The Evolution of MY Inner Sadist...

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The Evolution of MY Inner Sadist... - 1/30/2006 8:01:53 PM

yourMissTress

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From: Nashville, TN
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When introduced to the practice of this lifestyle some 15 years ago, I was really into pain play. I began as an apprentice to a Pro Domme and became her business partner and the biggest part of our clientele were boys that wanted to be beat, whipped, flogged, caned, paddled, cut, and kicked, with some CBT and humiliation thrown in for good measure. Thus, pain play was the basis and central focus of my knowledge and experience in the beginning.

I enjoyed it thoroughly and wanted nothing less than to make them scream in agony and really was quite callous and uncaring, for the most part. I am thankful that I had a wonderful guiding hand who monitored me closely in the beginning and taught me well how to carefully inflict pain and torture so that I wouldn't cause any permanent damage. To be perfectly honest, I believe one reason that I didn't seriously hurt any of my "play toys" was because I wanted them to come back and let me hurt them some more.

As time went on I became more caring for the "play toys" (both men and women) that I saw on a regular basis. Although I still liked to hear them whimper and beg for mercy, I did want to ensure their safety for more reason than the opportunity to do it again next week. It was no longer an inner struggle not to break my toys.

Ok, yes, I was pretty fucked up in my early 20's...who am I trying to kid, I was still pretty fucked up in my late 20's too. ANYWAY....

I mellowed out A LOT over the years in the pain play area especially when I began to understand and improve upon psychological torture and mind fucking. Oh I so do love a good mind fuck.

But as of late, I have been enjoying pain play sessions more and more. I get very excited when I see the welts rising, and the black and blue marks forming. I get even more excited and want to draw blood and even then, if the sub's ok, I want to keep going, spray some alcohol on the cuts and continue on with the beating. It could be described as a kind of blood thirst. The amount of adrenaline that seems to be coursing through my body is amazing, and I'm flying in Domme space for a very long time...up to 2 days afterwards.

I would like to hear what other Domme/Dom/Tops have to say about the evolution of their inner sadist. Do your interests ebb and flow like the tides over the years? Or have you maintained the same level of interest in a particular type of play?

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"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

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RE: The Evolution of MY Inner Sadist... - 1/30/2006 8:21:13 PM

Slipstreme

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Speaking from both ends of sadomasochism, I must say I am a bit jealous because what you had, a Mentor, is what I am looking for now, to learn how to inflict pain safely. But I understand the bloodlust/ desire. I have it, as both a sadist and a masochist.

Wish I could contribute with an "over the years view" but I think I am where you started long ago.

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RE: The Evolution of MY Inner Sadist... - 1/30/2006 10:28:48 PM

veronicaofML

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Joined: 11/19/2005
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I would like to hear what other Domme/Dom/Tops have to say about the evolution of their inner sadist.
============

ok.
i dont qualify.

but

if ya might be interested?

i like Your posting anyway.

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RE: The Evolution of MY Inner Sadist... - 1/31/2006 6:52:53 AM

yourMissTress

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Thank you veronica.

I should have added that I would also like to hear from subs/slaves as well. Is there an area of play that you have had various levels of enjoyment of over time?

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RE: The Evolution of MY Inner Sadist... - 1/31/2006 7:26:36 AM

MrThorns

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The evolution of my inner beastie...hmmm could be a good topic.

I recall some of my first sexual experiences in which I would tie up my girlfriends with whatever was available and tease the buh-jeezus out of them. Several years later, when I first discovered BDSM, I did much of the same things as I did when I was younger....tie girl up...tease the buh-jeezus out of her. The only difference was that I really enjoyed wearing leathers and hearing her call me "Sir" while I did so.

I started hearing people refer to me as more of a "Sensual Sadist".. because honestly, I still couldn't understand how someone could see giving or receiving pain as being pleasureable. Sure, I might add a little slap-and-tickle..and I loved to see a girl squirm..but that was about it.

Then... I met smilezz, who bought me my very first flogger. I remember the feeling sweeping over me as I swung the falls gently across her ass and back. I also remember being very cautious and constantly worrying about her safety, even though I was barely swinging...but somewhere...deeply hidden under all that concern and worry..something was stirring. We continued to play and I felt myself letting go more and more.

As time went on, I found a local group, met some wonderful Sadists, learned some new tricks, developed some old tricks, experimented with new toys, and learned to embrace the beast within. Nowadays, I enjoy knowing that I have the ability to go from a "sensual Sadist" within a comfortable wax scene, to a blood-letting Evil Rat Bastid who enjoys nothing more than to hear the screams and curses of "You Evil FUCK" coming from my beloved slave.

I still have a ways to go yet...so much Evil...so little time.

~Thorns

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RE: The Evolution of MY Inner Sadist... - 1/31/2006 8:53:48 AM

veronicaofML

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Thank you veronica.

I should have added that I would also like to hear from subs/slaves as well. Is there an area of play that you have had various levels of enjoyment of over time?
==========

not this lil gray duck

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RE: The Evolution of MY Inner Sadist... - 1/31/2006 8:45:02 PM

yourMissTress

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LOL MrThorns, I just noticed your tag line, very cute.

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RE: The Evolution of MY Inner Sadist... - 2/1/2006 7:55:39 AM

GingerleeDREAD

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Hhahahaha oh veronica WAYYYY to funny.

when did you say that contract of YOURS is up?? LOL

Enjoy watching Adults explore and discover that Sadistic
being lurking just under their Sociallly Correct Demeanor.
I wish I could say I * discovered * My Sadistic self later
in life but I was born a Sadist and have saithed its desire
thru out My life. The Lifestyle has afforded Me a place to
meet those who desire the likes of Me and kept Me from
Societys Politically Correct and inocent as a whole. LOL.

< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 2/1/2006 9:17:14 AM >

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RE: The Evolution of MY Inner Sadist... - 2/1/2006 9:13:12 AM

IsleofLite

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I think you have evolved, but often people bounce when they hit the far wall. In the beginning there is inexperience, then you began to see, to learn, to grow inside. You become more articulate. You have changed not the 'play toys'. At some point you find that their bodies will no longer support your growth, your Spiritual growth. You hit harder, cut deeper, but your growth is not there in their flesh. Your work is important to them, but don't loose site of the work that is also important to you. . . .

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RE: The Evolution of MY Inner Sadist... - 2/1/2006 10:32:07 AM

Nuke718

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Glad to hear you enjoying things, and I hope you find plenty of willing "toys" lol.

As for myself, I definately have trouble embracing my inner sadist. I get compliments when he rears his head, but here is something scary about liking to hurt people. A lot of it probably has to do with the fact that around the time I was getting out of the Navy I had a hyper-inflated ego (the opposite of now LoL), and enjoyed emotional sadism.

It seemed if I didn't like somebody I could almost immediately grasp wht to say to hurt them. Sometimes it merely offende, often it left them in tears. When I am getting physically sadistic I cantell it is close to the same part of me that enjoyed the emotional pain way back when, and that stuff was definately not consensual or healthy for the reciever.

I guess if I could balance sadism with nurturing more, I would feel better.

Nuke }:-

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RE: The Evolution of MY Inner Sadist... - 2/2/2006 9:17:22 AM

yourMissTress

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Thank you Nuke. I can appreciate what you said about knowing instictively what to say to hurt someone. Often times when I'm looking at someone blankly it's because I'm biting my tongue to keep from lashing them with it.

But I'm also very good at nurturing someone that I've lashed and showing them that I truly care for them regardless of what I did or said mid-scene.

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