RE: Would You allow a submissive back?

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 2:31:17 PM

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I think a bigger question based on why you left is why would YOU want to go back? After a break up, many of us have those moments when we are lonely and dating isn't going how we expected it so we think of the ex and wonder if we should go back. So really, is being unhappy in a one sided relationship where you don't feel that your needs are taken into consideration better than being alone? I know for me the answer is a big fat NO.

(in reply to greenearth21)

RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 3:03:24 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bindedbythelight

This may seem an odd question..but would You allow a submissive back after she has walked away? Knowing the reasons she needed to? The reason i ask is that i did feel i needed to walk away from One and have not been in contact for a few months. i am not sure if i should initiate contact, or leave things as they are.

Without reading other responses, there's likely two answers to that....

Those Masters who preach (and likely practise) insecure, uncommitted theoretical uberness are gonna give you a blanket "NO WAY!".

And those who invest their heart and soul in their relationships will consider the circumstances in which you left in the first place. But you've gotta know that when you inflict heart wounds on someone, it can take a lifetime (if ever) for them to invest the same level of trust again - so the reasons are pivotal.

I'd suggest you decide (to approach or not) based on what level of committment you had with each other originally.

Focus.

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 7:32:15 PM

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Only one person has been welcomed back into my life with open arms and an open heart and and has been offered the same high status that they held previously.
I give people a lot of chances and a lot of warnings before I write them out of my life so in most cases, no, I would not welcome someone with whom I've been involved back. My time and those things that I offer are far too valuable to be treated with carelessness and frivolity.
Davan

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(in reply to greenearth21)

RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/8/2009 8:00:37 PM

dreamerdreaming

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bindedbythelight

If it were as simple as those situtations seem to be in comparision, no, it wasn't any of those reasons. i felt as though my concerns and needs, when brought up, we being dismissed in the end, it left me feeling as if i didn't matter, it was not a temper tantrum that caused me to walk away, it was out of necessity that i did. It had begun to feel as though i was hounding for answers, because i did ask more than once with no response to them. It is a bit more complicated than this, but this was the major issue.

Wow. Why would you even want to go back to that? It will not get better.

To address your OP: I can't really imagine this happening to me with my slave, so I'll just hazard a guess:

It would depend on the circumstances, and how the separation was accomplished. There are right and wrong ways of going about it.

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(in reply to bindedbythelight)

RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/9/2009 2:52:21 PM

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He wasn't interested in meeting your needs the first time, why would you think something's changed? If you go back, you still won't get what you wanted. Now if that's okay with you and you can do without those things, then go for it. Otherwise look for a better relationship.

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(in reply to greenearth21)

RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/9/2009 3:55:03 PM

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Now,what if its the Master/Mistress that leaves,and comes back for same reasons and or comes up with excuses? what then?

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/9/2009 4:09:50 PM

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It was very difficult, but i once very beggingly asked a Dom to take me back again and He said "Are you BEGGING me to take you back? The rules will be......." and i said "Yes! YES!! i'm BEGGING!" He took me back and it didn't work that time either. That was just U/us though. i think unless things have really changed, it won't work the second time around anyway.

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(in reply to bindedbythelight)

RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/10/2009 5:55:52 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bindedbythelight
This may seem an odd question..but would You allow a submissive back after she has walked away? Knowing the reasons she needed to? The reason i ask is that i did feel i needed to walk away from One and have not been in contact for a few months. i am not sure if i should initiate contact, or leave things as they are.

Yes, you should initiate contact in a delicate and non-pushy way allowing him plenty of leeway to gracefully say, "Sorry, not interested." Without even giving a moment's thought to him, you owe it to yourself to make one polite inquiry.

Now, that being said, I pretty much avoid statements like, "I would never take Carol back if she....." Each situation is different and situations such as this are notably complex more often than not. My reaction to your 'polite inquiry' would largely depend on the grace with which you left and my current life status.

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~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to bindedbythelight)

RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/10/2009 6:42:19 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bindedbythelight

If it were as simple as those situtations seem to be in comparision, no, it wasn't any of those reasons. i felt as though my concerns and needs, when brought up, we being dismissed in the end, it left me feeling as if i didn't matter, it was not a temper tantrum that caused me to walk away, it was out of necessity that i did. It had begun to feel as though i was hounding for answers, because i did ask more than once with no response to them. It is a bit more complicated than this, but this was the major issue.

I've not read all of the responses yet, but my question is:

Has this changed?

If not, then why go back?

It's my experience that people don't change that much.

It's very rare that someone would get a second chance with me.

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(in reply to bindedbythelight)

RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/10/2009 6:49:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bindedbythelight

If it were as simple as those situtations seem to be in comparision, no, it wasn't any of those reasons. i felt as though my concerns and needs, when brought up, we being dismissed in the end, it left me feeling as if i didn't matter, it was not a temper tantrum that caused me to walk away, it was out of necessity that i did. It had begun to feel as though i was hounding for answers, because i did ask more than once with no response to them. It is a bit more complicated than this, but this was the major issue.

Wow, I sure do wish I had bothered to read more than the top post before I responded. So with this clarification on how the leaving happened, I'd have to ask the same as others, "Do you have any reason to think things are different?" If so and you're interested, go for it. If not, the smart thing to do when something's not working out it to change it somehow, not repeat it over and over.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to bindedbythelight)

RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/11/2009 10:03:41 AM

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Nope.... I would question it at some point and mite end up taking it out on ya at some point. Really wouldn't want that.

(in reply to greenearth21)

RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/11/2009 12:51:59 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

Now,what if its the Master/Mistress that leaves,and comes back for same reasons and or comes up with excuses? what then?

Nope. If someone can't decide that they want me, want to keep me/stay with me the first time around, then I wouldn't trust they would the second time.

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/11/2009 12:59:31 PM

BKSir

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Well, I might. If it was an amicable parting, and I knew the reasons he left. I tend to think I'm fairly understanding, and would probably have discussed it with my pet at that time. It really does boil down to a number of factors I think. If it was simply because "I want a new master.", then, probably not, but even then, we'd have to see. My pet is young, and still experiencing things, learning, growing, discovering in ways that, to be honest, someone 10+ years older wouldn't be anymore. There's still so much new to him yet. And I do understand that need to learn.

I would suggest, if you do wish to initiate contact again, that it be you that does so, and start slow. I wouldn't recommend just popping up one day saying "Hi! Can I be your sub again?" Sit and talk for a little and get back into a comfort zone for both of you.

Will he/she say yes? I have NO idea. But, if that's what you truly want, and end up thinking that it just may be possible, you really don't have anything to lose by trying. If you don't try, the answer is automatically no. If you do try and the answer is no, you're no worse off than you are now, so no loss. If you try and the answer is yes, well... bonus. :) Good luck in this hon. *HUG*

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(in reply to greenearth21)

RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/11/2009 7:51:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bindedbythelight

This may seem an odd question..but would You allow a submissive back after she has walked away? Knowing the reasons she needed to? The reason i ask is that i did feel i needed to walk away from One and have not been in contact for a few months. i am not sure if i should initiate contact, or leave things as they are.

I would'nt.

Pirate

(in reply to bindedbythelight)

RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/12/2009 1:45:31 AM

Masterphoenix42

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Quite frankly the reasons you listed for leaving poses a more important question in my mind. Why would you want to go back to someone that left you unfulfilled and with more questions than answers. It sounds like you outgrew the Dominant. I have allowed a couple back that left and even one that I dismissed. The reasons for the seperations and being reunited were all different for each. The main thing is it was mutually beneficial for us to reunite. I would enjoy chatting sometime to discuss this further with you.

(in reply to bindedbythelight)

RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/12/2009 12:13:37 PM

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At the outset I'd be inclined to say no. If someone leaves, they left for a reason, whatever that reason might be. If it was a mistake, then they should learn to live with it, and put more thought into their decisions in the future. I don't think it's outside the realm of possibility once emotions get involved however. The only thing you really can do to find out is give it a shot. Some people would, some people wouldn't. Some would have already anticipated you leaving, figured out your motivations for doing so, and decided to see if you would come back before you even broached the topic.Only thing there really is, is for you to find out.

While the responses you find here may assuage some of your curiosity, the fact remains they are our answers, not his. His is the answer you really care about. Chances are, he will not be contacting you, so the ball is in your court. Worst you could get is a no.

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(in reply to Masterphoenix42)

RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/12/2009 8:07:55 PM

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I'm still waiting for the OP to divulge why, when the relationship was not fufilling to her the first time, does she WANT to go back. I was involved with someone for a very long time. In their eyes, they were pretty "vanilla", but they were also one of the most dominant people I ever met. I was so in love with this man, there really was nothing I wouldn't do for him if it were within my power. Being in his arms felt like "home". BUT, the relationship was totally dysfunctional. I knew it, I tolerated it. My needs were dismissed more often than they were met. I stayed for nearly 13 years (not my proudest moment). Then after a couple of months of shit hitting the fan in all directions in my life for a couple of months, and his inability to be supportive, hell to even show up (at one point, I was at the ER with no way home, my son called him, but instead of coming to get me, he fell asleep), I woke up one day and had just had enough. I told him I was going to his house to get the few things of mine that were there (was storing Christmas presents away from the snoopy snoop kid) and I never looked back. Sometimes, I think about contacting him just to talk and see how he's doing. Honestly, reading some of the posts on this board help give me the strength not to do that. I was in a relationship where I was lonely almost all the time. Now I might still be lonely, but I don't feel neglected.

The point is, when we break up with someone, and then have a "drought", we think of the good times we had with those people and contemplate going back. Mine wasn't prepared to make me happy the first time, I have no reason to think he has changed. I'm sad that it ended the way it did, and probably could start something up again, but why would I want to? A close friend said after the break up "isn't it better to have him some of the time than to be alone?" Well....no it wasn't. I was left feeling like there was something wrong with me, and I don't like that feeling. The OP needs to ask the same question. Chances are, her needs and feelings will be dismissed again, if not immediately, then down the road. This kind of thing is not something that you should consider rekindling. Wait it out, have patience through the rough patch. I honestly believe there is someone right for all of us. It would suck to miss out on that person while you were busy being unfufilled and disregarded with someone else.

(in reply to BrokenSaint)

RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/13/2009 7:20:11 PM

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I would say that it is his/her choice

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RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/14/2009 2:03:05 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bindedbythelight

i felt as though my concerns and needs, when brought up, we being dismissed in the end, it left me feeling as if i didn't matter,

So why on earth would you like to go back?

(in reply to bindedbythelight)

RE: Would You allow a submissive back? - 5/14/2009 9:11:56 PM

MidnightKat5000

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I would not.

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