"Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off by this anyway?

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"Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off by t... - 3/9/2009 1:03:48 PM

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Is use of the term "Mistress" in a dialogue supposed to be:

1. A turn on for the sub because he is forced to use it or expected to use it
2. A turn on for the femdom because the sub is forced to use it or expected to use it

And no "50/50" answers, please!

Interested to hear the POV of both subs and femdoms in this equation.

Akasha

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 1:11:16 PM

MistressSassy66

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When janet says Mistress he's doing it because I am his Mistress.When I hear it
I am reminded he's Mine.I dont see it as a turn on,rather more like a happy feeling.

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 1:16:01 PM

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I prefer it at times from a submissive who I am engaged with, moving to a potential--chezz uses it, not all the time, but he seems to know when to use it to let Me know he gets the dynamic--that even in familiarity there is formality.

And when there are decisions I make of a serious nature, him saying that is the confirmation to Me that he gets who leads and who follows.

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 1:16:08 PM

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Personally, I'm not a fan of using the titles because it at times just feels too forced. In my last relationship I was only expected to/made to during rare circumstances and as the word "Mistress" left my lips, it just felt awkward. I'm not sure why exactly though... I don't feel like it was the implications of the term. It may have been because we had a vanilla relationship that superseded the BDSM aspects of it although there were always undertones of it. I'm more than happy submitting without having to use titles and whatnot.

So from my limited experience, the use of the title was for the benefit of the "Mistress".

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 1:30:29 PM

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I use the term " Mistress" to address a Domme if she desires that title. I have no problem with its use; to me it is a sign of respect and dedication.

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 1:46:42 PM

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Damn, A, why won't you allow 50/50 answers?

I don't personally like "Mistress". I'll use it if told, of course. But it just doesn't have the same ring to it as "Master" - much as we might all want it to.

Ms Starlett once pointed out that titles are very important to subs - perhaps more so than they are to dominants. I think she was right. "Ma'am" triggers me in all sorts of joyfully submissive ways; but I know that it makes many women just think of frosty shop assistants. It's a shame. I reckon there's a great deal less ambiguity with regard to "Master" and "Sir".

The title is supposed to work for the dominant rather than the sub. If I was told, and saw, that a particular title made a dominant feel 'right' in relation to me, at any given time, that's what I'd go with - is the short answer, for me.

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 1:49:37 PM

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When someone other than my submissive uses mistress, I get an ukkk feeling. For me it is specail and something shared becasue of a bond and connection that I have with someone who has agreed to be my submissive and I don't want anyone else using it. I am turned on more in remembering special moments with my submissive rather than the actual word. I think in those relationships, it is a bit of expression and devotion combined with what we have shared that is the 'special' to both of us and does have an element of turn on or getting some rocks off. lol In that moment I can be rather... shall we say grabby or go for some hair. lol

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 1:50:24 PM

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In My case, it's only a turn on when it's said in passion. However, I think it's more the way it's said than what is said. I know that's when clip uses it more because it pleases Me. You have to remember that, when I first took him on, there was discussion about an appropriate term. To Me, Mistress (or Master for that matter) has the definition (one of many) of using an s type in all ways. Since clip was not permitted to be of sexual service until he was collared, "Mistress" was not appropriate. To this day, 90% of the time, he calls Me m'lady and only Mistress the rest of the time.

Long explanation to the quick answer. In this dynamic, it's probably more for Me than him.

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 1:56:14 PM

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Wish I could say that I felt that about the word "Mistress", Lockit. Of course I'd use it if told. But it's "Ma'am", for me, that really turns me into knee-buckling, submissive jelly. Very, very special and to be used only for one woman.

*Sigh* - one day.

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 1:57:59 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

When someone other than my submissive uses mistress, I get an ukkk feeling.

Lockit,

Actually, in some circles, "Mistress" with the qualifier of an additional name is proper. It's only when the title is used alone that it's supposed to denote a particular dynamic. In other words:

"Hello Mistress" from a random person who doesn't know you is too forward. They are implying a dynamic that does not exist. However, "Hello Mistress Lockit" is generally someone who is recognizing you with respect.

Just a hint as how it might go in some circles.

(And no, you don't get to blame Me when your inbox gets flooded with messages that start out "hello Mistress Lockit.")

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 2:02:39 PM

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ROFL LadyPact!

Now that you mention it... I have seen a difference. I wasn't even thinking of the times when I let someone slide with the use of mistress. It was the generic use of mistress that may have been part of my turn off. I don't recall getting on anyone that said Mistress Lockit... I would correct it, but didn't get that ukk feeling. It did come off as more resepectful.

Thank you! I didn't see that until your post! lol

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 2:12:56 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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Me, definitely. Mistress is, hands down, my favorite form of address in a D/s dynamic. I'll accept Ma'am, especially if we're out in vanilla public, M'Lady, Miss, or even Ms. Sylvere, but my first choice is Mistress.

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 2:43:08 PM

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In response to "Is its use supposed to be"?, I think #2 would be more popular (but to each his/her own). Of course it results in #1 for me (sorry, I guess thats 50/50 kinda). I was clueless that "mistress" or worse for some, "goddess" be a turn off for femdoms. Regardless, I'll address her in which ever way she requires.
Still learning,
bobby

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Is use of the term "Mistress" in a dialogue supposed to be:

1. A turn on for the sub because he is forced to use it or expected to use it
2. A turn on for the femdom because the sub is forced to use it or expected to use it

And no "50/50" answers, please!

Interested to hear the POV of both subs and femdoms in this equation.

Akasha

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 3:07:48 PM

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Of the female honorifics, I like Mistress and Domina best.
I was in a realtionship where My other referred to me as Mistress prior to my contemplating how I wished to be referred. I dug it. As that person has an other, I informed him he was never to use that word in a way that suggested there was a small m rather than a capitalized one.
As a matter of course, however, unless in a relationship with a person (And, with the exception of addressing people on here by their nicknames), I don't use honorifics; they're earned.
Davan

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 3:07:54 PM

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My pet calls me "master*." She has learned how to do this frequently without it being just a name. I can hear her voice fluxuate ever so slightly when she says it. To her, it means a lot.

I know you asked for no 50-50 answers, so I'll give you a 100/100.

When Pet says it, she is reminded of her place compared to mine. That excites her, encourages her, centers her.
When I hear it, I am reminded of my place compared to her. While I don't need to hear it to know where I stand, it helps her get back into place.

If pressed for a simple "her or me" sort of thing, I'd say it was for her, so she could be better for me (which is her goal and job).

*Not due to any official recognitions, I've never been granted a cap by any leather communities, for example. She calls me "master" because other men she is told to respect are called "sir." I appreciate a marked difference because when she's crying that her ex-boyfriend just yelled at her in the supermarket, these sirs are no where to be found. It's my reward for the extra time I put into our relationship.

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 3:20:54 PM

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I don't feel that using the term "Mistress" is "supposed" to be either. In a very general way it is just a form of protocol for those that want to use it. Many women don't like being called "Mistress", partly because it makes them feel like "the other woman" or some similar reason. No matter whether "Mistress", "Ma'am", "Madam", or any other title is used it is generally meant as a form of respect and is simply a manner of approaching or addressing the lady instead of simply saying, "Hey you!"

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 3:31:39 PM

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I am sure there is that aspect of it igor. But the majority of those that email me that use mistress or goddess are not reading my profile, even the first or second paragraph and seem to be more in fantasyland rather than respectville. It isn't just the title... but the whole of the email that I base this on.

I had to think about what LadyPact posted to me and I flashed back on a number who called me Mistress Lockit and how I reacted. I was much kinder and less dismissal to them compared to those that called me mistress or goddess.

Sometimes you can see respect in what they are saying besides mistress and sometimes... you know you are nothing more than someone they hope to get close to, to get their kink on.

Those that call me Ma'am... tend to be far more respectful as a whole and I have no problem with the use of Ma'am. It is very respectful and I don't feel old, like in a retail setting, even though I am of the age! lol

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 3:32:31 PM

MoGa

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When I first met Geoff, we were just friends for a long time. He called me by my given name. When I asked him to consider me, he didn't suddenly start calling me Mistress. When I collared him, I asked him to call me Mistress, but it was so difficult for him to do so. He was used to calling me by my given name. During the entire time we lived together, he only called me Mistress at certain times, when it felt right to him. I didn't enforce it, because I felt if he wasn't comfortable calling me Mistress, I wasn't going to force him to do so.

Now, after everything that has happened between us, he calls me Mistress. It sits right with him and he is very comfortable saying it. I love it that he calls me Mistress, no matter the time of day or what is happening. He truly feels in his heart that I AM his Mistress, now.

In my opinion, it has to feel right for both sides. If a sub is uncomfortable calling his Domina "Mistress", there might be a very good reason why he feels that way. If I had asked him why he didn't feel comfortable calling me Mistress at the time that he wasn't, I would have learned many things about him. But I didn't ask and he didn't say. Lack of communication on both parts. Lessons learned on both parts as well.

MoGa

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 3:33:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

ROFL LadyPact!

Now that you mention it... I have seen a difference. I wasn't even thinking of the times when I let someone slide with the use of mistress. It was the generic use of mistress that may have been part of my turn off. I don't recall getting on anyone that said Mistress Lockit... I would correct it, but didn't get that ukk feeling. It did come off as more resepectful.

Thank you! I didn't see that until your post! lol

You're quite welcome, Lockit. Any time.

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Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: "Mistress" - whose rocks are getting off ... - 3/9/2009 3:38:39 PM

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Ive never liked the term myself.. I am neither a kept woman nor a prostitute.. I do not find it a term of respect..SD

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