RE: Background Check

RE: Background Check (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

KnightofMists -> RE: Background Check (1/29/2006 9:23:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirKenin quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: SirKenin Also, I want to add something about the lying. A lie is a lie. Period. There is no right or wrong way to lie. Lying is wrong. This is especially true in a relationship. Lies will always beget more lies, will eventually be discovered (inevitably) and trust will be broken. There is no justification for your actions. The simple answer is to not find yourself in a position where you have to lie to begin with. You have lifestyle issues if you find that you have to go around covering your tracks. I do not know how you could live with yourself. The ONLY answer to that question is a lack of conscience, and that fits in with the description of a sociopath. I guess your rug rats don't beleive in santa then? if you have any... or maybe you just ignore the quesiton so you don't have to lie... but mmmmmm isn't that a lie of another type. Allowing someone to believe something that you know to be wrong.... are you not lying by not dispelling the lie and bringing truth. Absolutes never seem to apply in ever case! See, Santa does not qualify as a lie. Santa was a real person, Santa exists in every shopping mall in North America every Christmas, every parent takes on the personna of Santa and Santa is also a legend just like the Greek gods. Just because Zeus did not actually exist as a real person (well, at least as far as we know, anyways), does not qualify the legend as a lie. See.... Santa is not so much about the person as it is about the concept. There really is a difference, so I do not think your example applies. aaawww so you twist what she is asking to suit the answer that would be honest. The child is not asking if the santa of old exists.... they are asking if the fable santa that comes every christmas nite exists.... IT's A LIE! The fact that you change the question to suit your answer doesn't make it any less of a lie.

Lordandmaster -> RE: Background Check (1/29/2006 9:41:52 AM)
The Santa example is pretty irrelevant. We're talking about lying to ANOTHER ADULT (one that you're in a relationship with)--not to a child.

KnightofMists -> RE: Background Check (1/29/2006 9:44:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble quote: mmmmmm well I am sure one would remember that when a 4 year old rug rat asked is there a Santa mmmmm so does a person say no... and don't give me the BS that there Santa in the greater picture, fact is the 4 year old isn't asking that and wouldn't understand the answer if you say said. As far a 4 year old would be concern.. the question they ask ... the only answer that is truthful is No... so do you say "No" or do you say Yes and lie. There are countless ways people lie... and sometimes it is necessary sometimes it isn't.... some lies have saved a person's life some have destoryed a life... comes down to motivation for the lie in the first place. Oh, I quite believe there is another answer which is just as truthful and which is geared toward the tender, innocent beliefs that a 4 yo can manage. Having been asked the question when my own ruggies were about 7 or 8, I read them the story of how Santa Claus came into existance. They got it. Has anyone ever read the Diary of Anne Frank and asked yourself - would you have given away their location to the Nazi's if they asked? I ponder such things. It's enlightening. Celeste but are you really answering the question! a ruggy at 7 or 8 is much different than answering the question to one that is 4. giving the information to a 7 or 8 that dispells the myth of the magically person and replaces it to the santa concept is just responsible parenting. Sometimes people can't handle a particular truth... sometimes we need to give them just enough information so that can come to terms with the truth themselves, sometimes we have to be direct! Every situation is neccessary. give you another example... one that is a reality that has happened and I wouldn't be surprized that it happens on many other occassions as well. "person gets in trouble with the local gang(for whatever reason)... gang comes knocking at his home... so does mom say yeah he is right here! just let me get him.... or does she lie?" It has happened... it has even happend with someone comes in to a house to threatening a person... "is there anyone else hear?" not to many parents would say yeah a little one is hiding in the closet. Fact is there are many many occassions that it becomes neccessary to LIE! Sometimes the Truth is more than just the moment... sometimes the truth is the Consequences that one wishes to have. Truth in a moment can stop the wanted consequences from occuring.... We also need to beaware of the motivations to those consequences. Integrity is more than just a factual truthful comment. Motivations, The Comment and Consequences!

KnightofMists -> RE: Background Check (1/29/2006 9:46:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster The Santa example is pretty irrelevant. We're talking about lying to ANOTHER ADULT (one that you're in a relationship with)--not to a child. no it's not irrelevant - the basis is the same... we have certain motivations, the Comment and the consequences to the lies... Some will be acceptable ... some will not be acceptable.

Lordandmaster -> RE: Background Check (1/29/2006 9:55:01 AM)
His position is that it's not acceptable to lie to another adult that you're in a relationship with. (And basically I agree with him.) Bringing up Santa isn't going to change his mind because he's not talking about lying to children. Imagine one person saying, "I hate fruit!" and then someone else saying, "You're wrong, I know for a FACT that you like broccoli."

Padriag -> RE: Background Check (1/29/2006 10:07:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arpig I have been thinking since I last posted on here, as to why the idea bothers me so much, and basically it boils down to this...I am 46, I did a lot of stupid shit in my day (no, nothing really bad, no buried bodies or unaknowledged children, just a lot of stuff that in retrospect I wish to hell I hadn't). I have no idea if any of that would show up in a background check, but I really have no desire to explain my actions to somebody, a decade or so later. So if you want a uber-Dom you can put through the wringer, then look elsewhere. If you want one who is human, and has his share (or more) of fuck-ups and has tried (and sometimes succeeded) to learn from them...then I'm your man (If you want another kind of love....I'll wear a mask for you - thanx L.C.) edited for clarity In other words, you want to be judged for the man you are now, for your character, for all that you learned from those past experiences and mistakes. Not judged by a piece of paper, a dry list of facts, by a credit score, or the like. I think most of us share that general feeling, I think its a very human feeling. It has also been my observation that those who want easy short cuts to avoid the longer process of relying on their own judgement tend to be most likely to end up the victim of a serial killer.

BeingChewsie -> RE: Background Check (1/29/2006 10:10:05 AM)
To answer the original question: Yes, I did background checks on people before I met them. I was upfront about it. Not one person ever said no. My owner reimbursed me the cost of his criminal background check. He was very pleased when he found out that I did them. I was primarily looking for any arrests/convictions and if the person was married/divorced.

KnightofMists -> RE: Background Check (1/29/2006 10:12:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster His position is that it's not acceptable to lie to another adult that you're in a relationship with. (And basically I agree with him.) Bringing up Santa isn't going to change his mind because he's not talking about lying to children. Imagine one person saying, "I hate fruit!" and then someone else saying, "You're wrong, I know for a FACT that you like broccoli." The basis of lies are the same.. no matter who we are telling it to..... the motivations, what is said, and the consequences to it. There is a time and place for a lie, understanding when it is acceptable is just as important to understand when it is not. In a relationship, it becomes much more complex. yes I agree to that it's not acceptable to lie in a relationship... but with reason... there will be times that it could be necessary. Taking a view that one should never lie is... just unrealistic and sets one to fail! My alandra lie to me once... it was for a surprize 30th birthday party... maybe I should of punished her then! Sometimes the lie is not what we say... but what we don't say. She hid the fact she spent money on all the food for the party mmmmmmm that's a lie... guess I should of punished her for that too! But, if one wishes to keep things simple... they better keep life simple too.... but life is alot more complex than that! I choose not to set myself or my girls up to Fail!

KnightofMists -> RE: Background Check (1/29/2006 10:29:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie To answer the original question: Yes, I did background checks on people before I met them. I was upfront about it. Not one person ever said no. My owner reimbursed me the cost of his criminal background check. He was very pleased when he found out that I did them. I was primarily looking for any arrests/convictions and if the person was married/divorced. I see nothing wrong with what you did! It is only one small piece of information of a larger pool to make a life long decision on. I would add... that it is a two ways street... meaning... A Dominant that you did a background check on, could just as easily do one on you as well. I personally do give a rats ass if some wanted to do a back ground check on me. I have nothing in the closet to be ashamed of... and if I did... well you can be sure I would tell the person before hand! kyra did a background check on me before she came to see me. I can't remember when she told me about it in relations to when she actually did it.... But, I do remember my reaction when she told me.... something to the effect "oh that will be short report and likely boring to" I am more than my past, but I do have a past that affected who I have become. I think it is wise to consider and gain an understanding of a persons past. A background check might not always be needed for that or even necessary. Good conversation will allow you to learn alot of a person's past... at least you should learn alot about them. with kyra... I learned where she was in her life for the last 15 years plus. She shared alot and gave me pictures that actually validated her story. now it wasn't like I was looking for the lies or half truths. But, if a flag of inconsistency came up well I asked, which I can't think of ever actually happening. Our pasts have had a pretty good effect on how we are today, understanding the past of each other has help us to understand each other better. my compliements to you for taking the steps you felt you needed... and my compliments to the Dominant that was confident and secure in himself and he wasn;t afraid of his past and let you in it!

IceyOne -> RE: Background Check (1/29/2006 10:42:30 AM)
Well, since I inadvertantly started this discussion, I guess I'll add something to it [:)] My original comment was just in regards to the fact that a lie is a lie, there is no inbetween. I have since understood that my thinking on that concept is a bit...arrogant to say the least. Anyway...to go with what the rest of the conversation has centered on: Are some lies necessary? I believe yes. Some lies are necessary at one time or another. It does not change the fact that it is a lie, but it is necessary. quote: To me, lies are bad full stop. Someone starts telling a small lie, to protect that lie they all too often have to tell a larger one if it looks like the first maybe found out. Having told a couple it is easier to justify more lies, bigger lies. I have to disagree with this RM [:)] Not all lies are BAD. Some are necessary to keep a balance emotionally and mentally. Now that does not mean that I am saying that a person should lie simply because they are afraid of facing the truth, or of telling the truth. Only that sometimes, a lie becomes necessary. quote: quote: ORIGINAL: aurora31 Okay a lie is a lie...but what do you do when your significant other who has spent a great deal of time getting ready just for you walks into the room and asks how do I look. You aboslutly hate the color of her out fit. Do you say you look great honey and deal (white lie) appreciating the effort she put into trying to do something special for you. Or do you tell her the truth and negate all her hard work? aurora My opinion on this is that if I cannot trust my Lord and alandra to tell me the truth regarding how I look, then who can I trust. I would much rather them say, "That is not flattering on you, why don't you put on X" than to say I look good when I don't and I would definitely not want to be in something that either of them hated. Of course they are also biased too. g Knight's kyra this is something that I would agree with. Use tact. quote: The biggest gray area in lies is the lie of omission, and even that falls into the 'will this hurt someone if it is told? or is it just easier' catagories quote: Untruths, lies, fables call them what you will they are a part of our lives wether we like it or not, it just comes down to good character and morals that guide their use, for help or hinderence Thank you Denika. Your words speak volumes. quote: The Santa example is pretty irrelevant. We're talking about lying to ANOTHER ADULT (one that you're in a relationship with)--not to a child. This is something that I too, would agree with. I don't feel that Santa Claus can be used as a good example here. Telling the little ones a lie about a person is different than lying to an adult about something that is truly serious. quote: Motivations, The Comment and Consequences! Again, I am in agreement. The motivation for, the wording, and the ultimate outcome are always what seperates the 'good from bad' lies...ohhhhhhhh I just labeled it there....[8\|]

KnightofMists -> RE: Background Check (1/29/2006 10:53:12 AM)
quote: This is something that I too, would agree with. I don't feel that Santa Claus can be used as a good example here. Telling the little ones a lie about a person is different than lying to an adult about something that is truly serious. serious in whose eyes?? that is the thing with lies... It's between two people. What one considers not to be too serious another may think it is very serious. If we can't appreciate the simplier view of a yound adult's world and what they think is serious... how the hell are we going to appreciate the more complex world of another adult? Fortuanately, young ones are much more forgiving... adults not so much when we make those errors on what is serious and what is not.

Oberonrex -> RE: Background Check (1/29/2006 12:03:39 PM)
Coming in late and there are a lot of good responses, but my take is: I am perfectly willing to provide scene references for someone who is interested in a serious relationship (or even just some good no-strings play) and for any group who is considering having me do an electrical play or other demo. Those are reasonable requests. I will not give key personal information to anyone that could be used for identity theft, fraud, or to cause exposure to me or mine. Health checks are not a matter of trust, just good sense in this day and age. I have a yearly physical that does check for a wide variety of STDs, and will get a special test if needed; and, I expect a serious partner to do the same. Nor will I tell a child (of any age) there is no Santa, anymore than I am going to tell someone "Why, yes, that does make your ass look as big as the Titanic." as I am crazy, not stupid. For those into brutal honesty, I find that if you drop the last word, the first gives a good reading of things, and that is not in a good way. Honesty is extremely important to me, but there usually is a tactful and constructive (rather than destructive) way to say something unpleasant.

IrishMist -> RE: Background Check (1/29/2006 4:19:29 PM)
Well...I have to agree with here...some lies are necessary. I have lied to my daughter, I have lied to my parents, hell, in the past, I even lied to my husband. But none were lies that were meant to be deceitful to the point of HURTING the other person. It all depends on the situation, and the best way to handle it at that EXACT moment.

fastlane -> RE: Background Check (1/29/2006 4:54:32 PM)
Hmmm, Irish. You are sooo right. Some lies are founded in order to avoid hurt. Lie to me, but don't hurt me, I'll be happier in the end. Although, i know you'd never lie to me, nor I you! As always, Peace! Kevin

QUIETMASTER -> RE: Background Check (1/29/2006 5:38:20 PM)
If someone lies to me that is the end of the check. They failed. Checks are good but with some underlaying problems. To do a good check you need name, dob, ss#. The same things needed to steal an identity. Where would you send for the check? Usually you need an account with a Info Service and that needs some sort of licence or agency approval. Anything much less is going to have dated or incomplete info. Paying attention to what is being said and just going with gut feelings is all you have sometimes. It's a problem for both sides of the whip and I really don't have a good answer. Bob

MistressAlexaS -> RE: Background Check (1/31/2006 7:01:01 AM)
I'm the naturally suspcious type and I say if your gut tells you something is fishy back away real quick. But also having known someone who got really burned in a Master/slave relationship, I'd say be very cautious and if he doesn't want you to work or have access to money, you may want to run a background check on him just to see how stable he is financially. Maybe a credit check might help? Because you certainly don't want to go off to live with someone who has a bad credit history AND a job which won't support the 2 of you. And why should he object if your planning on turning your life totally over into his hands? He can black out all SSN and account numbers if he wants too. ~Alexa

amayos -> RE: Background Check (1/31/2006 9:34:58 AM)
I simply feel out the person I'm talking with through detailed conversation and verification of address, age and so on. Mailing addresses, phone numbers, matching up stories and claims and such. A blood screening is mandatory, however. I don't really care if you once worked as a bomb maker for Hamas, but if you've got an STD or OTD, that's a deal breaker.

cloudboy -> RE: Background Check (1/31/2006 9:46:50 AM)
quote: I don't really care if you once worked as a bomb maker for Hamas, but if you've got an STD or OTD, that's a deal breaker. Glad you have your priorities straight. You know, if you moved to Iran or some such other Muslim dominated country, you might have the legal and cultural backing to be the type of Master the USA wouldn't allow.

amayos -> RE: Background Check (1/31/2006 9:49:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy Glad you have your priorities straight. You know, if you moved to Iran or some such other Muslim dominated country, you might have the legal and cultural backing to be the type of Master the USA wouldn't allow. But it's the 72 virgins that sells me in the end.

Chaingang -> RE: Background Check (1/31/2006 9:58:59 AM)
What is "OTD"?

Page: << < prev 4 5 [6] 7 8 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.0703125