Padriag
Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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This post is about a few observations of mine. What follows are my opinions, based on over a decade of observations. Its about what I see as being some pretty unrealistic habits, expectations, etc. of people online. This isn't aimed at men or women, dominants or submissives... but more or less at everyone. Its also not an attack, just food for thought.
I watch threads about emails come up regularly. They usually question why someone doesn't reply, complain about a form letter, etc. Most of it I consider rubbish because it involves a lot of unrealistic expectations.
Email is a point of contact, nothing more. But on sites like this one it has become a complex process that is sometimes virtually impossible to navigate. Consider this... a submissive we'll call Sue, hates getting form letters. But Sue has written very little about herself in her profile, just clicked some interests and left it at that. Sue has given potential dominants nothing to write to her about, there's little in her profile to respond too. So they predictably send a form letter... and they are damned if they do, and damned if they don't.
There is actually nothing wrong with form letters, expect for peoples expectations. A first email is just that, a first contact. It should be polite, tell a little about the person sending it, the basics of what they are seeking, and should be personalized only to a small degree. Conversely, there are some who abuse this and send out mass mailings that aren't personalized at all. Here's a thought for the CM admins... limit the number of emails you can send per day to say 10 or 20. That would cut out a lot of that very quickly.
If you write to someone and they don't reply, don't get bent about it and for crying out loud stop insulting them! If they're not interested, they aren't interested... deal with it... quietly! When I write to a lass and she doesn't respond, I take her off my favorites list and move on. I don't insult her, I don't pester her... frankly, if she's not polite enough to at least say thank you for the interest, then I don't want to hear from her. If she's not smart enough to see what a great guy I am, her loss. Gee... did that sound arrogant... you're damn skippy it did! But the point is the attitude I take. If someone doesn't reply, I let it go and move on with my life, I do not let it bother me. Why should I, the first day I joined this site I saw at least 30 profiles of attractive submissive women I thought were interesting... if number 16 doesn't reply... now serving number 17.... now serving number 17.
Another thing I see are people falling in love online having never met face to face. Yes, yes I know... you're just sure they're the One (but is his name Neo?). And if you're lucky, things do work out. But in my not so humble opinion the relationship doesn't begin, doesn't exist, until you meet face to face and spend some time with that person. Until then what you have is an acquaintance... perhaps one you're very fond of, intrigued by, and really have the hots for... but still an acquaintance. While some get lucky, most do not and more often we then seen follow up threads sometime after an announcement of meeting their dream "dom/sub/master/slave" of how they were disappointed, lied to, fakes, frauds, ad nauseum. Now how much of that would disappear if we all just kept to a policy of, "Yes I really like you, but until we meet I just can't be sure... so when would you like to do that?" While I'm against simplistic "two week" rules (which I also think are nonsense) I am very much in favor of meeting at some point. When? That varies according to what is possible. I met one lass 2 days after we first talked online. Another lass it was a year before we could meet face to face. Each of those cases were different and my choices were based on the distance involved, my circumstances, hers, etc. Anyone can be anything they want online... but face to face things tend to get real very quickly.
And what is it with people not filling out their profiles? I've seen so many one liners in profiles of all sorts that I have to wonder what these people were thinking? If you want something other than a form letter... say something about yourself... give the person writing too you something to work with. Once excuse for a very short profile I saw was this last remark "I haven't written about myself because its too easy for people to play head games if I do." And this person is even online why? Still not convinced a well written profile is to your advantage... consider this. Just the other day I got yet another email from a submissive woman who wrote me just to compliment me on my well written profile... here's part of what she said...
quote:
I wanted to send a note along and tell you how much I enjoyed reading your profile. It is one of the most thought-out and sincere ones I have come across. ... It bothers me a bit when a person has only a few lines about themselves in their profile that leaves me wondering just what else they are about, but yours lacked nothing. A rare joy to find and read!
A well written profile makes a difference, if you don't have one, you're cheating yourself.
People have so many expectations its no small wonder they spend so much time disappointed. I have seen many people say they are leaving this site or that because "I could never find anyone interesting." That's a crock, a big smelly one at that. If you aren't meeting interesting people here, you aren't trying. Now that doesn't mean you're going to meet "The One" anytime soon, but there are lots of interesting people out there.
Perhaps the biggest is unrealistic expectation is that dominants must be perfect or that submissives should be naked and pliable. In other words that whole notion of "The One". I sometimes wonder if people have this image in their head of what this perfect "One" looks like and they compare everyone to that. Maybe I should do that... I'm a 3D artist, I could actually create that image... just post the pic and say "Have you seen this person, is this you, you may be my One, please contact." But unfortunately life and relationships and dating are not that simple... and frankly I don't think it would be good if it were. There is no "One", there's just people... and according to one statistic I came across there's about 50,000 "One's" out there for each and every one of us. That is, an average of 50,000 people you could potentially have a great relationship with. That's actually pretty good odds if you open your mind to something less than that perfect "One" and realize that that other person, who has a few quirks you don't like, is still a pretty good catch... not perfect, but a good catch.
To sum up my opinions here... email is just that... email, a point of contact, don't make more of it than it is. First letters are just introductions to a stranger, don't expect the person to write an eloquent, personalized, love letter to a stranger. Form letters are okay so long as they are polite, informative and personalized to a small degree. Rude letters are easily deleted and blocked. There's no set rule about when you should meet, but if you feel there's something there worth getting serious about then you should meet face to face. Until you meet face to face, don't invest more into it than is reasonable for an acquaintance. There is no "One", but there's lots of "almost-One's" that could turn out to be something great if you give it a chance. Don't set your expectations too high, and remember, the more you ask for the more you better be willing to offer. Nobody gets to date a supermodel if they don't have something pretty super to offer themselves.
Just my opinions... have at it you maniacs!
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Padriag
A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer
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