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~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/4/2009 9:22:46 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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I love to listen to those who will wax poetic about the good old days. When Kink was New and People formed lifelong bonds based on the simply fact that they were kinky. Before the politics of Kink and what is and isn’t this or that, although they were really always there the platform in which we communicate them wasn’t.

I notice also how my own limited experience tends to lead to adolescent greatness the further I get from my own hay days, no matter how recent those acts were. I wonder if others have this form of nostalgia about the up and coming days of our self-discovery. I know threads dealing with that have been done before but of the ones I searched I had not seen one that dealt with how we perceive these changes and if we believe this is a natural progression?

I know lots of people who have stayed on cloud nine when it comes to kink. I know others who keep chasing that original peak high they found the first time. I know again, others who kink becomes secondary to just about everything else and end up floating in and out of the desire to practice at all.

Where do you fall on this spectrum and what do you do to either maintain or spice things up. What do you do to adhere to your philosophies when they start to become empty or no longer serving the reward they once did?

Steel

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Post #: 1

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/4/2009 9:33:17 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
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Where do you fall on this spectrum and what do you do to either maintain or spice things up. What do you do to adhere to your philosophies when they start to become empty or no longer serving the reward they once did?

I understand others put all manner of rules and roles on their lifestyle choice
but if in doing such, emptiness and abandonment to the joy of living becomes part of a daily grind . . . what have you done to yourself?

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 2

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/4/2009 10:04:21 AM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
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Where do you fall on this spectrum and what do you do to either maintain or spice things up. What do you do to adhere to your philosophies when they start to become empty or no longer serving the reward they once did?

I am not sure I understand what spectrum you're speaking of exactly, Steel, but I've maintained an interest in power dynamics since I clearly identified such a thing. For the most part, though, I've lived my life and motivated within relationships with a consciousness toward power dynamics between the parties but without D/s dynamics (Some exceptions).
Generally, my philosophies are broad-based enough not to need discarding but only the occasional tune-up.
Davan

_____________________________

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Waiting is

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Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
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(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 3

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/4/2009 10:23:36 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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When they start becoming empty, I'll let you know.

Here's the thing. I came into all of this kind of backwards. Lots of people now find kink on the net first and then explore r/t. Instead, kink kind of fell into My lap from out of the blue.

Part of the reason that some folks established those deep connections based solely on kink is because, in some communities, there were so very few of us. The groups were so small that they had a "family" feel to them. That's compared to today when I log on the net or come on a site like this one and there are thousands or millions of others. That's a lot different than a group of twenty or so who just got on the phone and called each other up to see if everyone wanted to get together to play on the weekend. So, while the net opened up a lot of things for a lot of people, in some cases, there's no opportunity for the type of family or intimacy that can come from those small groups that springs up from feeling close to those few people that you feel are like you. I probably explained that very poorly, so I'll address your other question.

While I have that definite nostalgia, kink is always fascinating to Me. I learned a long time ago that I'll never know everything. No matter how much I know, there's always going to be more. Not to be egotistical, but I'm pretty good at some of the types of play that I do. Yet there are still other forms of play that I'm just starting out in or haven't tried. I don't chase the high of the first scene. I chase the high of the next one. The new one. The one I haven't experienced yet.

I've been doing this for a while. In the past month, I had not one, but two play experiences that were completely amazing to Me. They weren't like My first introduction to kink. They were better. They were things that made My eyes open up wide and fill Me in ways that I couldn't have understood when I was first starting out. To some, they might have been old hat, but to Me they were extraordinary.

I probably explained that poorly, too. Let Me try a language that I know the OP, if no one else, will understand.

Steel, the key to it is, no matter how long you've been around, look at kink with the eyes of a newcomer. There are always things out there that are brand new, even to an old broad like Me.

Thanks for the trip down memory lane, and the look to the future with your post.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 4

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/4/2009 10:29:30 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I probably explained that poorly, too. Let Me try a language that I know the OP, if no one else, will understand.

Steel, the key to it is, no matter how long you've been around, look at kink with the eyes of a newcomer. There are always things out there that are brand new, even to an old broad like Me.

Thanks for the trip down memory lane, and the look to the future with your post.

Understood.

Thank you for your Reply it was if nothing else pleasing to read. I don't necesarily have this problem yet, I do however notice that Isolation from a community that I can make offten enough is starting to effect the way I go about things.

Thank You LP, I will continue to look at things like a new comer perhaps I wasn't doing that as well as I could have.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 5

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/4/2009 10:33:05 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Anytime, Steel. Anytime.

My regards to your andi.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 6

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/4/2009 11:29:41 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Where do you fall on this spectrum and what do you do to either maintain or spice things up. What do you do to adhere to your philosophies when they start to become empty or no longer serving the reward they once did?

Steel

Great question Steel.
I don't retrospect. I just get fully obsessed with a problem at the time... fly with it solved or burn out and crash until the problem goes away. I never had a hey day.Anyone who thinks that the 1950s or 1960s or indeed the 80s or 90s were any better than right now I think is deluded. Living in the past doesn't interest me. I don't like revivals. Tomorrow will always be better than yesterday because it isn't created yet. I think probably one day ahead at a time...it's the best I can do and there's enough that has to be crammed into tomorrow to take up the planning schemas of my thinking.
Many of my generation embarrass me. Arrogance. Self-righteousness and a sense of being owed by the world based on age alone. I don't think this is any more true of the bdsm community than any other community....Most communities cohere not according to distributional change but cohere according to conformity.
Conformity is anathema to me. I answer in my spirit only to my sense of conscience and a benevolent Spirit that does itself not conform to organised religion. I will be dutiful to my Master. I am compassionate to my children. That's where I am at right now.
Despite the recession... of which I have known three others anyway....2009 is an amzing time to be alive...and to be doing what I am doing and living where I am living and to still be rockin and rollin at my age...well I am eternally grateful.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 3/4/2009 11:31:43 AM >

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 7

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/4/2009 11:30:10 AM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
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As a bottom, it's not the activity I am doing but the person I'm a doing it with that gives that cloud nine feeling or not. So I have only lost/found it depending on personal chemistry and the relationship dynamic.

As a top, I'm not sure I've been topping long enough to lose interest. I find it hard to believe I'd ever get tired of tying something pretty up in knots.

But with everything else...I take the good, leave the bad, and look around to see what I can learn. I don't cling to kink and I'd let it flow in and out of my life in whatever way feels natural.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 8

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/4/2009 11:46:59 AM

feydeplume

Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline

Where do you fall on this spectrum and what do you do to either maintain or spice things up. What do you do to adhere to your philosophies when they start to become empty or no longer serving the reward they once did?

I hit a local sex shop. No matter what i have seen before, there is always something in there that will make me giggle and see with new eyes, even if it is just the prices or the sales staff. Online shopping is fun and easy, but actually going into the shop and holding the newest buzzy thing or flavor of lube or silicone dohickey or leather pleated miniskirt or all of the above and more, helps remind me why i bother.

And sometimes the sales staff lets you try out the whips on them!

_____________________________

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(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 9

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/4/2009 5:19:29 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Kink by itself was never a holy grail for me. I just find that getting tied up and used makes for intense sex. But I don't go there unless it's with a person who loves me and who I love. I don't do casual.

So for us, we don't need to spice things up. We don't have the luxury of playing for hours every day. We do normal, mundane stuff like take out the garbage, hassle kids about homework, go to the grocery store. And when we do have time and energy for play, it is still just as much fun as when we got together six years ago

But kink for us is secondary to the relationship.

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(in reply to feydeplume)

Post #: 10

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/4/2009 5:25:16 PM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
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I remember back in the day when I did not think twice about walking into Perkins later at night handcuffed together with my girl. I remember the back in the day when getting pulled over by a police for speeding hand and her and I were hand cuffed together and us making a joke out of it too. Things that now days, I'm not certain about doing anymore. But Back in the day was back in the day. Now is Now.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 11

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/4/2009 6:40:20 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Where do you fall on this spectrum and what do you do to either maintain or spice things up.

The past is done. Our “glory day” should be today, because we are here, right now. The potential is wondrous!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 12

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/4/2009 8:07:38 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
Where do you fall on this spectrum and what do you do to either maintain or spice things up.

Always keep learning and listening and reading and exploring. Life is too full of endless possibilities to get stuck in a rut.

What do you do to adhere to your philosophies when they start to become empty or no longer serving the reward they once did?

Sometimes I need to get away and recharge my energies. The past year with all the family care-taking responsibility was very trying and I really want some fun vacation time this summer. Your questions are Kink specific but I cannot put the energy into much of anything unless I take care of myself first. Hope that makes sense.

Steel

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 13

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/5/2009 6:57:05 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I seemed to miss those days of wild abandonment of youth thanks to the Ausrtalian Army and then the US Spec Forces and of course my time in 'Nam. I missed the 60's and never visited hippy communes and even miossed out on Woodstock. My entry into Gor and later into the BDSM scene was when I was a mature adult with a somewhat cynical view of life. If anything the BDSM scene has rejuvinated me and yet I'm glad I was never in the possition to let the energy of my late teens and early 20's loose on normal society for as sure as i live abd breath I would have made more fuck-up than most here.

_____________________________

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Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 14

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/5/2009 7:10:11 AM

MissEnchanted

Posts: 510
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
Where do you fall on this spectrum and what do you do to either maintain or spice things up.

Always keep learning and listening and reading and exploring. Life is too full of endless possibilities to get stuck in a rut.

What do you do to adhere to your philosophies when they start to become empty or no longer serving the reward they once did?

Sometimes I need to get away and recharge my energies. The past year with all the family care-taking responsibility was very trying and I really want some fun vacation time this summer. Your questions are Kink specific but I cannot put the energy into much of anything unless I take care of myself first. Hope that makes sense.

Steel

What Vendaval said, including needing that vacation.

Hawaii anyone?

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 15

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/5/2009 8:07:20 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

Steel,

I've had a GREAT life. I leave whether its 'kinky' or not to third person interpretation. Me - I've just been living and having fun.

My clearest and first memory regarding the 'good old days'? - Sticky floors at the NYC clubs. Disgusting huh? At the time it just represented the 'anything goes' attitude pervasive. I wouldn't represent that it was pervasive in the 'community' because to insinuate there was a 'community' misrepresents the times. What it represented was a time when you couldn't die from sex; transitioning to not knowing you could die from sex, finally evolving to making sure you didn't die from sex. Eh - that was my experience, limited geographically to NY, NJ, and the Philadelphia area.

The method I use to determine if someone actually participated versus just read about "Back In the Day"; is usually if they were there, they'll put a smile on their face, shake their head (that's were they have the thought - "I can't believe I survived!"), and say simply, "It was fun!". They won't try to brag or long for them, or compare them better than today. Access alone would point to the fact they were not better. Hell, do you know what it was like to date back then having 'kinky' desires, but concerned that disclosing them would end the budding relationship? That first spank while in the 'doggy position' was a big risk! Now, you go to a place like CM, chat and eventually meet people and that first spank is expected, or at least considered in the contemplated relationship. How great is that!

Sure, there were some fantastic times, LOTS of them! I've forgotten some of them. Sure, I tell stories of the 'old days' mostly the sort where something funny or unexpected happened - good or bad; but I don't long for them. Frankly I hope I haven't yet experienced the 'ultimate' scene, or had the 'ultimate' sexual experience. I had a pretty good one this morning, but I won't use it to benchmark the next experience.

The saddest thought I can conceive, short of being parted from beth, would be that I've had my 'ultimate' experience. Maybe I have, maybe I haven't, but even as the number of laps I've journeyed around the sun increase - I certainly hope not. I won't be disappointed if I have, because the ongoing attempt is energizing, and the mindset keeps life interesting. Being open to the possibility creates possibilities.

I really can't point to anything I do to "spice things up". My "philosophy" may take care of that - I constantly seek 'spice'. I've got my preferences, the hotter the better; food or physical experience. I don't have an aversion to many flavors; curry maybe, but not even willing to totally discount that either because philosophically I'm open to considering that maybe the 'curry' I've tasted was prepared poorly.

FUN Steel, is the goal. I make it a point to hang out with people who are open to it as much as I am. Should there come a day when FUN is "no longer serving the reward" - bury me; I'm already dead.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 16

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/5/2009 8:49:46 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

quote:

Hell, do you know what it was like to date back then having 'kinky' desires, but concerned that disclosing them would end the budding relationship?

Heh. Just the other day, Sir was watching an old episode of "Hillstreet Blues" and I sat down to watch the ending. The final scene of the show involved a female pleading with a male (I don't know the show, so I don't know the characters' names) to "own" her, take her rough etc. He pushed her away, told her he couldn't do that and walked out. Ouch! The female looked so pathetic sitting there, rejected.

It certainly made me appreciate the show we usually watch together--"Without a Trace" 'cause I know Jack would never be that callous and insensitive even though his character is based on a rejection of all things touchy feely. The Hillstreet Blues episode also reminded me of my first boyfriend...the time would have been about the same: early eighties. I wanted him to tie me up and spank me. He obliged, but he made it clear he thought I was weird and a freak so I settled for regular sex. I could tell other stories about back in the day but they'd all boil down to the same thing: my first experiences were compulsive and without joy, little more than dirty little secrets. Who wants to go back to that?

I have an historians interest in the past. But, I wouldn't want to live there.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 17

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/5/2009 11:16:38 AM

chezzy71

Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline

Like Lady Pact,i was very interested in the lifestyle,it was just i didn't know it had a name.By accident,BDSM came to me in the form of a Pro Domme on my 19th birthday.That is 37 years ago if you care to keep track.I wax poetically about the good old days but not when it comes to the lifestyle.Most of it is remembering what i did when i was hanging with friends or living in Florida with my cousin and some friends.It isn't a discussion that happens everyday or even every year,but i will be going back home next month for a special event that i will be Master of Ceremonies of.It is a vanilla type of event so i don't want anyone to get the wrong idea.Basically it is about a reunion of sorts between my brothers old band and another band that used to play with them some 50 years ago.Again,if you are keeping track,i was 5 going on 6 and i remember an awful lot from back in those days and i like to sit and reflect over my friends and family especially the ones that have left me.It hurts they have passed on but i will smile inevitably when thinking of them.I don't think there is anything wrong with remembering how you were and how you used to live..you know,just real life things.BDSM will come and go..you can't be invlolved(scening)24/7 nor can you live it really 24/7 although i am about to.You see no matter what,real life will always be there to trump any BDSM thought or activity.It is what it is and i am more than content with that.

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 18

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/5/2009 12:27:10 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Rather than ex[ploring the lifestyle in let's say the 40's and 50's or what ever time froam the "Official" documentation started, I'm far more interested in the activities and socially unspoken but accepted kinky activities of the Victorian and Edwardian periods. We can accept from various diaries and journals that it was common for the men and especially the eldest sons of the mannor to have their way with maids and that spanking as well as cropping was not uncommon so I'm thinking that some form of bondage probably would have been involved too seening that for generations man has bound his prisoners and females being bounmd and helpless would have been subject to sexual and other abuses. This said I find it hard to immagine that such things were used in a more social and sexual romp too..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to chezzy71)

Post #: 19

RE: ~~Back In the Day~~ - 3/5/2009 1:46:27 PM

masterdstar

Posts: 160
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Back, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in the day. Ummm, nuthin’ personal but kink has been around ‘bout 1,000,000 generations.

Enjoy your wonder-filled day

PS ya might wanna stop by the post on "

Name Dropping and a New Term "Time Dropping" "

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 20

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