The dangers of a sociopath dominant (Full Version)

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allthatjaz -> The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 8:08:32 AM)

I heard a friend recently talking about her ex dominant and she used the word 'sociopath'. Not knowing much about this sort of personality trait I decided to google it and I came up with this. I found it pretty disturbing because this dominant could have every one of those traits and still be absolutely charming and convincing. His past records show that he has left many victims in his wake but when it comes to finding another submissive he can because he can control with ease and convince others that it was the mental state of the submissive.

http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

I was amazed as to how common it is, more so in men than women but women can have sociopathic tendencies too.
Because most of us have a conscience we can dominate safely but none of us would ever admit to not having a conscience....would we?
Food for thought




chamberqueen -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 8:12:51 AM)

It is truly frightening how charming many sociopaths can be.  They enjoy manipulation and are very talented at it.  It can be very hard to see through one - just look at how successful someone like Ted Bundy was.




slaveluci -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 8:21:15 AM)

An old thread you might enjoy:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1912539/mpage_1/key_sociopath/tm.htm#1912597

luci[:)]




InTonguesslut -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 8:38:40 AM)

Out of the 15 or so things listed i can identify with all of them. Each one listed i have displayed at some point. Does that make me a sociopath? I've probably, definately lol displayed behaviour of the next 15 at some point or other too. Does that make me a sociopath?
 
I have a dislike for words like sociopath and the little box that it conveniently puts a person into. It is automatically assumed that the person is a bad one and that they should be avoided at all costs. Now whilst i can understand this aversion to someone displaying the qualities (omg can you believe they used the word qualities to describe the traits lol) listed i have to wonder how many people actually stop to think why they behave this way? How many people try to undertand these people? How many people try to help these people? I'm betting most just for the hills away from them.
 




catize -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 8:51:32 AM)

Anyone with an anti-social personality disorder is dangerous.  Gender, sexual orientation doesn’t matter.  They find their victims everywhere, not just in BDSM.  They are quite good at blending in and mimicking emotions.
I would recommend reading Bad Boys Bad Men by Donald Black. 




InTonguesslut -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 8:58:02 AM)

quote:

Anyone with an anti-social personality disorder is dangerous.

 
Dangerous covers quite a range of things, can you expand a little? are we talking dangerous as in will hurt your feelings, hurt you physically, kill you?
Also are you a qualified physician who can state outright that everyone with it is dangerous? I'd be more inclined to take a statement like that off someone qualified or is that just your opinion?




InTonguesslut -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 9:13:59 AM)

quote:

most psychopaths are antisocial but not all antisocial personalities are psychopaths

 
 
quote:


Let's explore the four (4) subtypes of sociopaths:
    COMMON SOCIOPATHS are the largest subtype and have a weak or unelaborated conscience. They are not ashamed by the same things as you or I would be ashamed of. They are like feral children grown up, taking pleasures and gratifying impulses at every opportunity or temptation. They especially enjoy and take pride in bending or breaking the rules. As teenagers, they are often runaways. As adults, they are often geographically mobile, living in shelters, or taking advantage of welfare systems. They are experienced shoplifters. They have quite active sex lives. They are usually of average intelligence, but don't do well in school and never seem to break out of low-paying dead-end jobs. Nevertheless, they seem genuinely happy with their lives, unburdened by any sense of negative self-worth or the fact that they have not been a functional, contributing member of society.
>    ALIENATED SOCIOPATHS have never developed the ability to love, empathize, or affiliate in real life with another person. They will show more emotion toward their pet or a personal artifact than toward a person. Or, they may hate animals and live out their emotional life by watching TV (identification with soap opera characters is a common pattern). Dating and marriage relationships will be very barren and empty. They won't get along with the neighbors. They live in a shell. They have a cold, callous attitude toward human suffering or any social problem in the society they live in. They just don't care because it's outside their range of empathy. Most will believe they are justified in this because they feel they were cheated in some way themselves by society, and a few will be more than happy to rant and rave about it to anyone who listens. They are chronic complainers, and underneath it all, they would like to see nothing better than all of society destroyed.
    AGGRESSIVE SOCIOPATHS derive strong, yet nonperverse gratification from harming others. They like to hurt, frighten, tyrannize, bully, and manipulate. They do it for a sense of power and control, and will often only drop subtle hints about what they are up to. They polish their aggressive, domineering manner in such a way to disguise any intimidation others might feel. They seek out positions of power, such as parent, teacher, bureaucrat, supervisor, or police officer. Their style is one of passive aggression as they systematically go about sabotaging the ideas of others to get their ideas in place. In their spare time, they like to hunt or occasionally do sadistic things like find stray dogs and cut them up. They are usually effective at getting their way, and are especially vindictive if resisted or crossed. They don't follow the social norm of reciprocity like others do.
    DYSSOCIAL SOCIOPATHS identify and hold an allegiance with a dyssocial, outcast, or predatory subculture. Any subculture will do, as long as it runs counter to established authority. They are capable of intense loyalty, and even a feeling of guilt and shame, within such limited circles. They seem to continually fall upon bad luck and bad companions, however. While they will constantly complain that none of this is their fault, behind it all is a kind of self-defeating mechanism in the poor choices they made themselves.  
 
 
 
So according to the above not all sociopaths are dangerous.




LadyHibiscus -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 9:19:31 AM)

Well actually, Misst, ANY of them could be dangerous---what if Mr Poor Impulse Control decided that pushing you off the curb as the light changed seemed like a good idea?    They're not all violent, they're not all Ted Bundy, but the thing is, you never know.

I had a sociopathic slave, with other stuff that got worse after our split.  It is just scary what any folks in this category can do, and they are NOT all dominants by any means.  It's so easy to feel that you can "fix" someone, or mistakenly think that their attentions are directed toward YOU when in fact they are just the mirror of narcissism. 

I'm not one of those people who thinks that everyone has a category in the DSMIV---you can be a jerk without it being a diagnosis!  But for some reason, there are more and more of these people out and about. 




InTonguesslut -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 9:22:34 AM)

quote:

Well actually, Misst, ANY of them could be dangerous---what if Mr Poor Impulse Control decided that pushing you off the curb as the light changed seemed like a good idea?    They're not all violent, they're not all Ted Bundy, but the thing is, you never know

 
No you don't, you're right. My mother could push me off the curb tomorrow if she felt like it too. In fact i bet at times she has wanted to.
 
I'm not saying they can't be dangerous, what i'm saying and objecting to is the group labelling of 'they are all dangerous'.
 
 




LadyHibiscus -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 9:29:52 AM)

You're right, they are not ALL dangerous in and of themselves.  I think it's easier for them to BECOME a threat because there is NO internal censor at all.  If your mom wanted to trip you, I am betting that she would have a notion that it would be mean, that you could be hurt, and she would feel badly.  A sociopath would have no clue about anything but Hey!  Seems like a good idea!

The ones in that fourth category... perfect suicide bombers, drug mules, gang enforcers...  because they do as they are told, with NO CONSCIENCE. 




IronBear -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 9:31:59 AM)

For me people displaying sociopath tendencies, raise a jolly large red flag and I'd advise others to stay well clean and never give personal information. Certainly if threats or violence is displayed I will happily make a quiet call to a couple of colleagues in Law Enforcement so they have it on file. 




LadyHibiscus -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 9:36:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

For me people displaying sociopath tendencies, raise a jolly large red flag and I'd advise others to stay well clean and never give personal information. Certainly if threats or violence is displayed I will happily make a quiet call to a couple of colleagues in Law Enforcement so they have it on file. 


I agree, but it can be SO difficult to see them for what they are...  charm and gloss---that TV show "Dexter" is a great example of a sociopathic personality who emulates how others behave in order to fit in.  All surface, no heart. 

(and I have friends who are not in law enforcement that might be wiser to turn to... )




InTonguesslut -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 9:53:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

You're right, they are not ALL dangerous in and of themselves.  I think it's easier for them to BECOME a threat because there is NO internal censor at all.  If your mom wanted to trip you, I am betting that she would have a notion that it would be mean, that you could be hurt, and she would feel badly.  A sociopath would have no clue about anything but Hey!  Seems like a good idea!

The ones in that fourth category... perfect suicide bombers, drug mules, gang enforcers...  because they do as they are told, with NO CONSCIENCE. 


I agree, never said otherwise.
However where do people get off saying things like :-
 
quote:

I heard a friend recently talking about her ex dominant and she used the word 'sociopath'.


I would have to ask is this ex qualified to say someone is a sociopath?
I would have to ask is this person really a sociopath or have we just got one bitter sub?
 
Bandying around terms we are not qualified to use is a bit of a dangerous game really.
 
As i said in my original post here i can equate with most everything listed to qualify for being a sociopath but does it make me one?




catize -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 9:56:25 AM)

To correct my sweeping generalization, I would re-state that to say:  anyone with an anti-social personality disorder has no conscience; they do not ‘feel’ for others, they objectify all other humans as simply a means to an end. They are potentially dangerous in a variety of ways, from slightly benign activities such as white-collar crimes, up to rape and murder and multiple murders.  If they do not commit crimes, it is not from a sense of right and wrong but more from self-preservation; they don’t want to go to prison.

A physician may or may not have any expertise about this personality type.
If you simply want to argue the existence of this personality, I’m done.  If you are interested in reading from those more qualified than I, again I recommend the book I mentioned , another is The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout, or any other book/study on the subject. 




LadyHibiscus -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 9:56:44 AM)

Now THERE we are on the same page!  Like I said, you can be a jerk without it being a diagnosis!!  There are all sorts of folks flinging around words like "bipolar" and "sociopath" and "borderline personality" based on very little.   It IS possible to see if a person has a trend toward something, there are checklists on the internets, but IMO they should be used to help us watch out and not get burned (again) by false charm.




InTonguesslut -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 10:14:35 AM)

quote:

A physician may or may not have any expertise about this personality type.

If you simply want to argue the existence of this personality, I’m done. 

 
God this gets tiring sometimes. If i was arguing the existence of this personality type i would not have pasted a long explanation of the differing types now would i?
 
quote:

Now THERE we are on the same page!  Like I said, you can be a jerk without it being a diagnosis!!  There are all sorts of folks flinging around words like "bipolar" and "sociopath" and "borderline personality" based on very little.   It IS possible to see if a person has a trend toward something, there are checklists on the internets, but IMO they should be used to help us watch out and not get burned (again) by false charm.

I completely agree and that was one of my main points that obviously i failed to make clear lol. Sweeping generalisations are one of my bug bears grrrrrrr.




aravain -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 10:18:16 AM)

~FR~

Sociopathy/Psychopathy is something that's still not fully understood, last I checked... but it is relatively easy to spot with someone who displays the tendencies, and even if they're NOT a sociopath it's worth re-examining your relationship (romantic OR otherwise, even) with them.

It's an interesting type of 'disorder' really... almost as fascinating as it is scary... but I'll second that *anyone* who's a sociopath (dominant, submissive, or just close friend) is potentially dangerous.




littlewonder -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 10:32:23 AM)

Imo very few people are actually sociopaths, especially Doms. They'r usually just assholes, jerks or just plain old not very smart.

Again imo, to even bring this up on a site like this is what makes people paranoid about meeting others and leads to the questions here that eventually lead to "This Dom/sub is dangerous! How can I make sure the entire world knows about him/her?".





Jeptha -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 10:44:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

...As i said in my original post here i can equate with most everything listed to qualify for being a sociopath but does it make me one?

I think it would depend on if you're behavior is causing significant problems for yourself or others.

That would be the final yardstick, would it not?




catize -> RE: The dangers of a sociopath dominant (4/26/2009 11:23:09 AM)

quote:

If i was arguing the existence of this personality type i would not have pasted a long explanation of the differing types now would i?  


You posted while I was typing, so I did not see it until after I hit send. 
And I do agree that just because someone labels another it doesn't make it accurate. 
The point of my initial post, although not clear, was more about the fact that the personality disorder is not just seen in BDSM.




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