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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 2:51:19 AM

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quote:

I think you are projecting your desires and fantasies onto the bulk of the male population...I doubt a "good boy" (no matter how sultry) would make most swoon, and would hazard a guess that most would find it somewhat off-putting

Good boy, Arpig.... *ducks*
Okies, do you see why that just doesn't work unless you know who you are speaking to, Kal?

I can't speak to how submissive males would view this, but if some random guy/gal whose groceries I was carrying out as part of my job (or even if I had simply offered to help them) tossed a "good girl" in my direction, my response certainly would not be favourable. Outside of a BDSM context, "good boy" and "good girl", when directed at an adult, are quite condescending.

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 3:43:39 AM

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Yes, I know what you mean about the "Domme vibe"....I love to just look at the grocery bagger/dry cleaner etc. without saying a word and he jumps "I'll get these to your car, ma'am." I usually just smile and say "Well done!"

I refrain from "Good boy" outside of kink or men I know well...I agree that some may consider it patronizing. Not everyone is into D/s. To me it just doesn't work outside of a real dynamic, as slavebutarsky said.

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 4:27:51 AM

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'Good boy' could be used as a tester, though. If the dommie in question had the nerve. It'd certainly give me a happy growl.

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 4:50:34 AM

subtlebutterfly

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I have been gotten this "good girl"..gawd it made me want to punch the person in the face! In my opinion they had no right to call me that whatsoever, and besides that I've always found it degrading, definitely not complimenting, I feel the same thing about "good boy".

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 9:04:01 AM

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No offense to the ladies, but "good girl' from a man is not the same thing. Totally different connotation. The question is really about women using this term with men. The ladies bringing up "good girl" is really a different topic.

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 10:39:45 AM

Arpig

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quote:

No offense to the ladies, but "good girl' from a man is not the same thing. Totally different connotation. The question is really about women using this term with men. The ladies bringing up "good girl" is really a different topic.

That's where we will have to agree to differ Kal. I don't see it as different at all, the connotation is exactly the same from where I stand.

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 10:40:41 AM

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I agree - to some extent - though I wouldn't go as far as to say we're talking of entirely different connotations. Men being patronised by women, I'd say, is a somewhat less thorny social issue than the reverse. I wouldn't advise a woman to try it with an unknown man whose job it is to do whatever has elicited that 'good boy' from the woman. I'd advise at least the hint of a smile when saying it, too - which she makes sure he's registered.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 4/30/2009 10:41:40 AM >

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 10:46:36 AM

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I usually just say "Thank you" when I'm provided with good service in the vanilla world regardless of whether or not the service is provided by a man or woman. I think adding any additional terms runs the risk of being seen as belittling and therefore insulting or being seen as too intimate. A lot of my friends have worked in service industries and they'd told me that often they don't even like their names being used but a "thank you" and a tip is always appreciated.

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 10:51:31 AM

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A lot of my friends have worked in service industries and they'd told me that often they don't even like their names being used but a "thank you" and a tip is always appreciated

I don't even like the institution of name-badges worn by workers in shops, restaurants and other parts of the service industry. Most especially if these are forenames. I think it belittles the wearers.

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 10:54:46 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

A lot of my friends have worked in service industries and they'd told me that often they don't even like their names being used but a "thank you" and a tip is always appreciated

I don't even like the institution of name-badges worn by workers in shops, restaurants and other parts of the service industry. Most especially if these are forenames. I think it belittles the wearers.

On the other hand, I've heard that tips go up when a server has a name tag and introduces him/herself. Some of my friends have used a "work name" for their tags and introductions.

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 10:59:48 AM

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Well said TammyJo! I've picked up that "DommeVibe" more than a few times; BUT, I am not HER subbie (yet). I suppose that I give off a "Subbie (Let me roll over onto my back so you can rub your foot on my belly) Vibe; but Vanilla settings are just that.

Mike

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 11:19:27 AM

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On the other hand, I've heard that tips go up when a server has a name tag and introduces him/herself. Some of my friends have used a "work name" for their tags and introductions.

No doubt. It did rankle with me, though, when my mother took a retirement job in a supermarket and was forced to wear a tag with her forename on it.

If it were me, I think I might well use that 'work name' idea. I'd tell the management that I want to use my 'middle name', "Godwin", and - so that the customers can feel extra-friendly and familiar with me - the abbreviation on the name-tag, "God".

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 11:21:13 AM

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I suppose that I give off a "Subbie (Let me roll over onto my back so you can rub your foot on my belly) Vibe

If you ever work out how you give off that vibe, can you give me some lessons?

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 1:50:02 PM

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It's fairly obvious that our society views male and female behavior differently. In movies, it's supposedly hilarious whenever a guy gets hit in the balls, expecially if a woman kicked him. Female pain is almost never comedy fodder. And male on female violence in movies is an outrage to many. In commercials, men are often portrayed as bumbling and childish. Not women. For whatever reasons, whether we like it or not, a man doing a thing is not always the same as a woman doing it. Even in this modern age, women have to be careful not to be labeled loose or easy. Not so for men. It's just different.

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 2:04:55 PM

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FR

Out in the 'nilla world 'girl' & 'boy' are words with an enormous load of baggage. There are whole shelves of feminist work on the subject of infantilizing women, & using 'girl' towards an adult female just might lead to an impromptu lesson on the subject . . . .

Which is not a smidge different than the many offenses adult men can & will take with being called 'boy' . . . . . Frankly, I first learned this lesson in terms of how offensive some men find the word 'boy' used in their direction . ... .

Both terms, used on adults, imply child-like stuff . .. . This can be good or bad depending on the context, but randomly using it on strangers or near-strangers is something I generally avoid . .. ..

&, to add a touch more nuance, I'm a terrible one for wanting to call most everyone 'honey' or 'darling' or 'sweetie' or similar noxious treaclisms . ... . & you'd be surprised (or not) at how many take offense at that, so . .. . *shrugs*

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 9:55:06 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

Which is not a smidge different than the many offenses adult men can & will take with being called 'boy' . . .

Um, yeah. Not everyone is white.

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 10:43:28 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

Which is not a smidge different than the many offenses adult men can & will take with being called 'boy' . . .

Um, yeah. Not everyone is white.

I was being careful not to drag race into this, cuz that's a whole other can of worms, but yeah, that particular subset of offensiveness connected to the use of 'boy' towards adult men did come to mind when I was reading thru the thread . . .... . .

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 4/30/2009 10:55:02 PM

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Speaking of noxious treaclisms... I recently asked a waitress to quit calling me 'honey.' Understand, she wasn't the maternal type that can pull it off. Rather, she was younger (than me) and attractive. I didn't want to offend her, so I made a joke about her giving me delusions of grandure apropos of my desirablity.

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 5/1/2009 1:39:50 AM

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quote:

No offense to the ladies, but "good girl' from a man is not the same thing. Totally different connotation. The question is really about women using this term with men. The ladies bringing up "good girl" is really a different topic.

I rather disagree. The question (as asked) is about using a D/s endearment on a stranger in a vanilla setting.
Did you read the part of my post where I called Arpig a "good boy"? It was a joke, of course, but how well do you think it would go over if I, or anyone, called a stranger who turned out to be a Dom "good boy" IRL? I doubt any amount of sultry would keep him from being fairly annoyed.

That said, being called "boy" has some rather negative connotations for many vanilla males, doubly so if they are persons of colour. It might just be me, but I really don't see the reward of maybe giving someone a "happy" outweighing the risk of maybe offending the hell out of someone by involving them in your kink without their consent.

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RE: "Good boy" in vanilla settings - 5/1/2009 1:52:38 AM

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[Fast reply]

I'd find `good boy' from a random stranger to be either patronizing or overly intimate, depending on tone. If I help a stranger, it's an act of kindness and has nothing to do with D/s.

beeble.

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