Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: True love in a relationship


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: True love in a relationship Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/21/2006 7:40:48 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ncdom62

I assume all of the replys to our questions of real love

went unheard

seems D/s and bdsm and s/m must involve some type of kink, pain or being a master and slave

and who says mowing a lawn is vanilla, as a couple of you asked.

Is riding a pony vanilla,


Or baling hay

Like I really want to know the definition of S/m bdam then


Because We have one, We don t get up at 8 am and ppuch a clock and say Good morn

everyone

We live a real D/S lifestyle


If anyone is real your more than welcome to visit and see what a REAL LOVING relationship is






First "DROP" the pathetic term "REAL" unless you can define it for everyone... you just have a Loving Relationship like "MANY MANY MANY other people". Frankly, loving relationships are a dime a dozen. Now a particular loving relationship that is similiar to you or to I or the individuals down the street is not to common. Damn rare actually.

I particularly hate the term "Vanilla" almost as much as I hate the term "Real" or "True" or even "High". When such terms are used to place an individual as being superior only because of their way is a better way. Fact is there are lots of ways to love a person, not everyone wants to be love or to be loved the same way. GOD, what a boring life that would be if that was the case. So, you want to appeal to others and ask questions, maybe even learn a thing or two... well don't be so presumptous to project that you are a "TRUE" married couple..... hell is there any other kind? well unless the Minster was faking it... guess anyone that is married is a "TRUE" married couple. Have you figured out how stupid that term sounds yet! Have you figured out how it makes you sound. You are only an expert on your relationship... NO one elses! What works for you.. "TRUE" or "REAL" just might be a waste of time for another or worse "a complete disaster" to the relationship.

Well, I am Dominant and a sadist in my relationships with my two slaves... one I happen to be married too! Been that way since early summer of 90. Of course, she enter my life a few years before that. Did the "REAL" courting thing... figured out I love her and hell... made "Real" love to her.... OH yeah... I am a "REAL" traditionalist... alandra was the first women I was with.... Now I am "REAL" slut.... she is not the only woman have been with or the only one I will be with. mmmmmmmm not sure about being an extreme Dominant or Sadist... let others express that to you... Not even sure what extreme means... I just am who I am... don't need fantastic adjectives to self-glorify myself.

I assume your girl wear's a "REAL" collar and has "REAL" BRAND".... Mine wear a collar too.... I think it's "REAL" but... I choose to "CUT" into their flesh instead of branding them... My mark "cross swords" is cut in them..... It looks "REAL" at least the blood was "REAL"

are you sick of hearing the term "real" yet?.... what makes you think coming on to the board stating you are in "TRUE" loving relationship is going to get you any respect... Hell you could just be faking it.... isn't it part of the job in faking it to pretent to be "REAL" and "TRUE" What should I just take your word that your "TRUE" and "REAL"

Alittle advice!!!


"GET REAL, MAN"

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 1/21/2006 8:15:34 AM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to ncdom62)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/21/2006 3:44:04 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		Without love, everything else is vanilla.

(in reply to ncdom62)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/21/2006 3:54:41 PM   
IceyOne


Posts: 258
Joined: 1/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

First "DROP" the pathetic term "REAL" unless you can define it for everyone... you just have a Loving Relationship like "MANY MANY MANY other people". Frankly, loving relationships are a dime a dozen. Now a particular loving relationship that is similiar to you or to I or the individuals down the street is not to common. Damn rare actually.

I particularly hate the term "Vanilla" almost as much as I hate the term "Real" or "True" or even "High". When such terms are used to place an individual as being superior only because of their way is a better way. Fact is there are lots of ways to love a person, not everyone wants to be love or to be loved the same way. GOD, what a boring life that would be if that was the case. So, you want to appeal to others and ask questions, maybe even learn a thing or two... well don't be so presumptous to project that you are a "TRUE" married couple..... hell is there any other kind? well unless the Minster was faking it... guess anyone that is married is a "TRUE" married couple. Have you figured out how stupid that term sounds yet! Have you figured out how it makes you sound. You are only an expert on your relationship... NO one elses! What works for you.. "TRUE" or "REAL" just might be a waste of time for another or worse "a complete disaster" to the relationship.

Well, I am Dominant and a sadist in my relationships with my two slaves... one I happen to be married too! Been that way since early summer of 90. Of course, she enter my life a few years before that. Did the "REAL" courting thing... figured out I love her and hell... made "Real" love to her.... OH yeah... I am a "REAL" traditionalist... alandra was the first women I was with.... Now I am "REAL" slut.... she is not the only woman have been with or the only one I will be with. mmmmmmmm not sure about being an extreme Dominant or Sadist... let others express that to you... Not even sure what extreme means... I just am who I am... don't need fantastic adjectives to self-glorify myself.

I assume your girl wear's a "REAL" collar and has "REAL" BRAND".... Mine wear a collar too.... I think it's "REAL" but... I choose to "CUT" into their flesh instead of branding them... My mark "cross swords" is cut in them..... It looks "REAL" at least the blood was "REAL"

are you sick of hearing the term "real" yet?.... what makes you think coming on to the board stating you are in "TRUE" loving relationship is going to get you any respect... Hell you could just be faking it.... isn't it part of the job in faking it to pretent to be "REAL" and "TRUE" What should I just take your word that your "TRUE" and "REAL"

Alittle advice!!!


"GET REAL, MAN"


Nothing more needs to be said. Nice post KnightofMists

_____________________________

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

-Rumi

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/21/2006 3:57:32 PM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		D/s relationships can have love, but they don't really need to. Do I think there should be love for 24/7 committed relationships. Yes, but that is just me. Some people don't need love.

I have play partners. Do I love them? Yes, but not I am not in love with them. They are my friends, my very good friends. I would kill for them, but would I drop my life to be with them always? Probably not. I wouldn't consider having a normal relationship with them. We are also not 24/7 either, partly due to differences in opinion and how far BDSM goes with them.

And yes, I agree with KoM.

< Message edited by Slipstreme -- 1/21/2006 4:00:52 PM >

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/21/2006 6:19:54 PM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		ncdom62,

you seem to of upset the natives in your use of certain words and proclamations. for this, you have received some less than polite responses, as people have reacted to you apparent aggressiveness, rather than respond to the question you intended to seek a reply to.

as one who often puts things in a way that is misconstrued, i can empathise here.

We (my Sir and i) and many here, are experiencing a loving relationship. If we love, and are loved in return, that would be my definition of love.

24/7 is a arangement that people enter into that suits their levels of need. but generally speaking refers to people who are not just 'bedroom only' bdsm'rs.

and many of us enjoy this privaledge.

i hope that this answers your original post, if not perhaps you could qualify your question again and i shall try to answer that.

little1

(in reply to Slipstreme)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/21/2006 10:45:55 PM   
ScorpGirl444


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline 		So, I've read this post twice now. After the first read I was like...what the heck is he saying? I understood the questions put forth, but they didn't seem to match the words above.
The second time I read this I thought, why not write down what he wrote so that I could make sure to comment on each section so that maybe an answer could actually be given that makes sense to each thought originally posted.

So here it goes...

1. WE ARE A TRUE MARRIED COUPLE
OK. Super. That means it was done right? I hope my marriage is true. We spent a lot of money for it to turn out to be fake. That would be bad and my parents would be none to happy.

2. WE LIVE A 24/7 BDSM S/M LIFESTYLE
I had to read this twice as you put the same letters...twice. If you say BDSM, you've already incorporated s/m into it so that was redundant and confused me for about...3 seconds. Also, it sounds like b/d is not part of what you do but rather just s/m. I could be wrong, that's just what it looks like in your post.
So 24/7...As most others have said, this is very difficult to do. Is sleeping now part of this? I mean, I do that as part of my 24 hour day and it does not involve anything but my eyes being shut and well...sleeping. Is your wife tied down while sleeping?
Showering...is that somehow altered to be anything but cleaning herself? You can't tell me that every activity done by her, you are watching over and controlling.

3. SHE WEARS A COLLAR 24/7, IS BRANDED AND PIERCED
Again, sleeping, showering... When I was in college and pledging my fraternity (it was co-ed, it adopts fraternity just as everyone in the world is MANkind, it's just the way it is) we had to wear pledge pins. Of course that's impossible to do on a 24/7 basis. There is a rule when dealing with this...you don't have to wear it during the 4 S's...sleep, sex, sports and shower. Do you let that rule apply to your wife? Do you not let her do certain activities because she wouldn't be able to wear the collar? I'm not trying to be disrespectful here but...is there a line?
Being branded and pierced is great and that is a 24/7 thing. I can't imagine the collar is on every minute of the day.

4. I AM EXTREMELY DOMINATE AND AT TIMES EXTREMELY SADISTIC IN WHAT I DO TO HER
First let's learn the English language...Dominant, not Dominate...same meaning, different context.
I would say that most Doms are at times extremely sadistic. Sadistic isn't just physical, it's mental, it's emotional... There are so many different definitions of that word.

To answer the question about whether there is true love between the parties I first would have to ask...Do you love your wife?
Not once did you make mention that you and your wife were in a loving, married s/m relationship. Your post actually makes me wonder if you do love your wife. I would hope you do and that you didn't just marry her to be dominate () with her.
My husband and I have been involved with d/s for about 9 and a half years. We are 26 years old. Yes, we actually started way back then. It was simple stuff, nothing anyone here would find remotely interesting. Personally I have been involved in some way or another since I was 14. Ah, internet. Anyway...I was the one who brought him into it when we were 15 (him) and 16 (me) and we have explored and figured our way through to get to where we are now. Every step of the way we have made it a point to make sure we know how much love there is for each other.
At the same time...we have 2 other play partners (hopefully soon to be 3). Does true love exist there? No way Jose. If it did, I'd be gone. There is a different kind of love that Slipstreme explained...friendship. In no way can a friendship type love be confused with true love.

Fantasy and play acting. I would say a lot of what is done is fantasy to some degree. The great thing about fantasies is that you can decide which ones to play out and which ones to keep as fantasies. I am very fortunate enough to be able to play out whatever fantasy I might have and my Dom, of course, has the same right.
I would think if this was all play acting...those people wouldn't be on these boards, they wouldn't even know how to find this site. And, if you are play acting, I want nothing to do with you because you probably don't know what you're doing. The only way to participate in this lifestyle is to be serious. People are not toys and neither are the "instruments" used for controlling, playing or whatever else you are doing with them.

The actions done in a d/s, s/m, b/d or whatever other letters you want to add in there, relationship do not dictate whether there is love or not. True love is there if you want it to be and it is mutual between the two (or more, whatever you're into) people involved. It most certainly can be there but, it doesn't have to be either.

~Scorp~

(in reply to ncdom62)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/21/2006 11:43:18 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		i have to say this about things put your money with mouth is prove your point by example time is the best truth teller of all
time tells us if what you say is it will be and blossom into something better and bigger if not it will dye off and beforgotton
just the way of things
:)

(in reply to ScorpGirl444)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/21/2006 11:47:32 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio

Without love, everything else is vanilla.



What do you mean by this? I honestly have no idea.

I know plenty of BDSM relationships that are perfectly contect without love, and many vanilla ones that lack it as well. This seems like a non-statment.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/22/2006 1:22:21 AM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio

Without love, everything else is vanilla.


What do you mean by this? I honestly have no idea.

I know plenty of BDSM relationships that are perfectly contect without love, and many vanilla ones that lack it as well. This seems like a non-statment.


You've answered your own question, without realizing it. 'Perfectly content' is not the same as what love brings out, but explaining it is like explaining music to someone who is deaf.

At the risk of doing a Forrest Gump: Submission without love is like a box of chocolates. Submission within the context of love is like big box of Godiva chocolates.

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/22/2006 8:17:24 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Sighs....

I just can't enjoy chocolate the wy some of you can... and do.

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/22/2006 8:36:11 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ncdom62

We are a true married couple

We live a 24/7 bdsm s/m lifestyle.

Totaly, not a bit of vanilla in Our relationship at all.

she wears a collar 24/7 , Is branded and pierced.

I am extremely Dominate and at time extremely sadistic in what I do to her.

We are wondering If in most D/s relationships is there true love between the parties.

Or is a lot of just fantasy and play acting

Jake and sherry


Fox and I fell in love while I was training him and that affection has grown over time. Our relationship has also strengthened in terms of the Ds in it.

But I'm married and also in love with another man, a man I was married to for 7 years when Fox came into our lives -- and he did come into both our lives, into our family.

Because Tom and I no longer scene in any fashion I cannot say that I live in a "Ds" family but in a kinky & poly family (we all are kinky to some degree but I'm probably the poly person here, that guys just don't care cause they know I give them each the time they need).

Fox is always my property and I am always the mistress. But when he's at work 8 hours a day I don't control that any more than he can help me with my dissertation or teaching beyond some proof reading and giving me emotional support.

The OP didn't specify what was meant by several terms it used.

I have met several other couples, triad, and larger groups that I would say have love and have 24/7 dynamics.

What sets those groups I respect and feel a connection with (and hopefully this is the same for me and mine) is that we don't go out and use terms like "true" or "real" or "higher" or "better" or "actual" or anything else that seems to scream "we are the best!". Why not? Cause we don't need to, we are just who we are and we are quite comfortable and fine this way. I don't need to proclaim my lifestyle.

Besides which the Divine didn't anoint me great leader and prophet of the 24/7 so I'd be a fool to try and claim any special terms or limiting terms to identify my life wouldn't I?

So a bit of unsolicited advice for the OPster. When looking for others to relate to or to connect with you might achieve better results if you chose less limiting and what may be preceived as less judgemental terms. Actually this is a unsolicited advice to many folks who've posted questions or "facts" and then wonder why others get angry or don't reply to the question or idea they tried to write.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to ncdom62)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/22/2006 10:04:56 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio


You've answered your own question, without realizing it. 'Perfectly content' is not the same as what love brings out, but explaining it is like explaining music to someone who is deaf.

At the risk of doing a Forrest Gump: Submission without love is like a box of chocolates. Submission within the context of love is like big box of Godiva chocolates.



I think you're ignoring all those individuals who don't seek love in their service relationships though.

While I agree with you from a personal standpoint, and prefer loving relationships, this isn't a universal and can't be treated as such.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/22/2006 10:19:45 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Petruchio
At the risk of doing a Forrest Gump: Submission without love is like a box of chocolates. Submission within the context of love is like big box of Godiva chocolates.

For you sure.

I actually don't really like Godiva. Or cheesecake.

For me, submission and love are completely different concepts and states of being.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/22/2006 2:52:55 PM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ncdom62



Totaly, not a bit of vanilla in Our relationship at all.

We are wondering If in most D/s relationships is there true love between the parties.

Or is a lot of just fantasy and play acting

Jake and sherry



No vanilla? Not even ice-cream? Or waffers?

I am also curious as to why you cannot have love, fantasy, and play acting?

Enjoyed KoM's response.

LaMalinche

----------------------------------------------------------------

Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Deutschland is happy and gay!
We're marching to a faster pace
Look out, here comes the master race!

(in reply to ncdom62)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/22/2006 3:08:50 PM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I think you're ignoring all those individuals who don't seek love in their service relationships though. While I agree with you from a personal standpoint, and prefer loving relationships, this isn't a universal and can't be treated as such.


quote:

For me, submission and love are completely different concepts and states of being


I don't disagree, and in fact some of us (including me once) are incapable of love or at least integrating love into the equation.

Switching analogies (for trusub!), sancere is a great wine and separately seafood can be great, but if you combine the two, they enhance each other.

In other words, either is fine by itself, but together, they become otherworldly. Of course, not everyone can enjoy wine. That's probably the difference.

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/22/2006 3:46:27 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		well "love" in a BDSM lifestyle relationship is alot like sex.

For some- unless they have "love" as they define it... there is no sex.... causal sex is just not for them.

for some causal sex is very possible and does occur. We each have our own way... can't say what works for others... but I know what works for me. However, saying that, I am always open-minded enough to consider possibilities... NEVER SAY NEVER! Except in regards to TAXES and DEATH

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/22/2006 3:53:29 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

If anyone is real your more than welcome to visit and see what a REAL LOVING relationship is


Well shit...guess I had better hop on the first plane out to see ya'll because dayum it, I have always wanted to see just that



Just think, all these years...and I never knew what a REAL loving relationship was

/scratches head in confusion

Ahhh, wonders never cease



< Message edited by IrishMist -- 1/22/2006 3:55:08 PM >

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to ncdom62)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/24/2006 10:15:57 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ncdom62

We are a true married couple

We live a 24/7 bdsm s/m lifestyle.

Totaly, not a bit of vanilla in Our relationship at all.

she wears a collar 24/7 , Is branded and pierced.

I am extremely Dominate and at time extremely sadistic in what I do to her.

We are wondering If in most D/s relationships is there true love between the parties.

Or is a lot of just fantasy and play acting

Jake and sherry



IMO,if you are living and playing together there is a chance of true love.

I would say that slave bishop totally Loves Me as I her.Without that love,I'm not sure W/we could hold it together.W/we live 24/7 as much as possible,of course there is work,but that doesnt mean she isnt My slave when she leaves the house.she is still My slave when shopping,nothing changes that except her leaving My service.

Depending on age its possible to live 24/7,no kids at home,no family around etc.
I know once W/we dont have those responsibilities,W/we can enjoy more,but thats true with anything.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to ncdom62)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/24/2006 10:39:53 AM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

except for shopping... didn't want to get arrested

Thats why I loooooove shopping online :-). You can do it naked while drinking a glass of shiraz.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: True love in a relationship - 1/24/2006 10:02:39 PM   
Shekinah


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline 		maybe
quote:

ORIGINAL: ncdom62
We are wondering If in most D/s relationships is there true love between the parties.


I can only speak for myself but I certainly hope so!

_____________________________

There is no middle ground.

(in reply to ncdom62)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: True love in a relationship Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109