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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/12/2009 2:15:46 PM   
tsatske


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OMG, rozenwyn ... you are younger than my children. Now I'm feeling old.

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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/12/2009 2:21:24 PM   
rozenwyn


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nuh uh you aren't old, just young on the inside ^_^

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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/12/2009 3:28:58 PM   
LadySeakirk


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what's invisible and smells like carrots...
      bunny farts.

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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/12/2009 4:33:18 PM   
PeonForHer


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Why did the Farmer cross the road?

His dick was stuck in the chicken.

I had a Strange Childhood.

Steel

That was quite disturbing, Steel.  I do hope you weren't too young when you heard that?

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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/12/2009 4:54:39 PM   
MaitreDeFey


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Not only is this the first joke I really remember hearing, it's the first joke I remember hating. The telling of the joke was prefaced with these words "Are you sure you are ready for the curse of the pink ping pong balls?" So, silly me, I nodded, and the rest is...

Little Jimmie is on his way to the first day of first grade when his father pulls him aside and says, "OK son, I'll make a deal with you, if you get a perfect score all through grade school, I'll get you whatever you want, OK? Little Jimmie nods and heads off to school with his head held high.

Five years later, Jimmie has graduated from fifth grade and he brings the last grade card to his father, on it are all As and he asks of his father this: A red ryder wagon filled with pink ping pong balls. His dad asks why of course, but Jimmie just smiles and says

"You Promised."

So Dad goes out and gets little Jimmie a Red Ryder wagon and fills it with pink ping pong balls. His son puts the wagon in the garage, says thank you and runs out to enjoy summer vacation.

As summer vacation draws to an end, Jimmie's dad pulls him aside and says to him: "Jimmie, you are now entering Middle School, if you make it through with all A's, I'll give you whatever you want!" Jimmie nods solemnly and the agreement is made.

As expected, he completes middle school, and high school and college and grad school all with honors and perfect grades. By the time Jimmie returns home to collect on his final promise, the side yard is a mess with a wagon, a go cart, a corvette, an SUV and a big old RV, all filed with Pink Ping Pong Balls! Still refusing to explain the mysterious requests, Jimmie chains everything together, kisses his mother and father goodbye, gets behind the wheel of the RV and drives off into his future.

Well, his dad has had quite enough of the mystery so he jumps into his own car and follows his son out to find out what he is going to do with millions of pink ping pong balls. The drive continues for about ten minutes when he rounds a corner and finds an immense wreck, everything is totaled and Jimmie is lying on his back, blood pooling beneath him. His father rushes to him and pulls his son's head into his lap and asks: "Son, son, if it's the last thing you say, why oh why did you want all of those pink ping pong balls?"

Jimmie looks up at his father and say's: "I...I..."







And then he dies.


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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/12/2009 5:26:29 PM   
SteelofUtah


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The above is also known as a "Shaggy Dog Story" a favorite of my Uncles. The Point is to tell a story with no real answer or punchline or one that is so bad that people are now pissed because they listened to the whole thing.

And Yes the Farmer with his dick in the chicken I learned in the Third Grade Not the First but one of the first.

Steel

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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/12/2009 6:20:42 PM   
BitchGoddessD


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one day Maryjane was climbing the tree and her mother told her not be climbing the tree with her dress on because the little boys were going to see her panties, maryjane justed laughed and laughed because she knew she didn't have any panties on.

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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/12/2009 6:39:12 PM   
MaitreDeFey


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

The above is also known as a "Shaggy Dog Story" a favorite of my Uncles. The Point is to tell a story with no real answer or punchline or one that is so bad that people are now pissed because they listened to the whole thing.


Thanks, I didn't know it had a technical name, but I know of enough of them that it makes sense. Of course now I'm curious about the "shaggy dog", but please do not enlighten us :)

MDF


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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/12/2009 7:00:20 PM   
Lucylastic


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Hush , Hush whisper who dares,
little boy sits at the foot of the stairs
hair in his hand, blood on the mat
christopher robin has castrated the cat


I remember my dad teaching that to me when I was about 4, and I used to recite it at parties for the adults...... I had no idea what castrated meant, but i did love winnie the pooh.

How does an elephant hide in a tree.... paints his toenails red

knock knock
whose there
isabel
isabel who
isabel neccessary on a bicycle?
oh I have so many more, my mind just blanked tho...my dad was a big fan of shaggy dog stories, and rhymes like the little ditty above, i have more but they arent jokes as such.
Lucy



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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/12/2009 9:04:19 PM   
Aylee


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Okay, I just heard this one off of the Sprout channel, and it reminded me. 

What do you call a book about eggs?

A yoke book. 

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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/13/2009 12:21:17 AM   
hlen5


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To anyone interested -

NPR's "Prairie Home Companion" will be broadcasting it's annual joke show this Saturday (Mar 14).

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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/13/2009 12:29:53 AM   
hlen5


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What's gray (or grey, if you prefer) and comes in quarts?     

Elephants!

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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/13/2009 12:38:38 AM   
Musicmystery


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Q--How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

A--Hold its nose!

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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/13/2009 3:02:41 AM   
MadAxeman


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What's orange and sounds like a parrot?





A carrot!



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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/14/2009 12:46:09 PM   
spicysugar1


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What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you? Nacho cheese! 

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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/14/2009 1:37:54 PM   
SweetDommes


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Slight correction Lucy - that's how an elephant hides in an apple tree LOL

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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/15/2009 2:44:21 AM   
subharlequin


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one i heard my dad tell but never understood it and always messed up the punchline beacause i didnt get it..lol...

whats better then carnations on a piano?
tulips on an organ
(i used to get the carnation and tulips switched around lol)

why does an elephant have four feet?
cause 8 inches isnt enough

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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/15/2009 3:00:23 AM   
MrRodgers


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Jack and Jill went up the hill...

they each had a quarter.

Jill came down with 50 cents...

they didn't go up for water.

I guess this doesn't count though but it could be modified to be a joke...right ?


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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/15/2009 11:35:13 PM   
subharlequin


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heehee i like limericks used to have a book full of them lol....

sticks and stones
may break my bones
but whips and chains excite me
so throw me down
tie me up
and show me that you like me

jack be nimble
jack be quick
jack me off 
and suck me quick

eat me
beat me
till i scream
suck you
fuck you 
till you cream

people who write on bathroom walls
roll their turds into little balls
people who read these words of wit
eat those little balls of shit

what did the masochist say to the sadist?
...not telling
how did the sadist reply?
if you dont tell you wont get that beating.

umm..sorry not a first joke but still they are funny. :) 

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RE: The first joke you remember learning - 3/16/2009 7:26:21 AM   
Saratov


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I'd rather have lobsters on my piano than crabs on my organ.

I'd rather have a bottole in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

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