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RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/14/2009 5:27:00 PM

LadyBanedeFaol

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline

Having grown up in an era when Sir and Ma'am were titles of respet for your elders I have always called my elders by Sir and Ma'am. It is really sad when terms that are meant to show respect are pushed aside because our Youth are so immature and have lost the ability to respect their elders who have lived their life and have a wold of wisdom to impart.

(in reply to pinkwind)

Post #: 21

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/14/2009 5:31:56 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

I hate it when I am e-mailed,"Hello sub". Ick!

_____________________________

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Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to LadyBanedeFaol)

Post #: 22

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/14/2009 5:34:49 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

I'm just about the same age as you but I never called any elders sir or maam nor did I know anyone else that used those. It was Mr So-and-So or Mrs So-and-so if I knew their names, otherwise it was simply a mannerly tone of voice. I think perhaps it isn't such much having grown up in a particular era so much as having grown up in a particular region.

Both sound stilted and unnatural to my ear, yes I am a Yankee and now that I am living in Texas every time a stranger says "ma'am" to me I automatically look around to see who they are speaking to.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to LadyBanedeFaol)

Post #: 23

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/14/2009 6:18:23 PM

atlboy77

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

My profile says that I am a submissive male. I am always respectful when talking to people here (regardless of their profiles say they dominant or submissive). I always try to be a little formal when I send a message to someone for the first time. Unfortunately, some people get the wrong idea, and they think that I am being submissive to them, rather than just respectful... and this leads to them trying to "dominate" me through the e-mail or chat, when I am only interested in having a normal conversation and get to know them to see if we are a good match. When I don't go along with what they are trying to do, they think I am being disrespectful. Well, just because my profile says I am submissive, it doesn't mean I will be your submissive... and I don't do that online anyway.

A normal conversation in English is not that difficult, and being either a dominant or a submissive to someone else is something that is earned.

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 24

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/14/2009 6:25:28 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

FR....

Call me NOW or here is my Yahoo IM....get on and chat me with NOW.......

(in reply to WestBaySlave)

Post #: 25

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/14/2009 6:37:05 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: califsue

FR....

Call me NOW or here is my Yahoo IM....get on and chat me with NOW.......

Yes, ma'am, whatever yo....

Oh. Shit. I get it. Never mind.

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 26

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/14/2009 6:59:38 PM

fluffypet61

Posts: 28879
Joined: 12/25/2006
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

How about the ones that want you to CAM so they can tell if you really are a woman. Then call you a man and a fake when you decline?

_____________________________

fluffy

"an exuberant example of libido continuing along regardless of age" - Kia

"Commandment Number One for any truly civilized society is this: Let people be different." -David Grayson

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

Post #: 27

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/14/2009 7:38:05 PM

Miyani

Posts: 248
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline

Oh, I love those ones dearly. I just had a conversation with some woman who told Me that not only am I a man, I'm also Indo-Pakistani. If I were, that would actually be pretty cool, I'm really jealous of their hair. However, I'm not, and a 10-second look at My pictures would... oh, wait, that's not Me. I'm a man. How silly, to forget so quickly.

(in reply to fluffypet61)

Post #: 28

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/14/2009 8:00:53 PM

NYLass

Posts: 409
Joined: 12/30/2008
Status: offline

One of my pet peeves is being told I'm never going to find someone on here because I have way too many limits and my profile is too specific. Then checking out said complainant's profile and reading the journal entry stating he hates submissives who say they have little or no limits and don't know what they're looking for.

I quoted his own profile and gave him a big "WTF?"... and block. Next time, I'll use: Yo, Milord High Bananapants, WTF???

(in reply to Miyani)

Post #: 29

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/14/2009 8:47:05 PM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline

They may have read your profile and believe that is the type of relationship you are looking for. Or...they are looking for that type of relationship.

Either way it is a feeling out process..remember some want to be treating in exactly that way even if you don't.

No reason to make it a pet peeve or turn off...Just whoops not my kind of person and a polite goodbye and move on.

Butch

(in reply to pinkwind)

Post #: 30

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/14/2009 9:21:34 PM

MarsBonfire

Posts: 1034
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline

Let's see... little, inconsequential things that bother me....

1) When people write to me, and they are using the lowercase "i" in everything. Want to impress me? Use proper english.

2) People who constantly refer to themselves as "This slave..." or "this boi..." Who the frack are they? Bob Dole? Again, if I want that sort of supplication, it's something I'll assign as a rule... don't just assume...

3) People who say it as "Dom-may" instead of just "Dom." Do you pronounce it Nike-ee, too?

4) Pretty much everything to do with Gor and Goreans.

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 31

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/14/2009 9:31:57 PM

WestBaySlave

Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBanedeFaol

Having grown up in an era when Sir and Ma'am were titles of respet for your elders I have always called my elders by Sir and Ma'am. It is really sad when terms that are meant to show respect are pushed aside because our Youth are so immature and have lost the ability to respect their elders who have lived their life and have a wold of wisdom to impart.

I'm just about the same age as you but I never called any elders sir or maam nor did I know anyone else that used those. It was Mr So-and-So or Mrs So-and-so if I knew their names, otherwise it was simply a mannerly tone of voice. I think perhaps it isn't such much having grown up in a particular era so much as having grown up in a particular region.

Both sound stilted and unnatural to my ear, yes I am a Yankee and now that I am living in Texas every time a stranger says "ma'am" to me I automatically look around to see who they are speaking to.

Me and my family never used Sir or Ma'am, including my mother's generation and even my grandparents, at least while I knew them. We're all from Vancouver, though my grandparents are from the prairies, so I suspect there's a big variation between here and the American south.

Growing up around BC and Alberta, Sir or Ma'am had two contexts: store clerks, waiters, general service people on one hand, and the military on the other. Outside of those, and even to some extent in those in the former context, it can come across as stilted and archaic ( my mom always hates it when waiters and the like call her "Ma'am" ). I've lived in the UK a couple times, and it is more prevalent there among the older generation, especially, but it's fading fast.

People here aren't formal - at all. My teachers have always wanted me to call them by their first names, to the point where some thought I was being sarcastic when I used their last name with a Mr. or Ms. Around here, someone who tagged all their sentences with "Sir" or "Ma'am" would be considered eccentric at best, and unstable or sarcastic at worst.

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 32

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/14/2009 9:37:32 PM

roughleather

Posts: 232
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline

Whenever someone refers to themselves as "Master ...", I have a tendency to giggle.

(in reply to WestBaySlave)

Post #: 33

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/14/2009 9:41:33 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBanedeFaol

Having grown up in an era when Sir and Ma'am were titles of respet for your elders I have always called my elders by Sir and Ma'am. It is really sad when terms that are meant to show respect are pushed aside because our Youth are so immature and have lost the ability to respect their elders who have lived their life and have a wold of wisdom to impart.

It's definitely a cultural thing, not a "oh noes, those horrid youngsters". Perhaps, if the esteemed elders had raised their children to say Ma'am and Sir, it would have happened?

Much like WestBaySlave, I address people in the service industry as Sir or Ma'am, as well as my professor, and people who 'outrank' me.

Anyway, I think the Ma'am/Sir thing is fairly common in the south, and is usually never meant with disrespect.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to LadyBanedeFaol)

Post #: 34

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/14/2009 9:42:34 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: roughleather

Whenever someone refers to themselves as "Master ...", I have a tendency to giggle.

Hehe... or "I am LORD _______!"

I almost lost it... he had a silver cane and everything.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to roughleather)

Post #: 35

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/14/2009 10:04:56 PM

PrincessEllie

Posts: 287
Joined: 11/30/2006
Status: offline

Being called "little one". It's creepy when anyone says it. Anyone at all, even friends of mine. It wouldn't be creepy if my Dom said it, per se, but I'd still make fun of him for it. When someone calls me "little one" I want to knee them in the balls and tell them I'm not their "little one."

Cuckolding. If there is anything in this world that will make me run for this hills, it is this. I have enough insight about myself to know that if I was ever cuckolded I'd need a hell of a lot of therapy because it would set me a good 5 years back. For example, today I asked my Dom what he was thinking about when he was jerking off that morning. He told me he was thinking of having sex with me and a female friend of ours. My reactions were immediately going quiet, feeling nauseous and cold, and curling up into a ball so I could stare off into space and cry.

My Dom later explained to me, when we talked about it, that this isn't even fantasy by his standards. He just starts, you know, jerking it and he's half asleep and weird stuff just comes into his mind subconsciously. I think we shouldn't be held accountable for our subconscious thoughts, only our conscious ones. In that it is okay that he drifts off into thinking about having a threesome. I know that when he is fully awake and not concentrating all his attention on getting off that he would never even consider another woman. And I also know when I guy is really into it, they're not going to stop thinking about something because its hard to think of anything besides getting off so when someone else drifts in he doesn't possess the facilities at the time to shut down that thought. He now knows it upsets me and he completely understands why, because he is equally as possessive as I am.

The whole moral of that rambling story is that while many people think a threesome would be fun, I would probably have to stop halfway through to slit my wrists. But as long as I stay in my happy monogamous relationship, I'm perfectly fine.

_____________________________

Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But whips and chains excite me
So tie me up
Or hold me down
And bite me baby, bite me!

http://www.cafepress.com/scenedayware
--Discreet BDSM day clothes--

(in reply to pinkwind)

Post #: 36

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/14/2009 11:22:06 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

I know when I whack off I am in Control of the things I whack off about. For Instance I would never Beat off to Thought of the Golden Girls of my High School PE Coach. It could never happen my Sub Concious is not strong enough to over come what I Conciously WANT to be thinking about.

Maybe your Master is different.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to PrincessEllie)

Post #: 37

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/15/2009 1:15:33 AM

VanessaChaland

Posts: 362
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline

Being required to call a judge "Your Honor" when most of them have no honor, moral scruples, a spine and for many, not even a fucking clue. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave

Now, I should start off saying that your kink is not my my kink and all those usual disclaimers, just so that no-one gets hurt in any of this... ...but are there any common BDSM conventions that turn you off?

To think of an example from my own experience, when I'm just saying hello to someone for the first time and they say "Call me SIR!" Or sometimes, "MASTER!" I've got to admit it's a big turn off for me. Especially if they add on that I'm not being respectful, which does bother me, as there are many people I deeply respect in my life who I've never once called "Sir", "Master" or "Ma'am" and other female equivalents ( and some of these people are even dominants active in the scene ).

Now I realize it's just a common thing in the BDSM world, and it doesn't mean much more than a gas station attendant telling me to have a nice day - and frankly, I really don't care if someone wants me to call them Sir, Master, or M'lord High Bananapants - it's just that being greeted by a stranger this way is a big turn off, and a commonly encountered one at that.

So, anything in your experience that's common yet off-putting? Any convention you find as charming as a loud fart at a crowded buffet table?

_____________________________

If you want to know more about me and my interests, Google my name.

(in reply to WestBaySlave)

Post #: 38

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/15/2009 2:19:23 AM

zero69u2

Posts: 107
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline

So, anything in your experience that's common yet off-putting? Any convention you find as charming as a loud fart at a crowded buffet table?

When their profile reads like a supermarket list of i won't do this or that... when they say the commonly copied cliche cut n paste of "My Submission is a Gift" or that other one.. "I'm 18 with 8 years experience in being a Domme"all of the commonly copied prose about roses and blood and anything that compares Gor Experiences to reality.

I know one time I heard a submissive say "Make Me!" to a Mistress at a cigar social slosh. He thought he was being a sassy lil shit.. . had alot of other boys around and was being a brat.. pushing his Mistress in a public place.. when he was called to get her a drink.. the little boy was rubbing his butt from the lashing he got.. but it was as loud as a fart at a buffet table.. the sound of her riding crop hitting his backside.. although we laughed about it afterward... she gained a new found respect from all her fellow dominants after that.. Yes Ma'am and anything i can get you from the bar.. certainly rolled from everyone at her locale table.. quite fast.. after that..

Respect is earned..And Given even among the Alpha Wolves.. You know if you want Respect you give Respect.. Props to the disrespectful.. they are funny to beat with riding crops in a club full of strangers..

(in reply to VanessaChaland)

Post #: 39

RE: BDSM Conventions that turn you off... - 3/15/2009 2:58:26 AM

naughtysubK

Posts: 62
Joined: 5/2/2004
Status: offline

1. Slashy type. W/we, O/our, U/us etc. I used to do that to a certain extent back when I used to chat on alt. Then I ran across someone who used the slashy stuff just about every other word. I realised it really makes someone's words harder to read

2. People who are referred to in a group or inroduced as Master whoever.

3. Third person speak for s-types. I had someone sent me a message here once with 'how is the little slave girl today?' When I messaged back stating that I was neither little nor a slave, I got back 'why does the girl think she is not a slave'

(in reply to zero69u2)

Post #: 40

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