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First Timer - 4/6/2009 4:23:44 PM

Danibelle

Posts: 94
Joined: 11/24/2008
Status: offline

Hi there everyone!

For a few years now I've fantasized and thought about topping. It's something that's always generally interested me, but I've never desired it enough to really pursue it before.

My boyfriend recently let someone top him and now he's asked me if I would be interested. His exact request is that he'd like me to take a strap on to him. He's had things in his butt before so this is not a bizarre request from him.

I'll admit, the idea is intriguing and turns me on quite a bit. But at the same time, I'm rather terrified. I guess you could say one of my problems is a bit of performance anxiety. What if I'm absolutely horrible at it?

The truth is the thought of running a scene scares the daylight out of me. We've discussed a bit of a compromise. My boyfriend is definitely dominant and definitely both masochistic and sadistic. The compromise we've discussed is that he will come up with the activities and run the scene from the bottom. I know it's not his ideal. While we've discussed it, he's not thrilled. I then suggested that he simply tell me certain things he'd like to try, being as specific as possible, and that I will work them in or not as I see how things go. This works more for him and less for me as it brings me right back to what if I suck?

My two real questions after all my rambling on and on are:

1. Am I over thinking this?

2. Any advice for a first timer?

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RE: First Timer - 4/6/2009 5:27:15 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Yes you are overthinking this, but for the wrong reasons. My concern would be to be able to do what he enjoys well and safely. I think that learning good technique and knowing your partner well enough to gauge him is far more important than performance anxiety per se.

I just found a few female tops willing to help me along and played under their watchfulness. So far, it is working out well. I make my mistakes, but nothing earth shattering and my partners have a good time. Mentoring seems to me far more important in the top position because of the responsibility involved and many implements and techinques there are. I would consider getting a good mentor outside the relationship and work your first few plays together. Just my thoughts as not that long ago I was in a similar place, ready to play, but terrified to go forward. All my best!

lovingpet

(in reply to Danibelle)

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RE: First Timer - 4/6/2009 7:11:13 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

1. Am I over thinking this?
****Maybe but I'd be wildly hypocritical to say not to do such a thing because my mind's almost always rolling.
2. Any advice for a first timer?
****As someone who loves using a strap-on with a male partner, I would say to study up on anatomy, if you've been the recipient of anal before, consider what was pleasurable for you and what wasn't, communicate prior and during as well as after. Don't rush it. Take your time. Enjoy! :>
Davan

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RE: First Timer - 4/6/2009 8:44:09 PM

Danibelle

Posts: 94
Joined: 11/24/2008
Status: offline

Thanks for the advice! I should edit and say we're not at the point of play yet. We're still simply in the talking phase. It would be a big step for both of us.

The concept of doing "what feels good" is something I always think about when I think about topping. When I think about it, it's everything I've ever experienced and *really* enjoyed. That and one or two of my hottest fantasies that haven't been played out yet.

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