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RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it?


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RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? - 5/13/2009 1:31:35 PM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

When someone says I am x, y, and z and haven't actually had the experience of x, y, and z they are demeaning the experience of others. They are stepping on the toes of other people's actual experience and qualifying themselves to have had the same level of experience as the person who has spent the energy and effort to courage to go beyond just talking about it. It's like equating just "talking the talk" and actually "walking the walk". My grandfather used to tell me "don't let your alligator mouth override your canary ass". Meaning don't go talking shit when you can't back it up.

In cases like online forums, many many individuals boost their "experience" up and then talk like they know what it's like to do the real thing. Their crap does demean my efforts and experience. The things that actually contribute to my life on a daily basis because I work hard for it...I don't just type about shit then get the credit.

I have the number one spot in Ma'am's life because I worked for it I did the fuckin work and they guy only talked about stuff ain't here because he only talked but felt entitled to the spot in Her life because he was just "there". It's the same thing just not such a interpersonal scale (that doesn't make it not personal).

Just sayin...



The thing is though...what do you know about what one person is saying to another? They might not talk about doing x y or z at all...This is what i am getting at...there is more to the mind than imagining you can handle a flogger...and by the way: someone could buy a flogger and start practising with it and then write about that...is it still totally unreal then?

I do not boost myself up at all and i am perfectly fine with you having tons of experience, good on you...i don't think you really know a lot about cyber though

As for serving in the flesh as you see it...most people serve some way or another and as for giving or taking pain; not everyone is into that.
Now i happen to do both serving and taking pain (not so keen on giving pain at all) in real time but i do also cyber with people i will never ever meet.
My cyber experiences are NOT like
me: hit me Sir hit me
him: take that you bitch
me: owowowow that hurt a lot Sir...sob...
although that would probably give me a good laugh...

I do not like it when someone starts calling me stupid without knowing me at all and i do not like it much that people say that what i like is crap...as i am not into scat really

I am sure there is no danger at all that any person into cyber would ever steal away your position with your Lady

I have since cottoned on that you are female so excuse me for referring to you as he a few times (still think you're cute)
and unfortunately CM does not provide me with a spell check...my excuse is that English is not my first language and i would hope you could forgive me at least a few spelling mistakes

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 121
RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? - 5/13/2009 3:02:13 PM   
SlyStone


Posts: 398
Joined: 12/23/2006
From: Chicago
Status: offline

Telling someone who serves that someone else's typing about service is "valid" is just as insulting. These acts  purposely done with intimate care and attention to detail...typing about it and imagining it in your head can't  even begin to fathom to actuality of it. No it's not a valid relationship. It's an unhealthy trait of individual
isolationism promoted by excessive use of the internet and people being too worried about being politically correct rather than being concerned enough to tell someone they're participating in unhealthy behavior.



Let me first say that I have never had an online relationship, but that doesn't preclude me from understanding those who do, not that they need my understanding or validation, or yours for that matter.

I find your indignation interesting because a great many people would find your service and your identification with that particular act, and the time and pride and effort you apparently  put into that actuality, to be extremely unhealthy.

I would not say that, but you must be aware that most of society would. You also seem to post quite a bit for someone worried about excessive use of the internet, but then one persons excess is anothers moderation, just as one persons unhealthy behavior is anothers nirvana.




_____________________________

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

Anais Nin

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 122
RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? - 5/13/2009 5:25:31 PM   
Antheia


Posts: 66
Joined: 2/11/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi
Would you have felt the same way if you knew from the begining that you would never actually meet him?

Would that have been enough for you?

When you think back on the relationship before you ever met and then how it was when you were actually together, do you think they were both equally satisfying?


Not likely. We first met online, we became friends and I did become quite fond of him.I was a newbie and he answered all my questions and those he couldn't answer he encouraged me to do some research or get my ass out to munches and meet people I could talk to.Then our relationship grew into something deeper as we got to know each other.  Trust grew online, knowledge grew online, and my feelings for him deepened.
It wouldn't of been enough for us to be just online, no. But it was enough to make a great beginning for us.
Not equally satisfying at all. Online , to him and I, was more a mental kind of thing. The physical came when we were together. The mental then deepened.
A.




(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 123
RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? - 5/13/2009 7:32:24 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlyStone


Let me first say that I have never had an online relationship, but that doesn't preclude me from understanding those who do, not that they need my understanding or validation, or yours for that matter.

I find your indignation interesting because a great many people would find your service and your identification with that particular act, and the time and pride and effort you apparently  put into that actuality, to be extremely unhealthy.

I would not say that, but you must be aware that most of society would. You also seem to post quite a bit for someone worried about excessive use of the internet, but then one persons excess is anothers moderation, just as one persons unhealthy behavior is anothers nirvana.





Unemployed college student...psych major...I know where I stand in the eyes of the medical community....I asked. And when I have time to bust I sometimes do it here...yesterday was CM's turn.

Thishereboi...we miss you too. Please smack me sometime on the phone or email...I need to give you an update and I'm crazy forgetful. Much love.

boi
Future ruler of the Universe serving MsKitty
Silently plotting the revenge of the swine.


_____________________________


Clips of MsKitty doin' stuff to me. Support the fan club, buy a clip today.

(in reply to SlyStone)
Profile   Post #: 124
RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? - 5/13/2009 7:39:58 PM   
SIRLOINSTEAK


Posts: 84
Joined: 3/30/2009
Status: offline
hmm, Considering this is the internet, alot of this stuff is online. How can you not enjoy what you are doing? that is like sayin' I'm going to the store to buy eggs and I plan to have a miserable experience. Shopping sucks....

When I take a piss, I enjoy the experience. It beats not being able to take a piss and needing to -> thus needing a doctor's assistance for this medical emergency......

Enjoy life people, because what you take for granted tommorow could be gone yesterday.....I'm just sayin (and jokin about it)....

Talking about enjoying Piss, who has filmed their water-sports? I'm just sayin? ;/ nothing quite like forcing someone to keep their eyes open while you piss in it.....Salt and urea in the eye shows how trained that slave truly is......(or how dumb people can be).....

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 125
RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? - 5/14/2009 11:03:52 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Antheia
If that was aimed at me I did meet Master. I spent several visits each year with him. So what began online, telephone, webcam continued to real time. But I can still understand those who do choose online only.
Have a good day
A.



It was actually aimed at the posters of a number of threads I've seen on here that all went pretty much like this:

"I've been collared by my online master who I love dearly for x number of months and all of a sudden he's no longer responding to my emails. What's happened? What do I do?"

I've felt bad for these women who formed a one sided emotional connection with someone who doesn't even want to meet them. Seems to me like they were setting themselves up for heartbreak. I'm not morally opposed, as long as it's safe sane and consensual who am I to really judge. However I have the impression that those trying to find an emotionally fulfilling relationship in online only are ultimately setting themselves up for misery.

(in reply to Antheia)
Profile   Post #: 126
RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? - 5/15/2009 6:53:01 AM   
Antheia


Posts: 66
Joined: 2/11/2009
Status: offline
 I see GotSteel.
I agree that there many who have only a online relationship and could be setting themselves up for heartbreak but there are those others that actually find a fulfilling relationship online only. Who am I to say they don't. I don't know them or their partners or what they do with one another - online only, webcam, telephone, snailmail or what have you.  One big thing about the lifestyle is you use your imagination. ;)
Take care
A.



(in reply to GotSteel)
Profile   Post #: 127
RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? - 5/16/2009 11:35:23 AM   
MasterAdminPain


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/18/2009
Status: offline
I completely agree with you.
My now ex and I were on another site and now on this one (although it's only me here at this point)  and couldn't find 1 real person that actually wanted to meet and be serious.

I must say that I've been living this lifestyle sexually for 22 years and all the sub women I've met where girls I just met and was able to bring out the submissive kinky side in them ( I must add that it really isn't that difficult ).

I am hoping though to meet a real person here, after all isn't that the reason one would join ?

(in reply to Daddyluvsitrough)
Profile   Post #: 128
RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? - 5/17/2009 8:14:05 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

I think the whole cybersex/online BDSM thing is boring and pointless, and that learning to do D/s or BDSM online is just as effective as learning how to swordfight by playing WOW.


It might be worth pointing out that the reverse is also true: knowing how to swordfight in real life won't get you shit when you're trying to master your WoW character.  "I'll just leap in there and slash him to death. GRRRR!~!!!!  Hmm... Now why isn't my sword arm swinging? Why is this ridiculous  burbling fishy-man-with-a-mohawk beating the holy crap out of me?  Oh yeah, I forgot to press the %@#$#^ 1 key!" In this day and age in most developed countries, knowing how to swordfight is nothing but an empty ego boost or a rather complicated way to exercise (personally, I prefer ballroom dancing); it won't actually get you anything real. Guns are much faster. Bombs do more damage.  1-keying away on WoW, however, (or dropping virtual bombs, if you are of the sparkish persuasion), might very well bump you into an IT exec. who could offer you that dream techie job, which is kind of the modern equivelent of marrying the king's daughter after you rid the kingdom of the pesky dragon. ;)

Likewise, learning to discern something of a person's genuine temperment, emotions, attitudes, and motivations in order to manipulate those in mental bdsm play without the sometimes blinding (as in crippling) initial distraction of a physical presense and without the stultifying complacency (which can later lead to 'my type of relationship is best' superiority trips) or  lack of initiative and mental lassitude that regular physical sex brings strike me as distinct advantages that two people in the right circumstances may very well want to explore!

Different strokes, people, neither experience is better, from what I can see, and I've been extensively on both sides of the fence (as well as straddled--fond glance at the posts), although the bulk (and the initial) part of my experience has been RL slavery.

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 129
RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? - 5/17/2009 11:10:37 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline
Actually, I got interested in computers and found my first BDSM-oriented relationship through an online game, but I didn't get interested in him until we started going to the same college and were hanging out in the same group of friends. Nothing wrong with *meeting* people online, and they can actually be useful in some other ways, but it's not sufficient for an actual relationship in *my* opinion, and the skills don't directly cross over, for the most part.

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 130
RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? - 5/17/2009 1:31:49 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal
It might be worth pointing out that the reverse is also true: knowing how to swordfight in real life won't get you shit when you're trying to master your WoW character.  "I'll just leap in there and slash him to death. GRRRR!~!!!!  Hmm... Now why isn't my sword arm swinging? Why is this ridiculous  burbling fishy-man-with-a-mohawk beating the holy crap out of me?  Oh yeah, I forgot to press the %@#$#^ 1 key!" In this day and age in most developed countries, knowing how to swordfight is nothing but an empty ego boost or a rather complicated way to exercise (personally, I prefer ballroom dancing); it won't actually get you anything real. Guns are much faster. Bombs do more damage.  1-keying away on WoW, however, (or dropping virtual bombs, if you are of the sparkish persuasion), might very well bump you into an IT exec. who could offer you that dream techie job, which is kind of the modern equivelent of marrying the king's daughter after you rid the kingdom of the pesky dragon. ;)

Likewise, learning to discern something of a person's genuine temperment, emotions, attitudes, and motivations in order to manipulate those in mental bdsm play without the sometimes blinding (as in crippling) initial distraction of a physical presense and without the stultifying complacency (which can later lead to 'my type of relationship is best' superiority trips) or  lack of initiative and mental lassitude that regular physical sex brings strike me as distinct advantages that two people in the right circumstances may very well want to explore!

Different strokes, people, neither experience is better, from what I can see, and I've been extensively on both sides of the fence (as well as straddled--fond glance at the posts), although the bulk (and the initial) part of my experience has been RL slavery.

I'd be really surprised to find out how often anyone has gotten that real life techie job through playing WOW.  Then, I'd like to find out just how small of a percentage that is compared to those millions of people around the world who are also proficient at using that 1 key.

I'm not saying that people can't or shouldn't enjoy WOW.  I'm also not saying that there aren't people out there who can't enjoy other online activities.

However, as I sit here with My muscles a bit sore and tired from real play last night, I'm hardly going to contend that the online version comes anywhere close.  I'm betting the person who's got the real life bruises on her ass or the person who had the mind fuck pulled on him are going to step up and say the same could have been obtained from the computer.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 131
RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? - 5/17/2009 3:09:39 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
Boijen: People who comment as experts, yet have online but no real-time experience, are soon exposed.  Their advice about physical acts and relationship situations is fantasy- and fetish-oriented, not people-oriented.  You are wasting your energy by allowing such behavior to diminish you.  Please stop.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 132
RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? - 5/18/2009 7:57:43 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline
LadyPact, I agree that a job offer as an outcome of WOW is unlikely, but I have had computer related jobs offered to me in unexpected circumstances, including a kinky event (the job wasn't for a kink-oriented company) and a Gothic/Industrial dance. The old MUD I was on encouraged me to learn about programming, and more about UNIX, but WOW doesn't involve that kind of technical complexity, and I doubt it offers much in the way of skills or useful contacts.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 133
RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? - 5/18/2009 9:04:02 AM   
latinaPrincess


Posts: 14
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline
For me online D/s relationships work just fine . I also enjoy real time , but online is a quick and easy escape, which doesn't require leaving the house or making much of an effort . I would compare my online antics more to watching /instructing porn .But Only in real time do I find that real connection ..... (  who says I always want/need that , sometimes watching a sub follow my orders over a webcam is enough to satisfy my urge' )




_____________________________

http://strictukmistress.webs.com/

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 134
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