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Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 7:56:52 AM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		What is it about submission, what makes a person submissive ? I am talking about natural submission here, what one is in day to day life and there transfers into BDSM play situations.

Maybe this as a question to dominants, those that seek the submissive, what qualties in a person do you seek, what defines a submissive ?

I understand it will be different things for different people, but in lists of things, there is usually common ground, there is a something that everyone finds they need, what is it ?

How does  a submissive person come across in day to day life, anyone any ideas ?


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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 8:23:48 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		How do they come across?  Some, like me.  And you know me better than most A.  So what does that tell you about how a person who is submissive comes across?
 
Edit to add.  You can't determine a persons orientation though their personality.  You will find there is common ground between all people regardless of gender or orientation.  So it will be pretty impossible to define.

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 3/19/2009 8:47:27 AM >

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 8:41:39 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		Trying to use D/s to define personality can be rather misleading.  D/s is a relationship structure not a means of definition to human personality.   Hence why it's best at times to not get caught up in what is a "True" (label).

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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 8:45:06 AM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

How do they come across?  Some, like me.  And you know me better than most A.  So what does that tell you about how a person who is submissive comes across?
 
the.dark.


Yeah, I have told you before, dominant !


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Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 8:47:55 AM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

Trying to use D/s to define personality can be rather misleading.  D/s is a relationship structure not a means of definition to human personality.   Hence why it's best at times to not get caught up in what is a "True" (label).



I understand what you are saying and what it implies, but for me, I believe there is a personality type that is naturally submissive, but that submissive personality is not a door mat, they are strong, but there is a something which is interesting about them, I am just trying to glean some others thoughts on what this trait is.


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Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 8:51:57 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Bwahahaha.
But as I said, you are mixing personality (self opinionated, bossy, loved up, pain in the bottom) with orientation and sex.  It's not a good deciphering tool.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 8:53:07 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...I am talking about natural submission here...


it has been this slave's experience that some folks' natural submission begins and ends at the bedroom/dungeon door.  you wouldn't see it unless you were behind that door with them.
 
other folks' natural submission extends beyond the bedroom/dungeon door and is evident in their relations with others and how they live their lives, to differing degrees, depending upon the individual in question.
 
a submissive submits.
 
the where, when, why, how and to whom are unique to each individual.

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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 8:57:24 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		I read somewhere (can't remember where, sorry) that the desire to submit comes from a childish need to be protected. This struck me as very probable.

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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 9:03:37 AM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Bwahahaha.
But as I said, you are mixing personality (self opinionated, bossy, loved up, pain in the bottom) with orientation and sex.  It's not a good deciphering tool.
 
the.dark.



I wonder though, is submissiveness a part of personality, what we are, our personalities, what defines it, could it be all of us, our sexuality, orientation, past, present, learning levels etc etc, are we moulded to the person we are by our experiences, or is it personality, a person's personality always is what it is through thick and thin ?


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Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 9:13:54 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Many submissives, both male and female, are not naturally submissive in other circumstances such as their job.  They see their submission in a BDSM relationship as a way of being able to let go of the reins and simply follow what someone else wants. 

Nature vs. nurture is always a question that can be pondered.  There are qualities in me that I feel are my true nature but they have also been nurtured by circumstance.  I revel in doing a good job for someone.  While on the job that most often means taking the lead, coming up with good ideas, and not being afraid of hard work I can use the last two in my BDSM role as a slave.  The main difference is that I don't take the lead as a slave but prefer to follow someone else's commands.  What matters more than the "why" is the results.  Is the submissive being pleasing to the Dominant through their actions?  One person's doormat is another's well trained sub and vice versa.  As long as they are both getting what they need from the relationship that is the important part.




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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 9:18:10 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		although it's a controversial idea on forums such as this one, i believe that in order to be a "natural" submissive (note, i did not say simply "submissive"), one must have an overall submissive personality. so for these people, their personality very much relates to their relationship orientation, their sex life, heck, everything, because their submissiveness is a core trait that will be present in (or effect) every aspect of their lives.

common qualities of a natural submissive in day to day life would be...difficulty with refusing or rejecting others, a strong drive/urge to please others even at their own expense, a tendency to shrink away from leadership positions, in group situations a tendency to take up tasks that others find dull/tedious/unpleasant, etc.

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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 9:22:10 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Sorry, I don't do definitions, those in the dictionary and thesaurus serve me just fine.

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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 9:32:34 AM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		Ok, accepted you don't do definitions, but surely there  is something  that particularly appeals to you in a partner, what has a person to have about them that you find complimentary to your being, is there such a thing, or is it you travel around different personality types of a person in search of the submissive.

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Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 9:38:21 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin
I wonder though, is submissiveness a part of personality, what we are, our personalities, what defines it, could it be all of us, our sexuality, orientation, past, present, learning levels etc etc, are we moulded to the person we are by our experiences, or is it personality, a person's personality always is what it is through thick and thin ?



Are you mixing submissive up with subservient though?  Either way, you can be submissive or subservient in one aspect of your life and not in another.  The reason I used myself as an example A is because you know me practically inside out.  I don't have a submissive bone in my body to anyone except Darcy and you know that.  But that wasn't something I can just switch on and off.  It was a natural reaction to him.
And I don't believe personality is as consistant as being the same through thick and thin.  It alters constantly - you above all people know that.
On Kitts point about needing protection I don't see that as a submissive point.  I know plenty of people who need protection and they aren't submissive nor identify as it.  I also know dominants who have a want for protection at times, even a need.  The forums are full of them from the posts they make.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 10:09:33 AM   
Vanityfull


Posts: 196
Joined: 3/6/2009
Status: offline 		in social situations where i get together with a few freinds i am typically socially dominant, i suggest activity, direct conversation and deal with the outside influences of places we go (deal with cops, troll protection, and so on) where socialy submissive people will more so go along with things and avoid conflict. it depends whos around and whos most confortable with the situation that will direct controll of it, the freind who is introducing to freinds to each other is going to take "dominance" and help flow communication. i guess i am socialy domiant when i know how to work situations and submissive when i am with someone who knows a good amount more than me in the circumstances.


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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 11:10:22 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline 		FR

Ask anyone I have ever worked with and even close family and they would say I was dominant. I have managed many people in various roles, chaired business meetings, represented companies at fund raising functions and in court cases. I will certainly stand up for myself in all these arenas.

Ask Master and he will tell you that I am totally submissive to him.

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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 12:07:54 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		I think there is really no such thing as a submissive or dominant except for the actions that gets the person what they want.

Both words describe a path or method to achieve what they want…NOT what the other person wants.

What makes us different is which path we choose not whether one person is strong or weak.

The only relationships that work are those where the paths lead to mutual desires.

Butch

< Message edited by kdsub -- 3/19/2009 12:08:52 PM >

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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 1:01:28 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		FR

Ideally slave property wise, I would prefer my slave to own a good real estate portfoliops including a dozed rental houses several appartment blocks and ideally a resort or two so if we parted, she's be financially secure.. That my friends is submissive/slave properties.


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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 2:24:32 PM   
ChelseaNY


Posts: 33
Joined: 3/13/2009
Status: offline 		I have actaully thought alot about this kind of thing lately and had some chats with friends.  Is a person born with a submissive trait or does their environment mold them to be so ?  Perhaps they are born with it and it shapes the environment and the way people treat them.  Being a psych major this is very interesting, hell i am my own case study lol.  People would never see me as a submissive person, i consider myself to be a nice person, but i can be a royal bitch.  I am demanding and meticulous, i like details worked out. I am blunt to the point of being offensive at times.  I like to be in control of those things in my life i need control over.  However i always craved a man who could tame me and claim me, and to him i would give my devotion and let him have the control.  I agree with the protection idea, i am typical cave woman, i want a man who exemplifies masculinity.

I remember the first time my friends ever saw me with a Dom i was seeing, and he gave me a simple order to get his cigs and the ashtray and his drink, and i hopped right up to do it.  My friends jaws dropped open lol.  The chelsea they knew would have laughed in the guys face.  Thank goodness they didn't know back then the things that went on behind closed doors.  They do now though! lol


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Chelsea Kya

"It is better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you are not"

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RE: Submissive properties ? - 3/19/2009 2:53:58 PM   
frazzle121


Posts: 116
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline 		Does this mean, that we can demand a mansion with swimming pool as a Dom property???? 

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