mature and all that.. but to think we didn't learn anything throughout life at whatever age and that I am not a bit further than someone much younger... is rather hard to believe.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 4:11:10 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen
MsKitty's boi
Not like I was just compared to a bug or anything (jk)

You, dear, I would never compare to a bug. I happen to think you're one of the best bois going, and you know it.

I'd like to amend My answer to this question. See, it's really not an age question. Oh, don't get Me wrong, turning 40 really did suck. I just had to remember that the 20-somethings of My 20- something era, aren't the 20-somethings of today. There are actually a couple of younglings right here on this thread that prove exactly what My words are failing to say. Both are in fantastic relationships that only serve to show how exceptional they are.

I might even know a particular 20 something that might turn My head.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 4:16:08 PM

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Cougars are, by definition of the term are from what I understand older women who chase younger men Now, why they want younger men will be up to the individual.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

I'm not sure what you allude to when you refer to a 'Cougar', but I can guess it's not pretty and smacks of desperation of a maturing person hanging onto some youthful experience, rather like an alcoholic that's been dry for a day and finds themselves in a distillery unsupervised.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 4:49:30 PM

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Hi...... I don't log much, but here I have a real opinion. I guess I'm also a cougar, being 58 and really mainly finding younger men. But I have one firm fast rule: any male I take on HAS to be older than my oldest son!! :) Now a female, I don't know why, but that's a different matter.... I just want them to be mature and "legal".... but to take one one 24/7, I enjoy a more maturity in age as well as mind.

TJ

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/25/2009 7:58:19 PM

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I find younger men very attractive. I see no reason not to go with it. When I look back at my extreme youth and remember how I felt, I do not find my passion weak or my character lacking.

Sometimes, supposed friends and family can be cruel, by discounting the feelings between two people with a big age difference. Often, you will get resistance, not support.

There's no "should" about who you love and find yourself drawn.

What I tend to want to say here is that each pair of individuals are just that - individuals, in an individual relationship. All the assumptions that go along with pigeonholing people just get in the way of people getting together. Those prejudgments form obstacles to their happiness and enjoyment.

< Message edited by MadameMarque -- 2/25/2009 8:00:59 PM >

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/26/2009 12:02:29 AM

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I'm not sure why "cougar" has such a negative connotation. That kind of relationship can be a win-win for both the man and woman. When I was 25 I had an affair with a 55 year old woman. I totally enjoyed it and so did she. At the time I thought she was really cool and since then have always felt that older women are very sexy.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/26/2009 12:22:30 AM

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The only issue I can see when considering a relationship with someone considerably younger is the one of having UMs. It was a concern of mine when considering a relationship with Reality and despite his assurances that he didn't want any, I also know that as time goes by we evolve and his opinions may change. I have already travelled that road, my son is now twenty five years of age and at my age, I really do not want to become a new mother at the age of forty five. It would only become an issue if we allowed it to, though.

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/26/2009 1:03:08 AM

MoGa

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Fast reply..

OK, weighing in. I had never heard of the term "Cougar" until a few months ago. Geoff and I had stopped by my nephews work and the guy that he works with told my nephew that his aunt had stopped by, and why didn't he tell him that his aunt was a cougar and hot at that! I said, what the heck is a cougar? First time I heard it.

Well, I am 51 now, and the last sub I had before Geoff was 18 (I was 47 at the time). I never felt awkward or uncomfortable going out with him. He was in my collar for almost 4 years. He is now going on 22 years old and none the worse for having known and loved me.

Geoff is 21 and I am 51 and frankly I could care less what other people think of us. Yes, we get the usual "Oh my God!" and worse the "It's nice of you to help your grandmother out". Course the last statement, I leaned close to the woman who had no business saying anything to begin with and I whispered "He is my lover." and at her shocked expression, I continued "But it's OK, we live in the south, it is legal here." With that I walked away. Geoff stood at the counter while the woman tried to express how sorry she was and how embarrassed she was for saying anything. He just put his hand up and said "Don't worry about it, I don't." My point of this story, is that so many people think it is OK to just make remarks about other people's relationships. They have no idea what kind it is, but it doesn't bother them to just blurt out how "awful" it is that someone my age could be with someone Geoff's age. But like I said, I personally don't care what people think.

Two years ago, I lost most of my sight. I was also told last year that I have 2-5 years to live. Do you think I want to waste my time here on this earth being miserable? No. I don't. I want to live my life on my terms with the person I want to be with. Life is way to short to worry about what is "appropriate" and what isn't. I do what I want. If Geoff is OK with it and he loves me for who I am, what difference does it make to either of us what other people think? They can form their opinions and keep them to themselves. I would no more say anything to a couple like me and Geoff, than I would about someone's handicap. It is none of my business. Period.

I see these threads all the time, most of the time I stay out of them, because I just don't see the need to respond. But this thread hit me, because of the word "Appropriate". What is appropriate? Inappropriate? I don't know, and I don't care.

My ex-husband and I would sit in silence for days, not really saying anything to each other. We would walk around the house like two strangers. Two very polite strangers. I hated it. I hated my life with him and I hated how old he made me feel. A good night for us, was to share a movie on TV together. Without saying a word, one of us would get up and go to bed. I was sad all the time and I was untouched, unloved and invisible. I had my own bedroom and I spent a good amount of time in it.

People asks me what Geoff and I have in common, what do we find to talk about? Well, he has re-introduced me to metal music. I used to love it when I was younger and for some reason (Gotten older?) I stopped listening to it. I love Mushroomhead! Music is a passion for both of us and I love it when he gets his guitar out and strums and sings to me. We spend hours just talking about music, politics, sports, religion and most any other topic. Hours will fly past as we talk about day to day stuff and never get tired of talking. We play together, we take bubble baths together and we have friends over for a good poker game. We go out and sing and enjoy being alive! Isn't this the most important part of living? To be with someone who allows you to be yourself and to express that individuality through the gift of music and life? Like I said, life is way to short, correction, MY life is way to short to waste it on what other people think is appropriate or not.

Am I a cougar? I don't know. Am I a woman in love? You bet I am. Am I ashamed of my love for my younger man? Absolutely not. If his parents can accept me in their son's life, then to hell with what other people accept or don't accept.

Thanks for reading this. It took me about an hour to type it.

MoGa

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RE: Confessions of a femdom cougar - 2/26/2009 1:09:24 AM

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Bravo, MoGA. The only part you left out......

You should have told her it was legal in the South and then added,

"Bless your heart."

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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