Relationship Destruction??? (Full Version)

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CelticPrince -> Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 12:24:05 PM)

There are few of those that come to CM and the other sites that have not had at least one relationship that was promising in the beginning  fall into the abyss of ruined relationships. This question is for all, be yee male, fem, sub/slave or Sir,Master/Ma'am. What was the principle cause in your case.
I believe there would be a fairly standard percentage that fall within a catagory or two and of course there will be some folks that will skip over this opportunity to contribute because they never had a failed relationship.

There is no blame to be assigned, just a possible thread to read for those less experienced.

CP



CatdeMedici -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 12:34:59 PM)

I selected against My better judgement. I take the blame squarely on My shoulders,  for thinking I really wanted something when in fact, I am terribly happy, happily single--I have at times in the dark of the night given in to those melodramatic melancholy moments---I know better and will never make that mistake again---



LaTigresse -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 12:40:48 PM)

I move slowly, too slowly for most people.

I am cool with not having a slave or submissive in my life if that's the way life continues to take me. I just try to avoid all the drama of making a bad choice. Not just for me, but for all of the other people that depend upon me.



kuriouswitch -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 12:43:36 PM)

My first D/s relationship failed mostly because of lack of communication on both of our parts. And me thinking that if i just sat back and was a "good quiet" sub then things would iron themselves out. He wasn't much of a talker so i never really knew what was going on in his head or why he did or said some of the things he did which left me confused or lost at times. we're still friends but we aren't compatible as a "couple"



chamberqueen -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 12:43:54 PM)

I had a relationship that ended but I wouldn't say that it failed.  My first contact with BDSM was with an online only Dom and I found that I needed to be touched.  He was a wonderful mentor and taught me a lot but I needed real life contact.  We have continued to be friends and I learned so much that I really can't consider it a failure.





LadyHibiscus -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 12:44:45 PM)

I tend to take people at face value, and presume they are telling me the truth!  Silly me.



akisha -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 12:51:04 PM)

First D/s relationship ended because I was 17, he was 31 and I wanted to go to college. He agreed that I needed time to experience life.

Second D/s relationship ended because he only pretended to be interested until I married him then he called a halt to everything.

Third D/s relationship taught me the most of any relationship I had ever been in. I loved that man more then I had ever loved anyone before, and what I took with me from that relationship i feel has made me a much better person. It ended because he had a personal demon he needed to deal with and maintaining a relationship was just not an option.

I am currently in a D/s relationship and I have no intentions of it ending, and neither does he.



LadyPact -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 12:58:05 PM)

Combination of factors here.  Distance and not a particularly good fit for My poly family.



CelticPrince -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 2:09:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I selected against My better judgement. I take the blame squarely on My shoulders,  for thinking I really wanted something when in fact, I am terribly happy, happily single--I have at times in the dark of the night given in to those melodramatic melancholy moments---I know better and will never make that mistake again---


Cat, Ok it was your fault but what was it that caused it to go
south?

CP



CelticPrince -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 2:20:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I move slowly, too slowly for most people.

I am cool with not having a slave or submissive in my life if that's the way life continues to take me. I just try to avoid all the drama of making a bad choice. Not just for me, but for all of the other people that depend upon me.



LT,

I share your slo mo concept saves problems but does the above means you never had a bad one?

CP



InTonguesslave -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 2:35:04 PM)

well, i spose the most recent time was because i knew that i was being lied to and manipulated.

the oddest part was that i couldnt pull away, even though i knew it to be the case.  it was all a bit murky and hard to prove or pin down.  no specifics, just a gut feeling and a couple of stupid little things that niggled and nagged.

there are so many grey (please is it grey or gray, ive never been able to get that to sink in) areas.  youre dominant expects submission to be absolute, to trust and respect his decisions and not to question his final word on the matter.  so you dont. 

lesson learnt:  always trust youre gut and never youre heart in matters pertaining to submission.



littlewonder -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 2:36:06 PM)

I can safely say that all my past relationships other than one, failed due to the other party cheating and lying.

That's not to say that I don't put blame on myself as well. We all have a responsibiility for every part of our lives.



LadyTeazer -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 2:51:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I tend to take people at face value, and presume they are telling me the truth!  Silly me.




That describes Me perfectly.  When will I learn that you can't believe anything anyone tells you anymore?  If I wasn't so open and honest and trusting, maybe I wouldn't get hurt anymore.       [sm=banghead.gif]  



stella41b -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 2:56:38 PM)

A difference in the conceptualization of key terms, such as 'friendship', 'love', 'honesty', 'always', 'forever', 'I'm here for you..', 'I'll always be there for you', 'you can count on me', etc etc etc.



lizi -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 2:57:32 PM)

The first failure was because the Dom was lazy. Wanted all kind of things from me and wasn't willing to put out much on his end. Because I believed in his all knowingness (and he kept telling me he was indeed all knowing, i know-  how stupid of me to believe him) I hung in there for a lot longer than I should have.

The second turned out to be incredibly self centered to the point where I felt like a possession and not a valued one at that. He also couldn't be bothered past a certain point to put anything into the relationship.

I don't want to sound bitter or not take responsibility for my part because there's always another side to every story. Maybe I did not inspire these men to put in more. I'll never know. I have met someone now who matches me incredibly well and I hope things with him last. If they don't I've at least learned what to look for.



RavenMuse -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 3:21:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I tend to take people at face value, and presume they are telling me the truth!  Silly me.


Same here, though many of them thought they where being honest because they truely believed they where suited to the kind of Dynamic I run. Ultimatly My 'fault' if anyones because I was the One deciding to give them the chance. In cases where I was outright lied to, My only 'fault' was not spotting them sooner!



DomImus -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 3:28:41 PM)

I cannot automatically assign failure to a relationship that ended just because it ended. Some were great and still ultimately ran their natural course. I actually feel a little sorry for folks who grade their past encounters on a "pass/fail" basis like this where the only measure of a relationship's success is its longevity.



wisdomofgiving -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 3:31:17 PM)

I am not sure how to answer this, but will try my best. I have had only one Ds relationship and actually nothing physically has changed between us, just my attitude. I almost destroyed it though. Let me explain.

Prior to my late husband, I was in and out of relationships, always looking for someone to take care of me. I hadn't lived alone, at least for any length of time for a long time. I even went from ex hubby straight to my last husband. When he died, I ended up alone completely in a different state. A year later I met my friend Sir and he took things very slow. He did not zoom in to save me, by moving me in with him and taking over my life. This I did not understand, to be honest and became very worried and needy. He backed me off a lot of times and talked about what we have, and not what I think we are going to have. Oddly the last year a part of me started to spring up that I didnt know existed. The woman who enjoyed living alone and being single.  I realized I already was pulling  away from many things that seemed to duplicate what I was always use too, and noticed a growing aspect in me was screaming; for once do it on your own. Stop looking to destroy what you have with your friend, because you are stuck in old beliefs. My neediness and needing to be saved, which I thought I left long ago when I was married 29 years came right back and these old behaviors almost killed the friendship I have. An interesting thing though is that I didn't seek  another person to save me. Something within me wanted to save myself and that drive was stronger then the needy old me. I have thanked my friend for not zooming in and saving me, but helping me to get the tools to save myself. I hope I explained this well enough.



beargonewild -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 3:33:26 PM)

I'd have to say the principle cause to why my first foray into a M/s relationship was disastrous was from moving too soon with not enough understanding of what it means to be a slave to another. Without adequate knowledge I made a poor choice in accepting that person as a master best suited for me and me for him. 



InTonguesslut -> RE: Relationship Destruction??? (4/21/2009 3:51:54 PM)

I'm just plain and simply crap at picking partners. Noone to blame but me [:D]



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