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ORIGINAL: eyesopened

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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ORIGINAL: DomImus

I cannot automatically assign failure to a relationship that ended just because it ended. Some were great and still ultimately ran their natural course. I actually feel a little sorry for folks who grade their past encounters on a "pass/fail" basis like this where the only measure of a relationship's success is its longevity.

DomImus,

An interesting position! it ended just because! Is that to say that an ended relationship just withered without reason?

CP

When I examine my past relationships I see that the reason they ended, not failed but ended, is because we were no longer travelling in the same direction.  Sometimes that realisation came quickly, sometimes abruptly, sometimes a lingering nagging feeling before realisation.  But down to the core, it was not having common goals for the relationship.  Often, people just want a relationship so badly that they misstate their goals, not a deliberate lie but a desire so deep that they think by saying will make it so.  It's not failure, it's a lesson.  I think that once we accept that no relationship is forever, we can relax, be ourselves, be honest and simply enjoy the companionship of others for as long as it lasts.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

Oh gosh... so many people have already answered for me... Misplaced trust is a biggie right now, huge baggage there. And I take people at face value most of the time, or at least, I used to. And we do have a tendency to move to fast... I'd love to say it's a lack of communication, I really would... but that wasn't the case. It was more the case of fantasy based communication and never having known anyone so deeply involved with such a fantasy we took it at face value. Lesson learned.
 
And yeah, I tend to attract psychos...
 
Jewel

Jewel,

Within your note lies a big catalyst, moving to fast!! thanks for your input.

CP

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

There are few of those that come to CM and the other sites that have not had at least one relationship that was promising in the beginning  fall into the abyss of ruined relationships. This question is for all, be yee male, fem, sub/slave or Sir,Master/Ma'am. What was the principle cause in your case.
I believe there would be a fairly standard percentage that fall within a catagory or two and of course there will be some folks that will skip over this opportunity to contribute because they never had a failed relationship.

There is no blame to be assigned, just a possible thread to read for those less experienced.

CP

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ORIGINAL: tiinkerbell

I could list a laundry of reasons, but it really comes down to the fact that we were both too young for the responsibilities that we tried to force on ourselves at the time

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ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

Oh gosh... so many people have already answered for me... Misplaced trust is a biggie right now, huge baggage there. And I take people at face value most of the time, or at least, I used to. And we do have a tendency to move to fast... I'd love to say it's a lack of communication, I really would... but that wasn't the case. It was more the case of fantasy based communication and never having known anyone so deeply involved with such a fantasy we took it at face value. Lesson learned.
 
And yeah, I tend to attract psychos...
 
Jewel

Jewel,

Within your note lies a big catalyst, moving to fast!! thanks for your input.

CP

I'm not real sure what you mean when you say "big catalyst" here... My husband and I moved a lot faster then that... After two dates and one long weekend together we moved in together, the day after his divorce was final we got married and we've never been happier. So moving fast isn't always a bad thing, hell, I've talked to people for months, a few for over a year, getting to know them only to have it fall apart fairly quick after taking that next step. Time really has nothing to do with it. Move fast, take you time and move at a snails pace... doesn't really matter. What matters is the ability to communicate honestly and openly and the desire to make it work, to work through any issue calmly and persistantly and to actually BE tenacious, not just make that claim. Ok, yeah, some baggage there... lol
 
Jewel

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Yeah, but you live and you learn and you grow.  We all walk that road.  Sounds like you're learning from your mistakes and that will eventually lead to a better future.

BTW, welcome to the forums.

And thank you kindly for the welcome

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ORIGINAL: Padriag

For my last relationship, which did end badly, I'd have to say it was because of bad timing.  I was at a point in my life where I had so much going on, so many other demands on my time, and worst of all far too much stress.  Trying to begin a new relationship with a slave (who had problems of her own) in the middle of that was simply a recipe for disaster... and not surprisingly, it ended up that way.  I knew better and I should have made her wait another 6 - 12 months... had I done so things might have turned out differently in multiple areas of my life (not just the relationship, I made some poor choices elsewhere as well).  If she couldn't have waited... oh well, I should have let her go.  As it turned out, she ran off and found herself another "owner" anyway, so had I let her go I'd not really have lost anything, but we might still be friends (which we aren't). 

The lesson I learned was that I needed to make some choices for myself and prioritize.  As one friend put it, I was trying to ride too many horses at once.   Since then I've been slowing down some and taking things one or two "horses" at a time.

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ORIGINAL: eyesopened
When I examine my past relationships I see that the reason they ended, not failed but ended, is because we were no longer travelling in the same direction.  Sometimes that realisation came quickly, sometimes abruptly, sometimes a lingering nagging feeling before realisation.  But down to the core, it was not having common goals for the relationship.

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ORIGINAL: Vendaval

Some of the common problems have been interference from family members on either side and lack of self-awareness on either part.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

There are few of those that come to CM and the other sites that have not had at least one relationship that was promising in the beginning  fall into the abyss of ruined relationships. This question is for all, be yee male, fem, sub/slave or Sir,Master/Ma'am. What was the principle cause in your case.

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ORIGINAL: Wolffeman

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

There are few of those that come to CM and the other sites that have not had at least one relationship that was promising in the beginning  fall into the abyss of ruined relationships. This question is for all, be yee male, fem, sub/slave or Sir,Master/Ma'am. What was the principle cause in your case.
I believe there would be a fairly standard percentage that fall within a catagory or two and of course there will be some folks that will skip over this opportunity to contribute because they never had a failed relationship.

There is no blame to be assigned, just a possible thread to read for those less experienced.

CP

In my case it was my sub's desire to engage in breath control, specifically via choking and plastic bags.  Ultimately this is one of the things that drove a wedge between us.  I refused to indulge her in this activity.  Why did I refuse her?  Because it almost caused her death at the hands of another without my knowledge while I was busy elsewhere. It happened even though I had made sure my feelings on it were clear and understood.  It happened at the hands of another who was supposedly very experienced with the activity, but of course was not.  The craving she felt for this was obviously stronger than my will, my wishes, my reasons.  There were other items of note, but this was the proverbial straw. 

Hindsight is indeed 20-20.