BitaTruble
Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006 From: Texas Status: offline
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quote:
What were your first urges as you realized that you were submissive? Did you act on them? Did you understand them? How did or didn't they satisfy you? Way back when the dinosaurs walked the Earth... lol.. My first 'urges' had not a thing to do with submission. I was the epitome of DO ME, DO ME NOW! I'm quite sure I'd have been raked over the coals if the Internet had existed. lol Blindfolds and bondage baby. I used to tie my wrists together at night with my socks when I was a little bitty kid and sleep that way very content and peaceful. I'd pull my nightgown up over my eyes or use my extra pillow as a blindfold and it was bliss. I have always been nurturing, always had to be the 'mommy' when we played house, the teacher when we played school and stuff like that. It wasn't until I met my first Master and had my very first r/t scene with another living, breathing human that I realized how important the service aspects were to me. Things sort of turned from Do me, do me.. to.. what can I do 'for' you so you'll DO ME, DO ME NOW! Tit for tat and ain't nothing in life free. That worked for a while, but after getting everything I wanted, I discovered there was still an element missing from it all. My ego was so fucking huge. Hell, I was young, rather nice to look at and there weren't any other women around doing what I was doing so I got a lot of attention and it all went to my head. It also got really boring really fast. Very unsatisfying and demoralizing being so self-centered and all and, of course, knowing that I was. Never really worked until I found that service actually was it's own reward, which was at least 4 or 5 years after I'd been the resident girl-bend-over at the drop of a hat. When I started to grow and learn more about myself, and started to give of myself, that's when the beauty came into my life and self-acceptance and true peace. Sounds pretty damn corny now that I'm actually typing it, but I'm so different now from what I was way back when. Didn't like myself much then.. and I do now and more importantly, Himself likes me pretty well too. I don't know if that answered the question.. but reflection is good for the soul and helps keep me humble. I still have a long way to go, but I'm so much further than I used to be, so count my blessings on that score at least. Been a day of reflection and memory for me, some good, some not so good. I think it's time for bed. Celeste
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"Oh, so it's just like Rock, paper, scissors." He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."
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