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RE: Approaching a Domme - 4/30/2009 2:24:03 PM

GYPZYQUEEN

Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
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there is a thread on now...THE SAME 10 QUESTIONS which may be helpful..

I have instructions in my profile in LARGE letters..
indicating what I wish to hear if one wants to write..many have this..
It shows the person read the profile and has made an effort to think..

other than that..

a polite//
"Good evening Ma'am...May I speak with you about.............?"( here is where you can indicate
what you seek in conjunction with what she seeks or how you may enhance HER life)
and then "How shall I address you?"

works well for me and as ALL others have indicated...POLITENESS

GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 4/30/2009 2:25:44 PM >

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RE: Approaching a Domme - 4/30/2009 4:24:30 PM

Goddess2002

Posts: 226
Joined: 2/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: quixotikal

I recently 'attempted' to talk to a Domme on this site and was reprimanded for not doing it correctly.

That's fine, but how does one make the first contact with a Domme provided you don't already know the 'rules'?

You're getting some very good advice here...courtesy, photo, etc.

Just an observation, but I could see how your profile may put off a Domme. I applaud your honesty on one hand...on the other many Dommes have no interest in a sub who "can't find what he needs at home" (which indicates that you are married and the wife doesn't know you're looking elsewhere...that topic has 1000 threads on its own). Also, a Domme who helps a sub "discover himself" often winds up getting burned by someone who doesn't really know what they want, is only out for their own kicks, about D/s in general, etc.

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RE: Approaching a Domme - 4/30/2009 4:50:01 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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quote:

ORIGINAL: quixotikal

I recently 'attempted' to talk to a Domme on this site and was reprimanded for not doing it correctly.

That's fine, but how does one make the first contact with a Domme provided you don't already know the 'rules'?

Presumably you did not contact her in the way that she's stipulated in her profile.

Those who cannot take the time to read my profile and contact me in the specific manner that I explain there, will be blocked and deleted without reply. I make no apologies about that.

You didn't read her profile, so you didn't follow her instructions. You'll get no sympathy from me. You're lucky she even resonded to you at all. I wouldn't.

(Edited for spelling)

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 4/30/2009 4:52:00 PM >

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RE: Approaching a Domme - 4/30/2009 7:22:03 PM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
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Most of those who view my full profile never contact me. It's that way by design.

& most of those who contact me haven't viewed the full profile. I have form letters for some of that.

Life's too short to cut & paste the same info into a million little emails with a million unsuitable candidates; my profile is my cover letter / resume / job description & it's up to them to figure out if they like me, in all my obnoxious glory, if they're gonna approach me . . . . .

As a side note, I do have to say that, early on, I did get my ass chewed by some femdom for looking at her full profile. That was a little weird. I was looking at a lot of femdom profiles at that time, & I mean a lot. There were actually a couple that sent kinda huffy emails of various kinds, simply because I'd pulled up their full profiles. *shrugs* . .. . It takes all kinds.

There's certain things I've grown to find intolerable: those who have issues about the 'adult entertainment industry' or any of its workers, & homophobia are two biggies with me. So. I have various thisses & thats on my profile that clearly lay out my feelings in a positive way, ummm, here is an example:

I appreciate professional BDSM providers, porn actors, strippers, prostitutes, & others who're toiling in 'the adult entertainment industry' / 'sex work' / whatever euphemism we're using this week . . . . . It's important & difficult work, & its practitioners deserve respect . . . . .

& this:

I've found that I'm most comfortable thinking of myself as intergendered . .. . . . & I like persons of complicated gender: the genderqueer, intersexed, transgendered, transsexuals, & so on are all welcome in my little corner of the universe . . . . .

After I started putting stuff like that up, the number of people with those particular issues contacting me dropped off . ... .

I've noticed that some of those 'spammer' / 'hater' types do read some of these threads, cuz certain types of 'related spam' will pick up after some of my postings, I've noticed . . . . . For whatever that's worth . ... .

Oh. & when this cougar is hunting, I expect them to come back & look at my full profile again & again. I tell them so, up front, & if they can't sustain that kinda interest, then I've learned something about them . . . . .

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsAlaria

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly
...not that I've ever msged a domme in attempt to introduce myself..
but what if a person hates to show up in the "who's viewing me section" and therefore just reads the profile in the main view???? (assuming that the profile was short enough not to be cut off)

By doing this though, you miss out on journal posts as well as the likes/dislikes area.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
I will ask them to go back and read the rest and they show up on my list and run away. That is why I want them to read the whole thing.

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RE: Approaching a Domme - 4/30/2009 9:41:56 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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It's all hand signals and duck calls. Without those, I'd never have gotten lucky.

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RE: Approaching a Domme - 5/1/2009 2:59:57 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
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Avoid the copy and paste letters that you send to anything female.

Behave like you would be anywhere else and you see a woman you are interested in, in any vanilla surrounding you wouldn't start with listing your sexual preferences before you got to know the person, so why do it here?

And it has been said before, but DO READ HER PROFILE

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RE: Approaching a Domme - 5/1/2009 4:07:39 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
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As a word of advice to avoid being disillusioned or jaded it's probably unwise to expect any courtesy from anyone unless they actually show it. This includes the BOG OFF crowd..

You perhaps have an idea of the people I'm referring to here?

I have a primary relationship, so bog off.

I know people, unlike you, so bog off.

Don't even think of messaging me, just bog off.

In fact, don't even bother reading my profile, just bog off.

I don't wish to cyber, so bog off.

I don't wish to chat, so just bog off.

I cannot even articulate why I am here, so just bog off.

I'm so freaking dominant that the sun shines out of my ass, so just bog off.

This might give you some idea.

However there are many others who are far easier tio approach and who are well worth getting to know.

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RE: Approaching a Domme - 5/2/2009 5:42:11 AM

LadyConstanze

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Stella,

I think you are a bit harsh here, I think if somebody does state in their profile that they are looking for friends only and not for a relationship and they get pestered for a relationship ("But I'd be a much better slave/sub/partner, blah blah") I think the approach is so discourteous that it doesn't deserve an answer.

Same goes for chatting, cybering, watching somebody's webcam (yeah, I know it would be all for "my pleasure")...

Why would somebody be obliged to articulate to strangers why they are on a site? I don't see CM as primarily a dating site and I don't see myself obliged to fulfill the fantasies of people I don't even know.

On the other hand, if somebody sends a nice letter, just saying hello (possibly with more than just the words "Hello"), I usually reply, but quite a lot of the letters are lacking all sort of courtesy, the "Hi, I like <insert activities> when can we meet and you will <insert activities>" letters just receive a straight block.

It can be frustrating to explain over and over again that you are not interested, not even remotely in the same area, don't think you have anything in common with the person just to get the reply "I like your pictures, try me!"
Sometimes I really get the feeling that a lot of males think because a female is on CM she automatically owes them something, that's about as realistic as seeing a female in a pub and automatically assuming she's up for sex...

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RE: Approaching a Domme - 5/2/2009 6:09:46 AM

PeonForHer

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Joined: 9/27/2008
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To that sort, I generally say something short, hopefully amusing, but polite. If they answer at all, they'll generally respond in kind. They'll have a harsh and forbidding profile - but it's all bark and no bite.

The exceptions - those who really have seemed like "I'm so dominant that the sun beams from my botty" types, have been those that have contacted me to say "You may apply to me, boy" [or similar]. I've found that those can't conduct a conversation in human terms and if I try with them, they get offended (or pretend to be offended - who cares?) and stop writing. There are some femdom fantasists on this site - and some quite loony ones as well. They want to play the role, but they aren't yet ready actually to turn D/s into real life.

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RE: Approaching a Domme - 5/2/2009 10:30:23 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Stella,

I think you are a bit harsh here, I think if somebody does state in their profile that they are looking for friends only and not for a relationship and they get pestered for a relationship ("But I'd be a much better slave/sub/partner, blah blah") I think the approach is so discourteous that it doesn't deserve an answer.

I'd say the approach in this case is rather more inappropriate or irrelevant rather than discourteous. I'm seeking friendship only, mainly because I don't believe anything coming in directly from the Internet will materialize into any sort of fulfilling relationship. However my profile is here, it's 'presence' on this site, and my policy is to respond only to relevant cmails. Is an inappropriate approach also discourteous? I think that's a moot point, but in my book it's not discourteuous, just inappropriate.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
Sometimes I really get the feeling that a lot of males think because a female is on CM she automatically owes them something, that's about as realistic as seeing a female in a pub and automatically assuming she's up for sex...

To me the onus for courtesy rests on both sides but me being realistic here rather thinks the 'opportunity' for courtesy exists rather than the onus. But I can understand that even if you get 10 cmails of which none are relevant to what is written on your profile it hardly seems any point in responding or indeed in taking that opportunity for courtesy because you don't get anything really out of it anyway and it takes time and thought to craft a response.

My original point was rather aimed at those who are rude in response with little or no justification.

Additionally in response to the OP, it's worth remembering that you're dealing with a woman rather than a domme and this is usually the case until a point has been reached when you are allowed to think of her as a domme. Hence woman = human being.

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RE: Approaching a Domme - 5/2/2009 12:09:24 PM

LadyConstanze

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I guess it is a matter of personal opinion but to be pestered seems to be impolite and discourteous, especially the ones who won't take NO for an answer, the usual procedure is that if you aren't interested, you get accused of being a fake, it gets tedious or maybe I'm just getting a bit grumpier the older I get...

I don't think there is any point in being rude, it just seems to be a waste of energy, but at the same time it brings up the question if not answering is being rude? If it is a well thought out approach, then possibly yes, it doesn't take much effort to say "Thank you but I'm not interested, good luck in your search!" But again, in 4 out of 5 cases the person approaching you will want a justification why.

I think the simple thing would be if people would behave online like they do in real life, no matter if they are approached or if they are the ones approaching, it would make interactions much more pleasurable and polite.

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RE: Approaching a Domme - 5/2/2009 6:12:11 PM

ShyAllison1919

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Joined: 10/17/2008
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Most guys don't read profiles. Most guys don't listen to women. Most guys aren't worth the time of chatting with. It doesn't matter if they're subs or Doms, they're still guys and often insensitive.

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RE: Approaching a Domme - 5/2/2009 7:00:15 PM

krayziebones

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I usually just start with including a pic of my cock......Works every time.

http://www.collarme.com/Attachments/38954072369BE9594362696p1.jpg

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RE: Approaching a Domme - 5/4/2009 5:47:27 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: krayziebones

I usually just start with including a pic of my cock......Works every time.

http://www.collarme.com/Attachments/38954072369BE9594362696p1.jpg

What do you do if she doesn't like roosters or isn't interested in chicken farming? Didn't think it would be that much of a hobby...

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