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Dress for public play? - 1/25/2006 10:28:15 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		Hello all,

A little explanation: I've been enjoying bdsm as part of my private life for a long while now, but have only just started on the social/public side of it.

So! I have never been to a public play party or to fairs/demos that one would dress to the mood of. I have a demo and party coming up this weekend and others on the horizon where this will come up and I want to join in... but I've no idea what is considered correct wear.

So if you could help me out with what one normally sees at these sorts of gatherings, what is expected/acceptable, etc. I'd very much appreciate it. I don't want to err in either direction (too everyday/conservative or too little/out there/cliche). I also don't own a lot of "fetishy" clothing, as such.

What would be out of place? What would be "normal"? I just need a feel because this is new. I'm used to just going with whatever is right because I know my friends, the place, or it's my house... and with this I don't know what's right. (As some have probably guessed, this happens with me before vanilla new events, too. I'm a fretter.)

Thanks so much guys!

RumpusParable
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dress for public play? - 1/25/2006 10:41:38 PM   
classykindasassy


Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline 		People in Houston wear just about anything...depending on the venue. Actually I take that back - it is pretty much the same regardless of the venue. I see women in regular street clothes as well as sexy club attire on up to fetish wear. You might want to try something that splits it down the middle, and see who your crowd is. Men,mostly less fetishy, more black and maybe leather vest - I see lots of jeans and the occasional leather pants or wind chaps. The ladies tend to dress well here rather than be real casual even at house play parties. Men tend to do button-down shirts as opposed to t-shirts unless they are fetish t-shirts.

out of place? Hmmmm...maybe a strap on when you walk in the door - but, hey who knows? Corsets, vinyl, black, red, cleavage, legs, heels, Doc Martens, rope, or even naked/nothing but a collar at the house parties - all ok.

< Message edited by classykindasassy -- 1/25/2006 10:46:39 PM >

_____________________________

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RE: Dress for public play? - 1/25/2006 11:07:20 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		Hi! I appreciate the help! Thank you.


Rumpus

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RE: Dress for public play? - 1/26/2006 5:35:10 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		If you want normal, go black/red sometimes purple, leather, pvc, lace, velvet or just all over denim.

There's also the traditional sexy costumes: nurse, cat, schoolgirl, angel, etc.

I, on the other hand, tend to wear ball gowns, pink frilly things, satin robes, rope outfits and the like.

Really, as long as you're comfy, and within any specific dress code (which would be listed on an invitation) then you're fine.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Dress for public play? - 1/26/2006 8:07:50 AM   
DragonNphoenix


Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with classkindasassy... do something down the middle until you know the style in the group.... I used to go out in Dallas... well that is ALOT different than Seattle. So be sort of on the safe side. Short sexy skirts, corsets. All black with some red. Think sexy goth. Also, leather and velvet are always good.

Hope this helps.

1st Girl Phoenix

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RE: Dress for public play? - 1/26/2006 8:13:50 AM   
Elegant


Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline 		Where are you going to in the area?....Perhaps I can help if you offer some more specifics. The AIRS event?...something in Atlanta?

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RE: Dress for public play? - 1/26/2006 8:48:44 AM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline 		At the risk of being completely unhelpful, I think it really depends on the group and/or venue you are attending. Around here different groups seem to have different 'flavours' to them and what is acceptable varies a great deal. I've noticed that with the older "lifestyler" crowd while fetish wear is always acceptable no one frowns on more vanilla-ish wear either. Black is always appropriate even if it isn't fetish wear. When I head into the city where much of the crowd is significantly younger and the events are less play oriented and more 'stand and pose' high end fetish wear is de rigeur because how one looks seems to be rather important with that crowd.

I guess my advice is to know the group(s) you're going to be rubbing elbows with and dress appropriately for those. As with everything else there is no one answer that applies across the board.

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RE: Dress for public play? - 1/26/2006 8:58:28 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I have a demo and party coming up this weekend and others on the horizon where this will come up and I want to join in... but I've no idea what is considered correct wear.


as others have mentioned, correct would be dictated by the rules of the party sponsor/facility/playspace where the party will be held. some don't allow pink bits to show, others allow full nudity~this slave has never been to a party that didn't have some sort of dress code, even if it was a loose one!

the demo's that we usually attend are casual, everyday wear sort of deals, the parties however have had themes that this slave has dressed acording to, or anything typically seen as "fetish"--schoolgirl outfits, leather, pvc, latex, chains, strategically placed duct-tape, etc.

this slave's advice? express yourself, wear what makes you feel smashing!

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RE: Dress for public play? - 1/26/2006 10:09:54 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I have a mate in LA who wore his combat gear including body armour but minus weaponary, all suitabley black. He tells me that the club cleared fast as the members thought the LAPD SWAT team were raiding....... He swears it's a true story.........

_____________________________

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Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Dress for public play? - 1/26/2006 10:43:21 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Ok, this seems like the place to ask this.. specially sense the OP is asking about the same. I'm not a fetish wearing type of person. I'm not understanding the purpose of wearing certain clothing to events?

I mean I know, there's the proper attire for most events. Opera, Theater, Weddings, Dinner with Queens, Kings, Presidents....etc...

But I don't understand the requirement to wear certain attire to a BDSM gathering?

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RE: Dress for public play? - 1/26/2006 10:48:31 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
I mean I know, there's the proper attire for most events. Opera, Theater, Weddings, Dinner with Queens, Kings, Presidents....etc...

But I don't understand the requirement to wear certain attire to a BDSM gathering?


Same reason- to create a specific attitude/aura. To respect the space and sense of social belonging.

I've never been to an event that didn't allow blue jeans and tshirt if there was no posted dress code.

I've never been to an event that didn't allow plain black shirt and jeans if the only dress code was "fetish/kink"

Beyond that, they will specifically list a dress code, most often "high fetish/formal"

Someone could ask the question: Why should I wear a shirt and tie and shiny shoes to a place that I'm going to eat steak when I can wear a sweatshirt and jeans to Outback and eat steak?

You create and respect the ambiance of the hosts desire. I know I enjoy fashion, I enjoy the symbolism of clothing and expression, I wallow in the creativity of it.

And for the grand majority of kink public places, you will see and find to be accepted the full range of plain jeans to full formal and latex.


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Dress for public play? - 1/26/2006 10:55:54 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		(And the light bulb gets brighter as she understands better)

I get what you're saying Lucky. Like I said, I'm not into fetish clothing. But I do like to dress up nicely. Look good for Master and myself.

At least I also know now to inquire about dress code before going to social function locally. And not show up in jeans and t-shirt just because I want to. Unless dress code permits it.

Thanks again Lucky.

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RE: Dress for public play? - 1/26/2006 10:59:18 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I agree with LA here, in many cases it also is one method that people can use to put of the persona suitable for the event. When I'm dealing with other professionals, I'm more comfortable in a suit and tie, at a formal military function I perfer to wear a uniform. At other formal and particularly state occasions I weat what is appropriate with the appropriate accoutre as etticate dictates. For BDSM, I wear black which is what I like to wear most times anyway. But I'm a traditionalist and a ritualist anyway.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dress for public play? - 1/26/2006 11:05:04 AM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Basic black is your friend. Some wear corsets and fetish gear. But if all you have (or want to invest in) is a black tshirt and black jeans...go with it.

_____________________________

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RE: Dress for public play? - 1/26/2006 12:37:20 PM   
tasha_tart


Posts: 385
Joined: 2/20/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

I have a mate in LA who wore his combat gear including body armour but minus weaponary, all suitabley black. He tells me that the club cleared fast as the members thought the LAPD SWAT team were raiding....... He swears it's a true story.........


Too funny...and very likely true, or mostly so.

I always wondered at the number of police who just seemed to be "hanging out" at events when I first started getting out. It took me an embarassingly long time to figure it out.

Tasha


_____________________________


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RE: Dress for public play? - 1/26/2006 12:48:42 PM   
tasha_tart


Posts: 385
Joined: 2/20/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

Hello all,

A little explanation: I've been enjoying bdsm as part of my private life for a long while now, but have only just started on the social/public side of it.

So! I have never been to a public play party or to fairs/demos that one would dress to the mood of. I have a demo and party coming up this weekend and others on the horizon where this will come up and I want to join in... but I've no idea what is considered correct wear.

So if you could help me out with what one normally sees at these sorts of gatherings, what is expected/acceptable, etc. I'd very much appreciate it. I don't want to err in either direction (too everyday/conservative or too little/out there/cliche). I also don't own a lot of "fetishy" clothing, as such.

What would be out of place? What would be "normal"? I just need a feel because this is new. I'm used to just going with whatever is right because I know my friends, the place, or it's my house... and with this I don't know what's right. (As some have probably guessed, this happens with me before vanilla new events, too. I'm a fretter.)

Thanks so much guys!

RumpusParable

My advice, for what it's worth:

  • If the event has a web site, it is almost sure to outline the dress code.
  • Basic black, as long as it doesn't break an event rule such as "no denim" is generally safe.
  • For lack of a better word, "medieval" is also a good look...long lacy skirt, lacy blouse...you get the idea.
  • Go for comfort wherever possible, especially if you may be on your feet all night.
  • Email the organizers for clarification if necessary.


Above all, have fun.

As an aside, I'm fortunate that most events in my area with a "strict fetish dress code" consider any cross dressing to fit that description. I can get past the door in something comfortable and casual that would get my GG friends turned away.

Tasha

_____________________________


"Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it's one of the better ones."...Woody Allen

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RE: Dress for public play? - 1/26/2006 12:59:22 PM   
HoosierScorpio


Posts: 164
Status: offline 		You must be aware what goes on at the play area stays in the area for you could see some one you know from work. Do not bring up what you saw them do in public or with any one else. Always remember you must protect every one as they must protect you as well. For some events local nudity laws you must keep nipples and your private area covered up. Never interfere in some one else scene by talking and also be aware or were you are when some one is doing the flogging or using a signal whip for you could get yourself hurt. Also always ask permission if you may touch some one submissive even though you are one yourself. I would take your time and observe since it your first time to attend an event. You will see allot of things you only fantasy about so enjoy and take the time to let it soak in. good luck and have fun Hoosierscorpio

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RE: Dress for public play? - 1/26/2006 1:12:49 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HoosierScorpio
Always remember you must protect every one as they must protect you as well.

It's no ones' responsibility to protect me and it's not my responsibility to protect others.

Yes, it's never cool to out someone without their OK. And if you see someone out of scene space, it's best to just wave politely and wait for their reaction to know if it's ok to come over and talk.

But when you play in public you take the risks it entails.

quote:

Also always ask permission if you may touch some one submissive even though you are one yourself.

If you can figure out who the sub is...really just don't touch someone unless you know it's ok.
quote:


I would take your time and observe since it your first time to attend an event. You will see allot of things you only fantasy about so enjoy and take the time to let it soak in. good luck and have fun Hoosierscorpio

Actually you will see a lot of spanking, flogging, smoking, talking and standing around.

I rarely see the stuff I fantasize about in clubs.


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Dress for public play? - 1/26/2006 5:54:00 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		Hi everybody,

Elegant: sent you a response to your message, yep it's the AIRS event.

Mercnbeth & others: lack of dresscode stated is the problem, it's at a public vanilla location so all the info given about dress is basically "don't wear anything obviously fetish when coming in, but there will be places for coats and changing inside". so, I was left not knowing if going in a casual jeans & nice top would be right or if i would be out of place.. or if i chose to get there and once in wear something of a more fetish or sexy/ual manner what would be right. (Especially as I don't own a lot of costly fetish wear, but would love to dress up in something non-vanilla or at least not on-the-street wear)

I've only been to German Erotic Fairs before that were primarily vanilla geared with a bit of bdsm at some booths, with most people in jeans and band t-shirt with maybe 3 people in fetish gear/half-nude.

Basically, it seems the guidelines are very open or accepted to be understood by others already and I want to join in fun but don't know what is appropriate in this new venue.

I'm likely going to try and take the middle road as others have suggested so far and get a feel this first time for the group.... wear something like nice jeans and a dark shirt with my ruffle drawers underneath and such so that if it feels right I can rearrange my dress once in.

Sorry for sounding completely silly, I'm really not usually this childish sounding. Like I said, I'm used to just knowing what is right dress due to it being with people I know well and at my own home for bdsm oriented stuff and I'm a bit lost with this unknown. I'm over-stressing, I know. I do every time lol!

Appreciate all the help, everyone. Hearing back has put me a lot more at my ease about it.

Rumpus


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RE: Dress for public play? - 1/26/2006 7:23:49 PM   
GADomCpl


Posts: 62
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		Rumpus,
When Liz and I go out, she generally wears something black (a short skirt or something kinda revealing). I on the other had don't have nearly the ass that she does, so I will generally stick with jeans and a polo shirt or something along those lines. Ive seen people in just about everything (or nothing for that matter though)

Troy and Liz

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Profile   Post #: 20
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